Dating scene at state schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Transfer in hopes of finding a boyfriend? Are you serious?

Right? Even in the 60’s women had more self respect than that.

[Anonymous]

A lot of kids don’t want to be in a serious relationship when they’re freshman. It’s a time to reinvent yourself, adjust to college, meet people, and have fun. By sophomore year, you start to see more relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

But how can you distinguish between a hookup and a date? Aren’t they really the same thing? Why shouldn’t they be viewed as the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

But how can you distinguish between a hookup and a date? Aren’t they really the same thing? Why shouldn’t they be viewed as the same?

Plus, there’s nothing to say either cannot lead to a second date or BF / GF relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

So your kid picked the school she wanted and is happy there, but the one thing she’s not 100% happy with is the fall term freshman year dating scene, and you’re here seeking permission to leverage that to make her transfer to the northern private school you wanted all along (that might very well have a very similar dating scene).

You’re being awful. Let your 18 year old be happy and single at the school she picked where she is happy.

Kind of this, OP.

The hook up culture is pretty standard to college life, particularly freshman year. More people will be in relationships in later years, but plenty won’t. There isn’t a one size fits all program in the dating scene, just trends.

If hooking up isn’t for her, she can certainly steer clear of it. My husband hooked up a ton in college while I went from a long term high school relationship, to a college relationship my Sr year, to my husband a couples of years after graduation. Different paths, same outcome.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

But how can you distinguish between a hookup and a date? Aren’t they really the same thing? Why shouldn’t they be viewed as the same?

Hooking up can happen after a date, but a date is not a necessary feature of hooking up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid and college who was a freshman and could have written the first part of this period. The report is exactly the same: you either came in with a significant other from high school, or it’s just about hooking up. That is not my kids child, so it’s a little frustrating, but it’s also only November a freshman year. My kid would not consider transferring just for that reason.

Is she south?

Nope. Mid-west state school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

Oh, honey. Private school boys are exactly the same as state school boys when it comes to hookup culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m more concerned. she’s ok for now. It’s not about having a boyfriend per se, but seemingly lack of quality guys period. Just more hookup and party. I would have loved ot see her a private school but he likely wouldn’t have gotten in in this landscape and only wanted warm.

But how can you distinguish between a hookup and a date? Aren’t they really the same thing? Why shouldn’t they be viewed as the same?

DP - I see a date as involving some activity and trying to get to know each other. A hookup was purely a physical thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is happy socially and academically but not with the guy scene. It’s either hookup culture or eveyone has bf from HS. This should have been an obvious issue but was overlooked. Would you suggest transferring to a private or smaller school. Is it better in the northeast? Or Midwest? Or should we be glad she’s thriving socially. I don’t want her to then be friendless and looking for a relationship. She had a bf in HS.
Her school is very in state heavy.

this is a good question actually.

at a place like unc, how is dating for oos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is happy socially and academically but not with the guy scene. It’s either hookup culture or eveyone has bf from HS. This should have been an obvious issue but was overlooked. Would you suggest transferring to a private or smaller school. Is it better in the northeast? Or Midwest? Or should we be glad she’s thriving socially. I don’t want her to then be friendless and looking for a relationship. She had a bf in HS.
Her school is very in state heavy.

what region is she in now?

FYI, this is why parents send their kids to those #30-70 private schools

dcum has been one of the very few college message boards that for decade+ has talked about the dating/mating aspects of college selection.

[Anonymous]

My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is happy socially and academically but not with the guy scene. It’s either hookup culture or eveyone has bf from HS. This should have been an obvious issue but was overlooked. Would you suggest transferring to a private or smaller school. Is it better in the northeast? Or Midwest? Or should we be glad she’s thriving socially. I don’t want her to then be friendless and looking for a relationship. She had a bf in HS.
Her school is very in state heavy.

what region is she in now?

FYI, this is why parents send their kids to those #30-70 private schools

dcum has been one of the very few college message boards that for decade+ has talked about the dating/mating aspects of college selection.

Ha! No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.