Wife’s routine spending - what is normal?

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t seem outrageous by any means.

Could probably cut back, sure.

I spend more than that on my hair but far less than that on the rest- clothes and skincare etc (similar HHI). But everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

Align your savings goals together. How much in. 528, 401k, etc. monthly? If cutting back for a few years to meet goals, what can you both cut?

Places to start here:

- reduce mani pedi
- thrift for clothes for all of you. Including you.
- set goal to buy the annual luxury thing once every two years if joint financial goals are met.

As others have said, gym costs fall under long term health

[Anonymous]

Being a man is cheaper than being a woman. Men get charged less for the same services and products.

Her spending is pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Align your savings goals together. How much in. 528, 401k, etc. monthly? If cutting back for a few years to meet goals, what can you both cut?

Places to start here:

- reduce mani pedi
- thrift for clothes for all of you. Including you.
- set goal to buy the annual luxury thing once every two years if joint financial goals are met.

As others have said, gym costs fall under long term health

You don't need to do thrifting if you buy on sale.

[Anonymous]

I mean, if you like her looking, this is the cost for that.

[Anonymous]

You live in Bethesda, this is a sign of things to come. It’s a warning shot across the bow.

If you don’t make changes now it’s going to get worse when the kids get older and keeping up with the joneses cars, schools, entertainment and vacations start. You’ll be fighting this battle until the kids leave for college, but you’ll be doing in it your own head because you can’t say crap to her or challenge her spending very month for 18 years. Get out of Bethesda stat.

[Anonymous]

Seems very normal for the demographic you’re in.

[Anonymous]

Cut down on the gym membership and the $100/month lunch budget. Everything is normal and necessary spend. You can ask her to cut back on the clothes but keep in mind she will need new clothes to return to work at her new size if she hasn’t kept up her gymming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems very normal for the demographic you’re in.

Geographic demographic? Or income demographic?

Because their hhi income is pretty similar to a combined couple a few years out of college. I don’t think typical 25 year olds are spending like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a man is cheaper than being a woman. Men get charged less for the same services and products.

Her spending is pretty normal.

Really good point: hair, dry cleaning, even tariffs on women’s clothes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut down on the gym membership and the $100/month lunch budget. Everything is normal and necessary spend. You can ask her to cut back on the clothes but keep in mind she will need new clothes to return to work at her new size if she hasn’t kept up her gymming

Ops wife isn’t going back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a man is cheaper than being a woman. Men get charged less for the same services and products.

Her spending is pretty normal.

Really good point: hair, dry cleaning, even tariffs on women’s clothes!

The numbers the op cited have nothing to do with women’s tariffs. They’re just extras that she is spending, like super expensive gym membership and luxury purses and excessive skin products

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you saving for retirement and have some easily accessible emergency savings for an unexpected expense? If so I would not worry about the financial situation right now. Most people with young kids are, not exactly living “paycheck to paycheck” but also not exactly building up a huge emergency fund and savings for a down payment on a new home. That goes if you have two working parents and day care/nanny expenses, or one parent and a SAHP and thus lesser income. Again is it worth her happiness to send her to a rec center gym and cut off her clothes spending to a few trips to Walmart each year to bank an extra $750 savings at the end of the year, I don’t think it is.

This was pretty much the attitude of all my friends who at 50 still have terrible savings and retirement feels like a pipe dream (even with excellent jobs). It's not like costs go down. It's just that the early baby costs get replaced by other equally (or more) expensive stuff as the kids get older. Botox, hair dye, cars for the teens, tutors, expensive extracurriculars, vacations for 4 instead of 2, etc. And sure, people are going to respond and say they don't have these expenses for their teens. But anyone who is spending on OPs budget on a HHI of $250k at OP's is exactly the type of person is spending on all these other things 10 years later. You think OP's wife, with her twice-a-year $1000 purse and $200/month gym membership is going to share a room with her family of four at the best western for vacations in 10 years?

In the mean time, those of us (and there are plenty) who lived frugally when kids were born (and had good jobs) are all looking at retirement by 55 if we want.

Most people don’t want to penny pinch their whole lives and retire at 55 or whatever. And then penny pinch for 25+ more years in retirement. You and the other terminally online cheapos are in the minority nationally on this.

[Anonymous]

OP—this doesn’t help unless we know what your expense are and savings goals are.

Are you renting? Saving for a down payment? Owning? What’s your mortgage? 401K savings rate?

[Anonymous]

The elephant in the room that no one wants to mention is that she stopped working. American families really need two incomes now. I would find childcare for your kids and have her start looking for work. The stress of having a two parent working household pales in comparison to the stresses of tight finances. Everyone will
Be happier in the long run if she works and she can enjoy her extras.