Lack of Romamce Among Gen Z teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.

Both can be true. There can be a lot of unpunished sexual assault and boys who are good kids can be reasonably afraid of being accused.

Also you act like there is a bright line. The thing a lot of boys are justifiably scared of is a girl who is giving all indications at the time that she is okay (including saying yes verbally) but who changes her mind later.

It’s a thing, a lot of boys are worried about it.

[Anonymous]

What teens do you know? Like I think there is a bit more of what you describe than there used to be, but my 16 yo dated someone for 6 months, and has had a few other “things” with boys that didn’t get that far to be official but I’m sure kissing was involved, and at least a few dates. Most of her friends have at least kissed someone and/or had some sort of romantic experience.

However, my daughter runs in the “fast” popular-ish crowd. So maybe this isn’t as typical?

If anything, this seems to be on the boys. The girls she knows that haven’t had any experience, are a little shyer. The girls who have dated/kissed have almost all had to make the first move. I think it might be all the video games.

[Anonymous]

I do agree that there is the real fear that a boy could be accused of something. You must make sure she does not drink anything and yes, definitely means yes and it was a totally sober, not even a slight buzz yes and even that yes, might turn into a no when she thinks about it the next day.

Plus, there are MAJOR consequences if a girl gets pregnant. It's not so easy to sneak off and get an abortion. I think my whole college experience would have been different and I didn't sleep around. I kissed a lot of guys, but with my boyfriend even with me on the pill and him using a condom I knew if things went wrong there was another option. Without that option being available easily, I probably would not have had sex ever. I just needed to know my life was not forever changed if a little spermy made it too far.

[Anonymous]

My 15yr old DD has had two boyfriends. One kinda innocent for 3 months only seeing each other once a week and a lot of Group FaceTime with friends, fortnight, snap etc… They broke up and are now good friends.

She was single most of the summer and was with friends. Tons of flirting and fun. Nothing serious. Now she is with someone that was first friends, then slow/casual but it’s been about 6 months and I would say it’s both their first loves and it’s really sweet to watch. He takes her out for food, movies, they went laser tagging with friends. They go to each others sports games, workout in the gym, hang at each others houses (with parents) and study together sometimes. They baked cookies at Christmas, carved pumpkins at Halloween, and he’s surprises her with little gifts like candy, stuffed animal and once he picked her flowers. They both still see their friends equally and they just compliment each other. Of course as a mom I know the heart break will eventually happen. But I think teen relationships and friendships are really important. As long as grades stay up, they don’t see each other too much and it seems healthy, I am fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do agree that there is the real fear that a boy could be accused of something. You must make sure she does not drink anything and yes, definitely means yes and it was a totally sober, not even a slight buzz yes and even that yes, might turn into a no when she thinks about it the next day.

Plus, there are MAJOR consequences if a girl gets pregnant. It's not so easy to sneak off and get an abortion. I think my whole college experience would have been different and I didn't sleep around. I kissed a lot of guys, but with my boyfriend even with me on the pill and him using a condom I knew if things went wrong there was another option. Without that option being available easily, I probably would not have had sex ever. I just needed to know my life was not forever changed if a little spermy made it too far.

There is now plan B and emergency contraception, IUD’s and you can still get an abortion. Plenty of options

[Anonymous]

I tend to think a fair amount of it is:

(a) Busy schedules. My teens are/were much busier than my friends and I were in the 80s. We didn't have travel sports, we weren't taking 5 APs our senior year, very few of us were doing SAT prep, we weren't leading clubs in high school, etc.

(b) Parental involvement. I was a teen in the 80s and our parents didn't know where we were much of the time. Now parents have their kids on Life 360 and to be blunt, they're up their kid's a**. I see it in my own house -- when I was my DD's age (16), my weekend curfew was midnight. I would be fine with that for her, but I had to struggle to get DH to accept just 10pm. And he wants to know where she is, "have we heard from her? Where are they now? What time will they be home?" She has commented to me that if often feels as if it's not even worth bothering to go out.

I think that parental involvement, safetyism, and making so many of our kids' decisions for them leads to them just not putting themselves out there. Not taking risks, not being bold.

[Anonymous]

I don't think kids have any good role models in this area in the older young adults they know, the dating scene has changed so much.

This video caught my attention:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFyBJaoNyGY


Sure growing up in the 80s wasn't exactly like the beginning of the film, but it certainly was different than what we have now.

[Anonymous]

OP is out of touch.

[Anonymous]

I’m all for girl power but my son and his friends tried to ask girls to the 9th grade dance earlier this year - and they all got rejected for girls going with their friends. I’m not sure when they’ll have the courage to ask again. They don’t need to say yes - they should do what they want - but just pointing out the dynamics of what happened.

[Anonymous]

Well, sperm counts and testosterone levels have been steadily declining over the past 50 years. I can't remember what the studies have shown -- maybe about 1 to 2% per year? And I think the rate of decline is even accelerating these days. So...

[Anonymous]

My kids slow danced, held hands, went to movies, went on dates,parties, did field of scream type dates, took metro to dc with girlfriend on dates, went to dances, went out to eat, played sports (tennis, golf, volleyball)

Why are you kids not doing these things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for girl power but my son and his friends tried to ask girls to the 9th grade dance earlier this year - and they all got rejected for girls going with their friends. I’m not sure when they’ll have the courage to ask again. They don’t need to say yes - they should do what they want - but just pointing out the dynamics of what happened.

If they were part of the girls friends group they would have been going with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for girl power but my son and his friends tried to ask girls to the 9th grade dance earlier this year - and they all got rejected for girls going with their friends. I’m not sure when they’ll have the courage to ask again. They don’t need to say yes - they should do what they want - but just pointing out the dynamics of what happened.

I’m quoting myself here - but in my day - no one went without a date. You went with a guy - even if it was as friends. Just pointing out the difference. I’m not sure it’s better. I’m not sure either way - pointing out the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the kids are evolving past the binary boy/girl pair ups and enjoying being with their friends? As the parent of a 14 year old, I get to be the driver for DD and her friends so listen to them talk about kids at school, TikTok and just regular teen silliness. Her friends take school seriously, love their idols (Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, etc...) and also acknowledge that the world has been F'd up by grown ups so they've got serious things to fix.

And all of this sounds good to you, right? Smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for girl power but my son and his friends tried to ask girls to the 9th grade dance earlier this year - and they all got rejected for girls going with their friends. I’m not sure when they’ll have the courage to ask again. They don’t need to say yes - they should do what they want - but just pointing out the dynamics of what happened.

If they were part of the girls friends group they would have been going with them.

I drove two boys and two girls to the dance - none going as dates. But everyone was perfectly nice. In my day they would have just been paired up as as friend dates in that situation.