My daughter is really disappointed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Are YOU disappointed too, or just your daughter? I’m asking because you seem to normalize her drama. Has nobody learned from those tragedies following Ivy Days in the past?

I’m disappointed and sad for her, this just really doesn’t feel fair. Now, my daughter doesn’t feel like going to college at all. -OP

At this point, my opinion of the schools that accepted her is starting to drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this is really a troll. DD goes to school with many 2nd generation kids who have been told since birth that they have to go ivy. These kids work so hard, are competitive in ways that can alienate potential friends, have high gpas, and are crushed bc they got into CMU or Rice or JHU and not the ivy their parents wanted. The parents can make it really difficult.

I agree. If this is true for OP, she should have her kid choose among the Ivy League schools that accepted her. Makes it easy, actually.

Or figure out what was missing in her application, take a gap year to address that, and then re-apply next year.

She got into Dartmouth, Brown, I can’t even remember the rest, and you suggest declining that, a gap year, and trying again??? She’s not going to get into Penn or Yale next year either, and then what?

Just keep doing gap years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter’s favorite schools were Yale and Stanford, though even those weren’t perfect in her eyes. She really didn’t like Cornell, Northwestern, Dartmouth, or Vanderbilt for a bunch of different reasons. She did like UVA and Duke (kind of), but didn’t get into those either.

What’s been hardest is getting waitlisted at Harvard, Yale, and UPenn—it hurts a lot because it feels like she *could* have gotten in, just got unlucky. So now she’s taking it as that she’s a stupid failure, even though that’s not really fair. -OP

Why did she apply to schools she really didn’t like? Especially reach schools she really didn’t like?

She applied to 34 schools. All of the top30 plus a few safeties.

How many supplements did she write?

34. -OP

Interesting that all 34 schools required supplements. I thought some you mentioned do not, but regardless, could she go back and look at the "Why Us?" essay for the ones she was accepted to and see if she was telling the truth in any of them? It's weird that she applied to schools where she didn't actually want to attend, yet their applications require a lot of extra work. Were the "Why Us" essays credible at all?

To her, no school is truly perfect—even her favorites have downsides. But most of the schools she applied to have qualities she likes, which is what she wrote about. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter’s favorite schools were Yale and Stanford, though even those weren’t perfect in her eyes. She really didn’t like Cornell, Northwestern, Dartmouth, or Vanderbilt for a bunch of different reasons. She did like UVA and Duke (kind of), but didn’t get into those either.

What’s been hardest is getting waitlisted at Harvard, Yale, and UPenn—it hurts a lot because it feels like she *could* have gotten in, just got unlucky. So now she’s taking it as that she’s a stupid failure, even though that’s not really fair. -OP

Why did she apply to schools she really didn’t like? Especially reach schools she really didn’t like?

She applied to 34 schools. All of the top30 plus a few safeties.

How many supplements did she write?

34. -OP

Interesting that all 34 schools required supplements. I thought some you mentioned do not, but regardless, could she go back and look at the "Why Us?" essay for the ones she was accepted to and see if she was telling the truth in any of them? It's weird that she applied to schools where she didn't actually want to attend, yet their applications require a lot of extra work. Were the "Why Us" essays credible at all?

To her, no school is truly perfect—even her favorites have downsides. But most of the schools she applied to have qualities she likes, which is what she wrote about. -OP

Well she's right then. No school is perfect, including the ones she was rejected from/waitlisted at. Time to look at the qualities she liked in the ones she was accepted to, and prioritize which of them are most important. This is part of the process. I'm the PP who wrote about Brown. She should give it a closer look in my opinion. Concerns about "quality of education" are misguided.

[Anonymous]

OP: If your daughter really feels this way, then she is not ready for college. As others have suggested, taking a gap year and restoring mental health would be advisable. From your description, the problem that needs to be fixed is your daughter’s attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: If your daughter really feels this way, then she is not ready for college. As others have suggested, taking a gap year and restoring mental health would be advisable. From your description, the problem that needs to be fixed is your daughter’s attitude.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids was like that, even though they were admitted to multiple Ivies (just not to the top three they wanted). Yes, I am bragging but I am also commiserating with OP. It still hurts me to think about. Life is so painful. My other kids have experienced losses and disappointments too, in other arenas. It's hard because you want to tell them the right thing to make it better but all you can do is help them get through to the other side.

Yes, I know this is a "privileged" or entitled problem to have but that doesn't make it any less painful so f-off ahead of time to the haters.

I find that most people who are wailing about their college disappointments were wildly out of touch with reality when they applied. For any kid, it’s an amazing achievement to get into any Ivy. Further, it’s an achievement that absolutely cannot be expected. Even highly qualified kids who apply to all the Ivies should not expect to get into any. If your daughter had been realistic when applying, she’d be happy now (as she should be). Instead she’s crapping all over her own achievements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.

Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!

She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.

those are all very high reaches

Yes, and if she was waitlisted at those schools, she’d surely got into some other amazing schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.

Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!

She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.

Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?

Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more

If you’re for real OP, you and your daughter are complete jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.

Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!

She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.

Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?

Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more

If you’re for real OP, you and your daughter are complete jerks.

Based on some schools in thi area, whether OP is a troll is toss up, but either way they are most certainly jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Are YOU disappointed too, or just your daughter? I’m asking because you seem to normalize her drama. Has nobody learned from those tragedies following Ivy Days in the past?

I’m disappointed and sad for her, this just really doesn’t feel fair. Now, my daughter doesn’t feel like going to college at all. -OP

At this point, my opinion of the schools that accepted her is starting to drop.

Mine too.

[Anonymous]

The people here are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people here are insane.

Which ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter’s favorite schools were Yale and Stanford, though even those weren’t perfect in her eyes. She really didn’t like Cornell, Northwestern, Dartmouth, or Vanderbilt for a bunch of different reasons. She did like UVA and Duke (kind of), but didn’t get into those either.

What’s been hardest is getting waitlisted at Harvard, Yale, and UPenn—it hurts a lot because it feels like she *could* have gotten in, just got unlucky. So now she’s taking it as that she’s a stupid failure, even though that’s not really fair. -OP

Why did she apply to schools she really didn’t like? Especially reach schools she really didn’t like?

She applied to 34 schools. All of the top30 plus a few safeties.

How many supplements did she write?

34. -OP

Interesting that all 34 schools required supplements. I thought some you mentioned do not, but regardless, could she go back and look at the "Why Us?" essay for the ones she was accepted to and see if she was telling the truth in any of them? It's weird that she applied to schools where she didn't actually want to attend, yet their applications require a lot of extra work. Were the "Why Us" essays credible at all?

To her, no school is truly perfect—even her favorites have downsides. But most of the schools she applied to have qualities she likes, which is what she wrote about. -OP

Well she's right then. No school is perfect, including the ones she was rejected from/waitlisted at. Time to look at the qualities she liked in the ones she was accepted to, and prioritize which of them are most important. This is part of the process. I'm the PP who wrote about Brown. She should give it a closer look in my opinion. Concerns about "quality of education" are misguided.

She’s just worried about job opportunities coming from Brown because of it being known for an open curriculum. I can try and tell her to look at the positives, but she still feels defeated and worthless because she didn’t get into a top school. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter’s favorite schools were Yale and Stanford, though even those weren’t perfect in her eyes. She really didn’t like Cornell, Northwestern, Dartmouth, or Vanderbilt for a bunch of different reasons. She did like UVA and Duke (kind of), but didn’t get into those either.

What’s been hardest is getting waitlisted at Harvard, Yale, and UPenn—it hurts a lot because it feels like she *could* have gotten in, just got unlucky. So now she’s taking it as that she’s a stupid failure, even though that’s not really fair. -OP

Why did she apply to schools she really didn’t like? Especially reach schools she really didn’t like?

She applied to 34 schools. All of the top30 plus a few safeties.

How many supplements did she write?

34. -OP

Interesting that all 34 schools required supplements. I thought some you mentioned do not, but regardless, could she go back and look at the "Why Us?" essay for the ones she was accepted to and see if she was telling the truth in any of them? It's weird that she applied to schools where she didn't actually want to attend, yet their applications require a lot of extra work. Were the "Why Us" essays credible at all?

To her, no school is truly perfect—even her favorites have downsides. But most of the schools she applied to have qualities she likes, which is what she wrote about. -OP

Well she's right then. No school is perfect, including the ones she was rejected from/waitlisted at. Time to look at the qualities she liked in the ones she was accepted to, and prioritize which of them are most important. This is part of the process. I'm the PP who wrote about Brown. She should give it a closer look in my opinion. Concerns about "quality of education" are misguided.

She’s just worried about job opportunities coming from Brown because of it being known for an open curriculum. I can try and tell her to look at the positives, but she still feels defeated and worthless because she didn’t get into a top school. -OP

It sounds like you agree with her, that she’s worthless because she didn’t get into Yale? Is that it OP?