Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.

This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal.

OP wasn't venting about this kid in the abstract. She was venting about how this kid is treating her DD. Do keep up!

But she is exaggerating, focusing on the negative, and sounds like she’s encouraging her own child to take any interpersonal difficulty as a major slight.

It’s called black & white thinking or splitting, and it’s uncomfortable to hear from anyone - much less an adult talking about a *child.* I wouldn’t want to be around a person like that.

Moreover, if you savage a child to another adult, then you need to be prepared for people to judge you. You are perfectly free to vent but when you vent about a literally child and call them names - yeah, you are going to get responses to that.

It’s one thing to talk about actual bullying behavior (which OP did not describe) and quite another to appear negatively fixated on what sounds like relatively normal ranges of behavior.

This is a weird take (the "exaggerating" and "black and white" thinking, etc.) on the OP. The OP refreshingly and candidly acknowledged that the girl wasn't bullying. (I say refreshingly bc I feel like I'm surrounded by unhinged black-and-white-thinking parents who label every slight on their child "bullying" and lodge complaints to the school.) Her description of what is happening was thoughtful, IMO.

And what OP describes is not "relatively normal" for a 4th grader. Are you not particularly involved at your kids' school or activities? Do you not have opportunities to see groups of ten year olds hang out and interact? They say and do mean and and unkind things, they hurt feelings, they brag -- of course. But a 10 yr old who is incessantly and consistently mean and taunting to any and everyone and seems to get her jollies from the negative responses it provokes is not the norm at this age at all. There is usually one or two kids like this per grade -- and they majorly stick out at this age! And perfectly nice and normal parents do talk about them bc it is negatively affecting their own kids -- not to gossip.

I hope OP is giving her DD tools to try not to be affected by this girl. But her DD is a "literal child", and dealing with folks like this is hard even for adults. So kindly forgive her "literal child" for having days where she comes home sad or demoralized.

again - it is very weird for a parent to develop a narrative that another child is “constantly taunting” etc based on the reports of another child. Most kids are more resilient than to come home defeated because another child bragged. It’s OK that OP’s child is not - but the weird part is OP’s weaving of a narrative around it and not getting how it sounds to others.

But it's not just bragging. The kid is also often condescending, teases, takes jabs, and interrogates the DD for the purpose of putting her down. I'm glad you don't know the type, but there was one in my DD's grade a lot like this. My DD is in 5th now and, unfortunately, this girl has left herself basically isolated. So, yeah, MOST kids actually wanted no part of it.

Also, why are we harder on kids than adults sometimes? You wouldn't find someone bragging at your for three days straight highly obnoxious and gratting? But OP's 10 yr old should just shrug it off and tune that out la de da...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.

This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal.

OP wasn't venting about this kid in the abstract. She was venting about how this kid is treating her DD. Do keep up!

But she is exaggerating, focusing on the negative, and sounds like she’s encouraging her own child to take any interpersonal difficulty as a major slight.

It’s called black & white thinking or splitting, and it’s uncomfortable to hear from anyone - much less an adult talking about a *child.* I wouldn’t want to be around a person like that.

Moreover, if you savage a child to another adult, then you need to be prepared for people to judge you. You are perfectly free to vent but when you vent about a literally child and call them names - yeah, you are going to get responses to that.

It’s one thing to talk about actual bullying behavior (which OP did not describe) and quite another to appear negatively fixated on what sounds like relatively normal ranges of behavior.

This is a weird take (the "exaggerating" and "black and white" thinking, etc.) on the OP. The OP refreshingly and candidly acknowledged that the girl wasn't bullying. (I say refreshingly bc I feel like I'm surrounded by unhinged black-and-white-thinking parents who label every slight on their child "bullying" and lodge complaints to the school.) Her description of what is happening was thoughtful, IMO.

And what OP describes is not "relatively normal" for a 4th grader. Are you not particularly involved at your kids' school or activities? Do you not have opportunities to see groups of ten year olds hang out and interact? They say and do mean and and unkind things, they hurt feelings, they brag -- of course. But a 10 yr old who is incessantly and consistently mean and taunting to any and everyone and seems to get her jollies from the negative responses it provokes is not the norm at this age at all. There is usually one or two kids like this per grade -- and they majorly stick out at this age! And perfectly nice and normal parents do talk about them bc it is negatively affecting their own kids -- not to gossip.

I hope OP is giving her DD tools to try not to be affected by this girl. But her DD is a "literal child", and dealing with folks like this is hard even for adults. So kindly forgive her "literal child" for having days where she comes home sad or demoralized.

again - it is very weird for a parent to develop a narrative that another child is “constantly taunting” etc based on the reports of another child. Most kids are more resilient than to come home defeated because another child bragged. It’s OK that OP’s child is not - but the weird part is OP’s weaving of a narrative around it and not getting how it sounds to others.

But it's not just bragging. The kid is also often condescending, teases, takes jabs, and interrogates the DD for the purpose of putting her down. I'm glad you don't know the type, but there was one in my DD's grade a lot like this. My DD is in 5th now and, unfortunately, this girl has left herself basically isolated. So, yeah, MOST kids actually wanted no part of it.

Also, why are we harder on kids than adults sometimes? You wouldn't find someone bragging at your for three days straight highly obnoxious and gratting? But OP's 10 yr old should just shrug it off and tune that out la de da...

why would you believe that? And why care? If a 10 year old is “condescending” you tell your kid to ignore it. and if the girl is so inappropriate as to lose friends, some adults would (shocking I know!) feel sorry for her and want to help her.

But given everything OP relates I’m going to stick with the view that daughter and OP are jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

DP. I said this earlier but for problem with this discussion here is that this site is dominated by people who think this assh*le's behavior is fine. They want to raise winners and winners get to lord it over the losers; that's the way their world works and the way they think it should work. An assumption that anyone who objects to that kind of behavior is jealous is just part of that world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.

This. I have a friend who does this and it is really weird. But they have a negative take on many people and get really, really easily offended. I just ignore it and assume that the kid is totally normal.

OP wasn't venting about this kid in the abstract. She was venting about how this kid is treating her DD. Do keep up!

But she is exaggerating, focusing on the negative, and sounds like she’s encouraging her own child to take any interpersonal difficulty as a major slight.

It’s called black & white thinking or splitting, and it’s uncomfortable to hear from anyone - much less an adult talking about a *child.* I wouldn’t want to be around a person like that.

Moreover, if you savage a child to another adult, then you need to be prepared for people to judge you. You are perfectly free to vent but when you vent about a literally child and call them names - yeah, you are going to get responses to that.

It’s one thing to talk about actual bullying behavior (which OP did not describe) and quite another to appear negatively fixated on what sounds like relatively normal ranges of behavior.

This is a weird take (the "exaggerating" and "black and white" thinking, etc.) on the OP. The OP refreshingly and candidly acknowledged that the girl wasn't bullying. (I say refreshingly bc I feel like I'm surrounded by unhinged black-and-white-thinking parents who label every slight on their child "bullying" and lodge complaints to the school.) Her description of what is happening was thoughtful, IMO.

And what OP describes is not "relatively normal" for a 4th grader. Are you not particularly involved at your kids' school or activities? Do you not have opportunities to see groups of ten year olds hang out and interact? They say and do mean and and unkind things, they hurt feelings, they brag -- of course. But a 10 yr old who is incessantly and consistently mean and taunting to any and everyone and seems to get her jollies from the negative responses it provokes is not the norm at this age at all. There is usually one or two kids like this per grade -- and they majorly stick out at this age! And perfectly nice and normal parents do talk about them bc it is negatively affecting their own kids -- not to gossip.

I hope OP is giving her DD tools to try not to be affected by this girl. But her DD is a "literal child", and dealing with folks like this is hard even for adults. So kindly forgive her "literal child" for having days where she comes home sad or demoralized.

again - it is very weird for a parent to develop a narrative that another child is “constantly taunting” etc based on the reports of another child. Most kids are more resilient than to come home defeated because another child bragged. It’s OK that OP’s child is not - but the weird part is OP’s weaving of a narrative around it and not getting how it sounds to others.

But it's not just bragging. The kid is also often condescending, teases, takes jabs, and interrogates the DD for the purpose of putting her down. I'm glad you don't know the type, but there was one in my DD's grade a lot like this. My DD is in 5th now and, unfortunately, this girl has left herself basically isolated. So, yeah, MOST kids actually wanted no part of it.

Also, why are we harder on kids than adults sometimes? You wouldn't find someone bragging at your for three days straight highly obnoxious and gratting? But OP's 10 yr old should just shrug it off and tune that out la de da...

why would you believe that? And why care? If a 10 year old is “condescending” you tell your kid to ignore it. and if the girl is so inappropriate as to lose friends, some adults would (shocking I know!) feel sorry for her and want to help her.

But given everything OP relates I’m going to stick with the view that daughter and OP are jealous.

Why would I believe what? I listed all the ways that the OP described the kid. What's the point of these discussions on DCUM if we just assume the OP is making sh*t up?

As to the kid in my DD's grade, there was a period where a lot of adults (myself included) did try to help this girl, encouraged their kids to include her, invited her, etc. And it always led to their own kids getting hurt. Now at the end of 5th grade, this is where she finds herself, and it IS sad, but sometimes you have to look out for your own kids first. I don't know if the girl from the OP is quite like this kid -- literally just constantly sowing discord -- but they exist in ES and in adulthood too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

DP. I said this earlier but for problem with this discussion here is that this site is dominated by people who think this assh*le's behavior is fine. They want to raise winners and winners get to lord it over the losers; that's the way their world works and the way they think it should work. An assumption that anyone who objects to that kind of behavior is jealous is just part of that world view.

100%

Adult braggarts who don't realize how insufferable they are to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

DP. I said this earlier but for problem with this discussion here is that this site is dominated by people who think this assh*le's behavior is fine. They want to raise winners and winners get to lord it over the losers; that's the way their world works and the way they think it should work. An assumption that anyone who objects to that kind of behavior is jealous is just part of that world view.

100%

Adult braggarts who don't realize how insufferable they are to be around.

Go back and read the OP. 75% of what she wrote is about how successful this girl is. Most parents have no idea what kid is winning what. The fact that OP does (either because she is snooping or encouraging her daughter to keep score) is the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

DP. I said this earlier but for problem with this discussion here is that this site is dominated by people who think this assh*le's behavior is fine. They want to raise winners and winners get to lord it over the losers; that's the way their world works and the way they think it should work. An assumption that anyone who objects to that kind of behavior is jealous is just part of that world view.

100%

Adult braggarts who don't realize how insufferable they are to be around.

Go back and read the OP. 75% of what she wrote is about how successful this girl is. Most parents have no idea what kid is winning what. The fact that OP does (either because she is snooping or encouraging her daughter to keep score) is the issue.

The reason OP knows how much this kid is winning is because she brags incessantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

DP. I said this earlier but for problem with this discussion here is that this site is dominated by people who think this assh*le's behavior is fine. They want to raise winners and winners get to lord it over the losers; that's the way their world works and the way they think it should work. An assumption that anyone who objects to that kind of behavior is jealous is just part of that world view.

100%

Adult braggarts who don't realize how insufferable they are to be around.

Go back and read the OP. 75% of what she wrote is about how successful this girl is. Most parents have no idea what kid is winning what. The fact that OP does (either because she is snooping or encouraging her daughter to keep score) is the issue.

The reason OP knows how much this kid is winning is because she brags incessantly.

is OP sitting in the 5th grade classroom? That’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see the "blame the victim" crowd has entered the chat .

She’s not a victim. and it’s fine to have a narrative in your head that your Larla is an angel beset by *ssholes, but other people won’t believe it. Especially once it’s clear that it’s a pattern repeated with different kids, and somehow Larla is always the injured party and the other child is an *sshole.

And now the projecting and making up a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in the OP crowd has entered the chat as well. Fun!

I read the OP. None of what she describes rises to the level of calling a child an “*shol.” It could equally be OP’s child is an over sensitive whiner. Most kids don’t come home every day saying “Larla bragged about winning!” It’s not normal to be fixated like that, and also not normal for a parent to have an equal fixation and encourage it in their own child. It’s weird.

Lady, it was one conversation, and her friend started it? Who's fixated? What is OP encouraging?

I bet you $100 that this is not the first time OP has vented to this friend about how everyone is out to get her or her kid. That’s likely why the friend lost patience and pushed back. If I was the friend I’d probably do a slow fade or just have an urgent phone call to attend to whenever OP got on a roll. The fact that this friend is willing to call OP out is actually and opportunity for OP to think about her conduct. Instead OP will now weave a narrative about how her friend is also an *sshole who is not open minded enough 😂

OP started this thread because she is giving her friend's words thought...she "opened it up for discussion". Who is this monstrous OP you all have conjured?

I read what OP wrote. It’s clear she is intensely jealous of the girl and has to find fault, and has no sense of how to handle her daughter’s own insecurity except for to blame other people.

DP. I said this earlier but for problem with this discussion here is that this site is dominated by people who think this assh*le's behavior is fine. They want to raise winners and winners get to lord it over the losers; that's the way their world works and the way they think it should work. An assumption that anyone who objects to that kind of behavior is jealous is just part of that world view.

100%

Adult braggarts who don't realize how insufferable they are to be around.

Go back and read the OP. 75% of what she wrote is about how successful this girl is. Most parents have no idea what kid is winning what. The fact that OP does (either because she is snooping or encouraging her daughter to keep score) is the issue.

The reason OP knows how much this kid is winning is because she brags incessantly.

is OP sitting in the 5th grade classroom? That’s weird.

Your children don't tell you about their day. That's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that your friend is friendly with that mom?
There is a kid who is a bit obnoxious and his mom is standoff ish and I hear parents complaining about that kid constantly. But another kid who is even worse gets off with "spirited" because his mom is popular. People will say "Dave and Mary are the most amazing people. It's a shame their kids are so rude." As if the parents had nothing to do with it.

OP here and no, my friend doesn't have kids at this school and has never met these people. She just objects to me calling this kid an ***hole.

Yes, most people would object. Stop that. It makes YOU the horrible person in the story, OP because as an adult, you should know better.

OP here. I truly am not being intentionally dense here, but: what is horrible about it?

It's not like I'm calling this kid an ***hole to her face. I've seen her do things I think are just egregious. A recent example was watching her loudly make fun of kids who need after-school tutoring for reading at a school even where those kids could definitely hear her. I said nothing. But in my head, I thought "wow, what an ***hole" because, well, what an ***hole. And I still don't get what is wrong with thinking that or even expressing it to a friend in confidence.

I think OP's follow-up post above is helpful in terms of the flavor of kid this is -- that is downright mean and nasty behavior for a 10-yr old that OP saw - not just heard from her DD. I highly doubt it was an isolated incident. I think the last several pages of posts are really about what the one PP was getting at -- lots of folks think it's perfectly fine for so-called winners to lord it over so-called losers.

Maybe OP's DD needs some lessons in resilience, but the other kid clearly needs some lessons in humility too. I teach my DD not to brag, tease, be a sore winner, be a sore loser, and on an on because those are unlikable (in adult parlance, ***hole) qualities that make people not want to be around you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

you honestly don’t understand why talking about a young child negatively is different from talking about an adult?

I’m guessing your friend though the whole story was off, and the name calling the icing on the cake.