Raise your hand if you're a woman who out-earns her husband

[Anonymous]

I do. DH is the default parent, not because he earns leas but because I didn’t want to have a kid and he did. Him being the primary parent was part of the deal of me having a kid. I’m not resentful that he makes less, but our home life is super stressful because our kid has significant disabilities and we both have demanding jobs. Our lives would be so much better if one of us didn’t work. I make enough money to support us, DH technically does too, but we’d forgo a lot of savings and in the long run we wouldn’t make enough to support DD over the course of her life. DH, however, has a job that’s more like a calling and would never not do it, though he could work for himself part time and probably make more than he makes now. But he has 0 entrepreneurial spirit. This is all to say that I don’t mind that he makes less, but I an kinda resentful that our homelife is as stressful as it is but could be easier if only DH were open to it. Though I do understand his reluctance - I would never want to stop working and have my life revolve around DD’s disabilities or forgo my ability to earn a well paid salary and support myself/my family.

[Anonymous]

I make 3x as much, it only bothers me because I would love to be a stay at home mom but can't.

[Anonymous]

i make about 2x what my spouse does; he wishes i made more so he could just be a cabana boy, but alas...

anyway, he thinks its great. the happiest guys he knows are all out-earned by their spouse.

we still have the family mental load division problem, but he's a lot more involved than many dads.

[Anonymous]

I have been the breadwinner for our 20+ year marriage while he hung out and traveled and sometimes got jobs at the embassy arranging tourist trips. When I got tired of this and decided to divorce him, he took $400k+ out of our joint bank account. So I guess it bothered him.

[Anonymous]

I am a career SES and my DH is a GS15 so I earn about $50k more than he does. I don’t think the money difference bothers him but sometimes the different status bothers him.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes she has earned more, sometimes I have. It has never bothered either of us. We try to split the home stuff evenly. I tend to do more of the cooking, she does more drs appointments. I think that despite occasional irritations we have made a good partnership.

That said, when the kids were young and we had no flexibility in our jobs, it was very tough. On us and on the kids.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same field and I have out-earned him in the past, and vice versa. Currently we make the same amount. Has never bothered either of us. I was delighted during the years I made more, and he didn't care; but when the tables were reversed he didn't have the same satisfaction since, of course, the stereotype is the man makes more.

[Anonymous]

I make about twice as much as my husband makes. There are times when it bothers me and I think there are times it bothers him. He has a job that he LOVES but it doesn’t pay particularly well. It is flexible in some ways, for example he can go in later so he does school drop off and drop off for camps in the summer, but he can never get home early, so I’m stuck doing all of the after school stuff, which is harder in my opinion. I do more with our kids and more around the house, so there are times I feel overwhelmed bring the main breadwinner, the main caregiver of our children, and the main caretaker of our house. That being said, I feel like I’m rocking all of my roles pretty freaking well and I’m able to also take care of myself well (just finished my workout), so I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to handle everything as well as I am.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it is 2023

[Anonymous]

I make 500-600k more.

It bothers both of us to a degree, but it’s not for his lack of trying to earn more.

[Anonymous]

I was always the SAHM or low earner in my marriage.

Now I am divorced and my boyfriend is the low earner. I make about 100k and he makes like 40k in a job he loves that’s good for humanity. I get anxious about this because I’m not used to it. We are in our 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do and I want to work less and be the default parent, so it bothers me.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I make about twice as much as DH (~180k to 90k). It bothers me because I’m still the default parent/carry the majority of the mental load despite numerous efforts to rebalance. I would love to be able to downshift but to do so would completely upend our finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I earn 3x what my DH does and it doesn't bother either of us.

It does bother me, however, that I earn more, have more stress tha he does, and work more hours but am still the default parent. That bothers me a lot.

Same. DH’s job is less flexible and more grinding for less money. He likes it though. I rode the corporate ladder and now have more control of my schedule.

[Anonymous]

I make $250, DH makes barely $100.

I have a long commute, he doesn’t.

I have a far more stressful job.

It bothers me.