ED really has to go!

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. My DD attended a low-FARMS school but it’s so competitive (EVERYBODY is applying Tom the T20s) that she was effectively the middle of the pack despite her good stats. She did not get into her ED1 or ED2 choices.

Dealing with disappointment is part of the process and something she needs to get used to. That said, she had not received a decision yet when she melted down, so maybe you can help her deal with her anxiety (which is totally normal during this whole process).I let my DD vent, then she moved on to the next schools. She actually ended up at a school she RDed to and loves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

Quit using the word "entitled." The only "Entitled" ones are the ones that can pay for it easily-the very definition of the word. Because they can take advantage of ED, knowing it will boost their chances of acceptance AND they can swing the bill.

The people complaining -and rightfully so- are those whose kids have worked hard but will be shut out due to inability to ED b/c of inability to pay. We are told from the time we are little that the American Dream is work hard and that will pay off. But that's BS. It pays off for the rich; everyone else is expected to settle for something less, then judged for it. Look on here all the people dismissing schools that are outside the top 20.

So spare me your "entitled" crap.

Nope---your kid feels "entitled to an elite education because they worked hard, have a high gpa and Sat and rigorous coursework". Nobody ever stated "if you work really hard, you will get to go to Harvard or Stanford".

Hint: nobody is entitled to an elite education---some win out and get admitted, most do not. For the last time: if you cannot afford a T25 school in ED, well nothing is going to change for RD. You would still be paying the same thing if you get admitted in RD (and odds are not that much worse---much of ED is QB, sports, legacy, really connected students with hooks who were getting in no matter what). So if you cannot pay 90K, it doesn't matter when you get accepted or rejected.

Oh---so you're saying, "well I want to compare offers, and if the next school that gives us money is lower than 50, well then we can find a way to pay $90K", well you have that choice too. however, then you are not willing to commit so you cannot do ED. ED is for someone willing to commit to the school and accept the NPC for that school. If you are not willing to do that (and I get that---if you don't have 90K/year saved, it's probably not the best idea), then ED may not be for you. And you should compare offers and search for merit---but that merit isn't coming from your T25 schools.


Hint: my kid worked "really hard, is really smart etc" yet still didnt' get into their ED1, and we are full pay. I'm not complaining, they tried, it didn't work, they moved on selected their best option (in the 30s) and is very happy and excelling academically and with internships.

Wrong. You are using entitled as "expected" or demanded. That's not it at all. You expect a fair shot at admission and attending. That's not entitled. That is the promise of what we tell these kids since they are little. And it is all BS. Just like ED.

And FTR, my kid did not go to an "elite" school by choice. So you can point that finger at someone else.

BS

Who ever told you "life is fair". When admission rates are single digits, that means 90%+ of those applying get DENIED. 85%+ of those applying are "highly qualified and would make a great addition the the freshman class" anyone who wants to can apply. However, 90%+ will get rejected.

Not sure why you promised your kid a certain college or a "top college" if they worked hard and did well. Everyone has a fair shot at admission. Not everyone has the same shot at actually attending, because college costs money. So if your parents don't save the money, you likely won't attend.

And just like not everyone drives a $100K vehicle, not everyone is going to attend a college that costs $90K. Just like the vehicle, if you want it, you have to work to save for it/plan for how to afford it. If you cannot afford that, then you find something you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

Quit using the word "entitled." The only "Entitled" ones are the ones that can pay for it easily-the very definition of the word. Because they can take advantage of ED, knowing it will boost their chances of acceptance AND they can swing the bill.

The people complaining -and rightfully so- are those whose kids have worked hard but will be shut out due to inability to ED b/c of inability to pay. We are told from the time we are little that the American Dream is work hard and that will pay off. But that's BS. It pays off for the rich; everyone else is expected to settle for something less, then judged for it. Look on here all the people dismissing schools that are outside the top 20.

So spare me your "entitled" crap.

If you can't afford a college ED how can you afford it RD? Please explain.

/DP - that's a rhetorical question, obviously you can't. So spare us the "crap" crap.

You're not bound by their "offer" as you are in RD. You already know this. So yeah, crap.

The offer you get from a T25 in RD will be the same as ED. So either you can afford 90K or you can't. Run the NPC, if you can afford what it says, then apply ED. If it says you are full pay yet you can only afford $30K/year, that WILL NOT CHANGE FOR RD. You still won't be able to afford the school. So you are arguing about something that is stupid---nothing changes financially from the T25 schools for RD.

And if you don't want to decide what you can afford in Nov, well then ED isn't an option for you. That's on you, you have the choice and if you want to play you play by the rules.

Not accurate. And again, my kid is not in the position so take your assumptions and shove them.

It is accurate. Just because you are upset you cannot personally afford $90K/year and others can, it doesn't mean that is wrong.

T25 colleges simply do NOT do much merit. So your ED and RD offers will be the same/very similar. What you are most likely mad about is you don't think you should have to pay $60K/year (or dont' have it saved), and you think they should give you the merit/FA to make it "affordable to you". That is not how life works. So fact remains, if you cannot afford a school in ED, it won't be any more affordable in RD.

What might change is that you "might decide I am willing to take loans and find a way to pay $90K because we didn't get any decent merit offers from a school that is 'Good Enough for Larlo' " But that isnt' how the game is played. If you commit, you don't get to compare offers. If you need to compare offers, then you cannot ED/Commit. Not difficult to understand.

And if there is another "position your kid is in" (besides parent didn't save enough for $90K/year) then what position are they in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry this is happening. All the parents talking about how this is your fault and she needs therapy, act like they have never had a teen before. They are absolutely shocked that a teen is acting emotional and irrational during a stressful situation. As a parent of a 17 year old, I am not surprised your child feels this way - especially in this area full of strivers. It’s utter irony that posters are acting like this when other DCUM posters (grown adults) are all over this board obsessing, stressing out, and melting down over college applications and acceptances.

Nope, I have had two teens, a boy and a girl. Both have moderate anxiety, but don't react like that as teens, because we have gotten them the help they need to deal with life and it's ups and downs. We prepared the high stats kid that reaches are just that---REaches that 95% won't get into. Such is life, you worked hard and are really smart, so let's have that next level of targets and safeties lined up with choices you really like, as that is where you are likely attending. If you get into reaches--then it's icing on the cake.
Yes teens act emotional. But I'd be concerned about a kid's ability to function at college the next fall if they are this upset over not getting what they want. Freshman year is hard, there is a lot of anxiety inducing happening. Kids who are prepared to deal with life do better

this might be the first time the op’s kid experienced this level of anxiety. that’s a parenting win in my opinion - she didn’t grind her kid down starting at age 5. the kid will be fine. the parents on here pretending this isn’t a very stressful time for the kids are wild.

Different perspective. Kid is struggling so excessively hard because she's never learned to fail. Maybe her parents have always been able to protect her, help her so she avoids failure. But college acceptance is out of parents' control.

It's more likely what you stated. Kid has never been allowed to fail and this is first time parents cannot help fix something.

But some parents can fix it and her kid probably knows that which makes it sting even more.

Connection, hooks, vips seem to be getting lots of good news this admission cycle. Yes that makes it sting more I am sure for op's kid.

[Anonymous]

Where is OP?

After 12 pages, we want to know what happened!

[Anonymous]

Mods here are so interesting. Got rid of the SMU thread but keep this garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is OP?

After 12 pages, we want to know what happened!

I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mods here are so interesting. Got rid of the SMU thread but keep this garbage.

Why was that removed? It offered some interesting insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mods here are so interesting. Got rid of the SMU thread but keep this garbage.

Why was that removed? It offered some interesting insight.

Apparently op was troll? I don’t really see how, but trust the mod team

[Anonymous]

OP here. She was deferred for Duke. Really sad. Cried. But she is in much better spirits today and hopefully will get some good news from other schools soon.

[Anonymous]

I've heard Duke isn't the most social or fun school. Demographics have changed a lot. Might be for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard Duke isn't the most social or fun school. Demographics have changed a lot. Might be for the best.

Meaning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

Then clearly your son wasn’t looking at DCUM-approved schools 😂

you mean like Harvard or yale or Princeton? etc? All with no ED?

Girl plz. Get that stick outta your bum.

Are you in middle school?

You were proven wrong. Now admit it, like a big girl.

DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She was deferred for Duke. Really sad. Cried. But she is in much better spirits today and hopefully will get some good news from other schools soon.

It’s not a rejection!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mods here are so interesting. Got rid of the SMU thread but keep this garbage.

“Mods?” You’re new here. It’s one guy named Jeff for the entire site. If you think he’s reading every single thread in every single forum, you’re sadly mistaken.

If you want him to read or remove a post or thread, hit the report button. Or post in “Website Feedback.”