Wife’s routine spending - what is normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eg. only 1 haircut a year

I’m overly invested in the various haircut claims in this thread. So your hair grows 6-8 inches a year and you just go long at the end of the cycle? Do you not get split ends? Are you trimming the ends yourself during the interim?

I cut my hair every 5 months. I credit that to my hairdresser. I used to go much more frequently but the hair cuts would grow out badly and would require much maintenance (ie, heat) to keep looking nice. I don’t get split ends - in fact, I used to get them worse with other stylists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully my DH doesn't bother with the nitty gritty of budget line items but we have two kids, similar income, I'm a SAHM but in a LCOL area. I probably spend similarly. Some men don't care how their wives look (I guess?) but most do, and I believe most men highly, highly underestimate what it takes the average woman to continue to look attractive by late 30s. My DH loves a "natural" look and when I ask him for examples of this in middle aged women (I'm still younger) he always points out women who obviously have at the minimum Botox, expensive haircuts/coloring, and expensive clothing and makeup. He literally has no idea. He thinks the only people who get Botox are the women who look nuts because they've gone way overboard with fillers.
Bottom line, if you want your wife to look good in her middle age, it's not super cheap. Some women have amazing genetics but most do not.

This is something that I hear only stay at home moms go on and on about: their physical appearance as being of paramount importance to the sanctity of their marriage and family life. I think it’s a point of anxiety about the nature of their relationships. I honestly think that the breadwinner/SAHM dynamic is really hard on couples. I mean this with compassion. Women end up with a limited number of ways to demonstrate their value as an adult in the family and end up obsessing about their physical appearance in a way that isn’t warranted or grounded in reality. Go back to work and you won’t have the time or inclination to obsess about these things. Natural aging isn’t why healthy marriages break up.

I think some women fool themselves into thinking their DH won't care about their appearance if they are making $. Most men aren't attracted to "natural aging."

Divorce is really low amongst professional families. It just is. Everyone ages, gains disabilities, gets sick, and eventually dies. I’m not sure why there is so much fear mongering around this topic. Most men don’t leave and/or have affairs because their wives age. It just doesn’t happen. A lot of people both men and women gain maturity as they age and appreciate their families and partners and understand that blowing up their families for an affair/new marriage with a younger partner is a very bad idea as well as delusional. There are men and women who make poor choices but they are ultimately a small group.

Yes I know many middle aged couples who likely won't divorce but are not super happy together and clearly have lost attraction. Most people I know do not aspire to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully my DH doesn't bother with the nitty gritty of budget line items but we have two kids, similar income, I'm a SAHM but in a LCOL area. I probably spend similarly. Some men don't care how their wives look (I guess?) but most do, and I believe most men highly, highly underestimate what it takes the average woman to continue to look attractive by late 30s. My DH loves a "natural" look and when I ask him for examples of this in middle aged women (I'm still younger) he always points out women who obviously have at the minimum Botox, expensive haircuts/coloring, and expensive clothing and makeup. He literally has no idea. He thinks the only people who get Botox are the women who look nuts because they've gone way overboard with fillers.
Bottom line, if you want your wife to look good in her middle age, it's not super cheap. Some women have amazing genetics but most do not.

This is something that I hear only stay at home moms go on and on about: their physical appearance as being of paramount importance to the sanctity of their marriage and family life. I think it’s a point of anxiety about the nature of their relationships. I honestly think that the breadwinner/SAHM dynamic is really hard on couples. I mean this with compassion. Women end up with a limited number of ways to demonstrate their value as an adult in the family and end up obsessing about their physical appearance in a way that isn’t warranted or grounded in reality. Go back to work and you won’t have the time or inclination to obsess about these things. Natural aging isn’t why healthy marriages break up.

I think some women fool themselves into thinking their DH won't care about their appearance if they are making $. Most men aren't attracted to "natural aging."

Divorce is really low amongst professional families. It just is. Everyone ages, gains disabilities, gets sick, and eventually dies. I’m not sure why there is so much fear mongering around this topic. Most men don’t leave and/or have affairs because their wives age. It just doesn’t happen. A lot of people both men and women gain maturity as they age and appreciate their families and partners and understand that blowing up their families for an affair/new marriage with a younger partner is a very bad idea as well as delusional. There are men and women who make poor choices but they are ultimately a small group.

Yes I know many middle aged couples who likely won't divorce but are not super happy together and clearly have lost attraction. Most people I know do not aspire to that.

This might be true but this is not always or even usually because a woman decided not to get Botox. There are a lot of reasons that couples might lose connection. Women aren’t uniquely responsible for maintaining the relationship, and Botox doesn’t provide a guarantee in any way that everything will work out. Healthy marriages do not rise or fall because of cosmetic procedures and expensive hair cuts. It might give some women a sense of control, but it isn’t grounded in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully my DH doesn't bother with the nitty gritty of budget line items but we have two kids, similar income, I'm a SAHM but in a LCOL area. I probably spend similarly. Some men don't care how their wives look (I guess?) but most do, and I believe most men highly, highly underestimate what it takes the average woman to continue to look attractive by late 30s. My DH loves a "natural" look and when I ask him for examples of this in middle aged women (I'm still younger) he always points out women who obviously have at the minimum Botox, expensive haircuts/coloring, and expensive clothing and makeup. He literally has no idea. He thinks the only people who get Botox are the women who look nuts because they've gone way overboard with fillers.
Bottom line, if you want your wife to look good in her middle age, it's not super cheap. Some women have amazing genetics but most do not.

Women place a much higher value on looks than many men. So much of these expensive procedures have been targeted at women’s insecurities that they will fail to be attractive to their husbands or have relevance in the world. That’s not what keep partners engaged and attracted by on each other.

[Anonymous]

This is chump change! I am an equestrian Mom and have one daughter who rides with me and we spend $78k in just a year on shows, tack, board, feed and vet/ferrier/dentist for floating he teeth. I have an inheritance though and pull from that. My husband makes only $230k but we live out in the boondocks so our HHE are not as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eg. only 1 haircut a year

I’m overly invested in the various haircut claims in this thread. So your hair grows 6-8 inches a year and you just go long at the end of the cycle? Do you not get split ends? Are you trimming the ends yourself during the interim?

I put my hair up a lot and no, I don’t get terrible split ends. I don’t have a fancy cut (just a straight cut with maybe a few layers). I used to get split ends when my stylist used a shaver to do the layers, but now that the trend is to use regular scissors to create layers, split ends have not been a problem. I cut right before summer and leave my hair long in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is chump change! I am an equestrian Mom and have one daughter who rides with me and we spend $78k in just a year on shows, tack, board, feed and vet/ferrier/dentist for floating he teeth. I have an inheritance though and pull from that.

My husband makes only $230k but we live out in the boondocks so our HHE are not as much.

You get my vote for humble brag of the day.

[Anonymous]

Are you attracted to your wife? Are you dumb enough to think that doesn’t require regular maintenance? Some will say they don’t need to spend but they are not OPs wife. His wife looks the way she does based on her maintenance spend. He needs to decide whether the short term savings is important enough to disrupt her routine and possibly self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eg. only 1 haircut a year

I’m overly invested in the various haircut claims in this thread. So your hair grows 6-8 inches a year and you just go long at the end of the cycle? Do you not get split ends? Are you trimming the ends yourself during the interim?

I cut my hair every 5 months. I credit that to my hairdresser. I used to go much more frequently but the hair cuts would grow out badly and would require much maintenance (ie, heat) to keep looking nice. I don’t get split ends - in fact, I used to get them worse with other stylists.

I have been cutting my hair at home for over a decade and don’t dye it so my budget for that is 0.

[Anonymous]

Her spending seems totally 'normal' to me. Life is expensive and it sounds like she's living it. Engaged and focused on her health, those are all good things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eg. only 1 haircut a year

I’m overly invested in the various haircut claims in this thread. So your hair grows 6-8 inches a year and you just go long at the end of the cycle? Do you not get split ends? Are you trimming the ends yourself during the interim?

I put my hair up a lot and no, I don’t get terrible split ends. I don’t have a fancy cut (just a straight cut with maybe a few layers). I used to get split ends when my stylist used a shaver to do the layers, but now that the trend is to use regular scissors to create layers, split ends have not been a problem. I cut right before summer and leave my hair long in the winter.

I only cut twice a year also - but I have very long hair. Twice a year, I get full highlights, low lights and cut. In between, I just do roots.

[Anonymous]

100 for two pedicures and manicures?! That's very cheap! I would live like this if I made 50k. 250k?!?!! Dude, you need to treat your woman more!

[Anonymous]

Seems reasonable

[Anonymous]

Unlike men who waste money on Cybertruck women actually spend money on their looks and so forth. I don't even track how much my wife spends to be honest because she is still her own person who needs to make her own decision as far as what makes her happy. If we get to a point where we start bleeding money then we will just sit together and see if we are wasting money. Anything related to her own happiness will be the last to be cut.