Lack of Romamce Among Gen Z teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Gen Z daughter can't wait to go to college to meet new young men. She isn't interested in any boys at her high school.

Are you serious? Guys are SO MUCH worse in college. She isn't going to have a clue and get played by every guy there.

So she needs to get played at 14-17 to be prepared to get played at 18-21? Sick.

Did you miss the entire thread of romance in middle in high school? Learning how to navigate socialization, relationships, friendships, autonomy, communication, street smarts, and common sense are much more important for my teens to know before college than say how many AP's they took. Have you not seen the drop out rates in less than one semester over the past 10 years? Helicopter parents are ruining teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a society that expected kids to get married between 17-21yo it made sense for courtship and dating to happen in high school and the early bumblings in middle school.

I for one sincerely hope my children do not get married until they are at least done with 4years of college. They can date for fun or serious relationships at that time.

I mean I do agree with waiting, but the biology of our bodies tell us that prime birthing years are in your early 20's so that is why teens/college kids are so horny.

[Anonymous]

Both the boys and girls are immature. I have a boy and the girl behavior is shocking. I would not support my boy dating a few of the

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Gen Z daughter can't wait to go to college to meet new young men. She isn't interested in any boys at her high school.

Is she going to pursue an MRS degree or just get rawdogged a lot at the Theta Chi house on Thursdays?

[Anonymous]

My regret in having a few longer term high school and college boyfriends is that I didn't invest as much in friendship during those periods of time. (because my time was spent with my boyfriend and there are only so many hours in the day or week).

As such, I don't have many close friends from those periods of life. And looking back, high school and college are some of the times in life when many people make their closest, life-long friends. You don't get a do-over.

This is no cause for alarm--I ended up making close friends in grad school, and even adulthood but I do regret tying up so many memories in high school and college with boys that I'm no longer in contact with. My own kids are not dating (I'm one of the posters above) and while it feels strange to me, I have to say it's probably my preferable option for this reason. They have many strong friendships and I think those will serve them far longer in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15yr old DD has had two boyfriends. One kinda innocent for 3 months only seeing each other once a week and a lot of Group FaceTime with friends, fortnight, snap etc… They broke up and are now good friends.

She was single most of the summer and was with friends. Tons of flirting and fun. Nothing serious. Now she is with someone that was first friends, then slow/casual but it’s been about 6 months and I would say it’s both their first loves and it’s really sweet to watch. He takes her out for food, movies, they went laser tagging with friends. They go to each others sports games, workout in the gym, hang at each others houses (with parents) and study together sometimes. They baked cookies at Christmas, carved pumpkins at Halloween, and he’s surprises her with little gifts like candy, stuffed animal and once he picked her flowers. They both still see their friends equally and they just compliment each other. Of course as a mom I know the heart break will eventually happen. But I think teen relationships and friendships are really important. As long as grades stay up, they don’t see each other too much and it seems healthy, I am fine with it.

This is really cute! And yes, the heartbreak will be bad I am sure, but I still love and treasure my teen romances.

I think parents having too much of a hold on our teens and not allowing them to do anything but school and parent planned activities has lead to the mental health downfall of this generation. That's all they do and then go home alone and stare at screens. They feel like babies. They feel trapped. No responsibilities. No autonomy. No blossoming friendships and relationships. No independence. No jobs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My regret in having a few longer term high school and college boyfriends is that I didn't invest as much in friendship during those periods of time. (because my time was spent with my boyfriend and there are only so many hours in the day or week).

As such, I don't have many close friends from those periods of life. And looking back, high school and college are some of the times in life when many people make their closest, life-long friends. You don't get a do-over.

This is no cause for alarm--I ended up making close friends in grad school, and even adulthood but I do regret tying up so many memories in high school and college with boys that I'm no longer in contact with. My own kids are not dating (I'm one of the posters above) and while it feels strange to me, I have to say it's probably my preferable option for this reason. They have many strong friendships and I think those will serve them far longer in life.

Sounds like you had unhealthy relationships and didn't balance friendships during those times. That is a huge thing I told my kids during their teen years when they got a boyfriend or daughter. School, family, activities, and friends all come before ether boy/girlfriend. Never ever forget that. The relationship only surpasses friends once you are engaged.

My daughter is now in college and she is still with her friends all of the time, going to parties, skiing, city trips etc... She definitely sees them more than her boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both the boys and girls are immature. I have a boy and the girl behavior is shocking. I would not support my boy dating a few of the

#BOYMOM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the boy moms worried about how scared their kid is of being accused of sexual assault…good! They should all (whatever the relationship) understand consent and that anything other than a clear yes is a no, and everyone should know and be responsible for giving clear yes.

This isn’t something to be afraid of or make excuses to hold back happening.

In the board room, exam room, classroom…society should learn how to give and receive consent. Period.

The fact you refer to all of those posters as “boy moms” negates everything you’ve written.

I’m not a boy mom and I think the fear the boys have is real and justified. What you don’t understand is the end game of what you want: only sexual harassers and assaulters will make any sort of move towards relationships. Your world where boys who are the good ones are terrified of girls and refuse to interact with them is not going to end well. It’s already a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS told me that one thing he is afraid of regarding relationships is that he'll get sent a revealing pic and then be in possession of CP. Also doesn't want to make any first moves to avoid being accused of anything. He said he feels more comfortable about having a relationship after he turns 18.

He can delete an unwanted incoming message.

Rape isn't legal after 18, so he'll need to learn how to make safe moves at some point. Also, "she made the first move" is not a defense against assault. Consent can be implicitly or explicitly withdrawn at any moment.

Do you have children? Daughters? Sons?

Not the poster you're responding to, but I have three sons and I have talked to them a lot about consent. I'm not worried that they are going to be accused of rape.

My priority is to teach them how to be good partners to people who they recognize as their equals. I'm sure that's baffling to the incels on this thread, and to the parents who nurture their sense of grievance.

How old are they?

You sound profoundly naive to me. I probably would have thought (never written, though, I wasn’t that obnoxious) several years ago. Now I laugh hollowly at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS told me that one thing he is afraid of regarding relationships is that he'll get sent a revealing pic and then be in possession of CP. Also doesn't want to make any first moves to avoid being accused of anything. He said he feels more comfortable about having a relationship after he turns 18.

He can delete an unwanted incoming message.

Rape isn't legal after 18, so he'll need to learn how to make safe moves at some point. Also, "she made the first move" is not a defense against assault. Consent can be implicitly or explicitly withdrawn at any moment.

Do you have children? Daughters? Sons?

Not the poster you're responding to, but I have three sons and I have talked to them a lot about consent. I'm not worried that they are going to be accused of rape.

My priority is to teach them how to be good partners to people who they recognize as their equals. I'm sure that's baffling to the incels on this thread, and to the parents who nurture their sense of grievance.

How old are they?

You sound profoundly naive to me. I probably would have thought (never written, though, I wasn’t that obnoxious) several years ago. Now I laugh hollowly at you.

DP. Which part is naive or funny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. It's...interesting and I wonder how they will turn out.
My 17.5 year old daughter has never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone (I believe this when she tells me). She's pretty, outgoing, friendly, stylish, etc and interested in boys. It's just never happened for her. She attends an all-girls school but when I talk to moms who went there 30 years ago they had plenty of exposure to boys. Now many of the girls live like nuns: they study 3 hours a day, do extracurriculars, sports and go through high school never having more than a few words with a guys.

This is all markedly different from my own high school life. I didn't have sex until college but from age 14 on I was kissing boys, making out (just shy of sex), dating. My life revolved around boys and I was a great student. But somehow I had hours and hours to think about them and my kid just slogs away at academics and all the rest of the crap that high schoolers today fill their time with.

Honestly this is kind of pathetic at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. It's...interesting and I wonder how they will turn out.
My 17.5 year old daughter has never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone (I believe this when she tells me). She's pretty, outgoing, friendly, stylish, etc and interested in boys. It's just never happened for her. She attends an all-girls school but when I talk to moms who went there 30 years ago they had plenty of exposure to boys. Now many of the girls live like nuns: they study 3 hours a day, do extracurriculars, sports and go through high school never having more than a few words with a guys.

This is all markedly different from my own high school life. I didn't have sex until college but from age 14 on I was kissing boys, making out (just shy of sex), dating. My life revolved around boys and I was a great student. But somehow I had hours and hours to think about them and my kid just slogs away at academics and all the rest of the crap that high schoolers today fill their time with.

I didn't have a boyfriend or kids until halfway through my senior year. Lost my virginity in college. You do realize that this is still fast for people in other countries?

Let the kids have crushes and focus on their friends. My friends who were too wrapped up in their highschool relationships had a harder time socializing in college. And they didn't even end up with those guys after all, because the highschool ones were losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS told me that one thing he is afraid of regarding relationships is that he'll get sent a revealing pic and then be in possession of CP. Also doesn't want to make any first moves to avoid being accused of anything. He said he feels more comfortable about having a relationship after he turns 18.

He can delete an unwanted incoming message.

Rape isn't legal after 18, so he'll need to learn how to make safe moves at some point. Also, "she made the first move" is not a defense against assault. Consent can be implicitly or explicitly withdrawn at any moment.

Do you have children? Daughters? Sons?

Not the poster you're responding to, but I have three sons and I have talked to them a lot about consent. I'm not worried that they are going to be accused of rape.

My priority is to teach them how to be good partners to people who they recognize as their equals. I'm sure that's baffling to the incels on this thread, and to the parents who nurture their sense of grievance.

How old are they?

You sound profoundly naive to me. I probably would have thought (never written, though, I wasn’t that obnoxious) several years ago. Now I laugh hollowly at you.

DP. Which part is naive or funny?

The part where she apparently believes that a lot of overly earnest talks will protect a son from a false accusation of assault and harassment. It’s just naive. I think a lot of the people in this thread who are derisively using the term “boy mom” don’t have kids in college or in their young twenties. The situation is grim.

For those of you who are derisively using the term “boy mom,” answer me this question: Let’s say a boy asks a girl out to the movies. It is clearly a date. In the middle of the movies, he stretches and places his arm around her shoulders — no other physical contact made — but does not, in the middle of the movie, stop and ask clearly and loudly “May I put my arm over your shoulder?” Prior to the movie, he did not ask ahead of time “I might put my arm around your shoulder in the movie. Do I have your permission to do so?” The girl has decided she does not want to date this boy and does not want his arm on his shoulders but makes no effort to shake the arm away.

Is this assault? Harassment? What consequences should the boy face for making unwanted physical contact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boys are terrified of accusations of sexual assault and that’s frankly realistic.

Oh FFS, they have nothing to worry about if htey act like humans and not entitled to sex. Further, the research shows sexual assault claims are not over report, if anything it is the opposite. And women face an uphill battle with being taken seriously.

Little Ryan and Jimmy will be ok.