Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

By screwing over her own kids. And so not being a good mom *to them*. So if OP winds up in financial difficulties they shouldn’t help her catch up.

Being a good parent is more than what happens financially, IMO. It sounds like either side is going to have financial difficulties/challenges with this situation. Unfortunately, mom still has less time to catch up. I think it’s reasonable to help with the student loan, but tell mom the rest of her retirement she will need sort out on her own whether that means selling her house, working more, etc..

Not if OP has any plans of sending her own kids to college which is less than 18 years. OP’s mom will need to work in her 70s as countless other Americans do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.

Again, how much did you know at 18 about what your parents could afford? My parents told me they were paying for college and (happily) they were comfortably able to do so. Was I supposed to demand my dad’s bank statement to prove he wasn’t lying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.

Again, how much did you know at 18 about what your parents could afford? My parents told me they were paying for college and (happily) they were comfortably able to do so. Was I supposed to demand my dad’s bank statement to prove he wasn’t lying?

+1 agree. I'm convinced that the people on here who are insisting that OP must pay are people who grew up knowing that going to college was either off the table or would be their responsibility due to their family circumstances. So I get they they don't want others to have their college "given" to them. Those people can't conceive the perspective that for many families college is a parental responsibly to pay for. But many of us did grow up with the perspective that parents pay. OP was given this impression and telling her otherwise (via text?) a decade or more later without any real discussion is bogus.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I had to pay back my parents loans too (in addition to the federal loans in our names). If my dad had been more upfront about this and how much they were taking out I would have made a different decision as to where I attended college. It is what it is though- all you can do is learn from the experience and move on. We plan to be more honest with our kids about what we can afford, in addition to saving more and providing more education in financial literacy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a reasonable request. You should pay OP. It was for your education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

I didn’t know anything about my parents finances at 18, other than that they paid for college. It’s not on OP that her parents divorced.

We’re talking about recent financial trouble post divorce!!

We’re talking about saddling OP’s family with a $20,000 bill for a debt that her parents took on when she was 18 and had (apparently) no expectation she was going to be asked to pay it back. Neither her mother’s financial woes nor her parents failed marriage makes this suddenly her responsibility.

THIS. all y'all with the "omg pay it" are crazy. No. The loan is for the person who took it out. Also, what about dad? I paid for my own college and paid for my husband's mba so I'm all for responsibility but I'm not for parents putting their bad decisions on their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.

Again, how much did you know at 18 about what your parents could afford? My parents told me they were paying for college and (happily) they were comfortably able to do so. Was I supposed to demand my dad’s bank statement to prove he wasn’t lying?

+1 agree. I'm convinced that the people on here who are insisting that OP must pay are people who grew up knowing that going to college was either off the table or would be their responsibility due to their family circumstances. So I get they they don't want others to have their college "given" to them. Those people can't conceive the perspective that for many families college is a parental responsibly to pay for. But many of us did grow up with the perspective that parents pay. OP was given this impression and telling her otherwise (via text?) a decade or more later without any real discussion is bogus.

Since it was a parental loan, OP also doesn't know if they money went to her and her college expenses. When I took out student loans, they always offered me more than I took b/c I budgeted carefully. I bet OP's parents maxed them out and bought a boat or made some other irrational financial decisions with the money.

[Anonymous]

This is why parents need to do better about explaining college costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

I think you should have been paying it from the day you graduated. Team Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is saying she cannot pay for loans that were taken out to pay for your college.

Are you saying that back in the day you had no idea your mother took this loan out for you? Would you have done anything different, like go to a cheaper school, had you known?

Tell us what the total amount is. It’s an unpleasant surprise, for sure, but what can be done? If you don’t pay, can she declare bankruptcy and get out of the loans?

Student loans aren’t discharged in bankruptcy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why parents need to do better about explaining college costs.

+1. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

I think you should have been paying it from the day you graduated. Team Mom.

If the parents expected her to start paying back the day they graduated, the parents should have been upfront with their expectations and given OP all the documentaion. "Team Mom" handled this badly and I hope for your kids sake you aren't serious here because Mom made a poor decision to take out a loan she couldn't afford and then not tell her daughter for 10 years.

Honestly I'd probably ask for proof that the money was in fact used for OP's tuition because Mom hasn't been honest.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

The fact she is vague would concern me. Make sure you are paying directly to the loan giver if you end up helping her, so she is not taking the money for herself.

[Anonymous]

Just as a story from a different perspective, my uncle took out $100k+ in private loans in the early 2000s for my cousin's college. He absolutely could have afforded the tuition outright - but the interest rates were low and he thought he was doing clever cash flow management. Fast forward 15 years and he was still paying $1,000/month on that loan even though HIS financial situation had gotten considerably worse. From my cousin's perspective, his parents paid for college and had plenty of money to do so. He had no idea about the financing mechanisms or decisions they made at the time.

Sad ending is that cousin died unexpectedly in his mid 30s and our family ended up scrambling to see if it was possible to discharge the loan - which still had a balance of $90k more than 10 years later.

Moral of the story is that people who aren't great with money make dumb money decisions all the time. It's kind of OP to try to help bail her mom out. I'd start, OP, by getting all the loan paperwork and then having a conversation with your mom about the origin of the loan, how she ended up holding it solo (w/o your dad), etc. If you are worried about her money situation, it's better to get a full picture of things now and ALSO to begin setting boundaries about the extent to which you will and will not be supporting her moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.

Again, how much did you know at 18 about what your parents could afford? My parents told me they were paying for college and (happily) they were comfortably able to do so. Was I supposed to demand my dad’s bank statement to prove he wasn’t lying?

I definitely knew what school cost and what I was going to have to pay. And I remember lots of kids coming out of school with a ton of debt who admitted that they ignored the financial aspect of college because they just wanted to do what they wanted to do and they’d figure out money later.

And my kids know exactly what we’re paying. When their college acceptances and aid packages came in, we did a spreadsheet.

I just find it hard to believe that people are/were so naive about finances.