Lack of Romamce Among Gen Z teens

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.


It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.


Wut?

You're right it's not a balancing test since false accusations are so incredibly rare and it's extraordinarily rare for an innocent person to be imprisoned. In contrast, people get away with crimes all the time. So for you to suggest the exception is a bigger concern than the norm? Wild.


Wut? I know of several false allegations of SA, as do other posters on this thread (I mean ones I know of personally, not ones like the Duke lax false allegations). Not so incredibly rare then and certainly not incredibly rare now.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.


It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.


So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”


Ding ding ding! The thread has come full circle with this post! This is exactly what the boys are doing (some taking it further to don’t date or even compliment girls at all) - they are taking precautions to protect themselves. Hence the “lack of romance”.


Yeah if a guy feels like he will accidentally commit something that will be mistaken for sexual assault if he dates, he 100% should not be dating and this is a good thing.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.


It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.


So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”


Ding ding ding! The thread has come full circle with this post! This is exactly what the boys are doing (some taking it further to don’t date or even compliment girls at all) - they are taking precautions to protect themselves. Hence the “lack of romance”.


Yeah if a guy feels like he will accidentally commit something that will be mistaken for sexual assault if he dates, he 100% should not be dating and this is a good thing.


Romance is dead and you think it's a good thing.

Our poor kids. What have we done to them? You know what they say about good intentions, that's what we've done.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.


It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.


So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”


The example I know of where a boy was falsely accused (proven by text later) did not involve pressure or alcohol. The girl said as much in the exculpatory text. They’d known each other for a long time.

I’m sure you think it’s still the boy’s fault somehow and that he deserved to have his life derailed.


1. Some girls will text this when they get scared.
2. Even if she did make it up and it’s a terrible situation for the boy doesn’t negate that 1 in 4 girls are assaulted or raped between ages 18-22. And that is just reported. Do you think 1 in 4 boys are wrongly accused and have their lives “derailed”
3. Many girls are too ashamed/ embarrassed to report because of parents like the ones in this thread that victim blame for not being defensive enough. So instead their lives get derailed as they start to think wrong of themselves, cut themselves, have immense PTSD, depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts.

But yes, let’s keep talking about the rare story of a boy being falsely accused. Just another reason a girl wouldn’t come forward.


So, in other words, the boy did deserve it and he probably somehow made the girl lie in her text messages that he wasn’t a part of anyhow. And even if he did not do anything at all (other than controlling her text messages remotely with his very powerful mind), some other boy somewhere else did something bad so it’s totally fine to falsely accuse the first one (who probably really did something bad, like maybe he put his arm over her shoulders in the movies without getting signed release from her first).

You people are certifiable.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My Gen Z daughter can't wait to go to college to meet new young men. She isn't interested in any boys at her high school.


Good luck to her. There is not much dating in college per my kids - lots of hook ups, though.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.


It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.


Wut?

You're right it's not a balancing test since false accusations are so incredibly rare and it's extraordinarily rare for an innocent person to be imprisoned. In contrast, people get away with crimes all the time. So for you to suggest the exception is a bigger concern than the norm? Wild.


Wut? I know of several false allegations of SA, as do other posters on this thread (I mean ones I know of personally, not ones like the Duke lax false allegations). Not so incredibly rare then and certainly not incredibly rare now.


Several, meaning 1-3 cases. Compared to 25-33% of woman. That is rare
Anonymous
I guess my daughter has a good boyfriend. They have been together since the summer and even though they have some ups and downs, he is good to her and they have a nice balanced relationship. They are both really into their sports, so it isn't like they spend all of their time together.
Anonymous
Bump
Anonymous
I am firmly against assault but I think we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction.

Yesterday my 6th grade son and his friend helped another boy who they know, who they found crying in the school bathroom. As my son told me the story, he told me they gave him a hug to make him feel better and then he asked me if thought that was an invasion of personal space. I felt sad that he had to ask that and it’s not just ok to give someone a hug for them.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I am firmly against assault but I think we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction.

Yesterday my 6th grade son and his friend helped another boy who they know, who they found crying in the school bathroom. As my son told me the story, he told me they gave him a hug to make him feel better and then he asked me if thought that was an invasion of personal space. I felt sad that he had to ask that and it’s not just ok to give someone a hug for them.


Not everyone likes to be touched. Your son was right to ask, but should have asked the kid he hugged if he didn't already know their preference.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a not a “me too going too far” — I guarantee you there is still more unpunished sexual assault in HS than false accusations.


It’s not a balancing test. And a criminal going unpunished is far less of a concern than an innocent person being imprisoned. That’s pretty much the driving theory behind our criminal justice system.


So teach your boys to take precautions so they won’t be victimized. Start with “don’t have sex with someone while you are they are drunk” and move on to “don’t pressure anyone into having sex” and then “don’t have sex with anyone who you haven’t known for long”.

I think a poster elsewhere called it “defensive driving”


Ding ding ding! The thread has come full circle with this post! This is exactly what the boys are doing (some taking it further to don’t date or even compliment girls at all) - they are taking precautions to protect themselves. Hence the “lack of romance”.


Yeah if a guy feels like he will accidentally commit something that will be mistaken for sexual assault if he dates, he 100% should not be dating and this is a good thing.


Ask you mother how she got together with her husband.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The boys are terrified of accusations of sexual assault and that’s frankly realistic.


100%

I have two sons who witnessed a close family friend go through a false SA report. They saw the fallout from it. They saw his life fall apart and still see how hard he's worked to rebuild a tiny semblance of normalcy for himself years later. They saw him have to change his name and move across the country to even be able to live because no matter what, once the accusation is out there, you are forever guilty in the public's eyes.

Both date but only do so in group settings. They make sure to not spend too much alone time with girls without others present. It's sad it has come to this, honestly.


How do you know it was false?


Not the PP but in the case that I know about the accuser sent a text message to someone else saying she made it all up because she was mad at the boy. The person receiving the text message screenshotted it and saved it. That didn’t stop the boy’s life from being entirely derailed.


Same at our HS, 3 girls lied about a football player. One girl cracked and confessed. Texts proved it.



Overwhelmingly girls don't lie. They very often walk back accusations out of fear and social pressure.



Exactly. These boy moms are crazy. Like they somehow think the ratio of made-up accusations are anywhere near reported actual SA - let alone all SA (reported and unreported.)

I was SA’d and never reported it out of embarrassment because I was drunk and shouldn’t have been. Looking back I am 99% sure I was drugged because it didn’t make sense. But I didn’t want to go thru it all. And that was without social media.


DP, (and this is something your post made me think of, I am not questioning whether or not you were assaulted) but honestly I think it’s a huge problem that we are basically teaching girls that they have no responsibility over their own safety/sexual decision making when they are drunk. If a man and a woman are BOTH drunk, and they have drunken sex that one or both later regrets, WHY is it that the woman is assumed to be a victim and the man is assumed to be a criminal? (And obviously if someone is drugged this is a different story.).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that men in their right mind don’t also sometimes take advantage of drunk women; I am merely saying that in a typical situation it’s more nuanced than man = bad, woman = good.


My daughter went to a nerdy small engineering college and even at that school the amount of roofies and reported drugged SA’s was very high.

I am not PP but drugging females is a very popular thing in college. The girls have 1-2 drinks and get blacked out. That is not normal. Not at all. Two fraternities were shut down after a ton of roofies were confiscated. After multiple reports.

But when you wake up middle of the night or next day, and you feel groggy you either have to go get tested and take kit. Or you think I drank too much and made a mistake.


Do moms no longer teach their daughters to watch their drinks being poured and keep them with you and covered with your hand at all times? Do we no longer teacher our daughters to look out for their girlfriends (eg if you go to the party together you leave together)?

I understand roofies are a thing, believe me, but I was taught the above common sense precautions almost 30 years ago…


Moms? Yeah, this is definitely something only women should teach their daughters. Gosh.

A more valid question would be do parents no longer teach their sons not to engage in criminal behavior.

You’re like the police chief in Australia who suggested a curfew for women when a rapist was at large— newsflash everyone, the rapist wasn’t a woman. Start putting these men in prison and stop blaming their victims for…not having a hand over their drink at all times…?


I really hope that you’re being deliberately provocative with this response. There are so many things wrong with this worldview.

I prefer my daughter know simple steps she can take to keep herself safe (as much as she can control, obviously) rather than just sending her out into the world completely blind to reality and hoping that no one will ever want to harm her.

Teaching your daughter that she is the first and most important line of defense in her own safety is not victim blaming. I actually think it’s empowering.


Is your daughter going to carry a gun and shoot men who assault her? No.

It's not empowering to teach her a bunch of rituals to create a false sense of protection in a society that won't deter and hold men accountable for assault and rape.

https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/
Anonymous
Would it be the end of the world for high school just to be a time of casual, more light hearted relationships or close friendships? Ie not physical? I actually don't think either gender is actually emotionally ready for sex or to make good decisions around it.

It would be wiser to wait until college, and if that's what gen z is doing, maybe it's not such a bad thing.
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