Wife’s routine spending - what is normal?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

OP’s wife is young enough to have just had a second kid. So what is 200-300 every few months spent on? I would understand if she were older as a 30-something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

OP’s wife is young enough to have just had a second kid. So what is 200-300 every few months spent on? I would understand if she were older as a 30-something?

Have you looked at the cost of a salon cut? I don't color my hair, nor do I maintain a complicated style. With tip, I've spent 300+ on a shampoo and cut.

If you haven't priced these things post-covid, go refresh your input. Everything is more expensive, not just food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

What's the point of Botox?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

OP’s wife is young enough to have just had a second kid. So what is 200-300 every few months spent on? I would understand if she were older as a 30-something?

Have you looked at the cost of a salon cut? I don't color my hair, nor do I maintain a complicated style. With tip, I've spent 300+ on a shampoo and cut.

If you haven't priced these things post-covid, go refresh your input. Everything is more expensive, not just food.

Sorry I meant skin care, not hair care. That’s 200-300 every couple months on skin care in addition to hair: And yes I am a woman (in my 50s) who does many of the thing OP’s wife does so I am well aware of the price. I’m also well aware that 30-somethings could get away with a lot less in some areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you spend on takeout/coffee for yourself? I notice you conveniently left that pit. Also, so kind of you not to include the clothes she buys for your kids in “her” spending. The way it’s all written out is interesting and one-sided.

+1

Why did that merit a mention? WTH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If her appearance is a priority to you, you can't begrudge what she spends on it. I'd never spend that much but I have grey hair I cut myself, I cut my own fingernails and toenails, and I spend nothing on makeup. I spend $150/month on moisturizer/skin care because I have super sensitive skin. I wear comfy clothes and I'm always casually dressed. I am overweight and don't make time for exercise.

If you want your wife to keep prioritizing her appearance, you can't begrudge her that investment. And shoot, $100/month for her to occasionally buy a food treat for herself is nothing!

Her looks are not a priority, and I’ve never given that messaging. I do think she looks great - physique and how she dresses - and I tell her that. She did not have the expensive barre membership until after kids. She’s never been into working out but she has mentioned being self conscious about the weight gain after kids.

Yes, as some posters pointed out, some of this is me wishing she’d cut back now that our HHI dropped by almost half. If anything it increased with things like the gym, coffee/lunches, frequent purchasing of children’s clothing. I haven’t bothered to research it but I’m pretty sure kids clothing could cost less than what she’s spending. She used to work from home too and rarely got coffee out, etc. So I do wonder how much of this is the full time mom effect. Though I can’t say for sure, since we didn’t track closely before kids.

Being a stay at home mom is tough, I get it. She takes GREAT care of the kids - cooks nutritional meals for them, always trying to do new activities and outings with them, really on top of all their stuff. But like someone said, I also feel like the clothing packages are a little more frequent compared to when she worked?

There is not much else to cut if we want to save more. We don’t have other large buckets of recurrent monthlies. We could cut the twice a month cleaners and law service. Like I said when we sat down to do this together, my monthly discretionary spending was so low that there is nothing to cut (she wants me to have a gym membership and get haircuts every 3-4 months).

Why don't you offer to take over the work related to the kids' clothing, including keeping track of sizes and purchasing?

[Anonymous]

That’s normal. In fact it’s very good.

[Anonymous]

Are you saving for retirement and have some easily accessible emergency savings for an unexpected expense? If so I would not worry about the financial situation right now. Most people with young kids are, not exactly living “paycheck to paycheck” but also not exactly building up a huge emergency fund and savings for a down payment on a new home. That goes if you have two working parents and day care/nanny expenses, or one parent and a SAHP and thus lesser income. Again is it worth her happiness to send her to a rec center gym and cut off her clothes spending to a few trips to Walmart each year to bank an extra $750 savings at the end of the year, I don’t think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

What's the point of Botox?

It’s preventative maintenance for wrinkles. I get a light dose and no one can tell. It means that I don’t have a crease between my brows that makes me look angry, nor forehead lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

OP’s wife is young enough to have just had a second kid. So what is 200-300 every few months spent on? I would understand if she were older as a 30-something?

I just had a kid at 35. Plenty of women have gray hair at 35.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until Botox and fillers come into play.

[Anonymous]

Former SAHM and now working mom.
That is all very high BUT i am speaking as someone who functioned like what is now called "trad-wife". I did the housework, all the kid stuff, fixed appliances and did small carpentry around the house, anything I was capable of preventing outsourcing (even electrical and plumbing).
My gym expenses were sneakers because I ran outdoors. Since I didn't work I didn't need a fancy wardrobe. My kids wore hand me downs.
I have been working 10 years+ now and, well, since I work and have kids I don't have much time to shop nor get nails done. I get a $50 haircut 2x/year during lunch. I still fit all my clothes from before pregnancy so didnt need much wardrobe turnover..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you saving for retirement and have some easily accessible emergency savings for an unexpected expense? If so I would not worry about the financial situation right now. Most people with young kids are, not exactly living “paycheck to paycheck” but also not exactly building up a huge emergency fund and savings for a down payment on a new home. That goes if you have two working parents and day care/nanny expenses, or one parent and a SAHP and thus lesser income. Again is it worth her happiness to send her to a rec center gym and cut off her clothes spending to a few trips to Walmart each year to bank an extra $750 savings at the end of the year, I don’t think it is.

This was pretty much the attitude of all my friends who at 50 still have terrible savings and retirement feels like a pipe dream (even with excellent jobs). It's not like costs go down. It's just that the early baby costs get replaced by other equally (or more) expensive stuff as the kids get older. Botox, hair dye, cars for the teens, tutors, expensive extracurriculars, vacations for 4 instead of 2, etc. And sure, people are going to respond and say they don't have these expenses for their teens. But anyone who is spending on OPs budget on a HHI of $250k at OP's is exactly the type of person is spending on all these other things 10 years later. You think OP's wife, with her twice-a-year $1000 purse and $200/month gym membership is going to share a room with her family of four at the best western for vacations in 10 years?

In the mean time, those of us (and there are plenty) who lived frugally when kids were born (and had good jobs) are all looking at retirement by 55 if we want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s outrageous. Skin care and gym I think are preventative maintenance. You appreciate her looking good and there is a cost to that.

Frankly you’re lucky she doesn’t dye her hair or else you’d be spending $300 every other month. I also get Botox which is $150 a month (I go every 3 months but I’m in a club that costs $150)

OP’s wife is young enough to have just had a second kid. So what is 200-300 every few months spent on? I would understand if she were older as a 30-something?

Have you looked at the cost of a salon cut? I don't color my hair, nor do I maintain a complicated style. With tip, I've spent 300+ on a shampoo and cut.

If you haven't priced these things post-covid, go refresh your input. Everything is more expensive, not just food.

DP. What on earth?! I've lived in HCOL areas since college, and I've never scrimped on in-demand stylists or fancy salons (the two aren't 100% correlated). I've never spent this much on cut and shampoo alone.