DH filed for divorce without discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

She certainly should not cancel her vacation so she can be served. Also I wouldn’t answer the door. I’m petty that way lol. Yes it is a show of power that he doesn’t get what he wants exactly when he wants it.

She should live her life. If she wants to go on her planned vacation, she absolutely should do that. However, hiding and refusing to open the door is actually really stressful. It sounds fun to play games and not open the door but it's very uncomfortable when trying to ignore someone banging loudly at your door, wondering if any car you see is a process server, peeking to see if it's ok to run out to the store. She's going to get served eventually. That's making it harder on herself, unless she has some specific strategy for not wanting to get served in that state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

What state? How long have you been married?

A state where our 12 year marriage will probably get me 3-5 years alimony at less than 50% of his income at most, based on what I’m finding. -OP

I guess I’ll know soon enough.

You are an able bodied adult, get a job. Don't be a deadbeat. Life and kids cost money - he should take on his share of parenting responsibilities and you should take on your share of financial responsibilities. And if either of you shirk major responsibilities of adulthood and parenting - you are both deadbeats. Women are more than capable of working and paying for their own needs and contributing to the needs for their kids. This idea that but I am a woman, so I can't do anything but have a man look after me and the kids needs to disappear.

Since when do women get paid equal to men? If she stayed home with kiddo she’s been out of the work force .

People saying she can just get a job in this economy to support herself are idiots

I have always made the same as a man. The unequal pay compares unequal jobs. The nail tech isn’t the same as a lineman. Nor should it pay the same.

And staying home with kids is just early retirement, which, if the woman can no longer afford it, it ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a preposterous thread title. It’s like saying the sun comes up in the east.

OP, you were talking divorce and he moved out. It happens. The idea that everyone actively co-parents or has a collaborative divorce is a myth.

Yeah I don't quite get why OP is acting like she's been blindsided by this.

[Anonymous]

The minute you decided to separate you should have gotten a free attorney consult. Get your finances and paperwork in order. Set yourself up to protect your kid. As far as your kid being home next week, be a parent, be an adult and protect them from your breakdowns and “fainting”. Is it possible you separated as a manipulation tactic and your DH called your bluff? Why did you move and buy a house if the relationship was so fragile? You were not blindsided Op but want to play the victim instead of taking care your DC in ways that protect them from the fall out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

What state? How long have you been married?

A state where our 12 year marriage will probably get me 3-5 years alimony at less than 50% of his income at most, based on what I’m finding. -OP

I guess I’ll know soon enough.

You are an able bodied adult, get a job. Don't be a deadbeat. Life and kids cost money - he should take on his share of parenting responsibilities and you should take on your share of financial responsibilities. And if either of you shirk major responsibilities of adulthood and parenting - you are both deadbeats. Women are more than capable of working and paying for their own needs and contributing to the needs for their kids. This idea that but I am a woman, so I can't do anything but have a man look after me and the kids needs to disappear.

Since when do women get paid equal to men? If she stayed home with kiddo she’s been out of the work force .

People saying she can just get a job in this economy to support herself are idiots

I have always made the same as a man. The unequal pay compares unequal jobs. The nail tech isn’t the same as a lineman. Nor should it pay the same.

And staying home with kids is just early retirement, which, if the woman can no longer afford it, it ends.

First, the unequal pay shows when jobs are “equal,” it’s just not as stark. Second, the fact that men are more likely to be hired for and promoted into higher-paid jobs, at least in some cases getting a boost because they are men, means it’s an unfair comparison anyway. It’s like asking why do blacks and other minorities lag behind whites in homeownership while ignoring the last 400 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

What state? How long have you been married?

A state where our 12 year marriage will probably get me 3-5 years alimony at less than 50% of his income at most, based on what I’m finding. -OP

I guess I’ll know soon enough.

You are an able bodied adult, get a job. Don't be a deadbeat. Life and kids cost money - he should take on his share of parenting responsibilities and you should take on your share of financial responsibilities. And if either of you shirk major responsibilities of adulthood and parenting - you are both deadbeats. Women are more than capable of working and paying for their own needs and contributing to the needs for their kids. This idea that but I am a woman, so I can't do anything but have a man look after me and the kids needs to disappear.

Since when do women get paid equal to men? If she stayed home with kiddo she’s been out of the work force .

People saying she can just get a job in this economy to support herself are idiots

I have always made the same as a man. The unequal pay compares unequal jobs. The nail tech isn’t the same as a lineman. Nor should it pay the same.

And staying home with kids is just early retirement, which, if the woman can no longer afford it, it ends.

Or when being divorced, it ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

DH told me that I will be served via email if I can’t be served in person. It may be allowed in my state.

I do like the word nutcase to describe him. Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve smiled this morning.

There is no state I can find that allows service by email with out the receiving party’s consent to that manner of service.

OP and really? Is DH crazy or does he think that notifying me by email counts as consent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The minute you decided to separate you should have gotten a free attorney consult. Get your finances and paperwork in order. Set yourself up to protect your kid. As far as your kid being home next week, be a parent, be an adult and protect them from your breakdowns and “fainting”. Is it possible you separated as a manipulation tactic and your DH called your bluff? Why did you move and buy a house if the relationship was so fragile? You were not blindsided Op but want to play the victim instead of taking care your DC in ways that protect them from the fall out.

To be clear, we weren’t separated legally or otherwise, but rather giving each other space. I shouldn’t have used the word separation in my initial post- I’m in my phone and can’t scroll back to see how I worded it but I probably made it confusing because I have a lot going on.

He was staying at our other house and coming and going regularly to the extent that he was leaving his dirty clothes in our shared hamper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a preposterous thread title. It’s like saying the sun comes up in the east.

OP, you were talking divorce and he moved out. It happens. The idea that everyone actively co-parents or has a collaborative divorce is a myth.

Yeah I don't quite get why OP is acting like she's been blindsided by this.

It has a troll feel to me. Or maybe both parents are a little off.

OP is not canceling trip bc she is being served. She is claiming she has no choices for pet care besides DH, so no trip. I feel for the kid.

Dad is unstable and mom plays the victim and is dramatic. At least there seems to be more $ to go around than is usually the case in a divorce.

OP be sure to get college included in your settlement.

[Anonymous]

^vacation house nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a preposterous thread title. It’s like saying the sun comes up in the east.

OP, you were talking divorce and he moved out. It happens. The idea that everyone actively co-parents or has a collaborative divorce is a myth.

Yeah I don't quite get why OP is acting like she's been blindsided by this.

It has a troll feel to me. Or maybe both parents are a little off.

OP is not canceling trip bc she is being served. She is claiming she has no choices for pet care besides DH, so no trip. I feel for the kid.

Dad is unstable and mom plays the victim and is dramatic. At least there seems to be more $ to go around than is usually the case in a divorce.

OP be sure to get college included in your settlement.

No, DH asked me to cancel the trip last week since he was scheduling a last minute work trip.

Not a troll, wish this was made up.

I live in a busy major city and it is Labor Day weekend with limited places for a large dog to go at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

DH told me that I will be served via email if I can’t be served in person. It may be allowed in my state.

I do like the word nutcase to describe him. Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve smiled this morning.

There is no state I can find that allows service by email with out the receiving party’s consent to that manner of service.

OP and really? Is DH crazy or does he think that notifying me by email counts as consent?

Who cares what he thinks or about the details? He is divorcing you. Accept it and dial down the drama. Focus on making planned trip happen for your kid. If you must, take the dog and stay in pet friendly hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

She certainly should not cancel her vacation so she can be served. Also I wouldn’t answer the door. I’m petty that way lol. Yes it is a show of power that he doesn’t get what he wants exactly when he wants it.

She should live her life. If she wants to go on her planned vacation, she absolutely should do that. However, hiding and refusing to open the door is actually really stressful. It sounds fun to play games and not open the door but it's very uncomfortable when trying to ignore someone banging loudly at your door, wondering if any car you see is a process server, peeking to see if it's ok to run out to the store. She's going to get served eventually. That's making it harder on herself, unless she has some specific strategy for not wanting to get served in that state.

Just so everyone is clear: Op and I have no plans to hide or anything. That sounds really stressful and not anything I want to an already insane situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a preposterous thread title. It’s like saying the sun comes up in the east.

OP, you were talking divorce and he moved out. It happens. The idea that everyone actively co-parents or has a collaborative divorce is a myth.

Yeah I don't quite get why OP is acting like she's been blindsided by this.

It has a troll feel to me. Or maybe both parents are a little off.

OP is not canceling trip bc she is being served. She is claiming she has no choices for pet care besides DH, so no trip. I feel for the kid.

Dad is unstable and mom plays the victim and is dramatic. At least there seems to be more $ to go around than is usually the case in a divorce.

OP be sure to get college included in your settlement.

No, DH asked me to cancel the trip last week since he was scheduling a last minute work trip.

Not a troll, wish this was made up.

I live in a busy major city and it is Labor Day weekend with limited places for a large dog to go at the last minute.

Rover is a thing. Vet techs sit. Pet friendly AB&B or hotel. There are options for YOU to put kid first and make a happy time happen. You can get served when you are back. Stop being so enmeshed and passive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a preposterous thread title. It’s like saying the sun comes up in the east.

OP, you were talking divorce and he moved out. It happens. The idea that everyone actively co-parents or has a collaborative divorce is a myth.

Thanks, this is a good point. The insane thing is that in DH’s email telling me I would be served there’s a whole next paragraph saying that this will be a “collaborative process” and he expects that we will “coparent cooperatively.”

I mean sure, I’ll do 100% of what I can to make it work for my kid, but he isn’t exactly starting things off on the right foot. Cute that his attorney drafted that email for him, though. Wonder how much that paragraph cost.