Does your DH watch pornography?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m a married man and will offer my perspective here.

I have consumed lots of pornography in life and I am convinced that it is a scourge in society, has warped male and female expectations about sex, and negatively impacted an entire generation of people since porn became widely available about 25 years ago.

First, let’s be frank about what is happening in most porn shoots — extremely vulnerable people who come from backgrounds where they were in most instances abused by other people are doing things with thier bodies that will live on the internet forever for a pittance of money — all for the sexual gratification of the person watching porn and so that a select few people at the top can make money off the entire enterprise. It’s deranged and sickening when you think about it. The people who perform in porn almost universally come from broken homes, and have drug or other interpersonal issues. Would you seriously want your son or daughter doing porn? We all know the answer to the question. If we truly care about vulnerable members of society, then we should not be doing things which aid in their exploitation.

And before anyone even says it … the amount of truly “ethical” pornography is extremely small and even those situations usually involve some sort of manipulation or other unhealthy behaviors.

These are real people we are seeing in these videos and pictures — people who have hearts, minds, souls. Let’s stop pretending otherwise.

Beyond that, the sheer amount of pornography available in society now is scales beyond anything we have ever seen before in human history. The average kid in high school today has already watched more porn that the people who stormed d-day would watch in their entire lifetimes. Think about that. And it’s not just the amount of porn but the type of sex acts too. I am not necessarily defending Playboy, but there was also some element of beauty and art to what they used to portray. Most porn today is very far away from that.

Now the more personal — I grew up in the 90s when an aol Internet connection was a novel thing and I watched porn just about every day for almost 30 years. It absolutely led me to have a very warped view of female sexual desire, true love-making, expectations around sex, the normalcy of certain sexual acts, and many other issues. During my first marriage, when my then-wife and I hit a rough patch in our marriage, I started watching more and more porn and the boundaries between porn world and the real world became increasingly blurred. I started taking small steps to combine the two — going to a strip club, talking in sexually charged chat rooms. Eventually, I had a full blown affair with someone where I got her to act out every porn fantasy I had ever watched. After that glow wore off — and it did — and the affair ended — I was left with the wreckage of a failed marriage, an extremely hurt ex-wife, and horrible feelings of guilt and shame at what I had done.

And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape.

Fast-forwarding, I eventually got married a second time. I said I would not make the same mistakes again. I said I could control my porn usage now. That I knew the pain of an affair. And yet … when marriage number two hit a rough skid a few years ago, what did I find myself doing again to soothe that pain? More and more porn. More intense porn. The lines were starting to become blurred again and I felt like I was at a major crossroads in my life.

Thankfully, I picked a much wiser path this time. I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on). I started working with an executive coach who also didn’t believe in most of the modern therapy BS that porn is harmless. He showed me what it meant to show up as a real man in my relationship. I also came clean with my wife. While I was terrified she would leave me, she had precisely the opposite reaction and showed me incredible love and grace. We also started to professionally address serious intimacy issues both of us had in our marriage. Our sex life is much better now and we don’t have this toxic substance floating around all the time.

Am I an extreme case? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve met a lot of men now who tell me some version of my story. It’s crazy and wild.

I am very convinced that there are many men struggling out there in the world around this issue.

I hope my story shows that there can be change and you are not locked in this forever.

I also hope that this shows that it is not a harmless hobby. Countless threads on this board revolve around affairs, bad relationships, sexless marriages, and the like. I believe if you start to look beneath the surface, porn is playing a major role in many of these dysfunctions, even if people deny or hide it (I did both for a LONG time and never got caught). It was only after I dealt with my porn problem, that my marriage dramatically improved overall.

“joined a church” ?

this post is extremely Charlie Kirk / MAGA

Why do you say that?

I am the person who wrote it. While I am a registered independent, I can tell you that I voted for Biden twice and Harris this past year. If you looked up my name, I have made a single political donation to Biden in 2020 for the maximum amount.

Moreover, I am not a Charlie Kirk fan and was disgusted by the idolatry of Kirk by some at his funeral. Christians were acting like he was Jesus or something instead of a very flawed person, just like all of us are.

It is amazing to me that people have such singular political lenses that the mere mention of attending a church is coded by some as a political statement. It’s not. Jesus was neither a Democrat nor a Republican, not a conservative nor a liberal. He was something else entirely and you cannot put my faith into the typical political buckets through which everyone likes to sort things these days.

It shouldn't be amazing to you that a mention of church in this context is received politically. Look at the passage in question:

"I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on)."

This is specifically about joining a church in response to pornography. Churches that are politically neutral or left-leaning don't generally have much to say about porn or dwell, unduly, on sex generally. They are more interested in the things that Jesus spent a lot of time talking about (e.g. loving our neighbor, caring for those in need, etc.).

Jesus talked much more about these issues than he talked about sex — agreed. But there is no denying that Jesus talked about sex too. The Sermon on the Mount actually has a more restrictive view of adultery than was common at the time. If you believe that Jesus is the son of God, then you have to accept all of his teachings, not just cherry pick the ones that you want.

But the issue is not about sex — the issue is about idolatry. About how human beings make counterfeit gods out of all kinds of other things in their life and use that as a functional replacement for God. That’s the central story of the Bible. For me, it was porn. For other people it can be alcohol or drugs. Or money. Or beauty. Or career/achievement/success/performannce. Or politics. You think that these things will fill the hole in your heart — except it never works out that way.

There is nothing in what I just said that a “neutral” or “liberal” leaning church should disagree with if they are reading the Bible at even a basic level.

Moreover, any Christian church should be pointing people to Jesus if they are in a situation where they feel like a compulsive behavior has spun out of control. If a Christian church is more pro-porn than pro-Jesus, then they are not a Christian church at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm a dw, but I'm quite sure my dh watches. It was an issue when we were younger, and I basically stopped asking because he would just lie to my face. It seems to be becoming an issue again because he's pushing me to do things he (I assume) sees in it, things he knows I'm uncomfortable with. When I don't, he gets all pouty and basically ignores me for days. If he's not seeing these things in *orn I have no idea where he's getting these ideas from, so it's pretty obvious. He compares me to them (in behavior, not looks thankfully) and it makes me feel like he doesn't even love me for me.

I'm grateful to the male pp who posted his story.

[Anonymous]

"And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape."

The person who wrote this had a porn addiction. That's not what we're talking about. The OP asked "Does your DH watch pornography" not whether your DH is addicted to it.



That's like saying nobody should eat cupcakes because some people develop a food addiction after enjoying these tasty treats. Most people can handle cupcakes without going overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dw, but I'm quite sure my dh watches. It was an issue when we were younger, and I basically stopped asking because he would just lie to my face. It seems to be becoming an issue again because he's pushing me to do things he (I assume) sees in it, things he knows I'm uncomfortable with. When I don't, he gets all pouty and basically ignores me for days. If he's not seeing these things in *orn I have no idea where he's getting these ideas from, so it's pretty obvious. He compares me to them (in behavior, not looks thankfully) and it makes me feel like he doesn't even love me for me.

I'm grateful to the male pp who posted his story.

What is he asking you to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m a married man and will offer my perspective here.

I have consumed lots of pornography in life and I am convinced that it is a scourge in society, has warped male and female expectations about sex, and negatively impacted an entire generation of people since porn became widely available about 25 years ago.

First, let’s be frank about what is happening in most porn shoots — extremely vulnerable people who come from backgrounds where they were in most instances abused by other people are doing things with thier bodies that will live on the internet forever for a pittance of money — all for the sexual gratification of the person watching porn and so that a select few people at the top can make money off the entire enterprise. It’s deranged and sickening when you think about it. The people who perform in porn almost universally come from broken homes, and have drug or other interpersonal issues. Would you seriously want your son or daughter doing porn? We all know the answer to the question. If we truly care about vulnerable members of society, then we should not be doing things which aid in their exploitation.

And before anyone even says it … the amount of truly “ethical” pornography is extremely small and even those situations usually involve some sort of manipulation or other unhealthy behaviors.

These are real people we are seeing in these videos and pictures — people who have hearts, minds, souls. Let’s stop pretending otherwise.

Beyond that, the sheer amount of pornography available in society now is scales beyond anything we have ever seen before in human history. The average kid in high school today has already watched more porn that the people who stormed d-day would watch in their entire lifetimes. Think about that. And it’s not just the amount of porn but the type of sex acts too. I am not necessarily defending Playboy, but there was also some element of beauty and art to what they used to portray. Most porn today is very far away from that.

Now the more personal — I grew up in the 90s when an aol Internet connection was a novel thing and I watched porn just about every day for almost 30 years. It absolutely led me to have a very warped view of female sexual desire, true love-making, expectations around sex, the normalcy of certain sexual acts, and many other issues. During my first marriage, when my then-wife and I hit a rough patch in our marriage, I started watching more and more porn and the boundaries between porn world and the real world became increasingly blurred. I started taking small steps to combine the two — going to a strip club, talking in sexually charged chat rooms. Eventually, I had a full blown affair with someone where I got her to act out every porn fantasy I had ever watched. After that glow wore off — and it did — and the affair ended — I was left with the wreckage of a failed marriage, an extremely hurt ex-wife, and horrible feelings of guilt and shame at what I had done.

And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape.

Fast-forwarding, I eventually got married a second time. I said I would not make the same mistakes again. I said I could control my porn usage now. That I knew the pain of an affair. And yet … when marriage number two hit a rough skid a few years ago, what did I find myself doing again to soothe that pain? More and more porn. More intense porn. The lines were starting to become blurred again and I felt like I was at a major crossroads in my life.

Thankfully, I picked a much wiser path this time. I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on). I started working with an executive coach who also didn’t believe in most of the modern therapy BS that porn is harmless. He showed me what it meant to show up as a real man in my relationship. I also came clean with my wife. While I was terrified she would leave me, she had precisely the opposite reaction and showed me incredible love and grace. We also started to professionally address serious intimacy issues both of us had in our marriage. Our sex life is much better now and we don’t have this toxic substance floating around all the time.

Am I an extreme case? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve met a lot of men now who tell me some version of my story. It’s crazy and wild.

I am very convinced that there are many men struggling out there in the world around this issue.

I hope my story shows that there can be change and you are not locked in this forever.

I also hope that this shows that it is not a harmless hobby. Countless threads on this board revolve around affairs, bad relationships, sexless marriages, and the like. I believe if you start to look beneath the surface, porn is playing a major role in many of these dysfunctions, even if people deny or hide it (I did both for a LONG time and never got caught). It was only after I dealt with my porn problem, that my marriage dramatically improved overall.

“joined a church” ?

this post is extremely Charlie Kirk / MAGA

Why do you say that?

I am the person who wrote it. While I am a registered independent, I can tell you that I voted for Biden twice and Harris this past year. If you looked up my name, I have made a single political donation to Biden in 2020 for the maximum amount.

Moreover, I am not a Charlie Kirk fan and was disgusted by the idolatry of Kirk by some at his funeral. Christians were acting like he was Jesus or something instead of a very flawed person, just like all of us are.

It is amazing to me that people have such singular political lenses that the mere mention of attending a church is coded by some as a political statement. It’s not. Jesus was neither a Democrat nor a Republican, not a conservative nor a liberal. He was something else entirely and you cannot put my faith into the typical political buckets through which everyone likes to sort things these days.

It shouldn't be amazing to you that a mention of church in this context is received politically. Look at the passage in question:

"I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on)."

This is specifically about joining a church in response to pornography. Churches that are politically neutral or left-leaning don't generally have much to say about porn or dwell, unduly, on sex generally. They are more interested in the things that Jesus spent a lot of time talking about (e.g. loving our neighbor, caring for those in need, etc.).

I mean Jesus said to literally gouge your eyes out if you look at women, so let's not pretend he didn't get a bit dramatic over the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m a married man and will offer my perspective here.

I have consumed lots of pornography in life and I am convinced that it is a scourge in society, has warped male and female expectations about sex, and negatively impacted an entire generation of people since porn became widely available about 25 years ago.

First, let’s be frank about what is happening in most porn shoots — extremely vulnerable people who come from backgrounds where they were in most instances abused by other people are doing things with thier bodies that will live on the internet forever for a pittance of money — all for the sexual gratification of the person watching porn and so that a select few people at the top can make money off the entire enterprise. It’s deranged and sickening when you think about it. The people who perform in porn almost universally come from broken homes, and have drug or other interpersonal issues. Would you seriously want your son or daughter doing porn? We all know the answer to the question. If we truly care about vulnerable members of society, then we should not be doing things which aid in their exploitation.

And before anyone even says it … the amount of truly “ethical” pornography is extremely small and even those situations usually involve some sort of manipulation or other unhealthy behaviors.

These are real people we are seeing in these videos and pictures — people who have hearts, minds, souls. Let’s stop pretending otherwise.

Beyond that, the sheer amount of pornography available in society now is scales beyond anything we have ever seen before in human history. The average kid in high school today has already watched more porn that the people who stormed d-day would watch in their entire lifetimes. Think about that. And it’s not just the amount of porn but the type of sex acts too. I am not necessarily defending Playboy, but there was also some element of beauty and art to what they used to portray. Most porn today is very far away from that.

Now the more personal — I grew up in the 90s when an aol Internet connection was a novel thing and I watched porn just about every day for almost 30 years. It absolutely led me to have a very warped view of female sexual desire, true love-making, expectations around sex, the normalcy of certain sexual acts, and many other issues. During my first marriage, when my then-wife and I hit a rough patch in our marriage, I started watching more and more porn and the boundaries between porn world and the real world became increasingly blurred. I started taking small steps to combine the two — going to a strip club, talking in sexually charged chat rooms. Eventually, I had a full blown affair with someone where I got her to act out every porn fantasy I had ever watched. After that glow wore off — and it did — and the affair ended — I was left with the wreckage of a failed marriage, an extremely hurt ex-wife, and horrible feelings of guilt and shame at what I had done.

And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape.

Fast-forwarding, I eventually got married a second time. I said I would not make the same mistakes again. I said I could control my porn usage now. That I knew the pain of an affair. And yet … when marriage number two hit a rough skid a few years ago, what did I find myself doing again to soothe that pain? More and more porn. More intense porn. The lines were starting to become blurred again and I felt like I was at a major crossroads in my life.

Thankfully, I picked a much wiser path this time. I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on). I started working with an executive coach who also didn’t believe in most of the modern therapy BS that porn is harmless. He showed me what it meant to show up as a real man in my relationship. I also came clean with my wife. While I was terrified she would leave me, she had precisely the opposite reaction and showed me incredible love and grace. We also started to professionally address serious intimacy issues both of us had in our marriage. Our sex life is much better now and we don’t have this toxic substance floating around all the time.

Am I an extreme case? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve met a lot of men now who tell me some version of my story. It’s crazy and wild.

I am very convinced that there are many men struggling out there in the world around this issue.

I hope my story shows that there can be change and you are not locked in this forever.

I also hope that this shows that it is not a harmless hobby. Countless threads on this board revolve around affairs, bad relationships, sexless marriages, and the like. I believe if you start to look beneath the surface, porn is playing a major role in many of these dysfunctions, even if people deny or hide it (I did both for a LONG time and never got caught). It was only after I dealt with my porn problem, that my marriage dramatically improved overall.

“joined a church” ?

this post is extremely Charlie Kirk / MAGA

Why do you say that?

I am the person who wrote it. While I am a registered independent, I can tell you that I voted for Biden twice and Harris this past year. If you looked up my name, I have made a single political donation to Biden in 2020 for the maximum amount.

Moreover, I am not a Charlie Kirk fan and was disgusted by the idolatry of Kirk by some at his funeral. Christians were acting like he was Jesus or something instead of a very flawed person, just like all of us are.

It is amazing to me that people have such singular political lenses that the mere mention of attending a church is coded by some as a political statement. It’s not. Jesus was neither a Democrat nor a Republican, not a conservative nor a liberal. He was something else entirely and you cannot put my faith into the typical political buckets through which everyone likes to sort things these days.

It shouldn't be amazing to you that a mention of church in this context is received politically. Look at the passage in question:

"I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on)."

This is specifically about joining a church in response to pornography. Churches that are politically neutral or left-leaning don't generally have much to say about porn or dwell, unduly, on sex generally. They are more interested in the things that Jesus spent a lot of time talking about (e.g. loving our neighbor, caring for those in need, etc.).

in other words, christo fascists.

[Anonymous]

No. My DH watches sports, cars, all kinds of races, industrial manufacturing videos, videos about photography, cooking shows and other stuff related to his field. He studies a lot and gets lots of certifications (in tech sector) so that he remains competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dw, but I'm quite sure my dh watches. It was an issue when we were younger, and I basically stopped asking because he would just lie to my face. It seems to be becoming an issue again because he's pushing me to do things he (I assume) sees in it, things he knows I'm uncomfortable with. When I don't, he gets all pouty and basically ignores me for days. If he's not seeing these things in *orn I have no idea where he's getting these ideas from, so it's pretty obvious. He compares me to them (in behavior, not looks thankfully) and it makes me feel like he doesn't even love me for me.

I'm grateful to the male pp who posted his story.

What is he asking you to do?

Ew creepy perv. It doesn't matter. She say's she's uncomfortable with it and he knows. Stop using this site to get off, it's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’m a married man and will offer my perspective here.

I have consumed lots of pornography in life and I am convinced that it is a scourge in society, has warped male and female expectations about sex, and negatively impacted an entire generation of people since porn became widely available about 25 years ago.

First, let’s be frank about what is happening in most porn shoots — extremely vulnerable people who come from backgrounds where they were in most instances abused by other people are doing things with thier bodies that will live on the internet forever for a pittance of money — all for the sexual gratification of the person watching porn and so that a select few people at the top can make money off the entire enterprise. It’s deranged and sickening when you think about it. The people who perform in porn almost universally come from broken homes, and have drug or other interpersonal issues. Would you seriously want your son or daughter doing porn? We all know the answer to the question. If we truly care about vulnerable members of society, then we should not be doing things which aid in their exploitation.

And before anyone even says it … the amount of truly “ethical” pornography is extremely small and even those situations usually involve some sort of manipulation or other unhealthy behaviors.

These are real people we are seeing in these videos and pictures — people who have hearts, minds, souls. Let’s stop pretending otherwise.

Beyond that, the sheer amount of pornography available in society now is scales beyond anything we have ever seen before in human history. The average kid in high school today has already watched more porn that the people who stormed d-day would watch in their entire lifetimes. Think about that. And it’s not just the amount of porn but the type of sex acts too. I am not necessarily defending Playboy, but there was also some element of beauty and art to what they used to portray. Most porn today is very far away from that.

Now the more personal — I grew up in the 90s when an aol Internet connection was a novel thing and I watched porn just about every day for almost 30 years. It absolutely led me to have a very warped view of female sexual desire, true love-making, expectations around sex, the normalcy of certain sexual acts, and many other issues. During my first marriage, when my then-wife and I hit a rough patch in our marriage, I started watching more and more porn and the boundaries between porn world and the real world became increasingly blurred. I started taking small steps to combine the two — going to a strip club, talking in sexually charged chat rooms. Eventually, I had a full blown affair with someone where I got her to act out every porn fantasy I had ever watched. After that glow wore off — and it did — and the affair ended — I was left with the wreckage of a failed marriage, an extremely hurt ex-wife, and horrible feelings of guilt and shame at what I had done.

And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape.

Fast-forwarding, I eventually got married a second time. I said I would not make the same mistakes again. I said I could control my porn usage now. That I knew the pain of an affair. And yet … when marriage number two hit a rough skid a few years ago, what did I find myself doing again to soothe that pain? More and more porn. More intense porn. The lines were starting to become blurred again and I felt like I was at a major crossroads in my life.

Thankfully, I picked a much wiser path this time. I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on). I started working with an executive coach who also didn’t believe in most of the modern therapy BS that porn is harmless. He showed me what it meant to show up as a real man in my relationship. I also came clean with my wife. While I was terrified she would leave me, she had precisely the opposite reaction and showed me incredible love and grace. We also started to professionally address serious intimacy issues both of us had in our marriage. Our sex life is much better now and we don’t have this toxic substance floating around all the time.

Am I an extreme case? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve met a lot of men now who tell me some version of my story. It’s crazy and wild.

I am very convinced that there are many men struggling out there in the world around this issue.

I hope my story shows that there can be change and you are not locked in this forever.

I also hope that this shows that it is not a harmless hobby. Countless threads on this board revolve around affairs, bad relationships, sexless marriages, and the like. I believe if you start to look beneath the surface, porn is playing a major role in many of these dysfunctions, even if people deny or hide it (I did both for a LONG time and never got caught). It was only after I dealt with my porn problem, that my marriage dramatically improved overall.

“joined a church” ?

this post is extremely Charlie Kirk / MAGA

Why do you say that?

I am the person who wrote it. While I am a registered independent, I can tell you that I voted for Biden twice and Harris this past year. If you looked up my name, I have made a single political donation to Biden in 2020 for the maximum amount.

Moreover, I am not a Charlie Kirk fan and was disgusted by the idolatry of Kirk by some at his funeral. Christians were acting like he was Jesus or something instead of a very flawed person, just like all of us are.

It is amazing to me that people have such singular political lenses that the mere mention of attending a church is coded by some as a political statement. It’s not. Jesus was neither a Democrat nor a Republican, not a conservative nor a liberal. He was something else entirely and you cannot put my faith into the typical political buckets through which everyone likes to sort things these days.

It shouldn't be amazing to you that a mention of church in this context is received politically. Look at the passage in question:

"I took a long hard look at my life and how porn had become this type of counterfeit god in my life. And how I sincerely needed to change. I joined a church. I made real friends there. I introduced accountability into the picture (if you use an IPhone, almost all porn will be blocked by the built-in blocking software if you just turn it on)."

This is specifically about joining a church in response to pornography. Churches that are politically neutral or left-leaning don't generally have much to say about porn or dwell, unduly, on sex generally. They are more interested in the things that Jesus spent a lot of time talking about (e.g. loving our neighbor, caring for those in need, etc.).

Who cares if it was church or a therapist? The guy realized porn was creating a net negative in his life and changed his habits for a better outcome.

I don't care. If this guy's life is better because of what he's done, then more power to him. I am specifically responding to the PP who is amazed that mentioning church as a response to one's issues with pornography would be recognized by readers as having a political component. This is not amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape."

The person who wrote this had a porn addiction. That's not what we're talking about. The OP asked "Does your DH watch pornography" not whether your DH is addicted to it.



That's like saying nobody should eat cupcakes because some people develop a food addiction after enjoying these tasty treats. Most people can handle cupcakes without going overboard.

I was the male poster.

I specifically said that I wasn’t sure if I was an extreme case or not.

To use your analogy with cupcakes — there are some people who have a food addiction and they become morbidly obese and can’t leave the house. There are plenty of other people though who are not in an “addiction” but overeat and become overweight. They then wonder why they have all these problems in life. You can engage in a behavior that is detrimental to your well being without it becoming an addiction.

Again I go back to — how many threads on this board are about affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like? And all I am saying is that there might very well be something beneath the surface with our use of pornography that is driving some of this in many more cases than people care to admit or realize. That was certainly the case for me.

The general vibe from the first few posters was that this was all harmless. I don’t think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape."

The person who wrote this had a porn addiction. That's not what we're talking about. The OP asked "Does your DH watch pornography" not whether your DH is addicted to it.



That's like saying nobody should eat cupcakes because some people develop a food addiction after enjoying these tasty treats. Most people can handle cupcakes without going overboard.

I was the male poster.

I specifically said that I wasn’t sure if I was an extreme case or not.

To use your analogy with cupcakes — there are some people who have a food addiction and they become morbidly obese and can’t leave the house. There are plenty of other people though who are not in an “addiction” but overeat and become overweight. They then wonder why they have all these problems in life. You can engage in a behavior that is detrimental to your well being without it becoming an addiction.

Again I go back to — how many threads on this board are about affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like? And all I am saying is that there might very well be something beneath the surface with our use of pornography that is driving some of this in many more cases than people care to admit or realize. That was certainly the case for me.

The general vibe from the first few posters was that this was all harmless. I don’t think it is.

C’mon, porn addict. Your position is that “affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like” didn’t exist before porn? Have you even read the Bible?

I smell troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape."

The person who wrote this had a porn addiction. That's not what we're talking about. The OP asked "Does your DH watch pornography" not whether your DH is addicted to it.



That's like saying nobody should eat cupcakes because some people develop a food addiction after enjoying these tasty treats. Most people can handle cupcakes without going overboard.

I was the male poster.

I specifically said that I wasn’t sure if I was an extreme case or not.

To use your analogy with cupcakes — there are some people who have a food addiction and they become morbidly obese and can’t leave the house. There are plenty of other people though who are not in an “addiction” but overeat and become overweight. They then wonder why they have all these problems in life. You can engage in a behavior that is detrimental to your well being without it becoming an addiction.

Again I go back to — how many threads on this board are about affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like? And all I am saying is that there might very well be something beneath the surface with our use of pornography that is driving some of this in many more cases than people care to admit or realize. That was certainly the case for me.

The general vibe from the first few posters was that this was all harmless. I don’t think it is.

C’mon, porn addict. Your position is that “affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like” didn’t exist before porn? Have you even read the Bible?

I smell troll.

You are clearly omitting the dangers of those sexy cave wall drawings and the impact they had on the brain of Neanderthals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious - if a spouse does have an issue with it, why?

I have an issue with it. I feel like it gives DH a skewed perception of how sexually adventurous most married women with kids are.
Like he wants me to go to these resorts or hotel takeovers where people have group sex, and I’m not interested.
Then I ask him to look at whatever porn he is watching as a sexy thing, and he shows me this “amateur” video of this couple going to one of these hotel takeovers. They show them beforehand, and the wife is acting all nervous, etc. I think that since he watches so much of this stuff, he thinks these are kind of typical women, and I am some kind of prude. Or maybe not typical, but like 1-2 standard deviations above the mean. But these are women who are making money by having sex and putting it on the internet. The way they are acting is fake. And these little conversations are fake. And this is a very small minority of women.

I will add that it’s an extremely small percentage of middle aged married women with kids and a professional career. It’s not like some of the couples at the neighborhood bbq go to Hedonism on a couples trip while we lamely go to a vanilla beach resort.

I do go to Hedonism and I still agree with you that most women do not do this and you are quite typical. The biggest turn-off is couples where it’s clear the man has browbeaten the woman to come to the resort and she is miserable. We avoid those couples like the plague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t watch porn?

I don’t, but only because my own fantasies are so much hotter than anything anyone else created. Of course they are! It’s tailor-made to me and my preferences, and I control all outcomes. I do fantasize and masturbate like a fiend and would leave my husband if he tried to rein this in or control me in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And yet … even after that … I didn’t stop. I tried but couldn’t. Porn was just an ingrained part of my life. A prison I couldn’t escape."

The person who wrote this had a porn addiction. That's not what we're talking about. The OP asked "Does your DH watch pornography" not whether your DH is addicted to it.



That's like saying nobody should eat cupcakes because some people develop a food addiction after enjoying these tasty treats. Most people can handle cupcakes without going overboard.

I was the male poster.

I specifically said that I wasn’t sure if I was an extreme case or not.

To use your analogy with cupcakes — there are some people who have a food addiction and they become morbidly obese and can’t leave the house. There are plenty of other people though who are not in an “addiction” but overeat and become overweight. They then wonder why they have all these problems in life. You can engage in a behavior that is detrimental to your well being without it becoming an addiction.

Again I go back to — how many threads on this board are about affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like? And all I am saying is that there might very well be something beneath the surface with our use of pornography that is driving some of this in many more cases than people care to admit or realize. That was certainly the case for me.

The general vibe from the first few posters was that this was all harmless. I don’t think it is.

C’mon, porn addict. Your position is that “affairs, unhappy marriages, sexless marriages, divorces, and the like” didn’t exist before porn? Have you even read the Bible?

I smell troll.

Of course they existed before. The question is whether the widespread and unfettered use of porn from a very young age is exacerbating these issues today. I know from my own experience, I feel like the answer is yes.