Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMFG yes you pay for that.

100%
OP, it's crazy that you are annoyed by this. Thank your mom for doing what she could and pay off your debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

And I can imagine a world where I’d ask my 18 year old to take on huge debt. I think you're a horrible parent.

But this is a grown woman with children of her own who is paying off her husbands student loans. But still expects her mother to pay hers off while she’s in debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

I didn’t know anything about my parents finances at 18, other than that they paid for college. It’s not on OP that her parents divorced.

We’re talking about recent financial trouble post divorce!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

I didn’t know anything about my parents finances at 18, other than that they paid for college. It’s not on OP that her parents divorced.

We’re talking about recent financial trouble post divorce!!

We’re talking about saddling OP’s family with a $20,000 bill for a debt that her parents took on when she was 18 and had (apparently) no expectation she was going to be asked to pay it back. Neither her mother’s financial woes nor her parents failed marriage makes this suddenly her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

And I can imagine a world where I’d ask my 18 year old to take on huge debt. I think you're a horrible parent.

But this is a grown woman with children of her own who is paying off her husbands student loans. But still expects her mother to pay hers off while she’s in debt.

They’re not hers, they’re her mother’s. Her husbands signature is probably on his loans. OP’s is not.

[Anonymous]

My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

[Anonymous]

It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

By screwing over her own kids. And so not being a good mom *to them*. So if OP winds up in financial difficulties they shouldn’t help her catch up.

[Anonymous]

Gurlllll pay that loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

By screwing over her own kids. And so not being a good mom *to them*. So if OP winds up in financial difficulties they shouldn’t help her catch up.

Being a good parent is more than what happens financially, IMO. It sounds like either side is going to have financial difficulties/challenges with this situation. Unfortunately, mom still has less time to catch up. I think it’s reasonable to help with the student loan, but tell mom the rest of her retirement she will need sort out on her own whether that means selling her house, working more, etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Gurlllll pay that loan.

Dumb take.

OP, it sounds like your mom tried to do the right thing by helping pay for your education, but screwed up in every way: communicating with you about college costs, managing her finances, marrying someone equally financially helpless, divorcing without discussing the financial impact on her or you, etc.

If you care about her, I’m sorry to say you need to sit down with her and have a discussion about all the finances. Paying her loan may not make sense, but as you are realizing, that may be the least of the financial burdens she’ll impose going forward. I’m truly sorry. My parents had their extreme flaws, but they were straightforward and tried to be responsible about their finances, which made it much easier to help out where needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Gurlllll pay that loan.

Dumb take.

OP, it sounds like your mom tried to do the right thing by helping pay for your education, but screwed up in every way: communicating with you about college costs, managing her finances, marrying someone equally financially helpless, divorcing without discussing the financial impact on her or you, etc.

If you care about her, I’m sorry to say you need to sit down with her and have a discussion about all the finances. Paying her loan may not make sense, but as you are realizing, that may be the least of the financial burdens she’ll impose going forward. I’m truly sorry. My parents had their extreme flaws, but they were straightforward and tried to be responsible about their finances, which made it much easier to help out where needed.

The thing is my mom does what she wants. There is no sitting down with her. She doesn't consider us in her decisions and she is so adamant when she makes dumb financial decisions. No 401k. Huge new mortgage. Im worried this is a sign of what is to come as we try to make sure that as a family we pay off all our debts (and yes my husband's debt is part of our household debt just like my actual own student loans are consider his debt as well) so that we are not in the same situation as my mom. I just worry it is a sign of what is to come with other matters.

[Anonymous]

OP, your mom is selfish and ignorant. Protect your family from what will surely be problems down the road. Be clear that with debts of your own and children to be raised and sent to college, you will not be in a position to help her financially. Suggest she start living within her means now. That means selling the enormous house she doesn't need and living more modestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Gurlllll pay that loan.

Dumb take.

OP, it sounds like your mom tried to do the right thing by helping pay for your education, but screwed up in every way: communicating with you about college costs, managing her finances, marrying someone equally financially helpless, divorcing without discussing the financial impact on her or you, etc.

If you care about her, I’m sorry to say you need to sit down with her and have a discussion about all the finances. Paying her loan may not make sense, but as you are realizing, that may be the least of the financial burdens she’ll impose going forward. I’m truly sorry. My parents had their extreme flaws, but they were straightforward and tried to be responsible about their finances, which made it much easier to help out where needed.

The thing is my mom does what she wants. There is no sitting down with her. She doesn't consider us in her decisions and she is so adamant when she makes dumb financial decisions. No 401k. Huge new mortgage. Im worried this is a sign of what is to come as we try to make sure that as a family we pay off all our debts (and yes my husband's debt is part of our household debt just like my actual own student loans are consider his debt as well) so that we are not in the same situation as my mom. I just worry it is a sign of what is to come with other matters.

Say no. Remind her it is not your debt. The loan is in her name. She is legally responsible for it and can’t transfer it to someone else by text. Offer to sit down with her and go over finances if she can’t make ends meet. It may be the only way to get her to stop pretending her expenses don’t exceed her income and with divorce your standard of living changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

I feel for OP at the sudden expectation. But what was she thinking going to a school neither she nor her family could afford. And it sounds like she spent a ton of money they couldn’t afford, not just borrowing what it would take to get a degree. That’s horribly irresponsible on all parties involved, including OP. And this is the price you pay for having made irresponsible choices.