DH filed for divorce without discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

You don’t get to “not work” so you can receive alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is a joint checking account, you might take out a reasonable amount to enable you to consult a couple of lawyers and have living expenses for you and DC - just in case you DH decides to empty accounts.

I would print out all current statements on all accounts tonight. Also make copies of all pertinent legal and financial information.

You need to try to get into see a lawyer on Monday for how to proceed as soon as possible including having your lawyer serve your husband with a Pendente Lite request for spousal support and child support during the divorce process. And to send legal notice not to try and empty out joint accounts. He obviously set you up with no notice.

You can take out half.

[Anonymous]

I know you thought you were on the slow road to divorce - separate homes, followed by legal separation and eventually divorce. But once you start down that road, the pace is only in your control to the point where you take control.

Neither of you made the moves to mend whatever went wrong for you and that ship seems to have sailed. Now that you know he’s accepted being over and wants to rebuild his life, you need to get on the fast track toward the next steps.

If I were you, I’d spend the weekend gathering everything you can on your financials. I’d also think about where you want to be since you are no longer going to be a couple and then figure out what it will take to build your new life.

And if there’s any possibility you want to repair, I’d suggest you figure out how to put your anger aside and discuss whether that is a possibility as soon as you can. After all you moved for and with him. You have a child with him. You bought a new house with him. There is at least a small possibility that he escalated because he thought you were done.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I know this is a huge gut punch, but practically speaking, your resolution options are the same as they were yesterday. Some people file first to get a court date and encourage a swift settlement, but they still negotiate and/or mediate, and never go to trial.

Even if you are approaching your trial date (which is probably January or February), continuances are common and customary.

Don’t feel pressured to give up something you don’t want to just because the clock is ticking.

[Anonymous]

About his promotion and extended pay grade - I would mention that to your lawyer, that seems sneaky and like it should be taken into consideration when figuring out alimony.

[Anonymous]

A discussion is not required.

The discussion was me to him: “We are getting a divorce.”

There was nothing to discuss. We were separated for two years. I would’ve much preferred to be in your position when it was immediately done.

I also moved several times for his job.

When I decided to divorce, I was not employed 18 months because we had moved again. I got a job immediately. Alimony is only temporary maybe five years maybe more depending on the length of the marriage and I couldn’t survive on that and both of our lifestyles with a plummeted if I had gotten alimony.

Get back on your own two feet.

You can also still try to work out in agreement with him with your attorney. Him filing changes nothing with that. I feel like most people giving advice on here don’t know how divorce actually works.

Btw, I divorced an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

What state? How long have you been married?

A state where our 12 year marriage will probably get me 3-5 years alimony at less than 50% of his income at most, based on what I’m finding. -OP

I guess I’ll know soon enough.

[Anonymous]

I think for women it's a tougher pill to swallow when they are not the first to file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prediction: he moved there for a woman, not a job. Ask me how I know!

Yikes. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

This happened to a woman I worked with. Her hubby moved entire family for job, had affair at new location and dumped her. She had to reinvent herself—school, new career etc at 50+. She did great! Wishing you strength and resolve and alimony!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

You don’t get to “not work” so you can receive alimony.

Sure she does. For a while. That’s how alimony works. You don’t like that, then don’t move to a place your wife doesn’t have a job, then promptly leave her and your small child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

What state? How long have you been married?

A state where our 12 year marriage will probably get me 3-5 years alimony at less than 50% of his income at most, based on what I’m finding. -OP

I guess I’ll know soon enough.

You are an able bodied adult, get a job. Don't be a deadbeat. Life and kids cost money - he should take on his share of parenting responsibilities and you should take on your share of financial responsibilities. And if either of you shirk major responsibilities of adulthood and parenting - you are both deadbeats. Women are more than capable of working and paying for their own needs and contributing to the needs for their kids. This idea that but I am a woman, so I can't do anything but have a man look after me and the kids needs to disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Opposite of precarious. He has a huge promotion getting press released after Labor Day but already accounted for in his pay grade and title as of last week. Extensive deferred compensation, etc. God help me.

Get him on the ColdPlay cam!

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry this is happening to you right now OP. 💔💔💔

Breakups can get very ugly indeed - - you need to remain strong for your child….and you will.

You may feel like your world is over but it is really just taking a completely different trajectory, one that will make a whole lot more sense someday for you.

Until then, stay strong ➕ remain focused on your child.
Practice some extra self-care every now and then as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a job immediately. Given his mental health issues and the upheaval and stress of a divorce, his job may be precarious.
What kind of work were you doing up until the move?

Go back to former state w kids and get a job. He is unstable. Get a very good lawyer, versed in mental disorders, games, and trauma (yours).