DH filed for divorce without discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

$ is driving this and possibly an affair. I’m sorry OP. Do some lawyer consults. It sounds like there may be sufficient assets, not always the case. You say you thought you were heading here anyway, you will get through this. Take care of yourself so you can be a rock for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you’re exhausting OP. He wants a divorce. He’s not a monster and you’re not a victim. You’re just two people getting a divorce. Drop the helplessness, find a dog sitter, get your hair done and put on your big girl pants. He doesn’t choose you anymore.‘I’m sorry because I know how much it hurts- but accept it and march on because this vilification of him and the whole “pearl clutching who DOES that routine won’t help you too divide your estate and move on.

OP. I know he’s allowed to want to be done.

But someone who serves papers and doesn’t sit down like an adult with the parent of his child and say “let’s talk together and determine a plan that will best work for our child who just changed cities, moved twice in one year, settled into their house 6 months ago, made new friends, made the team, and starts a brand new school next week” and instead serves papers the week before the first week of school and leaves town deserves something more than “divide your estate and move on”.

No, let’s spend the first 3 months of the school year in litigation, especially when one parent is the primary parent doing everything at home and the other will be on 80% travel and can take quiet calls with their attorney from a desk.

OP … you need to drop the fixation on him serving you. Just because he filed papers does not mean you cannot sit down and mediate (formally with a mediator or just between the two of you). All it means is that he is sure about divorce and wants to move forward. You already know he doesn’t care about you, so it’s unclear why you think he should show you deference during the divorce process.

I got served in the school drop off line. It happens, OP. He does not want to be married to you or to actively co-parent with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is for the best, OP. He has mental health issues and doesn't want to stay married. Why would you want to drag this out? You will get alimony since you moved for his job and haven't found a job. You need to get yourself a lawyer fast. Separate all joint accounts ASAP and borrow money from family if need be.

+1 this might be a huge blessing in disguise but you just don't know it yet. You can start fresh in your new location and yes you will get alimony. Take it one day at a time. Keep it calm with him for now. First step is to call a female lawyer. Maybe get some online therapy so you can stay mentally well for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has mental health issues and is cheating. What a POS.

Take some time once you get the papers. You know its coming, no surprise. Plan your route.

Where did OP say he cheated?

[Anonymous]

Get Rover for the dog and go on your trip, OP. Or with the vet and see if techs pet sit. You are not without options on any front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has mental health issues and is cheating. What a POS.

Take some time once you get the papers. You know its coming, no surprise. Plan your route.

Where did OP say he cheated?

It’s textbook. Obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

Their fee includes usually several attempts and being on a manned family vacation away is a valid reason why she can’t accept the paperwork

I would go on the trip and interview lawyers while on the trip away from home and all these feelings.

OP - this is such a good riddance for you! Just focus on getting the best settlement possible don’t buy into his scare tactics. Court will appoint mediation anyways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

If OP enjoys wasting marital funds dodging service to prolong her marriage to a man she is claiming is unwell and scary ….have at it. It’s just dumb.

She’s not wasting marital funds. She’s showing him he doesn’t get what he wants in this process just because. I am very pro mediation and settlement but based on how she describes her DH she needs to make a very strong showing of power to him so he knows she will not be steamrolled.

You think hiding in one’s home to avoid an inescapable reality is a show of power?

I heartily disagree.

She certainly should not cancel her vacation so she can be served. Also I wouldn’t answer the door. I’m petty that way lol. Yes it is a show of power that he doesn’t get what he wants exactly when he wants it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

DH told me that I will be served via email if I can’t be served in person. It may be allowed in my state.

I do like the word nutcase to describe him. Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve smiled this morning.

There is no state I can find that allows service by email with out the receiving party’s consent to that manner of service.

[Anonymous]

She’s claiming that she can’t go on the trip bc STBX won’t dogsit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for a trip with my child and the dog (or wont give a s…t about soon to be ex not having a dog sitter in this sitting).

While on the trip you can’t be served. My exH was avoiding being served for several months until he found a good lawyer.

You should do the same. It is indeed a very aggressive tactic to file straight for divorce without any prior negotiations of settlement.

Your STBX is a nutcase and I think it will be a bitter divorce because that’s how he’s starting it

DH told me that I will be served via email if I can’t be served in person. It may be allowed in my state.

I do like the word nutcase to describe him. Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve smiled this morning.

There is no state I can find that allows service by email with out the receiving party’s consent to that manner of service.

Being served is inevitable. The divorce is inevitable. OP, learn to stand on your own 2 feet. Your pet care fell through. Find another arrangement and don’t break your plans with your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a state that does not mandate a separation period. DH and I have been having a very difficult time and he has had mental health struggles. He moved to a rental home we keep a few weeks ago to give us space.

He just emailed me that I will be receiving a divorce filing from his lawyer on Monday. On Friday at 4 pm. I do not have a lawyer and my child is home all week with me before school starts after Labor Day. He knows this.

We previously discussed mediation to determine how to set up a temporary separation or figuring out a longer term plan for fall. But I guess that is all off the table now and everything on my end going to have to be done via temporary orders?

And of course we relocated last year for his job even though I didn’t want to and I haven’t found a job yet and we just bought a house last November.

I’m going to faint.

Your spouse moved out. This cannot genuinely be a complete surprise.

[Anonymous]

When you were actively talking about divorce or when he moved out you could have done consults. It sounds like you thought you had power in the situation at least re: your child. The reality is that he is a high earner who is taking an aggressive posture out of the gate. You need to adjust your perceptions and embrace this reality. He is not going to co-parent or consult you. He may have an AP. I get your panic and feeling loss of control but you have been in pretty deep denial, OP. Get a good therapist and find a divorce support group so that you have adequate support. Your seizing on him not providing pet care or serving you being monstrous are silly and make you sound a little unhinged. You can’t afford that in Family Court.

[Anonymous]

This is a preposterous thread title. It’s like saying the sun comes up in the east.

OP, you were talking divorce and he moved out. It happens. The idea that everyone actively co-parents or has a collaborative divorce is a myth.