Dear MILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the more you write the clearer it is that there are issues between you and your husband that need addressing. Couples counseling might be what you really need the most here. Your MIL is just the symptom.

Yes I definitely agree. I got a marriage counselor recommendation from a friend of mine and I’m going to call her in the morning.

I think it’s definitely more of a DH issue in that clearly his mother feels she can easily ask him prying personal questions about him and there has to be a reason for that as if my husband is venting to her which invites her into our marriage.

I rather my husband instead of running to mommy talks things over with me his own wife so she doesn’t feel she has the license to ask him these prying questions. And she backs off and lets his wife worry about him and handle things if he is upset or off.

She doesn't actually need your permission to talk to him. Your divorce will be rough. She will talk to him and your child whenever and however she wants and there won't be anything you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the more you write the clearer it is that there are issues between you and your husband that need addressing. Couples counseling might be what you really need the most here. Your MIL is just the symptom.

Yes I definitely agree. I got a marriage counselor recommendation from a friend of mine and I’m going to call her in the morning.

I think it’s definitely more of a DH issue in that clearly his mother feels she can easily ask him prying personal questions about him and there has to be a reason for that as if my husband is venting to her which invites her into our marriage.

I rather my husband instead of running to mommy talks things over with me his own wife so she doesn’t feel she has the license to ask him these prying questions. And she backs off and lets his wife worry about him and handle things if he is upset or off.

You should be more like his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please help me understand why her saying that her son looks tired equals a passive-aggressive indictment of you. Why couldn’t she just be making a comment that just happened when you weren’t there?

Which also leads me to question if the passive-aggressiveness wasn’t actually coming from your husband?? What was his purpose in sharing the comment? Does he think he’s doing more than you are?

I think it's pretty clear OP knows here marriage is on the rocks and likely doomed. She seems to be in panic mode that now MIL will find out.

Oh STFU. Marriage is hard when you have young kids. The first year after each new kid is especially hard. OP and her DH could certainly benefit from counseling, but it does not mean her marriage is doomed.

Those of you who are like “I never got tired with a 4mo, and my husband and I never sniped at each other about who was more tired or doing more of the work” are full of it.

You think any of OPs reaction is normal? She knows her marriage is in trouble hence the freak out that his mom asked him how he was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please help me understand why her saying that her son looks tired equals a passive-aggressive indictment of you. Why couldn’t she just be making a comment that just happened when you weren’t there?

Which also leads me to question if the passive-aggressiveness wasn’t actually coming from your husband?? What was his purpose in sharing the comment? Does he think he’s doing more than you are?

I think it's pretty clear OP knows here marriage is on the rocks and likely doomed. She seems to be in panic mode that now MIL will find out.

Oh STFU. Marriage is hard when you have young kids. The first year after each new kid is especially hard. OP and her DH could certainly benefit from counseling, but it does not mean her marriage is doomed.

Those of you who are like “I never got tired with a 4mo, and my husband and I never sniped at each other about who was more tired or doing more of the work” are full of it.

It’s doomed because she’s controlling and can’t stand her husband speaking to his own mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

Because I’m upset people must be afraid of me.

Well, where are your parents?

Why is that relevant? They live on the other side of the country.

Of course they are. Let me guess, you are no contact with them or you have cut them off?

I video chat with them once a week.

Are they allowed to ask you how you are doing if your husband is not present?

[Anonymous]

OP is a controlling and abusive spouse. Trying to isolate someone from their family is text book.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to understand and accept that 9 out of 10 MILs only care about their child, and care about their spouses only inasmuch as they add value to their children’s lives.
It’s just the way it is.
Don’t expect your MIL to care even if she is polite enough to ask you how you are etc
That’s why she is trying to assess the situation FOR HER SON and maybe her grandchild, and do so without you standing in the way and blocking the airwaves so to speak.
Use your own parents for comfort! Stop expecting it from ILs!
Signed,
-someone who has been burned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please help me understand why her saying that her son looks tired equals a passive-aggressive indictment of you. Why couldn’t she just be making a comment that just happened when you weren’t there?

Which also leads me to question if the passive-aggressiveness wasn’t actually coming from your husband?? What was his purpose in sharing the comment? Does he think he’s doing more than you are?

I think it's pretty clear OP knows here marriage is on the rocks and likely doomed. She seems to be in panic mode that now MIL will find out.

Oh STFU. Marriage is hard when you have young kids. The first year after each new kid is especially hard. OP and her DH could certainly benefit from counseling, but it does not mean her marriage is doomed.

Those of you who are like “I never got tired with a 4mo, and my husband and I never sniped at each other about who was more tired or doing more of the work” are full of it.

You think any of OPs reaction is normal? She knows her marriage is in trouble hence the freak out that his mom asked him how he was doing.

Yes, I do think it is normal, if she feels her DH is oversharing about the marriage with his mother and they are both judging her behind her back. Those of you who can’t muster an ounce of empathy for a new, tired mom who is acting somewhat irrationally… I really, really pity your kids for having you as a parent. Apparently they need to have perfect and logical behavior all the time or you will blast them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to understand and accept that 9 out of 10 MILs only care about their child, and care about their spouses only inasmuch as they add value to their children’s lives.
It’s just the way it is.
Don’t expect your MIL to care even if she is polite enough to ask you how you are etc
That’s why she is trying to assess the situation FOR HER SON and maybe her grandchild, and do so without you standing in the way and blocking the airwaves so to speak.
Use your own parents for comfort! Stop expecting it from ILs!
Signed,
-someone who has been burned

So I wasn’t wrong then when I said mil sees me merely as an incubator?

That’s not good mil behavior.

A lot of mils love and care about their DILs and even see them as a second daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please help me understand why her saying that her son looks tired equals a passive-aggressive indictment of you. Why couldn’t she just be making a comment that just happened when you weren’t there?

Which also leads me to question if the passive-aggressiveness wasn’t actually coming from your husband?? What was his purpose in sharing the comment? Does he think he’s doing more than you are?

I think it's pretty clear OP knows here marriage is on the rocks and likely doomed. She seems to be in panic mode that now MIL will find out.

Oh STFU. Marriage is hard when you have young kids. The first year after each new kid is especially hard. OP and her DH could certainly benefit from counseling, but it does not mean her marriage is doomed.

Those of you who are like “I never got tired with a 4mo, and my husband and I never sniped at each other about who was more tired or doing more of the work” are full of it.

You think any of OPs reaction is normal? She knows her marriage is in trouble hence the freak out that his mom asked him how he was doing.

Yes, I do think it is normal, if she feels her DH is oversharing about the marriage with his mother and they are both judging her behind her back. Those of you who can’t muster an ounce of empathy for a new, tired mom who is acting somewhat irrationally… I really, really pity your kids for having you as a parent. Apparently they need to have perfect and logical behavior all the time or you will blast them.

They learned it from their mother and her treatment of grandma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay I haven’t read all the comments but I absolutely KNOW for a fact that it is possible to cause a rift between parent and child if child is influenced by someone else who is unfortunately not mentally well or just an evil person.
I am not a MIL FWIW

Again if the grown man allows himself to be influenced by his wife when in 2024 he has his own car and cell phone that’s a him problem. Take that up with your actual child not their spouse. Your child is the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to understand and accept that 9 out of 10 MILs only care about their child, and care about their spouses only inasmuch as they add value to their children’s lives.
It’s just the way it is.
Don’t expect your MIL to care even if she is polite enough to ask you how you are etc
That’s why she is trying to assess the situation FOR HER SON and maybe her grandchild, and do so without you standing in the way and blocking the airwaves so to speak.
Use your own parents for comfort! Stop expecting it from ILs!
Signed,
-someone who has been burned

So I wasn’t wrong then when I said mil sees me merely as an incubator?

That’s not good mil behavior.

A lot of mils love and care about their DILs and even see them as a second daughter.

The ones that love their DIL don’t have a DIL that berate them and keeps them away from their son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to understand and accept that 9 out of 10 MILs only care about their child, and care about their spouses only inasmuch as they add value to their children’s lives.
It’s just the way it is.
Don’t expect your MIL to care even if she is polite enough to ask you how you are etc
That’s why she is trying to assess the situation FOR HER SON and maybe her grandchild, and do so without you standing in the way and blocking the airwaves so to speak.
Use your own parents for comfort! Stop expecting it from ILs!
Signed,
-someone who has been burned

NP. Except that her son is grown and married it isn’t her job anymore to “protect” her grown married son. She doesn’t need to assess the situation as if he is a 5 yr old child needing mommy to determine if a friend is good for him to have.

Let the marriage counselor do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please help me understand why her saying that her son looks tired equals a passive-aggressive indictment of you. Why couldn’t she just be making a comment that just happened when you weren’t there?

Which also leads me to question if the passive-aggressiveness wasn’t actually coming from your husband?? What was his purpose in sharing the comment? Does he think he’s doing more than you are?

I think it's pretty clear OP knows here marriage is on the rocks and likely doomed. She seems to be in panic mode that now MIL will find out.

Oh STFU. Marriage is hard when you have young kids. The first year after each new kid is especially hard. OP and her DH could certainly benefit from counseling, but it does not mean her marriage is doomed.

Those of you who are like “I never got tired with a 4mo, and my husband and I never sniped at each other about who was more tired or doing more of the work” are full of it.

You think any of OPs reaction is normal? She knows her marriage is in trouble hence the freak out that his mom asked him how he was doing.

Yes, I do think it is normal, if she feels her DH is oversharing about the marriage with his mother and they are both judging her behind her back. Those of you who can’t muster an ounce of empathy for a new, tired mom who is acting somewhat irrationally… I really, really pity your kids for having you as a parent. Apparently they need to have perfect and logical behavior all the time or you will blast them.

this seems like op posting.
no real reason why anyone would be defending op who seems unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to understand and accept that 9 out of 10 MILs only care about their child, and care about their spouses only inasmuch as they add value to their children’s lives.
It’s just the way it is.
Don’t expect your MIL to care even if she is polite enough to ask you how you are etc
That’s why she is trying to assess the situation FOR HER SON and maybe her grandchild, and do so without you standing in the way and blocking the airwaves so to speak.
Use your own parents for comfort! Stop expecting it from ILs!
Signed,
-someone who has been burned

NP. Except that her son is grown and married it isn’t her job anymore to “protect” her grown married son. She doesn’t need to assess the situation as if he is a 5 yr old child needing mommy to determine if a friend is good for him to have.

Let the marriage counselor do that.

The first step is admitting there is a huge problem in the marriage necessitating a counselor. OP hasn't even done that. But it's pretty obvious given how threatened she feels by her MIL spending any 1:1 time with her own son. A secure and happy marriage is not so easily threatened.