ED really has to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say your kid attends a high FARMS school. So let's say she gets in, are you guys prepared to pay full freight? That's what I hate about ED. You basically show your hand. If you guys are low income and she does get into her ED school hopefully there will be lots is grant and merit money. But if you're solidly middle class, I'm not sure you'll get significant help. Depending on your situation, her getting rejects might be a good thing...

Everyone can run the NPC for their ED (or any ) school. Fact is most of the T25 do NOT give merit--it's only FA. So if you cannot afford the school during ED, NOTHING is changing with EA/RD. Your package will be the same. So if you can pay what the NPC states, good. However, if it states you owe $90K/year and you cannot/will not pay the $90K, then that school is not for you.

And if you "might be willing to pay the $90K if my kid doesn't get into a good enough school otherwise with lower price tag" then you cannot do ED---if you want to compare offers, then EA/RD is your chosen path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has zero to do with ED, your kid would not be reacting any different with an RD decision to this college. It sounds like she has anxiety and would benefit from some therapy to address that.

This. My kid doesn't even know what ED is.

Well that’s weird, unless your kid isn’t in high school yet.

My kid may end up not ED’ing (we need merit, and while it’s early still there’s currently no absolute #1 choice), but they are still aware of the option and what it is. You’d have to be under a rock not to have heard about it from a college counselor or friends.

By all means make an informed decision to opt out of the craziness, but a uniformed head-in-the-sand approach isn’t really the best choice.

Not weird. ED is for rich kids. No need for my kid to know what it is when I need to be able to compare multiple aid packages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter didn't get into her ED school. She knew it was a longshot and other than a deep sigh when she got the rejection letter, she just shrugged and moved on with her life. The hysteria is not normal.

yes I dont' get parents who say---let them wallow and mope around for days/weeks. Our DD didn't get into her ED1---got "deferred" from the T10 school. We let her sit in her room and mope for 24 hours, then had discussions about writing a LOCI, focusing on the few RD applications to submit (most were submitted back in early Nov). And we had a discussion about ED2 do you want to do that for your 2nd choice (where she is attending ultimately), but decided to wait to hear in RD from the ED1 school (ultimate rejection).
It's not healthy to let rejection overtake you. My kid was used to rejection as a competitive dancer (good dancer, but slightly below the level of the top kids and her best friends). She knew how to take rejection and not let it overcome you. That is why it's good for your kids to learn to deal with rejections in life from toddlerhood onwards. If you overprotect your kids, they don't learn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry this is happening. All the parents talking about how this is your fault and she needs therapy, act like they have never had a teen before. They are absolutely shocked that a teen is acting emotional and irrational during a stressful situation. As a parent of a 17 year old, I am not surprised your child feels this way - especially in this area full of strivers. It’s utter irony that posters are acting like this when other DCUM posters (grown adults) are all over this board obsessing, stressing out, and melting down over college applications and acceptances.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is a reason why she is so attached to this school. Don’t have time to type it all out but it is an irrational reason and all the discussions I’ve had with her about it went nowhere. For those blaming me, you don’t know half the story so keep it to yourself.
We go to a high FARMs school. There are probably 5 kids applying to top level schools. Opportunities are scarce but she found them and did well with them. But not at the level a kid with resources can succeed. The school counselor has her hands full so she doesnt get the guidance and advice that some private schools provide.
I thank everyone whom offered support. Being a parent is tough especially when you’ve dealt with nothing but challenges in your life and just want your kids to be happy. I know I can’t change the system but allowing kids to out all their eggs in one basket can cause a lot of pressure. And no, she doesn’t do club sports or other $$$ activities but what she has done, she has done well. I just want her to bounce back and be ok.

That is absolutely, unequivocally, not what ED does. Come on, OP, use your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I don’t see where ED is the issue here. Other than perhaps the timing of the notification. I guess?

The challenge with ED is that often kids are only getting one decision during the ED timeframe and then have to wait months for other decisions. While when RD time rolls around, they are hearing from multiple schools so hopefully there is something to be excited about.

So if your 17/18 yo is not capable of processing this, then ED might not be for you.

In reality, if your kid cannot handle that, they might not be T25 material, as the adjustment to college can be hard for even smart kids. So I'd be focusing on their mental health and helping them prepare for any college experience. Because if they get into a T25, I can assure you they are likely to not have a 4.0 for the first time in their life next fall---they might even "gasp get a C" and they need to be prepared to deal with that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

What schools are these? All the EA schools to which DS applied had notification dates in late January (which I thought was useless because you want to know the EA outcomes before you apply RD).

There are many schools who release EA in Dec. CWRU for one. My kid got their ED1 deferral, and within a week had their Safety acceptance (not CWRU, ranked in the 60s) and CWRU with $42K in merit offer all before xmas. So as our CC said, "they are going to a great college, congrats on the acceptances" They had already heard from their other 2 safeties back in October/Nov

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry this is happening. All the parents talking about how this is your fault and she needs therapy, act like they have never had a teen before. They are absolutely shocked that a teen is acting emotional and irrational during a stressful situation. As a parent of a 17 year old, I am not surprised your child feels this way - especially in this area full of strivers. It’s utter irony that posters are acting like this when other DCUM posters (grown adults) are all over this board obsessing, stressing out, and melting down over college applications and acceptances.

Nope, I have had two teens, a boy and a girl. Both have moderate anxiety, but don't react like that as teens, because we have gotten them the help they need to deal with life and it's ups and downs. We prepared the high stats kid that reaches are just that---REaches that 95% won't get into. Such is life, you worked hard and are really smart, so let's have that next level of targets and safeties lined up with choices you really like, as that is where you are likely attending. If you get into reaches--then it's icing on the cake.
Yes teens act emotional. But I'd be concerned about a kid's ability to function at college the next fall if they are this upset over not getting what they want. Freshman year is hard, there is a lot of anxiety inducing happening. Kids who are prepared to deal with life do better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

Quit using the word "entitled." The only "Entitled" ones are the ones that can pay for it easily-the very definition of the word. Because they can take advantage of ED, knowing it will boost their chances of acceptance AND they can swing the bill.

The people complaining -and rightfully so- are those whose kids have worked hard but will be shut out due to inability to ED b/c of inability to pay. We are told from the time we are little that the American Dream is work hard and that will pay off. But that's BS. It pays off for the rich; everyone else is expected to settle for something less, then judged for it. Look on here all the people dismissing schools that are outside the top 20.

So spare me your "entitled" crap.

[Anonymous]

My teen boy was out with his friends and came home 60 minutes late to even look at his ED. Went in, looked at it, came out and said he was in. He was very happy, but it didn't define him before or after.
Important distinction, he is oos Texas and auto admit to UT-Austin. Having that as a safety takes the edge off. But the same can be said for anyone in the ED, now RD process. Find a safety you love right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my DD applied to her dream school. For the past couple of years we've been downplaying this school and hyping up some more reasonable schools. We even toured a few and she claimed how much she liked them. She assured us that she would be fine if she didn't win the ED lottery. Anytime I would mention another school she would quickly shut me down and tell me she has her list and she is good with it.
Part of me always thought she was blowing smoke to get us to back off and i was right.
ED school is announcing today and just got a call from her counselor that she is having a melt down at school triggered by a friend of hers who told her that this school will never accept someone from our high school. Our HS does not have the greatest reputation and although there have been a small handful of kids getting into top 10/Ivy - level schools - its few and far between.
So this comment was the straw that broke her back. The counselor told me that Dd unloaded on her and how hard she has worked (very true) to get straight As and take many AP classes (very true). Our school doesnt rank but she would definitely be top 5. The time she put into her ECs and building relationships with her teachers..... She kept telling me that she was doing all of this because she liked doing this but it turns out, it was because she wants this school this bad.
i am furious at the ED system for the torture this process causes for so many families. I thought it was terrible they announced hen results will come out so everyone can be on pins and needles for days. And why do schools announce before the holidays....similar to how companies announce layoffs before holidays...to ruin them?
And now, with this phone call, I am upset and having trouble focusing on my job.
Yes - I am going off here and mostly because I am her mom and believed her when she said she wouldn't care about not getting into this school. I should have known better.
Counselor said she calmed down and will be staying at school, but I am at a loss as to how to handle this situation when we all get home this afternoon and when we get the decision. This really really sucks.

ED is great. Kids are done early. Not sure why you have an issue with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

Quit using the word "entitled." The only "Entitled" ones are the ones that can pay for it easily-the very definition of the word. Because they can take advantage of ED, knowing it will boost their chances of acceptance AND they can swing the bill.

The people complaining -and rightfully so- are those whose kids have worked hard but will be shut out due to inability to ED b/c of inability to pay. We are told from the time we are little that the American Dream is work hard and that will pay off. But that's BS. It pays off for the rich; everyone else is expected to settle for something less, then judged for it. Look on here all the people dismissing schools that are outside the top 20.

So spare me your "entitled" crap.

If you can't afford a college ED how can you afford it RD? Please explain.

/DP - that's a rhetorical question, obviously you can't. So spare us the "crap" crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

Quit using the word "entitled." The only "Entitled" ones are the ones that can pay for it easily-the very definition of the word. Because they can take advantage of ED, knowing it will boost their chances of acceptance AND they can swing the bill.

The people complaining -and rightfully so- are those whose kids have worked hard but will be shut out due to inability to ED b/c of inability to pay. We are told from the time we are little that the American Dream is work hard and that will pay off. But that's BS. It pays off for the rich; everyone else is expected to settle for something less, then judged for it. Look on here all the people dismissing schools that are outside the top 20.

So spare me your "entitled" crap.

First, on this thread, OP is complaining about ED because her daughter can't handle the stress, and has gotten fixated on one school.

Second, you are not "shut out" of a school because you can't ED - that's ridiculous. Do some people have advantages that others don't? Sure. Tell your kids to get used to it.

Third, your victim attitude is going to do your kids at least as much harm as is OP's failure to make sure her kid was properly equipped emotionaly for this process.

[Anonymous]

ED to a target you can afford.