Dating scene at state schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you would be happier with a religious school for your daughter OP. At BYU 25% of the students are married. But she’d have to convert.

Utah girls are smoke shows

Dc girls might not be ready for that competition

Dc girls that look like Utah girls have tons of guys after them

I was recruited by BYU in their best sport years ago. I wasn’t Mormon or religious in the least. Word got around I didn’t drink or do drugs and was a very serious student. Which was accurate. I didn’t even drink sods because it was unhealthy. So BYU came calling. The athletic department was quite open in stating how attractive the women were at BYU, which I thought was accurate too. They neglected to mention the huge baggage that came along with it. I was immature and stupid but even I could see why college choice had to be premised on something other than dating. My ego was stroked in that they were offering me a full ride to college as a non Mormon but it was a not very good idea from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess two things, sort of contradictory -

1) There are fewer quality guys now (see all the recent stories about this)

This whole attitude that “there are very few quality guys and so many quality girls” is a huge part of the problem.

You’re single because you think you’re better than them. And you’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

Sensitive new age guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at UVA and her friend group of about 10 girls have not dated at all (no one has ever asked or approached them) and her friends at Michigan and Wisconsin aren't dating either but her impression is that none are hooking up either. There is just almost no interaction with the opposite sex which my daughter finds weird after having many male friends and some dates at her high school.
Her NESCAC and other small school friends seem to be dating more but this could just be hooking up--I don't know or ask for details.

It does feel like to them that they missed the boat if they didn't arrive at college with a boyfriend. No one is breaking up because I think social media and texting make long distance so easy and more importantly the kids realize that there is no dating going on so if they want any sort of romantic (or frankly physical action) they need to stick with the high school flame.

This all seems to be driven by the gender imbalance. There are just many more girls than boys. And not even by pure numbers but by the numbers of kids are are attractive, social and as such are viewed as desirable dating material. There is an endless stream of good-looking, smart and put-together girls while on the boy front many of the conventionally attractive ones are bros/drunks and then you have the awkward ones and there are very few in the middle. I will say that my daughter has been broadening her idea of who she thinks is attractive and eligible dating material. She has a current crush and he is geeky and also a different race than she is. She asked him to do something and he was like "sure!" I'm proud of her for expanding her horizons. Hopefully she'll at least find a new friend.

white girls at t30's are going to have to date interracially if they want solid relationships without hookups/open-relationships and aren't top tier in looks.

white guys who are conventionally attractive at t30s have their pick of the litter.

This is what I did. I found a great guy of a different race and never looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think transferring helps. Majority of women want same top few % of the men. That's true everywhere.

ok maybe. But still, even in college, women need to stick to their standards and principles; accept nothing short of a man who is or soon will be 6-6-6-6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think transferring helps. Majority of women want same top few % of the men. That's true everywhere.

ok maybe. But still, even in college, women need to stick to their standards and principles; accept nothing short of a man who is or soon will be 6-6-6-6.

+1

- no scrubs
- no short trolls
- no republicans!!

[Anonymous]

So why isn’t there a school where women have the pick of the litter? Tufts? Bates? BU? Ohio state? UTK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Saying hello, striking up a conversation and asking someone out are not sexual harassment. They are normal social interactions.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing remotely unusual or wrong with not having a significant other during the first two months of college. It's not a problem to be solved. And if by some weird stretch it was, transferring schools would not help solve it, but would be highly disruptive in several other obvious ways.

Or throughout four years in college. Lots/most kids aren't paired up.

+1 I had a boyfriend through most of college and in retrospect, I wish I hadn’t. I should have branched out more, met lots of different kinds of people. I clung to one person I didn’t even like that much for social cover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

Private schools really aren’t different when it comes to dating. Plenty of hookups there and carryover long term relationships. College in general is a big hookup culture, regardless of which college or location, especially freshman year.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can speak for my daughter and she's not looking for a boyfriend as she also doesn't have much time but would love to just have coffee or lunch or go running with a guy on occasion.
She doesn't drink much and she's not looking for drunken sex or hook-ups.

Anyway, the boys at her school are not doing any asking so as of a few weeks ago she's been asking them to do things and they always respond yes. One has turned into an ongoing hang-out.

The DD above broke the code. Girls who ask guys out will have more success — and can ask out the guys they happen to see as desirable. And at a large university, the engineering program very likely will have many more guys than gals. Engineers usually have steady well paid jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So why isn’t there a school where women have the pick of the litter? Tufts? Bates? BU? Ohio state? UTK?

Tufts and BU are 60/40 female so not great odds there. Bates is gender balanced but of course small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there seriously hook up culture at Ivies, NESCAC, and small privates? BU BC Tufts Lehigh?

Yes, it is very very common everywhere, especially freshman year. Obviously, not all students make that choice, but it is common all over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on my kid’s school Reddit and anecdotes from friends with kids at other state schools, it sounds like a lot of kids use dating apps - which is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I’d love to hear theories about this.

Dating apps are incredibly normal now. Why would you expect college students not to use them?

Because they are literally surrounded by same-age suitable dating partners? Why would they need to resort to dating apps instead taking their eyes off their screens and actually meeting the people around them?

Because boys/men have been told over and over and over and over that they must not sexually harass women, but the app is the only safe way to ask a girl out without the risk of being accused of harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there is nowhere a woman has the “pick of the litter” just guys at small to mid privates?!

Harvey mudd

Maybe Mudd is different now but in my day the boys were mostly horrendous nerds and the girls were just horrendous.

My buddies from Mudd ended up in Silicon Valley and were retired multi-millionaires before age 40. Further, they weren’t and aren’t “play the field” types. And they have healthy bodies, eating habits, and are only social drinkers. Their wives made out very well…