Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.

Again, how much did you know at 18 about what your parents could afford? My parents told me they were paying for college and (happily) they were comfortably able to do so. Was I supposed to demand my dad’s bank statement to prove he wasn’t lying?

I definitely knew what school cost and what I was going to have to pay. And I remember lots of kids coming out of school with a ton of debt who admitted that they ignored the financial aspect of college because they just wanted to do what they wanted to do and they’d figure out money later.

And my kids know exactly what we’re paying. When their college acceptances and aid packages came in, we did a spreadsheet.

I just find it hard to believe that people are/were so naive about finances.

Not hard to believe at all. I knew what my college cost but I had no idea how much my parents had (in income, in savings, etc) and they would never have shared that with me: they considered that information personal to them.

I went to a state school on scholarship, but if I'd gotten into the big-name private near us I am certain my mom would have insisted I go and "let them worry about the money." As it was, I did a year abroad that ended up being expensive due to exchange rates and I only know it was a strain because of some overheard comments.

It's not right or good, but it's common.

[Anonymous]

We have very good family friends from Montgomery County where the parents took out massive loans so the kids could attend private schools. The parents are struggling to pay the loans back, literally hurting their retirement while the kids have good jobs and are making plenty of money without student loans. Yet the parents feel the continued obligation to do this. It saddens and sickens me. They had always felt that their kids should be able to attend any college they wished regardless of expense. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Legally you are not responsible
Ethically, it’s the right thing to do
More importantly, sit down with her and a credit counselor to figure out a plan for her finances so that you don’t end up becoming her fallback financial backer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Morally, is it.

OP, in hindsight, you should have gone to a college that your family could afford. A lesson to all who follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have very good family friends from Montgomery County where the parents took out massive loans so the kids could attend private schools. The parents are struggling to pay the loans back, literally hurting their retirement while the kids have good jobs and are making plenty of money without student loans. Yet the parents feel the continued obligation to do this. It saddens and sickens me. They had always felt that their kids should be able to attend any college they wished regardless of expense. It’s ridiculous.

Well, it was their choice. No one forced the adults to take on the debt. I have more sympathy for the students who take out massive loans at age 17/18, they're still kids. Parents should know better. But unfortunately many don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Morally, is it.

OP, in hindsight, you should have gone to a college that your family could afford. A lesson to all who follow.

In hindsight, OP's PARENTS should have told them what they could afford to contribute and not take out Parent Plus loans. Or, if they expected OP to pay them back, they should have said that and signed them over to them upon graduation. Letting the debt balloon for all these years and then cry poor is crap. Bad choices all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.

Again, how much did you know at 18 about what your parents could afford? My parents told me they were paying for college and (happily) they were comfortably able to do so. Was I supposed to demand my dad’s bank statement to prove he wasn’t lying?

I definitely knew what school cost and what I was going to have to pay. And I remember lots of kids coming out of school with a ton of debt who admitted that they ignored the financial aspect of college because they just wanted to do what they wanted to do and they’d figure out money later.

And my kids know exactly what we’re paying. When their college acceptances and aid packages came in, we did a spreadsheet.

I just find it hard to believe that people are/were so naive about finances.

Not hard to believe at all. I knew what my college cost but I had no idea how much my parents had (in income, in savings, etc) and they would never have shared that with me: they considered that information personal to them.

I went to a state school on scholarship, but if I'd gotten into the big-name private near us I am certain my mom would have insisted I go and "let them worry about the money." As it was, I did a year abroad that ended up being expensive due to exchange rates and I only know it was a strain because of some overheard comments.

It's not right or good, but it's common.

Definitely common. My dad and his siblings have always been weird and secretive about money- but then I think my grandfather was like that too. My uncle was/is an attorney, but not big law, and they always lived in a nice house with good schools. My cousins all went to private/out of state universities and no one thought anything of it. Turns out his salary was not sufficient for their lifestyle and my aunt didn't even know that my uncle was taking out massive loans to finance their education. Crap hit the fan, they had to sell their house and my cousins had to start paying the loans. One of my cousins was a SAHM at that point and didn't even have her own income. They did all recover but oof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP. Your mom was not in school; you were.

That's not the way credit works. Who signed for the loan? If parent only, unreasonable for them to spring it on you last minute. Let their credit score take the hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have very good family friends from Montgomery County where the parents took out massive loans so the kids could attend private schools. The parents are struggling to pay the loans back, literally hurting their retirement while the kids have good jobs and are making plenty of money without student loans. Yet the parents feel the continued obligation to do this. It saddens and sickens me. They had always felt that their kids should be able to attend any college they wished regardless of expense. It’s ridiculous.

They should have saved PRIOR to college. The thing is that most of these families make so much that the kids can't get need based scholarships, but then the parents also don't save so kids get stuck.

I personally don't think 20 somethings should be saddled with student loans and am glad my parents agreed. We were able to buy a sfh, get married and start having children at 30. None of which would have been possible if I had student loans. We hope to also send our 3 kids to college without student loans. If I have to work a few more years, that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a loan under her name. Paying 1000k monthly while I have other student loans plus my husbands loans + daycare is a lot. I’m mad because of the way she handled it. She could have sit down with us and explained the situation- instead I get a random text with the log in for the loan telling me to pay next month.

Her name, her problem, her credit report OP. Sorry, but her lack of planning doesn't constitute your emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Morally, is it.

OP, in hindsight, you should have gone to a college that your family could afford. A lesson to all who follow.

Take your sanctimonious twaddle and shove it. OP's parent made the choice to take the loan in their own name. OP isn't responsible for the parent deciding a decade+ later that they can't afford it--morally or legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have very good family friends from Montgomery County where the parents took out massive loans so the kids could attend private schools. The parents are struggling to pay the loans back, literally hurting their retirement while the kids have good jobs and are making plenty of money without student loans. Yet the parents feel the continued obligation to do this. It saddens and sickens me. They had always felt that their kids should be able to attend any college they wished regardless of expense. It’s ridiculous.

Why does it sadden and sicken you? Most people feel getting their kids through college is a parental responsibility. Why do you think there are so many college savings plans out there?

[Anonymous]

If a parent (or sibling) comes to you for money, they lose the right to be secretive about their finances. You can make it a condition of your consideration of the request to review her financial situation, including the divorce decree, her income, credit card and other loan debt, etc. You might find she’s fine or you might find she needs to sell the house or even file for bankruptcy.

If you blindly take on these payments, next it’ll be her heloc. It’ll never end.

Is it possible she’s involved with some online scammer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

It’s not unreasonable for you to pay for at least a little bit of the education that makes your current HHI possible. Your mom should downsize and pay off half of the loan and you should pay the other half. Then she can use the remainder of the proceeds to partially fund her retirement. Have you found out how she came to be wholly responsible for what is a family financial obligation? Did you pay anything for your education? Did your dad take on any of the cost?

[Anonymous]

Everyone keeps going back to what OP knew pr didn’t know at 18 - but she’s not 18 any more. Her mother had been paying this loan since it was taken out, while OP has gone one to have a career, get married, build a decent HII and have 2 children while her mother is still paying that loan. And there is no way OP didn’t know that loan was still being paid.

I find it weird that you’re holding your mother, who sounds like she tried to help you, solely responsible, and not your dad at all. And the fact that she wants to keep her HOME should have nothing to do with your student loans after you’ve had time to build a career, family, and life and should have been helloing with those loans anyway. Divorce is always a hardship - it didn’t occur to you to check in within your mother?

YoU sound trolly or really cold, although there’s enough people in here that seem to agree with you.