Dating scene at state schools

[Anonymous]

There was a "study" going around awhile back that was on a lot of sites that said 45% of guys ages 18-25 had never asked out a woman in person. That's what's going on. Can you imagine??

[Anonymous]

My daughter is at UVA and her friend group of about 10 girls have not dated at all (no one has ever asked or approached them) and her friends at Michigan and Wisconsin aren't dating either but her impression is that none are hooking up either. There is just almost no interaction with the opposite sex which my daughter finds weird after having many male friends and some dates at her high school.
Her NESCAC and other small school friends seem to be dating more but this could just be hooking up--I don't know or ask for details.

It does feel like to them that they missed the boat if they didn't arrive at college with a boyfriend. No one is breaking up because I think social media and texting make long distance so easy and more importantly the kids realize that there is no dating going on so if they want any sort of romantic (or frankly physical action) they need to stick with the high school flame.

This all seems to be driven by the gender imbalance. There are just many more girls than boys. And not even by pure numbers but by the numbers of kids are are attractive, social and as such are viewed as desirable dating material. There is an endless stream of good-looking, smart and put-together girls while on the boy front many of the conventionally attractive ones are bros/drunks and then you have the awkward ones and there are very few in the middle. I will say that my daughter has been broadening her idea of who she thinks is attractive and eligible dating material. She has a current crush and he is geeky and also a different race than she is. She asked him to do something and he was like "sure!" I'm proud of her for expanding her horizons. Hopefully she'll at least find a new friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a "study" going around awhile back that was on a lot of sites that said 45% of guys ages 18-25 had never asked out a woman in person. That's what's going on. Can you imagine??

Yes- because women/teen girls are brutal and will ridicule guys on social media.

Back in our day, you asked out in person or a telephone call but you then weren’t made fun of all over the internet/social media (which didn’t exist).

It’s very tough out there for normal—non tik tok narcs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a "study" going around awhile back that was on a lot of sites that said 45% of guys ages 18-25 had never asked out a woman in person. That's what's going on. Can you imagine??

Yes- because women/teen girls are brutal and will ridicule guys on social media.

Back in our day, you asked out in person or a telephone call but you then weren’t made fun of all over the internet/social media (which didn’t exist).

It’s very tough out there for normal—non tik tok narcs

Where are they, the ones that don't follow hundreds of girls on IG or have re-flag-level snap scores?

[Anonymous]

Now the helicopter is trying to get their kid laid, very normal keep it up.

[Anonymous]

She needs to go to a school where the number of men is at least slightly larger than the number of women.

#men < #women - men have market power and play the field. casual sex and hookups are common.

#men > #women - women rule, what they want goes. men try to lock them down via long term relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to go to a school where the number of men is at least slightly larger than the number of women.

#men < #women - men have market power and play the field. casual sex and hookups are common.

#men > #women - women rule, what they want goes. men try to lock them down via long term relationships.

what are these schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now the helicopter is trying to get their kid laid, very normal keep it up.

Parents trying to set their children up for long term relationships is so old that it might predate language.

[Anonymous]

The fact there is a thread about this is actually very amusing. Arranged marriages are laughed at, looks like arranged hookups aren't, lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at UVA and her friend group of about 10 girls have not dated at all (no one has ever asked or approached them) and her friends at Michigan and Wisconsin aren't dating either but her impression is that none are hooking up either. There is just almost no interaction with the opposite sex which my daughter finds weird after having many male friends and some dates at her high school.
Her NESCAC and other small school friends seem to be dating more but this could just be hooking up--I don't know or ask for details.

It does feel like to them that they missed the boat if they didn't arrive at college with a boyfriend. No one is breaking up because I think social media and texting make long distance so easy and more importantly the kids realize that there is no dating going on so if they want any sort of romantic (or frankly physical action) they need to stick with the high school flame.

This all seems to be driven by the gender imbalance. There are just many more girls than boys. And not even by pure numbers but by the numbers of kids are are attractive, social and as such are viewed as desirable dating material. There is an endless stream of good-looking, smart and put-together girls while on the boy front many of the conventionally attractive ones are bros/drunks and then you have the awkward ones and there are very few in the middle. I will say that my daughter has been broadening her idea of who she thinks is attractive and eligible dating material. She has a current crush and he is geeky and also a different race than she is. She asked him to do something and he was like "sure!" I'm proud of her for expanding her horizons. Hopefully she'll at least find a new friend.

As the mom of a UVA boy, I can't roll my eyes enough at this. I just spent the weekend with my son and his friends and had a wonderful time. In his suite of 10 boys, 1 is a "bro," 1 is socially awkward, 1 has a girlfriend who sleeps in their suite every night, and the other 7 are single, good-looking, smart and put-together. Maybe your daughter is looking in the wrong places? Or maybe she's not as desirable as she thinks she is? My son isn't interested in dating right now at UVA because he's not interested in having his schedule determined by another person or investing large amounts of time on a girl. He's having a great time with his friends, building bonds, going to sporting events, playing intermurals, attending seminars and doing things for himself.

[Anonymous]

It's more about the quality of of the guys-- maybe it's frat guys everywhere or just the stereotype, or higher standards based on HS bf. Where are these big state party schools can one meet quality guys - not to marry! But just respectful and driven. Or is that not possible unless it's a higher ranked and/or private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at UVA and her friend group of about 10 girls have not dated at all (no one has ever asked or approached them) and her friends at Michigan and Wisconsin aren't dating either but her impression is that none are hooking up either. There is just almost no interaction with the opposite sex which my daughter finds weird after having many male friends and some dates at her high school.
Her NESCAC and other small school friends seem to be dating more but this could just be hooking up--I don't know or ask for details.

It does feel like to them that they missed the boat if they didn't arrive at college with a boyfriend. No one is breaking up because I think social media and texting make long distance so easy and more importantly the kids realize that there is no dating going on so if they want any sort of romantic (or frankly physical action) they need to stick with the high school flame.

This all seems to be driven by the gender imbalance. There are just many more girls than boys. And not even by pure numbers but by the numbers of kids are are attractive, social and as such are viewed as desirable dating material. There is an endless stream of good-looking, smart and put-together girls while on the boy front many of the conventionally attractive ones are bros/drunks and then you have the awkward ones and there are very few in the middle. I will say that my daughter has been broadening her idea of who she thinks is attractive and eligible dating material. She has a current crush and he is geeky and also a different race than she is. She asked him to do something and he was like "sure!" I'm proud of her for expanding her horizons. Hopefully she'll at least find a new friend.

Agree more good girls than guys- but the imbalance is at almost every school. It seems much harder to find a quality guy

[Anonymous]

I have a son that is a freshman. He has enough on his plate between his classes, exercising and his clubs. Kids seem to be drinking less and exercising more. Most of the parties he attends are for one of his clubs.

[Anonymous]

Based on my kid’s school Reddit and anecdotes from friends with kids at other state schools, it sounds like a lot of kids use dating apps - which is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I’d love to hear theories about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on my kid’s school Reddit and anecdotes from friends with kids at other state schools, it sounds like a lot of kids use dating apps - which is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I’d love to hear theories about this.

Really?? as freshmen? At privates too? Very sad, agree.