Daughters are childless and one of the is single, what can we do for them as their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

Your daughters are adults. The time to shape their worldview is probably past. One suggestion is have your sister talk to them about her life and regrets.

There's nothing to suggest OP's sister regrets her choices and even if she does, it doesn't mean others will regret theirs. Peoole should stop assuming everyone wants kids.

Its not that people "want kids" though a lot do. Its that people need families. You may be ok in your 50s being single but at some point life will get very lonely.

Heres the author of sex in the city as an example.
https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/sex-and-the-city-writer-regrets-not-having-kids/

I felt far lonelier being married for 10 years than being single or divorced.

I don’t speak to my parents more than 4 times a year. They are not a part of my life…not good parents.

Getting married and/or having kids does not mean you won’t be lonely.

Friends are often better to prevent loneliness than families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

If the single one is in dc get her out. Eat, pray, love her elsewhere the dating pool is horrid here.

I'm pretty sure that if she wanted to get out of DC or wherever she's living she would have done that. They're grown women whose parents think are children.

[Anonymous]

You need to sit and talk to your daughters as soon as possible, but convincing them to get married and have babies won't be an easy task as feminism has convinced women that marriage and children are not compulsory but a choice.

Tell them that marriage and children are the most important achievements a woman can have. Your daughters, especially the lawyer, might argue that there are other forms of legal protection that don't involve marriage, or that marriage and children have led women to be tied to abusive husbands or unhappy households. Don't fall that. Look at them in the eyes and warn them about all the awkward family dinners you daughters will have when aunt Karen demands to see their ring and the baby. They might double down and say "aunt Karen should keep her nose out of our business". This is where you step up your game and tell them that it's not just aunt Karen but also uncle Dick who will see their childlessness and lack of a husband as an embarrassment to their bridge club.

If none of the above works, you'll have to take away their phones, laptops and credit cards until they come to their senses and accept that you are entitled to two sons in law and at least 5 grandchildren. You might get in legal trouble for that, but don't let the police or your spoiled daughters ruin your dream.

[Anonymous]

I mean, do you have someone for them to marry? Do you think they are unaware of the “advantages” of marriage or what their lives may look like at 60 or 80 without a partner and/or children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

Your daughters are adults. The time to shape their worldview is probably past. One suggestion is have your sister talk to them about her life and regrets.

There's nothing to suggest OP's sister regrets her choices and even if she does, it doesn't mean others will regret theirs. Peoole should stop assuming everyone wants kids.

Its not that people "want kids" though a lot do. Its that people need families. You may be ok in your 50s being single but at some point life will get very lonely.

Heres the author of sex in the city as an example.
https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/sex-and-the-city-writer-regrets-not-having-kids/

I felt far lonelier being married for 10 years than being single or divorced.

I don’t speak to my parents more than 4 times a year. They are not a part of my life…not good parents.

Getting married and/or having kids does not mean you won’t be lonely.

Friends are often better to prevent loneliness than families

DP.
No they are not because they have their own families.
Did you have kids when you were “married for 10 years”?
Also, your parents weren’t great for you but you can be a better one for your kid(s).
And yes still not a guarantee they will hang out with you when grown but it’s an investment.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard a lot of stories lately of lonely elderly people losing their capacities gradually and no one to protect them or advocate for them.
I know having kids is not a guarantee but the odds are so much better.

[Anonymous]

Back off.

And do you know what people think of unsolicited opinions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

Your daughters are adults. The time to shape their worldview is probably past. One suggestion is have your sister talk to them about her life and regrets.

There's nothing to suggest OP's sister regrets her choices and even if she does, it doesn't mean others will regret theirs. Peoole should stop assuming everyone wants kids.

Its not that people "want kids" though a lot do. Its that people need families. You may be ok in your 50s being single but at some point life will get very lonely.

Heres the author of sex in the city as an example.
https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/sex-and-the-city-writer-regrets-not-having-kids/

I felt far lonelier being married for 10 years than being single or divorced.

I don’t speak to my parents more than 4 times a year. They are not a part of my life…not good parents.

Getting married and/or having kids does not mean you won’t be lonely.

Friends are often better to prevent loneliness than families

DP.
No they are not because they have their own families.
Did you have kids when you were “married for 10 years”?
Also, your parents weren’t great for you but you can be a better one for your kid(s).
And yes still not a guarantee they will hang out with you when grown but it’s an investment.

DP. If you don't want to have kids, but have them just to not be lonely, what kind of relationship you think you'll have with them?

[Anonymous]

I know you mean well, but please don’t say anything.

First if all, it is highly unlikely to change their status. If they wish it was different, you will I only put more pressure on them ( because believe me, society still stigmatizes women who do not tow the traditional line). If they have chosen their paths voluntarily, you absolutely do not get a vote.

I am a single older woman, who made the scary choice to adopt a baby. It turned out well, but that is a very personal choice that someone should not take on to please other people.

Women have more options now. Think of all of the miserable wives/parents you know. Your children have been saved from their fates.

Please don’t put more pressure on them than society does everyday. Be proud that you have raised independent adults.

[Anonymous]

Agree that the best thing you can do is make sure that are in good financial shape and loved. Having money does not make you happy. BUT, having the financial freedom to leave a job or change a job or move or split from a dead-end partner does relate to happiness.

My MIL is always low-key projecting "concern" for her SIL and her daughter who did not have kids. She has no reason to suspect that, other than she can not fathom people making different choices than she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard a lot of stories lately of lonely elderly people losing their capacities gradually and no one to protect them or advocate for them.
I know having kids is not a guarantee but the odds are so much better.

((% of those older people have children that either don't care or are the ones taking advantage of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been that daughter. Don’t bring it up all the time but if you have a good relationship with them - meaning you communicate with them regularly and about serious matters, I think it is ok to bring it up once every few years. As one of many important life topics, not just the ONLY important topic. Because I do feel like even in my 40s, I appreciate hearing from people who have walked ahead of me about the lessons they have learned in life. If anything, you want to understand them and help them if they are struggling in that area of their life.

Absolutely not

-another woman in her 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to sit and talk to your daughters as soon as possible, but convincing them to get married and have babies won't be an easy task as feminism has convinced women that marriage and children are not compulsory but a choice.

Tell them that marriage and children are the most important achievements a woman can have. Your daughters, especially the lawyer, might argue that there are other forms of legal protection that don't involve marriage, or that marriage and children have led women to be tied to abusive husbands or unhappy households. Don't fall that. Look at them in the eyes and warn them about all the awkward family dinners you daughters will have when aunt Karen demands to see their ring and the baby. They might double down and say "aunt Karen should keep her nose out of our business". This is where you step up your game and tell them that it's not just aunt Karen but also uncle Dick who will see their childlessness and lack of a husband as an embarrassment to their bridge club.

If none of the above works, you'll have to take away their phones, laptops and credit cards until they come to their senses and accept that you are entitled to two sons in law and at least 5 grandchildren. You might get in legal trouble for that, but don't let the police or your spoiled daughters ruin your dream.

This is not true and my grandmothers agreed. I am Gen X. Stop this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two amazing daughters we are proud of. They're smart, pretty, ambitious and every other thing a parent would hope for. They were always disciplined and responsible so they never gave us any headaches or reason for us to worry, however, my wife and I are both a bit concerned about their family situation as it is today.

The youngest daughter is 36, she's a lawyer. She's been together with her partner for 6 years and living with him for 2 or so. She mentioned she was not interested in getting married and will probably skip the kids too. We let her know that if the cost of a wedding was the problem we could pay part of it. She politely declined and changed subject. The other daughter is 38 and is an accountant. She's been dating here and there, but I don't remember the last time she brought a partner home. I don't think she's had a serious boyfriend in the last 5 years. I understand that not everyone follows the same path in life, but I'm afraid that not being married or having any children will catch up with them at some point. I see this in my sister who's in her late 60s. She had a successful career as an accountant, but she never married or had kids and I believe she's she's very lonely and missed on some important milestones in life. I'm afraid that my daughters will look back on their lives and regret some of their choices. Is there a sensitive way for us to approach this? Has any of you changed your minds about this in the last moment?

Your daughters are adults. The time to shape their worldview is probably past. One suggestion is have your sister talk to them about her life and regrets.

There's nothing to suggest OP's sister regrets her choices and even if she does, it doesn't mean others will regret theirs. Peoole should stop assuming everyone wants kids.

Its not that people "want kids" though a lot do. Its that people need families. You may be ok in your 50s being single but at some point life will get very lonely.

Heres the author of sex in the city as an example.
https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/sex-and-the-city-writer-regrets-not-having-kids/

I felt far lonelier being married for 10 years than being single or divorced.

I don’t speak to my parents more than 4 times a year. They are not a part of my life…not good parents.

Getting married and/or having kids does not mean you won’t be lonely.

Friends are often better to prevent loneliness than families

DP.
No they are not because they have their own families.
Did you have kids when you were “married for 10 years”?
Also, your parents weren’t great for you but you can be a better one for your kid(s).
And yes still not a guarantee they will hang out with you when grown but it’s an investment.

Yes, I had kids while I was married for 10 years. It was the loneliest 10 years of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to sit and talk to your daughters as soon as possible, but convincing them to get married and have babies won't be an easy task as feminism has convinced women that marriage and children are not compulsory but a choice.

Tell them that marriage and children are the most important achievements a woman can have. Your daughters, especially the lawyer, might argue that there are other forms of legal protection that don't involve marriage, or that marriage and children have led women to be tied to abusive husbands or unhappy households. Don't fall that. Look at them in the eyes and warn them about all the awkward family dinners you daughters will have when aunt Karen demands to see their ring and the baby. They might double down and say "aunt Karen should keep her nose out of our business". This is where you step up your game and tell them that it's not just aunt Karen but also uncle Dick who will see their childlessness and lack of a husband as an embarrassment to their bridge club.

If none of the above works, you'll have to take away their phones, laptops and credit cards until they come to their senses and accept that you are entitled to two sons in law and at least 5 grandchildren. You might get in legal trouble for that, but don't let the police or your spoiled daughters ruin your dream.

This is not true and my grandmothers agreed. I am Gen X. Stop this nonsense.

Did your grandmothers teach you to recognize sarcasm? Clearly not.