ED really has to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry this is happening. All the parents talking about how this is your fault and she needs therapy, act like they have never had a teen before. They are absolutely shocked that a teen is acting emotional and irrational during a stressful situation. As a parent of a 17 year old, I am not surprised your child feels this way - especially in this area full of strivers. It’s utter irony that posters are acting like this when other DCUM posters (grown adults) are all over this board obsessing, stressing out, and melting down over college applications and acceptances.

Nope, I have had two teens, a boy and a girl. Both have moderate anxiety, but don't react like that as teens, because we have gotten them the help they need to deal with life and it's ups and downs. We prepared the high stats kid that reaches are just that---REaches that 95% won't get into. Such is life, you worked hard and are really smart, so let's have that next level of targets and safeties lined up with choices you really like, as that is where you are likely attending. If you get into reaches--then it's icing on the cake.
Yes teens act emotional. But I'd be concerned about a kid's ability to function at college the next fall if they are this upset over not getting what they want. Freshman year is hard, there is a lot of anxiety inducing happening. Kids who are prepared to deal with life do better

this might be the first time the op’s kid experienced this level of anxiety. that’s a parenting win in my opinion - she didn’t grind her kid down starting at age 5. the kid will be fine. the parents on here pretending this isn’t a very stressful time for the kids are wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

Then clearly your son wasn’t looking at DCUM-approved schools 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

Then clearly your son wasn’t looking at DCUM-approved schools 😂

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Top 25 schools are not offering merit. The FA they offer in ED is the same they will offer in RD. Fact is, if you haven't saved and/or are not willing to spend $90K/year, that won't change for RD/EA. If you need to/want to compare merit offers, that is fine, then ED isn't your thing. However, at schools where ED matters the most (the ones most on here are complaining about), you STILL won't be able to afford the school in RD. And if you "might be willing to pay the 90K if you don't get into another good school" well then, you need to decide that before Nov 1. But anyone can do ED.
Yes the decision to be full pay is easier if you can afford it. But exit the T25 and there are plenty of schools that will be affordable/give merit to assist. If you want elite/T25 school, you need to pay for it--nobody is entitled to it

Quit using the word "entitled." The only "Entitled" ones are the ones that can pay for it easily-the very definition of the word. Because they can take advantage of ED, knowing it will boost their chances of acceptance AND they can swing the bill.

The people complaining -and rightfully so- are those whose kids have worked hard but will be shut out due to inability to ED b/c of inability to pay. We are told from the time we are little that the American Dream is work hard and that will pay off. But that's BS. It pays off for the rich; everyone else is expected to settle for something less, then judged for it. Look on here all the people dismissing schools that are outside the top 20.

So spare me your "entitled" crap.

If you can't afford a college ED how can you afford it RD? Please explain.

/DP - that's a rhetorical question, obviously you can't. So spare us the "crap" crap.

You're not bound by their "offer" as you are in RD. You already know this. So yeah, crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

And what would you have done differently/ Sounds like the mom was trying to set expectations and as others have noted, kids handle rejection very differently.
OP - my kid sounds very similar. Was rejected from her ED 2 years ago. She was extremely upset and we were very worried but after a couple days. she bounced right back and found some other schools. She is having a good experience at her current school. Just follow her lead and give her time to absorb the news. And it is possible the meltdown with the counselor means she got the anxiety out of her system so she can take any bad news a little better.

The kid didn't even get rejected yet! She's having a meltdown because a friend made a comment.

Sounds like a mean girl TBH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

Then clearly your son wasn’t looking at DCUM-approved schools 😂

you mean like Harvard or yale or Princeton? etc? All with no ED?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

Then clearly your son wasn’t looking at DCUM-approved schools 😂

you mean like Harvard or yale or Princeton? etc? All with no ED?

REA and SCEA exists for what purpose? Why do they restrict you to one? Off the high horse with ya

[Anonymous]

Ivies especially UPenn invented ED for higher yield and competion. After they achieved domination, some pretend they don't have it with other inventions like REA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED to a target you can afford.

Not all schools have ED. Very few of the ones my son looked at had ED.

Then clearly your son wasn’t looking at DCUM-approved schools 😂

you mean like Harvard or yale or Princeton? etc? All with no ED?

Girl plz. Get that stick outta your bum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my DD applied to her dream school. For the past couple of years we've been downplaying this school and hyping up some more reasonable schools. We even toured a few and she claimed how much she liked them. She assured us that she would be fine if she didn't win the ED lottery. Anytime I would mention another school she would quickly shut me down and tell me she has her list and she is good with it.
Part of me always thought she was blowing smoke to get us to back off and i was right.
ED school is announcing today and just got a call from her counselor that she is having a melt down at school triggered by a friend of hers who told her that this school will never accept someone from our high school. Our HS does not have the greatest reputation and although there have been a small handful of kids getting into top 10/Ivy - level schools - its few and far between.
So this comment was the straw that broke her back. The counselor told me that Dd unloaded on her and how hard she has worked (very true) to get straight As and take many AP classes (very true). Our school doesnt rank but she would definitely be top 5. The time she put into her ECs and building relationships with her teachers..... She kept telling me that she was doing all of this because she liked doing this but it turns out, it was because she wants this school this bad.
i am furious at the ED system for the torture this process causes for so many families. I thought it was terrible they announced hen results will come out so everyone can be on pins and needles for days. And why do schools announce before the holidays....similar to how companies announce layoffs before holidays...to ruin them?
And now, with this phone call, I am upset and having trouble focusing on my job.
Yes - I am going off here and mostly because I am her mom and believed her when she said she wouldn't care about not getting into this school. I should have known better.
Counselor said she calmed down and will be staying at school, but I am at a loss as to how to handle this situation when we all get home this afternoon and when we get the decision. This really really sucks.

I don't see how this is a problem with ED. It was the comment her classmate made that set her off. If it hadn't been that, it would be the rejection from the school if she isn't accepted. It is tough. It's very disappointing and hard to not get into - or get into and not be able to afford to attend - the school of your dreams. Still, most kids find a home at an alternate school and come to love it to the point of not being able to imagine not having gone there. This is a tough time, OP, and I'm really sorry your daughter is experiencing so much emotion, and the pain I know you feel watching it. You'll both get through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry this is happening. All the parents talking about how this is your fault and she needs therapy, act like they have never had a teen before. They are absolutely shocked that a teen is acting emotional and irrational during a stressful situation. As a parent of a 17 year old, I am not surprised your child feels this way - especially in this area full of strivers. It’s utter irony that posters are acting like this when other DCUM posters (grown adults) are all over this board obsessing, stressing out, and melting down over college applications and acceptances.

Nope, I have had two teens, a boy and a girl. Both have moderate anxiety, but don't react like that as teens, because we have gotten them the help they need to deal with life and it's ups and downs. We prepared the high stats kid that reaches are just that---REaches that 95% won't get into. Such is life, you worked hard and are really smart, so let's have that next level of targets and safeties lined up with choices you really like, as that is where you are likely attending. If you get into reaches--then it's icing on the cake.
Yes teens act emotional. But I'd be concerned about a kid's ability to function at college the next fall if they are this upset over not getting what they want. Freshman year is hard, there is a lot of anxiety inducing happening. Kids who are prepared to deal with life do better

this might be the first time the op’s kid experienced this level of anxiety. that’s a parenting win in my opinion - she didn’t grind her kid down starting at age 5. the kid will be fine. the parents on here pretending this isn’t a very stressful time for the kids are wild.

Different perspective. Kid is struggling so excessively hard because she's never learned to fail. Maybe her parents have always been able to protect her, help her so she avoids failure. But college acceptance is out of parents' control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is a reason why she is so attached to this school. Don’t have time to type it all out but it is an irrational reason and all the discussions I’ve had with her about it went nowhere. For those blaming me, you don’t know half the story so keep it to yourself.
We go to a high FARMs school. There are probably 5 kids applying to top level schools. Opportunities are scarce but she found them and did well with them. But not at the level a kid with resources can succeed. The school counselor has her hands full so she doesnt get the guidance and advice that some private schools provide.
I thank everyone whom offered support. Being a parent is tough especially when you’ve dealt with nothing but challenges in your life and just want your kids to be happy. I know I can’t change the system but allowing kids to out all their eggs in one basket can cause a lot of pressure. And no, she doesn’t do club sports or other $$$ activities but what she has done, she has done well. I just want her to bounce back and be ok.

That is absolutely, unequivocally, not what ED does. Come on, OP, use your head.

My kid did ED1 to a T10, but they knew going in that the chances (after Questbridge, athletes, etc) are still slim to none. So they gave it there all, but knew most likely they would get rejected. They got deferred then ultimately rejected. Such is life. They were prepared for that at all their Reaches, and focused on selecting great targets and safeties, since it was 98% likely they would be attending one of those. You can't win what you don't try for, but have some reality to ground you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is a reason why she is so attached to this school. Don’t have time to type it all out but it is an irrational reason and all the discussions I’ve had with her about it went nowhere. For those blaming me, you don’t know half the story so keep it to yourself.
We go to a high FARMs school. There are probably 5 kids applying to top level schools. Opportunities are scarce but she found them and did well with them. But not at the level a kid with resources can succeed. The school counselor has her hands full so she doesnt get the guidance and advice that some private schools provide.
I thank everyone whom offered support. Being a parent is tough especially when you’ve dealt with nothing but challenges in your life and just want your kids to be happy. I know I can’t change the system but allowing kids to out all their eggs in one basket can cause a lot of pressure. And no, she doesn’t do club sports or other $$$ activities but what she has done, she has done well. I just want her to bounce back and be ok.

I dont buy this. Sorry, but there are kids getting into these colleges from rural Cambodia. Your kid has a mom with enough social capital to post on DCUM. No college wants to see kids who max out opportunities within school and that's it.

Nobody eggs are in one basket. RD deadlines are still in the future. She can put as many eggs in as many baskets as she likes.

Even if this is true, why jump on a school based college counselor?

Signed, Brooklyn mom with kids in a school with 94% FRL and nowhere close to 5 kids apply to top elite schools a year - that works for our kids. . (we all get free lunch bcs it's nyc, but we have the numbers for title 1 funds)

all that sad, I hope she gets in.

People in Brooklyn are on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blah, blah, blah from the rich person trying to justify her privilege. ED needs to go because of the privilege it affords rich people (the ED admits are definitely lower quality admits). It also shows desperation on the part of the schools. Which is why truly elite schools like Harvard Princeton, Yale, mit, Caltech, Stanford don’t do it.

All of which is irrelevant to OP’s assertion. Her kid is anxious and it sounds like she is, too. None of that is the result of ED.

Many top schools are/may be going back to ED because enrollment has dropped and they want to lock-in new student enrollment.