Dating scene at state schools

[Anonymous]

I don't think some of you realize what it's really like. My daughter would seriously take a chance on a date with any guy who asked. She is not picky. And she's pretty, thin, trendy, smart, etc. She asked 2 guys to do things over the past two weeks and one said yes but then cancelled the day of and the other hasn't replied. Both are not top 20%. They're totally average.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

My HS kids (son and daughter) both think a boy saying hi to a girl is “creepy.” And asking her out = sexual harassment.

Thanks FCPS !

Yep. Same here. It's unreal how the past few years have warped what used to be a normal interaction.

I hate this so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

My HS kids (son and daughter) both think a boy saying hi to a girl is “creepy.” And asking her out = sexual harassment.

Thanks FCPS !

Yep. Same here. It's unreal how the past few years have warped what used to be a normal interaction.

These kids were in middle school or early high school during Covid. I feel for them - because of quarantine, they missed out on a lot, including the awkward early dating experiments and rituals of the early teen years.

They’ll be ok. They just need to keep trying to talk to each other. If they focus on putting themselves out there and building friendships with lots of different people, including some they might want to date, the rest will follow.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Typically doesn’t happen freshman year from the students I see. Most of the frat brothers in DS’s frat don’t have GFs until junior year. There are a lot of meet and greets and ‘Coke or coffee’ date nights, also new date to every home game. They are being social!

Where do kids take dates to games?

Schools in 1996.

It is a huge southern school tradition to bring “game day dates” to the tailgate and game. They hang out as a group. But it is a huge thing and a way to be social. Auburn for example.

[Anonymous]

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I like the other poster's suggestion to circle back five or so years after graduation and re-explore some of these friendships to see if there might be something more.

Terrible idea. If there’s no spark, better to find out now. If there is a spark, and you waited 5 years, then you just wasted 5 years.

I disagree. Sometimes, people don't want to "ruin the friendship," and realize later that the person they were seeking was right there all along.

Aren’t you making the same point I did? They should have taken a chance and wound up with “right all along” 5 years earlier than they did.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Utterly bizarre how invested some parents are in their children’s sex lives. Creepy and disturbing.

Seriously. Land the helicopter.

THIS. Every week, some worried mom gets on here and gripes about the lack of dating at colleges. It sounds so desperate and as if the sole purpose of girls attending college is to find a husband. What year are we in? Leave the kids alone.

I don’t think anyone here is saying they should intervene to solve the problem. Nothing wrong with talking about it or thinking about what you would say if your daughter asked for advice.

Literally OP is asking if it makes sense to transfer because her freshman daughter can't find a boy to date at her school.The fact that's even come across her mind 3 months into the kid's freshman yr is insane.

She was asking if she should intervene not saying she should. And everyone said no don’t do that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There is nothing remotely unusual or wrong with not having a significant other during the first two months of college. It's not a problem to be solved. And if by some weird stretch it was, transferring schools would not help solve it, but would be highly disruptive in several other obvious ways.

Or throughout four years in college. Lots/most kids aren't paired up.

+1 I had a boyfriend through most of college and in retrospect, I wish I hadn’t. I should have branched out more, met lots of different kinds of people. I clung to one person I didn’t even like that much for social cover.

This is the point. I also wish I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in college. I have very few women friends from college as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Typically doesn’t happen freshman year from the students I see. Most of the frat brothers in DS’s frat don’t have GFs until junior year. There are a lot of meet and greets and ‘Coke or coffee’ date nights, also new date to every home game. They are being social!

Where do kids take dates to games?

Schools in 1996.

It is a huge southern school tradition to bring “game day dates” to the tailgate and game. They hang out as a group. But it is a huge thing and a way to be social. Auburn for example.

+1

My DS has a cousin who attended Auburn and she loved doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I don't think some of you realize what it's really like. My daughter would seriously take a chance on a date with any guy who asked. She is not picky. And she's pretty, thin, trendy, smart, etc. She asked 2 guys to do things over the past two weeks and one said yes but then cancelled the day of and the other hasn't replied. Both are not top 20%. They're totally average.

[/b]

But WHY is she so focused on dating? And why is she discussing this with you? It's only November. She should be studying, figuring out classes and major, writing papers and hanging with kids in her dorm. By engaging in these discussions with her, you are sending the message that having dates is critical to her freshman experience. Are you one of those parents who weirdly think college is where you find your spouse? Are you sending that misguided message? This is very strange behavior. lighten up. Tell her to study, have fun, and think about the opportunities the university offers that might interest her, and research those: overseas studies, debate, clubs, singing groups, charity work, church groups, a capella, etc.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have a boyfriend in college and I had an absolute blast. I had a huge group of girlfriends. There were always guys circling, but I don’t think it was super common to “go on dates.” Maybe formals. We mostly just hooked up and hung out with guys. A few of my friends did have boyfriends, but they weren’t better off for it. One had a controlling boyfriend. The other always had to skip out on fun because she had to be with him.

Just another perspective! College is a fantastic time and having a boyfriend certainly doesn’t make it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing remotely unusual or wrong with not having a significant other during the first two months of college. It's not a problem to be solved. And if by some weird stretch it was, transferring schools would not help solve it, but would be highly disruptive in several other obvious ways.

Or throughout four years in college. Lots/most kids aren't paired up.

+1 I had a boyfriend through most of college and in retrospect, I wish I hadn’t. I should have branched out more, met lots of different kinds of people. I clung to one person I didn’t even like that much for social cover.

This is the point. I also wish I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in college. I have very few women friends from college as a result.

On other hand, having a relationship often saves you from loneliness and weirdos.

[Anonymous]

You can have a boyfriend and still do other things. Its not about having a boyfriend that limits you but not having limits which causes issues. Pick right person and have boundaries.

[Anonymous]

You can be more focused and relaxed if you've a good bf/gf in college. You skip worrying about appearance, potentials, dates, apps, hookups, weirdos etc. and focus more on studies, friends and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I don't think some of you realize what it's really like. My daughter would seriously take a chance on a date with any guy who asked. She is not picky. And she's pretty, thin, trendy, smart, etc. She asked 2 guys to do things over the past two weeks and one said yes but then cancelled the day of and the other hasn't replied. Both are not top 20%. They're totally average.

[/b]

But WHY is she so focused on dating? And why is she discussing this with you? It's only November. She should be studying, figuring out classes and major, writing papers and hanging with kids in her dorm. By engaging in these discussions with her, you are sending the message that having dates is critical to her freshman experience. Are you one of those parents who weirdly think college is where you find your spouse? Are you sending that misguided message? This is very strange behavior. lighten up. Tell her to study, have fun, and think about the opportunities the university offers that might interest her, and research those: overseas studies, debate, clubs, singing groups, charity work, church groups, a capella, etc.

She isn't a freshman and she has great grades, great friends, etc. It's totally normal to want to date on occasion in college. Do you propose that college girls just study full time and remain celibate for 4 years?
This thinking is so odd and unique to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Much larger LQBTQ scene at all colleges, but especially small private and top 20. Which is fine, but it can make figuring out who is interested in whom more of a challenge. Plus more neurodivergence and social awkwardness across the board. Lots of guys are stuck in video game land for much of their early 20s.