Lack of Romamce Among Gen Z teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think dating in high school is a generally bad idea. It is a throw back from an era when people married before they were even 20. These days, it is not uncommon for college educated people to wait until 30. There is really nothing wrong with waiting until college to start romance. Emotionally and physically safer choice. Among my teen's friends, the only one dating in high school is super religious, whose life goal is to become a parent as soon as possible.

I so agree. I also find it kind of creepy---the parents fixated on their HS kids' BFs and GFs---taking them on family trips and meeting the kids' parents. It's really gross.

My parents never would have had my BF come on a family vacation (if I had a BF in HS...lol).

Kids having sex in HS are not ready for the emotional fallout from those choices.

Then--it's a fact that the earlier kids start having sex--the more promiscuous they become and the likelihood of cheating down the road are also higher. Studies actually done on this.

Most kids have sex really young have emotional dysfunction in their home lives.

+200 the mothers overly invested in their HS teens love lives is really disturbing (and their popularity).

So much this. I have a friend where one kid -age 16- and GF of less than a year are already talking about going to college together. And the parents are thrilled and share the news like it's some accomplishment. SUPER weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are terrified of accusations of sexual assault and that’s frankly realistic.

Oh FFS, they have nothing to worry about if htey act like humans and not entitled to sex. Further, the research shows sexual assault claims are not over report, if anything it is the opposite. And women face an uphill battle with being taken seriously.

Little Ryan and Jimmy will be ok.

You are ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the boy moms worried about how scared their kid is of being accused of sexual assault…good! They should all (whatever the relationship) understand consent and that anything other than a clear yes is a no, and everyone should know and be responsible for giving clear yes.

This isn’t something to be afraid of or make excuses to hold back happening.

In the board room, exam room, classroom…society should learn how to give and receive consent. Period.

The fact you refer to all of those posters as “boy moms” negates everything you’ve written.

I’m not a boy mom and I think the fear the boys have is real and justified. What you don’t understand is the end game of what you want: only sexual harassers and assaulters will make any sort of move towards relationships. Your world where boys who are the good ones are terrified of girls and refuse to interact with them is not going to end well. It’s already a mess.

What does this even mean? NP, and it seems you're trying to be clever but failing.

The rest of your post is too absurd to even respond to. Lots of HS kids are dating so your "boys are afraid to date" line is ringing very hollow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My regret in having a few longer term high school and college boyfriends is that I didn't invest as much in friendship during those periods of time. (because my time was spent with my boyfriend and there are only so many hours in the day or week).

As such, I don't have many close friends from those periods of life. And looking back, high school and college are some of the times in life when many people make their closest, life-long friends. You don't get a do-over.

This is no cause for alarm--I ended up making close friends in grad school, and even adulthood but I do regret tying up so many memories in high school and college with boys that I'm no longer in contact with. My own kids are not dating (I'm one of the posters above) and while it feels strange to me, I have to say it's probably my preferable option for this reason. They have many strong friendships and I think those will serve them far longer in life.

Sounds like you had unhealthy relationships and didn't balance friendships during those times. That is a huge thing I told my kids during their teen years when they got a boyfriend or daughter. School, family, activities, and friends all come before ether boy/girlfriend. Never ever forget that. The relationship only surpasses friends once you are engaged.

My daughter is now in college and she is still with her friends all of the time, going to parties, skiing, city trips etc... She definitely sees them more than her boyfriend.

Well it must be wonderful to have a daughter who has figured out how exactly to prioritize school, boyfriend, friends, parties, ski trips, etc. Thank you so much for gracing this post with your presence and her example.

The rest of us mere mortals often have trouble "doing it all" and solid friendships are often a casualty of high school and college relationships (as are good grades, family time, volunteer work, etc for other kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the boy moms worried about how scared their kid is of being accused of sexual assault…good! They should all (whatever the relationship) understand consent and that anything other than a clear yes is a no, and everyone should know and be responsible for giving clear yes.

This isn’t something to be afraid of or make excuses to hold back happening.

In the board room, exam room, classroom…society should learn how to give and receive consent. Period.

The fact you refer to all of those posters as “boy moms” negates everything you’ve written.

I’m not a boy mom and I think the fear the boys have is real and justified. What you don’t understand is the end game of what you want: only sexual harassers and assaulters will make any sort of move towards relationships. Your world where boys who are the good ones are terrified of girls and refuse to interact with them is not going to end well. It’s already a mess.

What does this even mean? NP, and it seems you're trying to be clever but failing.

The rest of your post is too absurd to even respond to. Lots of HS kids are dating so your "boys are afraid to date" line is ringing very hollow.

Far fewer are dating. This is well-documented in studies and statistics and has been the subject of medical and sociological research.

Since you don’t understand the basic factual framework, there’s no point in explaining the rest to you. Go do some learning and catch up, then engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Gen Z daughter can't wait to go to college to meet new young men. She isn't interested in any boys at her high school.

Are you serious? Guys are SO MUCH worse in college. She isn't going to have a clue and get played by every guy there.

So she needs to get played at 14-17 to be prepared to get played at 18-21? Sick.

Did you miss the entire thread of romance in middle in high school? Learning how to navigate socialization, relationships, friendships, autonomy, communication, street smarts, and common sense are much more important for my teens to know before college than say how many AP's they took. Have you not seen the drop out rates in less than one semester over the past 10 years? Helicopter parents are ruining teens.

I agree that helicopter parents are a major part of the problems. Kids are no longer able to figure out how to work out problems on their own or how to fail and recover on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that my teen boy is not worth any teen girl's crush. Maybe in a couple of years but certainly not now. He has not reached the stage of puberty where he could return any girl's affection.

He may have an athletic build, be decently smart, and quietly nice but he still plays Minecraft with his goofball friends and watches low-key horror movies at sleepovers. There are plenty of other "faster" developing boys are interested in dating and girls.

For now, persistent texts from girls only leaves him confused and worried about being rude. Check back in two years.

There are boy moms and then there are complete ick boy moms. We all know which one you are sweetie

What??? I thought her post was actually kinda refreshing and probably the truth. And I’m a girl mom who usually side eyes the “boy moms”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Gen Z daughter can't wait to go to college to meet new young men. She isn't interested in any boys at her high school.

Are you serious? Guys are SO MUCH worse in college. She isn't going to have a clue and get played by every guy there.

So she needs to get played at 14-17 to be prepared to get played at 18-21? Sick.

Did you miss the entire thread of romance in middle in high school? Learning how to navigate socialization, relationships, friendships, autonomy, communication, street smarts, and common sense are much more important for my teens to know before college than say how many AP's they took. Have you not seen the drop out rates in less than one semester over the past 10 years? Helicopter parents are ruining teens.

I agree that helicopter parents are a major part of the problems. Kids are no longer able to figure out how to work out problems on their own or how to fail and recover on their own.

DP. I had the opposite of helicopter parents and still had no romantic relationships until college. Lots of teenagers really aren’t ready for it, or maybe they want it but they can’t find a match in high school. Totally fine, believe me.

[Anonymous]

I’ll add something else - I’m 44. Most of my girl friends who dated in high school dated older guys. Like 3-5 years older. There really is a big maturity gap between boys and girls although not this much obviously.

Consistently, this is not considered okay by this generation (and that’s a good thing!!) dur to education into consent etc. “If the grades don’t touch, you don’t either!” I’ve heard a few times. IE a 10th grader can date a 9th or 11th grader but that’s it (unless a special case - she has a friend who is an October birthday sophomore dating an august birthday senior….they are basically one year apart so they get a pass). But since there is more like a 2 year maturity gap I think this has made dating harder when the boys just aren’t in the same place as the girls emotionally.

[Anonymous]

I think you all are forgetting the very real cost of Covid isolation. Kids in high school now were middle schoolers stuck inside, wearing masks and six feet away from the opposite sex. Middle school is when first crushes usually start to develop. These kids (especially boys who are more immature to begin with) are about two years or more behind in maturity when it comes to dating.

My cute oldest teen boy who lost more than half his middle school experience to virtual learning is having a hard time figuring out how to even ask a girl out. Same with his entire group of about 15 guy friends which consist of a mix of athletes, brainy kids and charismatic boys from public and private schools. They go to parties, have no idea how to get a date. Zero.

OTOH My young teen daughter is totally different, she has an adorable boyfriend who writes her love notes, brings her flowers every week and buys her jewelry on big occasions. She’s at all all girls school (busy, travel athlete) but started dating him (busy, travel athlete) in middle school. She was in elementary when the pandemic hit and her peers have weathered the social aspect of it much much better than my older teen boy.

I’ve even thought about encouraging my son to take a gap year and see the world before going to college to get back some of that stolen time. He isn’t fully ready yet.

These kids need a little empathy. They were isolated during their most key developmental social years.

[Anonymous]

Is this thread really about boys being scared of being accused and not the millions of girls who are assaulted? This can not actually be! LOL. How about you just ask and not assault someone. It isn't that hard. But boy moms always think it's the girl's fault. Always. And it is apparent on this thread. They will be accused but never did anything. There is a reason why you will be called monster in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the boy moms worried about how scared their kid is of being accused of sexual assault…good! They should all (whatever the relationship) understand consent and that anything other than a clear yes is a no, and everyone should know and be responsible for giving clear yes.

This isn’t something to be afraid of or make excuses to hold back happening.

In the board room, exam room, classroom…society should learn how to give and receive consent. Period.

The fact you refer to all of those posters as “boy moms” negates everything you’ve written.

I’m not a boy mom and I think the fear the boys have is real and justified. What you don’t understand is the end game of what you want: only sexual harassers and assaulters will make any sort of move towards relationships. Your world where boys who are the good ones are terrified of girls and refuse to interact with them is not going to end well. It’s already a mess.

What does this even mean? NP, and it seems you're trying to be clever but failing.

The rest of your post is too absurd to even respond to. Lots of HS kids are dating so your "boys are afraid to date" line is ringing very hollow.

Far fewer are dating. This is well-documented in studies and statistics and has been the subject of medical and sociological research.

Since you don’t understand the basic factual framework, there’s no point in explaining the rest to you. Go do some learning and catch up, then engage.

The data shows that from 1990's to 2016 dating went from seniors saying they dated from 87% to 63%, sex went from 68% to 62%.

This is largely because women (and men) have found out they don't have to get married to become an adult and move out of their parent's house. 20% of women will never marry by choice.

Also, some people are asexual, and that is okay now. Before it was considered abnormal but now we know that some people don't want to have sex and that is fine.

It's not that teens that did date in the 90's are now not dating in 2016, it's that teen that didn't want to date in the 90's but felt pressure to do so, now have enough agency to not date now and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My regret in having a few longer term high school and college boyfriends is that I didn't invest as much in friendship during those periods of time. (because my time was spent with my boyfriend and there are only so many hours in the day or week).

As such, I don't have many close friends from those periods of life. And looking back, high school and college are some of the times in life when many people make their closest, life-long friends. You don't get a do-over.

This is no cause for alarm--I ended up making close friends in grad school, and even adulthood but I do regret tying up so many memories in high school and college with boys that I'm no longer in contact with. My own kids are not dating (I'm one of the posters above) and while it feels strange to me, I have to say it's probably my preferable option for this reason. They have many strong friendships and I think those will serve them far longer in life.

Sounds like you had unhealthy relationships and didn't balance friendships during those times. That is a huge thing I told my kids during their teen years when they got a boyfriend or daughter. School, family, activities, and friends all come before ether boy/girlfriend. Never ever forget that. The relationship only surpasses friends once you are engaged.

My daughter is now in college and she is still with her friends all of the time, going to parties, skiing, city trips etc... She definitely sees them more than her boyfriend.

Well it must be wonderful to have a daughter who has figured out how exactly to prioritize school, boyfriend, friends, parties, ski trips, etc. Thank you so much for gracing this post with your presence and her example.

The rest of us mere mortals often have trouble "doing it all" and solid friendships are often a casualty of high school and college relationships (as are good grades, family time, volunteer work, etc for other kids).

Think you missed the PP's entire point in that she allowed and encouraged socialization and relationships while her kids were still home so she could help them navigate it. Prob say you can't see Johnny tonight you just saw him 3 days in a row. Call up a friend and make plans instead. This isn't a big deal. If you have trouble navigating friends and everything else, that's on you.

But when someone gives sound advice, your job as a mere mortal isn't to patronize them because of your immense guilt. I mean do your teens see you do this and act this way? Ick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this thread really about boys being scared of being accused and not the millions of girls who are assaulted? This can not actually be! LOL. How about you just ask and not assault someone. It isn't that hard. But boy moms always think it's the girl's fault. Always. And it is apparent on this thread. They will be accused but never did anything. There is a reason why you will be called monster in law.

No, that’s not what this thread is about but your obvious insanity is entertaining, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the boy moms worried about how scared their kid is of being accused of sexual assault…good! They should all (whatever the relationship) understand consent and that anything other than a clear yes is a no, and everyone should know and be responsible for giving clear yes.

This isn’t something to be afraid of or make excuses to hold back happening.

In the board room, exam room, classroom…society should learn how to give and receive consent. Period.

The fact you refer to all of those posters as “boy moms” negates everything you’ve written.

I’m not a boy mom and I think the fear the boys have is real and justified. What you don’t understand is the end game of what you want: only sexual harassers and assaulters will make any sort of move towards relationships. Your world where boys who are the good ones are terrified of girls and refuse to interact with them is not going to end well. It’s already a mess.

What does this even mean? NP, and it seems you're trying to be clever but failing.

The rest of your post is too absurd to even respond to. Lots of HS kids are dating so your "boys are afraid to date" line is ringing very hollow.

Far fewer are dating. This is well-documented in studies and statistics and has been the subject of medical and sociological research.

Since you don’t understand the basic factual framework, there’s no point in explaining the rest to you. Go do some learning and catch up, then engage.

The data shows that from 1990's to 2016 dating went from seniors saying they dated from 87% to 63%, sex went from 68% to 62%.

This is largely because women (and men) have found out they don't have to get married to become an adult and move out of their parent's house. 20% of women will never marry by choice.

Also, some people are asexual, and that is okay now. Before it was considered abnormal but now we know that some people don't want to have sex and that is fine.

It's not that teens that did date in the 90's are now not dating in 2016, it's that teen that didn't want to date in the 90's but felt pressure to do so, now have enough agency to not date now and that is okay.

Nothing to see here, move along, move along.