Can I ask for payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think OP shouldn't even ask, can you expand on your reasoning? Is it just because she didn't ask beforehand? I don't see how that leads to a conclusion it's rude to ask now. Or is it just DCUM assuming all OPs are always in the wrong?

One child paid for a hotel room. Kids paid for their own food. What more is owed?

No one paid her for the third hotel room.

Even if she didn't take the kids, she still would have gotten two rooms, one for her, and one for her child.

No she said she got beds for everyone, which required 3 rooms for 5 people. She already said her son would have slept in the room with her if he hadn't been invited by the other boy who refused payment.

Completely unnecessary. They are teen boys. Two rooms would have been plenty. Two boys could share or get a rollaway or an air mattress.

She made an assumption about the third room, yes, but the parents and boys who slept there also made assumptions. No way OP is more wrong than they are. And I make my kids sleep on the floor in hotel rooms with me sometimes, but there's no way I'd expect or think anyone would expect 3 boys to stay with a mom they don't even know....

Op child stay with her. Other kids share the paid for room.

Sure, that would have been fine, but those boys took the third room instead of saying we were expecting to stay three in a room.

Even if they’d stayed 3 to a room, wouldn’t they still need to pay 1/3 of the room each?

I was happy to have my kid stay with me. When the other kid invited him, I let him choose, but if we had been alone or had an even number of guests he would have stayed with me.

I would not have been OK with him on the floor. My kid has pretty heavy scholarship support for both school and sport, and the ID camp was a gift from a family member, but we still spend a large portion of our budget on sports because they matter to my kid. To pay hundreds of dollars for an ID camp, and gas, and leave from work, and training, and then have him not play his best when it counts because he didn’t sleep well seems penny wise and pound foolish.

— OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS did a travel sport, tons of ID camps and now is playing for his college as a recruited athlete. All this to show that I have had a significant amount of similar road and plane trips involving his playing his sport.

This thread is yet another example of why I learned pretty quickly to just focus on my own child throughout all those pre-college sport years. When early on I helped two other families by taking their kids as well as my own, I was taken for granted and burned financially. Did not even get a verbal "thank you" from one family. From then on, I politely declined any requests to take other children and just focused on my own. The "village" I have found is often not fair to those who do the actual work. Even when an event came along where another child would not be able to attend without my help (read: driving, chaperoning and paying) I declined. As it often does, the poor behavior of some can ruin future opportunities for others. It is what it is.

How can these people live with themselves? I was embarrassed when a friend paid for my kid's $10 or $12 souvenir and made sure my kid paid him back right away. It's what you do.

[Anonymous]

There's a decent chance the two non-payers were told by their parents to pay their share but cagey HS boys can be shrewd and are hoping to hang on to that $100 (if their parents assumed had been paid). And have you asked your son? Did those boys happen to Venmo him directly and your son is hoping to make a little profit by not telling you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think OP shouldn't even ask, can you expand on your reasoning? Is it just because she didn't ask beforehand? I don't see how that leads to a conclusion it's rude to ask now. Or is it just DCUM assuming all OPs are always in the wrong?

One child paid for a hotel room. Kids paid for their own food. What more is owed?

No one paid her for the third hotel room.

Even if she didn't take the kids, she still would have gotten two rooms, one for her, and one for her child.

No she said she got beds for everyone, which required 3 rooms for 5 people. She already said her son would have slept in the room with her if he hadn't been invited by the other boy who refused payment.

Completely unnecessary. They are teen boys. Two rooms would have been plenty. Two boys could share or get a rollaway or an air mattress.

She made an assumption about the third room, yes, but the parents and boys who slept there also made assumptions. No way OP is more wrong than they are. And I make my kids sleep on the floor in hotel rooms with me sometimes, but there's no way I'd expect or think anyone would expect 3 boys to stay with a mom they don't even know....

Op child stay with her. Other kids share the paid for room.

Sure, that would have been fine, but those boys took the third room instead of saying we were expecting to stay three in a room.

Even if they’d stayed 3 to a room, wouldn’t they still need to pay 1/3 of the room each?

I was happy to have my kid stay with me. When the other kid invited him, I let him choose, but if we had been alone or had an even number of guests he would have stayed with me.

I would not have been OK with him on the floor. My kid has pretty heavy scholarship support for both school and sport, and the ID camp was a gift from a family member, but we still spend a large portion of our budget on sports because they matter to my kid. To pay hundreds of dollars for an ID camp, and gas, and leave from work, and training, and then have him not play his best when it counts because he didn’t sleep well seems penny wise and pound foolish.

— OP

I agree with you if they stayed 3 to a room they should have each paid 1/3, but then the outstanding financial issue would be between them and and the boy who did pay for that whole room. I was saying given that they didn't stay with him and instead took the other room, there's not any possible excuse for them not paying.

It would be super entitled for anyone to expect your kid to sleep on the floor. If anyone should have, it would be one of the 2 non-paying kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a decent chance the two non-payers were told by their parents to pay their share but cagey HS boys can be shrewd and are hoping to hang on to that $100 (if their parents assumed had been paid). And have you asked your son? Did those boys happen to Venmo him directly and your son is hoping to make a little profit by not telling you?

Not the part about her own son, but my gut was wondering if the other two families sent money with their sons thinking they paid. OP should definitely touch base with the parents. I wouldn’t expect anyone to help with gas or tolls though. Just the hotel room and their meals.

[Anonymous]

There's a decent chance the two non-payers were told by their parents to pay their share but cagey HS boys can be shrewd and are hoping to hang on to that $100 (and their parents assume their tab has been paid). And have you asked your son? Did those boys happen to Venmo him directly and your son is hoping to make a little profit by not telling you? After you check with your son and confirm he didn't get paid, reach out to the parents. And I'm sorry if I didn't follow, but are they still at camp? If so, maybe the parents are assuming you will follow up or they will make the offer once camp is over and everyone's home.

[Anonymous]

I would’ve asked before I even said yes please take my kid. Those folks are so rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let it go but next time, if there is next time, i'd make it clear what the arrangement is before

+100

Why wasn't this settled prior? Or even during the planning stages of the trip?

What is the context of the trip? Was it your kid's birthday so the parents figured this was your treat? Your way of celebrating and hosting?
Or were you going on this trip anyway so your kid just took along a few buddies ?

You never asked for money? Not even a "contributions appreciated to de-fray costs" type of a text/email/verbal with said parents?

My kid was signed up for a 2 day camp. Someone texted in a team chat “Is anyone going to X camp? How are you getting there?” And my kid replied that he was going and I was driving and then 2 other kids replied “Can I get a ride too?”

I got the contact info for the parents and reached out to the parents and introduced myself and gave a link to the hotel. Parents replied thank you. All other contact went through the kids.

That’s insane. It’s presumptive to ask for a ride—it’s not like you offered. If the camp is that important, the other parents would have figured out how to get their kids there. It didn’t need to involve you.

[Anonymous]

It would be weird to do it now so I’d drop it unless you’re pressed about the money. (And even then-weird to do it now.) completely reasonable to arrange for reasonable cost sharing beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think OP shouldn't even ask, can you expand on your reasoning? Is it just because she didn't ask beforehand? I don't see how that leads to a conclusion it's rude to ask now. Or is it just DCUM assuming all OPs are always in the wrong?

One child paid for a hotel room. Kids paid for their own food. What more is owed?

No one paid her for the third hotel room.

Even if she didn't take the kids, she still would have gotten two rooms, one for her, and one for her child.

No she said she got beds for everyone, which required 3 rooms for 5 people. She already said her son would have slept in the room with her if he hadn't been invited by the other boy who refused payment.

Completely unnecessary. They are teen boys. Two rooms would have been plenty. Two boys could share or get a rollaway or an air mattress.

She made an assumption about the third room, yes, but the parents and boys who slept there also made assumptions. No way OP is more wrong than they are. And I make my kids sleep on the floor in hotel rooms with me sometimes, but there's no way I'd expect or think anyone would expect 3 boys to stay with a mom they don't even know....

Op child stay with her. Other kids share the paid for room.

Sure, that would have been fine, but those boys took the third room instead of saying we were expecting to stay three in a room.

Even if they’d stayed 3 to a room, wouldn’t they still need to pay 1/3 of the room each?

I was happy to have my kid stay with me. When the other kid invited him, I let him choose, but if we had been alone or had an even number of guests he would have stayed with me.

I would not have been OK with him on the floor. My kid has pretty heavy scholarship support for both school and sport, and the ID camp was a gift from a family member, but we still spend a large portion of our budget on sports because they matter to my kid. To pay hundreds of dollars for an ID camp, and gas, and leave from work, and training, and then have him not play his best when it counts because he didn’t sleep well seems penny wise and pound foolish.

— OP

Then you say no. Two rooms was plenty. You should have been upfront and said hey I’m happy to take larlo. Please book him a hotel room here. We are brining xx, xx and xx so they can share rooms. Put your kid in your room. So many ways to handle it. The issue is the cost of a half of room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a decent chance the two non-payers were told by their parents to pay their share but cagey HS boys can be shrewd and are hoping to hang on to that $100 (and their parents assume their tab has been paid). And have you asked your son? Did those boys happen to Venmo him directly and your son is hoping to make a little profit by not telling you? After you check with your son and confirm he didn't get paid, reach out to the parents. And I'm sorry if I didn't follow, but are they still at camp? If so, maybe the parents are assuming you will follow up or they will make the offer once camp is over and everyone's home.

Parents should give the money directly to the adult. It wouldn’t occur to me to put two kids to a room. All the kids could share a room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

If the kids were of different sex, then I can see the two additional rooms. But if they were all boys/girls, at least the other three kids could have shared one room.

OP - I see a lot of lessons learned here, I’m sure that the parents of the one kid that paid were surprised that he was charged full price for a room and that you were going to have their 16yo kid stay in a room alone -.

I’m curious, if the other kids had offered to pay for their own rooms, would you have gotten them each their own?

The decision to book three rooms was made before I had any idea the kid was paying. This was a sports ID camp, with college coaches who the kids were trying to impress. In my opinion, sleep is critical to playing well, so I wasn't going to ask my kid to sleep on the floor or share a bed. I assumed that others felt the same way, and based on that, I booked a bed for each kid, plus one for myself which meant 3 rooms total. When I texted the parents to confirm the plan, I said "We're booked at X hotel. I can add extra rooms."

The kid who paid for the room did so at check in. He just handed over a card and asked that one of the rooms be charged to him. He then asked my kid if he wanted to share. My kid said something to him about paying for half the room and he said no, his mom had told him to pay for it. He did something similar one of the times we stopped for gas, and when we stopped for fast food on the way up and the way back. When I paid for dinner for the group, he apple paid me the appropriate amount without me asking. It seemed clear that his mom had done some coaching about how to make sure he was paying for himself. I don't imagine they were surprised.

Kids don't need their own hotel rooms. YOU wanted your own hotel room and that's differnt. If you can afford these sports, and travel, stop being petty. Its really strange someone this comfortable is petty. You would have gotten two hotel rooms anyway. Let the kids pay directly for their own food. Whats with the reinbursement non-sense?

What? She would have gotten only one hotel room with two beds for her and her son.

And, another child paid for the second hotel room and all the other boys could have stayed in there. She wanted her own room and a room for her son so she choose to pay for two rooms. She should have been upfront with the plan. She wouldn't have shared with her son. She was clear in her post of that.

Just pay for your own share already, before OP has to ask. You are so cheap and trashy.

I wouldn’t have sent my kid with op. But, the issue is 1-2 a room cost. One parent fully paid for one room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS did a travel sport, tons of ID camps and now is playing for his college as a recruited athlete. All this to show that I have had a significant amount of similar road and plane trips involving his playing his sport.

This thread is yet another example of why I learned pretty quickly to just focus on my own child throughout all those pre-college sport years. When early on I helped two other families by taking their kids as well as my own, I was taken for granted and burned financially. Did not even get a verbal "thank you" from one family. From then on, I politely declined any requests to take other children and just focused on my own. The "village" I have found is often not fair to those who do the actual work. Even when an event came along where another child would not be able to attend without my help (read: driving, chaperoning and paying) I declined. As it often does, the poor behavior of some can ruin future opportunities for others. It is what it is.

Aren’t these camps on college campuses with their own housing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

If the kids were of different sex, then I can see the two additional rooms. But if they were all boys/girls, at least the other three kids could have shared one room.

OP - I see a lot of lessons learned here, I’m sure that the parents of the one kid that paid were surprised that he was charged full price for a room and that you were going to have their 16yo kid stay in a room alone -.

I’m curious, if the other kids had offered to pay for their own rooms, would you have gotten them each their own?

The decision to book three rooms was made before I had any idea the kid was paying. This was a sports ID camp, with college coaches who the kids were trying to impress. In my opinion, sleep is critical to playing well, so I wasn't going to ask my kid to sleep on the floor or share a bed. I assumed that others felt the same way, and based on that, I booked a bed for each kid, plus one for myself which meant 3 rooms total. When I texted the parents to confirm the plan, I said "We're booked at X hotel. I can add extra rooms."

The kid who paid for the room did so at check in. He just handed over a card and asked that one of the rooms be charged to him. He then asked my kid if he wanted to share. My kid said something to him about paying for half the room and he said no, his mom had told him to pay for it. He did something similar one of the times we stopped for gas, and when we stopped for fast food on the way up and the way back. When I paid for dinner for the group, he apple paid me the appropriate amount without me asking. It seemed clear that his mom had done some coaching about how to make sure he was paying for himself. I don't imagine they were surprised.

Kids don't need their own hotel rooms. YOU wanted your own hotel room and that's differnt. If you can afford these sports, and travel, stop being petty. Its really strange someone this comfortable is petty. You would have gotten two hotel rooms anyway. Let the kids pay directly for their own food. Whats with the reinbursement non-sense?

What? She would have gotten only one hotel room with two beds for her and her son.

And, another child paid for the second hotel room and all the other boys could have stayed in there. She wanted her own room and a room for her son so she choose to pay for two rooms. She should have been upfront with the plan. She wouldn't have shared with her son. She was clear in her post of that.

Just pay for your own share already, before OP has to ask. You are so cheap and trashy.

No she WAS planning on her son staying with her but the boy who paid for his own room offered for OPs so. To share with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not discuss this ahead of time? You were wrong not to, and the other kids’ parents were wrong not to offer. If you need the money, ask, if not chalk it up to a life experience. How many rooms were there? It’s a little dodgier if they weren’t all in your room or the room the other kid paid for.

15 - 17 year olds. The two kids who didn’t pay shared a room. My plan was that my kid would stay in my room, but the kid who paid offered him the other bed in his room.

If the kids were of different sex, then I can see the two additional rooms. But if they were all boys/girls, at least the other three kids could have shared one room.

OP - I see a lot of lessons learned here, I’m sure that the parents of the one kid that paid were surprised that he was charged full price for a room and that you were going to have their 16yo kid stay in a room alone -.

I’m curious, if the other kids had offered to pay for their own rooms, would you have gotten them each their own?

The decision to book three rooms was made before I had any idea the kid was paying. This was a sports ID camp, with college coaches who the kids were trying to impress. In my opinion, sleep is critical to playing well, so I wasn't going to ask my kid to sleep on the floor or share a bed. I assumed that others felt the same way, and based on that, I booked a bed for each kid, plus one for myself which meant 3 rooms total. When I texted the parents to confirm the plan, I said "We're booked at X hotel. I can add extra rooms."

The kid who paid for the room did so at check in. He just handed over a card and asked that one of the rooms be charged to him. He then asked my kid if he wanted to share. My kid said something to him about paying for half the room and he said no, his mom had told him to pay for it. He did something similar one of the times we stopped for gas, and when we stopped for fast food on the way up and the way back. When I paid for dinner for the group, he apple paid me the appropriate amount without me asking. It seemed clear that his mom had done some coaching about how to make sure he was paying for himself. I don't imagine they were surprised.

Kids don't need their own hotel rooms. YOU wanted your own hotel room and that's differnt. If you can afford these sports, and travel, stop being petty. Its really strange someone this comfortable is petty. You would have gotten two hotel rooms anyway. Let the kids pay directly for their own food. Whats with the reinbursement non-sense?

What? She would have gotten only one hotel room with two beds for her and her son.

And, another child paid for the second hotel room and all the other boys could have stayed in there. She wanted her own room and a room for her son so she choose to pay for two rooms. She should have been upfront with the plan. She wouldn't have shared with her son. She was clear in her post of that.

Just pay for your own share already, before OP has to ask. You are so cheap and trashy.

No she WAS planning on her son staying with her but the boy who paid for his own room offered for OPs so. To share with him.

I think OP‘s kid could have roomed with her, and the other three kids could have shared the other kid-paid room together. (Boys can share a queen sized bed. No one has to sleep on the floor. )

That scenario would have covered the hotel, and then OP could decide whether she wants to ask for food and/or gas money now after the fact