Raise your hand if you're a woman who out-earns her husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, but the problem in the scenario that you describe is these lower-earning husbands are not contributing to the household more than, or even equal to the higher-earning wife. It’s not the money inequality that bothers me - it’s the household work (including mental load) inequality that bothers me.

I was literally quoting from a scenario that I described where that was specifically not a concern, yet resentment was still rearing its head.

“He earns less, but isn’t particularly driven in his career and prioritizes being a good and present father which is awesome. It works out well since we balance each other out. Sometimes it gets to me though and I wish he’d be more driven or earn more. Sometimes it feels like all the pressure is on me to achieve the type of lifestyle I’d like to have one day & the harder I work the more he’s come to rely on my earnings.”

[Anonymous]

I make roughly 3x as much. The money differential doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is that he has a less flexible job than I do and I am the default parent and do most household tasks. He does not do kid sick days or kid doctor appointments, etc. and those are really hard for me to make work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, but the problem in the scenario that you describe is these lower-earning husbands are not contributing to the household more than, or even equal to the higher-earning wife. It’s not the money inequality that bothers me - it’s the household work (including mental load) inequality that bothers me.

I was literally quoting from a scenario that I described where that was specifically not a concern, yet resentment was still rearing its head.

“He earns less, but isn’t particularly driven in his career and prioritizes being a good and present father which is awesome. It works out well since we balance each other out. Sometimes it gets to me though and I wish he’d be more driven or earn more. Sometimes it feels like all the pressure is on me to achieve the type of lifestyle I’d like to have one day & the harder I work the more he’s come to rely on my earnings.”

DP ..but for most women that’s not reality. Most men don’t take the mental load/invisible work from women.

I dated someone for three years in my 20s who was not ambitious. We realized we weren’t a good match as we both grew resentful of each other for wanting different things from life (there were other reasons too). We parted ways and I married someone who had goals similar to mine, among other things, and I think/hope the same is true of my former boyfriend. Some of these scenarios remind me of our dynamic. I don’t know what advice to give to OP…you can’t change someone. I know some people are making light of this but I do think OP might benefit from speaking with someone and maybe some joint sessions with a therapist. How she feels is valid and how her husband feels is valid.

[Anonymous]

I wish I did. I only make $100k (education field) and my DH makes $500k!

[Anonymous]

I make about 4x DH. It doesn't bother me as I have always been driven and never wanted to depend on anyone else. I don't think it bothers him since he benefits significantly from our combined income. He has always been good about really sharing in kid and house things. For example, he does all the cooking. There are things that I take the lead on and things that he takes the lead on, and it works well.

We are also pretty high income ($1m+) so there aren't arguments about money. I think there are more tensions when there isn't enough and one spouse wants the other to make more. I don't need him to make more.

[Anonymous]

After 2025 this will no longer be a thing fyi

Thanks republicans

[Anonymous]

It bothers me that he works. We save every cent he earns after maximizing out everything annually. I'd rather him SAH. That would make my life easier and he'd get laid more often.

[Anonymous]

I do, and I would never admit it in real life, but yes, it does bother me.

[Anonymous]

I’ve found that white collar women who earn substantially more than their husbands in the DC region almost always end up cheating.

[Anonymous]

I make about $50k more than my husband, and we split the parenting/household stuff fairly evenly. We also have all joint accounts so it doesn’t really matter to either of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found that white collar women who earn substantially more than their husbands in the DC region almost always end up cheating.

How on earth would you know this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 2025 this will no longer be a thing fyi

Thanks republicans

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found that white collar women who earn substantially more than their husbands in the DC region almost always end up cheating.

Good God. That's a helluva claim.

[Anonymous]

I do.
Wasn't always this way, we switched roles about 10 years ago. Now DH takes care of everything in the house. I literally don't know how to work the washer and dryer. It totally works for us. I love my work. He loves being quasi-retired.
WTF did we get college educated and advanced degrees if we can't bring home the bacon ladies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the beginning, my husband out-earned me about 2x, but I changed jobs and got a large salary increase + I have a large inheritance. He has retired very early. I wish he was still working but made my peace with it. He is very good about handling household crap and running personal errands for me. I have a high stress job. I also know he is proud of my career advancement which I appreciate.

He retired from YOUR inheritance???

Wow.