Wife’s routine spending - what is normal?

[Anonymous]

Your family's income is 20k+ per month and she spends $800 on herself? That is 4% of your income. I think you can afford that without austerity measures, especially as this lower income is temporary.

[Anonymous]

This spending is typical.l for a middle class mom who takes care of herself and wants to look decent. The clothing costs could easily be much higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had our second child and are starting to feel some financial pressures. We have been comfortable but I’d like to be a little more budget conscious. To that end DW and I sat down to examine our monthly spending and I am surprised at how much she spends on a routine basis. When I ask her to cut back she said all of this is “normal” spending for a woman her age. Of course I’m aware women’s things tend to cost more but she spends so much more than I do and I wonder how common this is. For example she spends -

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts
200-300 every couple months on skin products
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out
She also likes to buy clothes frequently for the kids but I’ll leave that out.
These are the main recurring categories we identified.

In comparison, I spend 60/month on the gym, rarely buy clothes or personal products, and spend less than 100 a year on haircuts.

Current HHI is 250k. We live in Bethesda. I think it’s important to add she stopped working after we had our first kid. Our HHI was 450k when she was working. She does plan to go back to work after the second kid goes to preschool around 2 or 3 but we are not sure she will go back to the same salary level.

She’s a wonderful, engaged mother and I do appreciate that she always looks really good. She does a lot around the house too and for our general family life logistics and planning. I don’t want to micromanage her spending. We can afford it but I’d like her to cut down at least while we are on one income so we can save more at the end of each month. What would be a reasonable ask here? How much are other women of similar HHI spending on a monthly basis?

Are you in the military and you get your hair cut on base and you don't tip? I don't see how this is otherwise possible.

If you get your hair cut every 8 weeks that would be 6-7 times a year, which means you're spending max $15 per haircut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had our second child and are starting to feel some financial pressures. We have been comfortable but I’d like to be a little more budget conscious. To that end DW and I sat down to examine our monthly spending and I am surprised at how much she spends on a routine basis. When I ask her to cut back she said all of this is “normal” spending for a woman her age. Of course I’m aware women’s things tend to cost more but she spends so much more than I do and I wonder how common this is. For example she spends -

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts
200-300 every couple months on skin products
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out
She also likes to buy clothes frequently for the kids but I’ll leave that out.
These are the main recurring categories we identified.

In comparison, I spend 60/month on the gym, rarely buy clothes or personal products, and spend less than 100 a year on haircuts.

Current HHI is 250k. We live in Bethesda. I think it’s important to add she stopped working after we had our first kid. Our HHI was 450k when she was working. She does plan to go back to work after the second kid goes to preschool around 2 or 3 but we are not sure she will go back to the same salary level.

She’s a wonderful, engaged mother and I do appreciate that she always looks really good. She does a lot around the house too and for our general family life logistics and planning. I don’t want to micromanage her spending. We can afford it but I’d like her to cut down at least while we are on one income so we can save more at the end of each month. What would be a reasonable ask here? How much are other women of similar HHI spending on a monthly basis?

Are you in the military and you get your hair cut on base and you don't tip? I don't see how this is otherwise possible.

If you get your hair cut every 8 weeks that would be 6-7 times a year, which means you're spending max $15 per haircut?

Have you not noticed that plenty of guys have little or no hair to cut? Very strange that you don’t realise that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce.


She is a spender. Their mindset will never change. If you think $200/mo on gyms is normal, you’re out of your goddamn minds. Anyone who says that is normal is a spender. Period. Spenders are the most toxic people on the planet.

Ask me how I know.

Some gym memberships are expensive, especially if they're specialty or involve personal training. I can think of a lot worse ways to spend $200/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your family's income is 20k+ per month and she spends $800 on herself? That is 4% of your income. I think you can afford that without austerity measures, especially as this lower income is temporary.

I want to start spending 4% of our family's HHI on myself each month! Is that reasonable? I would start with nicer clothes and stress-releasing massages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had our second child and are starting to feel some financial pressures. We have been comfortable but I’d like to be a little more budget conscious. To that end DW and I sat down to examine our monthly spending and I am surprised at how much she spends on a routine basis. When I ask her to cut back she said all of this is “normal” spending for a woman her age. Of course I’m aware women’s things tend to cost more but she spends so much more than I do and I wonder how common this is. For example she spends -

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts
200-300 every couple months on skin products
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out
She also likes to buy clothes frequently for the kids but I’ll leave that out.
These are the main recurring categories we identified.

In comparison, I spend 60/month on the gym, rarely buy clothes or personal products, and spend less than 100 a year on haircuts.

Current HHI is 250k. We live in Bethesda. I think it’s important to add she stopped working after we had our first kid. Our HHI was 450k when she was working. She does plan to go back to work after the second kid goes to preschool around 2 or 3 but we are not sure she will go back to the same salary level.

She’s a wonderful, engaged mother and I do appreciate that she always looks really good. She does a lot around the house too and for our general family life logistics and planning. I don’t want to micromanage her spending. We can afford it but I’d like her to cut down at least while we are on one income so we can save more at the end of each month. What would be a reasonable ask here? How much are other women of similar HHI spending on a monthly basis?

Are you in the military and you get your hair cut on base and you don't tip? I don't see how this is otherwise possible.

If you get your hair cut every 8 weeks that would be 6-7 times a year, which means you're spending max $15 per haircut?

Have you not noticed that plenty of guys have little or no hair to cut? Very strange that you don’t realise that.

Um, if OP is bald then he should have mentioned that. I assume someone getting their hair cut has...hair.

[Anonymous]

Our HHI is around the same but won’t go up.

Shit’s expensive and she’s doing pretty normal things.

[Anonymous]

$200 is a lot for a gym, if she goes several times a week it’s probably ok since she’s actually using it. You can get a pretty good gym membership for less than half though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your family's income is 20k+ per month and she spends $800 on herself? That is 4% of your income. I think you can afford that without austerity measures, especially as this lower income is temporary.

20k before tax. There’s no point in ever looking at pre tax income to determine if you can afford something. Only thing that matters is what you get to keep.

[Anonymous]

Wife and I both work, make around the same amount.

Set a realistic budget together, for savings and spending, and hold each other to it.

For example, we make about 50k less than you. Our combined individual fun money is less than $1000. So to me $1000 for one person is alot, but we make 20% less.

My wife gets more fun money than I do, because she goes into work more often.

We have miscellaneous budgets for other things such as clothes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your family's income is 20k+ per month and she spends $800 on herself? That is 4% of your income. I think you can afford that without austerity measures, especially as this lower income is temporary.

20k before tax. There’s no point in ever looking at pre tax income to determine if you can afford something. Only thing that matters is what you get to keep.

Exactly.

Income might be 20K/month but after taxes, FICA, mortgage, retirement, etc. Their discretionary fund is probably not even 10K but I'll go with that. From that 10K/month, you need to account for things like college fund (to fully fund a VA state college education it is at least 1,000/month/kid), vacation fund, meals, kids birthday presents, emergency fund, food, gas, car payments (because I bet they have new cars) and all the other crap that comes up in life that you need to pay for. So if even your $800/month number is correct. It is more like she is spending around 8 to 10% of their discretionary fund on herself and "upkeep." She is spending like they had their prior HHI in the 450K. If she wants to spend like that to keep up with the Jones, then she needs to go back to work. If she doesn't want to go back to work, then you need to have a come to Jesus conversation on spending.

As an aside, you aren't going to get much support from most of DCUM since most of them won't think anything of it and it isn't their worry if you go bankrupt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had our second child and are starting to feel some financial pressures. We have been comfortable but I’d like to be a little more budget conscious. To that end DW and I sat down to examine our monthly spending and I am surprised at how much she spends on a routine basis. When I ask her to cut back she said all of this is “normal” spending for a woman her age. Of course I’m aware women’s things tend to cost more but she spends so much more than I do and I wonder how common this is. For example she spends -

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts
200-300 every couple months on skin products
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out
She also likes to buy clothes frequently for the kids but I’ll leave that out.
These are the main recurring categories we identified.

In comparison, I spend 60/month on the gym, rarely buy clothes or personal products, and spend less than 100 a year on haircuts.

Current HHI is 250k. We live in Bethesda. I think it’s important to add she stopped working after we had our first kid. Our HHI was 450k when she was working. She does plan to go back to work after the second kid goes to preschool around 2 or 3 but we are not sure she will go back to the same salary level.

She’s a wonderful, engaged mother and I do appreciate that she always looks really good. She does a lot around the house too and for our general family life logistics and planning. I don’t want to micromanage her spending. We can afford it but I’d like her to cut down at least while we are on one income so we can save more at the end of each month. What would be a reasonable ask here? How much are other women of similar HHI spending on a monthly basis?

Are you in the military and you get your hair cut on base and you don't tip? I don't see how this is otherwise possible.

If you get your hair cut every 8 weeks that would be 6-7 times a year, which means you're spending max $15 per haircut?

Have you not noticed that plenty of guys have little or no hair to cut? Very strange that you don’t realise that.

Agreed that hundred dollars for haircuts for entire year is near impossible. I was in the military but I would be surprised if on base barbers still cut your hair for less than $15. All the civilian barbers around here cost $20 minimum. And that’s before you tip which honestly you’re crazy not to because they’ll just do a crappy job the next time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read all the replies. Former SAHM after having my child. Returned to work when she was three.

One thing to discuss is that you are saving for her retirement, too. That at this time, she isn't contributing toward her 401k. this is what stood out to me, when I was buying pretty close to what your wife currently spends.

It is a lot of pressure for one person to be financially responsible for the whole family.

It’s a lot of pressure for one person to bare two children and can’t buy new clones that fits the new fat rolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had our second child and are starting to feel some financial pressures. We have been comfortable but I’d like to be a little more budget conscious. To that end DW and I sat down to examine our monthly spending and I am surprised at how much she spends on a routine basis. When I ask her to cut back she said all of this is “normal” spending for a woman her age. Of course I’m aware women’s things tend to cost more but she spends so much more than I do and I wonder how common this is. For example she spends -

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts
200-300 every couple months on skin products
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out
She also likes to buy clothes frequently for the kids but I’ll leave that out.
These are the main recurring categories we identified.

In comparison, I spend 60/month on the gym, rarely buy clothes or personal products, and spend less than 100 a year on haircuts.

Current HHI is 250k. We live in Bethesda. I think it’s important to add she stopped working after we had our first kid. Our HHI was 450k when she was working. She does plan to go back to work after the second kid goes to preschool around 2 or 3 but we are not sure she will go back to the same salary level.

She’s a wonderful, engaged mother and I do appreciate that she always looks really good. She does a lot around the house too and for our general family life logistics and planning. I don’t want to micromanage her spending. We can afford it but I’d like her to cut down at least while we are on one income so we can save more at the end of each month. What would be a reasonable ask here? How much are other women of similar HHI spending on a monthly basis?

The best way to make her see her spending is to have you both sit down and write out a monthly budget.

After all bills are paid, you have extra money, you need to both agree on where that money goes at the end of the month.

There's no greater wake up call than writing down a monthly budget of bills.

Oh and if your in credit card debt you need to coral that spending in right now.