Dating scene at state schools

[Anonymous]

OP, let your DD figure this out. You cannot game it for her. My DD is at a big state school, which also has a large hookup culture, etc. It took my DD several years to figure it out, but she finally connected with a lovely, lovely young man. The process was organic, and she’s in a really good place now in terms of understanding what she wants, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

I'm the PP. Go watch some PUA cold approach compilation videos and pay careful attention to how the women must be feeling.

The purpose of those videos is to teach guys to get better at talking to women without being awkward and causing them distress. More guys should learn how to do this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Utterly bizarre how invested some parents are in their children’s sex lives. Creepy and disturbing.

Seriously. Land the helicopter.

THIS. Every week, some worried mom gets on here and gripes about the lack of dating at colleges. It sounds so desperate and as if the sole purpose of girls attending college is to find a husband. What year are we in? Leave the kids alone.

I don’t think anyone here is saying they should intervene to solve the problem. Nothing wrong with talking about it or thinking about what you would say if your daughter asked for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Utterly bizarre how invested some parents are in their children’s sex lives. Creepy and disturbing.

Seriously. Land the helicopter.

THIS. Every week, some worried mom gets on here and gripes about the lack of dating at colleges. It sounds so desperate and as if the sole purpose of girls attending college is to find a husband. What year are we in? Leave the kids alone.

I don’t think anyone here is saying they should intervene to solve the problem. Nothing wrong with talking about it or thinking about what you would say if your daughter asked for advice.

Literally OP is asking if it makes sense to transfer because her freshman daughter can't find a boy to date at her school.The fact that's even come across her mind 3 months into the kid's freshman yr is insane.

[Anonymous]

Transferring for just one reason is extreme even though it's important to have a healthy dating scene during peak years of your young life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids don’t want to be in a serious relationship when they’re freshman. It’s a time to reinvent yourself, adjust to college, meet people, and have fun. By sophomore year, you start to see more relationships.

Exactly this. Plus study after study shows that kids just don’t do dating like in the past. They have full lives and don’t want the burden and commitment to another person. They are trying to figure out their own lives. This describes my son at a southern state school.

Things will come around.

[Anonymous]

Cousin is a senior at Ohio State. She has good friends, in a sorority, but has never had a boyfriend and wants one. She (and her mom) is hopeful that grad school has better dating outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Also when you say “hook up” culture. Yes this exists but hopefully this is mutual and respectful and you aren’t saying that the guys are disgusting disrespectful pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Transferring for just one reason is extreme even though it's important to have a healthy dating scene during peak years of your young life.

This is great in theory but I know so many girls who would love to be dating (not boyfriend--just going on a date) but can't find any guy who is interested. they don't even say yes to invites and this isn't the bro guys. it's everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

My HS kids (son and daughter) both think a boy saying hi to a girl is “creepy.” And asking her out = sexual harassment.

Thanks FCPS !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousin is a senior at Ohio State. She has good friends, in a sorority, but has never had a boyfriend and wants one. She (and her mom) is hopeful that grad school has better dating outcomes.

Tell your cousin to stop wanting the top 20% of men. If she opens her view a bit, then she will easily get a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousin is a senior at Ohio State. She has good friends, in a sorority, but has never had a boyfriend and wants one. She (and her mom) is hopeful that grad school has better dating outcomes.

Tell your cousin to stop wanting the top 20% of men. If she opens her view a bit, then she will easily get a boyfriend.

Trust me...she is not being picky! She is a sweet girl and not looking for most good-looking or popular, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I like the other poster's suggestion to circle back five or so years after graduation and re-explore some of these friendships to see if there might be something more.

Terrible idea. If there’s no spark, better to find out now. If there is a spark, and you waited 5 years, then you just wasted 5 years.

I disagree. Sometimes, people don't want to "ruin the friendship," and realize later that the person they were seeking was right there all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousin is a senior at Ohio State. She has good friends, in a sorority, but has never had a boyfriend and wants one. She (and her mom) is hopeful that grad school has better dating outcomes.

Tell your cousin to stop wanting the top 20% of men. If she opens her view a bit, then she will easily get a boyfriend.

Trust me...she is not being picky! She is a sweet girl and not looking for most good-looking or popular, etc.

Then she needs to take the lead and start asking out guys in her class or her clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a 15,000 person school and found his now-serious girlfriend beginning of his sophomore year through online dating. They actually already had a class together but I guess the online thing is a way to make sure you're looking at a pool of people who actually want to have a relationship.

I think this is more common now. A lot of kids this age (especially boys) are too timid to actually make a move. The dating apps narrow the field to help them be more brave.

That's an interesting way to spell "not interested in sexually harassing women who want nothing to do with them". What sort of "move" would you want an unattractive stranger making on you, especially as a young woman on her own?

Holy cow! What are you envisioning? Boys are too timid to even say hi and introduce themselves.

+1
It's people like the PP who are to blame for this shift. Of course no one wants to be harassed. But simply saying hi or asking a girl out is not harassing them. Honestly, jerks like the PP have ruined the dating scene for everyone.

My HS kids (son and daughter) both think a boy saying hi to a girl is “creepy.” And asking her out = sexual harassment.

Thanks FCPS !

Yep. Same here. It's unreal how the past few years have warped what used to be a normal interaction.