MIL says she is dropping something off then lingers for hours until dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, people who do this really don’t care about what the other people want or enjoy. You are subservient role players in their image of what they want to do, They have little empathy and are laser focused on ensuring their desires are always met. This is why politely declining or graciously redirecting never works! They fundamentally don’t give a crap whether you have other things to do, didn’t invite them, don’t feel well or whatever. It’s never about you, it’s always about them.

They are also always searching for weaknesses. If you give in, they don’t think gee I really appreciate this and I’ll be mindful not to intrude again. Nope! They get a little dopamine hit that “ yeah, that worked! I got my way!” and they will 100% do it again and again.

They will think up pretenses. They aren’t bringing over a dish because they are thoughtful. No way, it’s a pretense to invite themselves over to dinner when they want regardless of your schedule.

I really think it’s a personality disorder that gets worse as it’s enabled. Especially, the anxious panic of constant calling if they don’t get their way. They enjoy the control, winning the game they are playing, and feeling important when they put their wants over your needs.

Very well summarized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She your husband’s mother. Show some respect.

Respect is earned. MIL has been extremely rude and disrespectful, so your comment does not apply.

No, you show deference and respect to elders. Bullshit with this idea she has to “earn” OP’s respect. Wow. Were you raised wrong?

No. You don’t get respect for not dying. You earn it. Were you raised a doormat?

DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Text daily and invite her more.

Absolutely not. I’m sure you already know this, but ignore this ridiculous “advice,” OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“. She views OP as basically a delivery mechanism or access point for the people she really cares about: her own son and grandchild. ”

Don’t we all view ILs this way? Some of us are decent enough to pretend that we don’t, and to show some interest, but let’s be honest?

No, “we all” don’t, but thanks for letting us know you’re a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see her overstepping any boundaries. Yes, it sounds like a lot especially compared to those of us that have no family nearby, but man. She really loves spending time with you.

Why not redirect her energy in a way that helps her look forward to a visit. E.g. every Sunday dinner. Driving the kids to school, etc. That's what I've done with my parents. I give them purpose and put them to work. They see one of us daily. Not always me because that's too much for me, but they see one of the kids or my husband every day.

That is *insane.* Just FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set her up with a grandfather

This is the only real answer.... she needs a guy. He will keep her busy and off your back... anything else is elderly cruelty.


If she is adverse to dating... you need to find group of women she can do things with.... introduce her to church groups with women her age or activity based groups that you go with her once or twice since she seems fearful of taking new steps alone.

LOLOL.

Also, OP said she’s married, but good try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy her while she is still alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She your husband’s mother. Show some respect.

Respect is earned. MIL has been extremely rude and disrespectful, so your comment does not apply.

No, you show deference and respect to elders. Bullshit with this idea she has to “earn” OP’s respect. Wow. Were you raised wrong?

People don’t get to trample all over us just because they’re old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She brought dinner for the family and you should be gracious enough to say please have dinner with us.

Seriously. Op and her supporters are weird UMC American White women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She brought dinner for the family and you should be gracious enough to say please have dinner with us.

Seriously. Op and her supporters are weird UMC American White women.

So? Point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“. She views OP as basically a delivery mechanism or access point for the people she really cares about: her own son and grandchild. ”

Don’t we all view ILs this way? Some of us are decent enough to pretend that we don’t, and to show some interest, but let’s be honest?

No, “we all” don’t, but thanks for letting us know you’re a sociopath.

Well my SIL is nice and all, but I would forget about her the minute she left my brother tbh.

[Anonymous]

It’s always a good idea to put parents to some use, but unfortunately many aren’t capable of anything meaningful. Case in point my dad. I asked him to go out to my car and help me with the bags (absolutely physically capable of it), I ended up sitting waiting for him while he didn’t understand where I parked (despite explanations), that was the end of asking him to help. If he does something around his house (like throwing out the trash) that’s already like the trials of Hercules.