How to handle? Tough-to-coach kid with a family tragedy

[Anonymous]

There are some sick psychos posting here. What absolutely horrible people here who have completely lost perspective on how NOT important youth sports. You so called adults who coach who think your job is safe serious are egotistical idiots. None of what you are doing matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Read it three times and realize that, by cutting this girl, you would be like this poster. And you would have to look her widowed father in the eye and yourself in the mirror.

Nothing happens in a vacuum.

First, there is a girl that should have made the team on merit. She is collateral damage.

Second, there are the other girls on the team that will have to deal with the uncoachable and/or unruly behavior. Potentially disrupting practices, games, and the entire season.

Third, the girl who lost her mother will have a challenging season playing with and against athletes who are superior to her. There is an opportunity cost to her playing at this level, where she will not improve as much compared to if she played as the appropriate skill-level. Additionally, a year where you are clearly the worst player on the team will often result in the person leaving the sport. It happens ALL THE TIME at the middle school level.

You think adding her to the team is a kindness; it is not. It's not kind to anyone, including the poor girl who lost her mother

+a million. Keeping her on the team might make the situation even worse. Not to mention, what if she does stay and another girl who is going through a similar or even worse situation but is more talented gets cut? That wouldn’t be fair to the kid getting cut. Best case ask for an extra roster spot or make her manager. Worse case move her to a lower team to give her a chance to play without having to cut someone else.

Lots of people on here calling names to the people thinking cutting is the right choice (which is ironic since they are using kindness as their reason for keeping her), but PP on this chain does a good job of explaining how it might not be kind to keep the girl.

It's more complicated than people think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

I don't know what sport this is, but I find it hard to believe that if the kid was good enough to make the team last year, the rest of the league has leveled up to the point she is falling behind and is the automatic cut. They're 11, half the kids haven't gone through puberty yet. OP also says the teams are starting to get competitive. This isn't a kid asking to go to olympic trials, it's daddy ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

Are you OP? It's a legit question. I agree that this level, teams without parent coaches are preferred (we seek them out for both DD and DS in middle school), but that doesnt preclude the team from trying to compete a top level, if they have a parent coach

[Anonymous]

+1 on offering to make her the team manager and letting her practice with the team.
I was a team manager in HS and it was a ton of fun- you hang with the team, ride the bus, and keep score, etc. Make Rice Krispie treats for game day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Read it three times and realize that, by cutting this girl, you would be like this poster. And you would have to look her widowed father in the eye and yourself in the mirror.

Nothing happens in a vacuum.

First, there is a girl that should have made the team on merit. She is collateral damage.

Second, there are the other girls on the team that will have to deal with the uncoachable and/or unruly behavior. Potentially disrupting practices, games, and the entire season.

Third, the girl who lost her mother will have a challenging season playing with and against athletes who are superior to her. There is an opportunity cost to her playing at this level, where she will not improve as much compared to if she played as the appropriate skill-level. Additionally, a year where you are clearly the worst player on the team will often result in the person leaving the sport. It happens ALL THE TIME at the middle school level.

You think adding her to the team is a kindness; it is not. It's not kind to anyone, including the poor girl who lost her mother

+a million. Keeping her on the team might make the situation even worse. Not to mention, what if she does stay and another girl who is going through a similar or even worse situation but is more talented gets cut? That wouldn’t be fair to the kid getting cut. Best case ask for an extra roster spot or make her manager. Worse case move her to a lower team to give her a chance to play without having to cut someone else.

Lots of people on here calling names to the people thinking cutting is the right choice (which is ironic since they are using kindness as their reason for keeping her), but PP on this chain does a good job of explaining how it might not be kind to keep the girl.

It's more complicated than people think

I agree. It's not that easy, esp if you are talking at levels beyond rec. Unfortunately, though not important to some of you, it is very important to the kids that play. Yes, yes, some are pushed by parents but not all of them are. And for those kids, to be cut from a team can be devastating in terms of their confidence, development, potential. And those are absolutely valid considerations to consider here.

If they can't keep an extra spot for the child at issue, I'm not sure keeping her is the right thing to do. And no one should feel bad about that. This is non-rec sports and it's how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

Are you OP? It's a legit question. I agree that this level, teams without parent coaches are preferred (we seek them out for both DD and DS in middle school), but that doesnt preclude the team from trying to compete a top level, if they have a parent coach

My child is on a very competitive sports team and is coached by one of the parents. That fact, parent coach, is not dispositive here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some sick psychos posting here. What absolutely horrible people here who have completely lost perspective on how NOT important youth sports. You so called adults who coach who think your job is safe serious are egotistical idiots. None of what you are doing matters.

I'm sorry but I have to agree. OP I hope you tell your DH to be a decent human being and not cut this girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Nevertheless. You don’t cut this girl. Not this year. This ain’t UConn.

[Anonymous]

My DH has been a youth coach for 20 years so has coached hundreds, coached all 3 of our kids, won a state championship with one and had his own national championship.

No way in heck would he cut a player in this position. Get over yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Nevertheless. You don’t cut this girl. Not this year. This ain’t UConn.

+1

This isn’t the fantasy full-of-talent travel team some PPs are conjuring up to relieve their own cognitive dissonance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

Make everyone suffer? These are not a bunch of Michael Jordans. They are 11 year olds guaranteed that most of them play like 11 year olds. So dramatic.

tbh, this a good point of clarification.

OP says its a competitive team. Many posters are reacting as if its rec.

Bc at 11, on a competitive travel team, there are going to be VERY talented players. If its a good team, they won't be playing like 11 year olds. They could be playing good enough to beat some JV HS teams.

That matters. Bc if you add the girl, and she just sucks for 4 months, that's not much of a kindness

It's not a competitive team, it's a team coached by dad (so at least one of the players is there due to nepotism) who thinks he is going to turn it into a competitive team this year. There are some adults with big egos that are turning kids sports into toxic environments.

I'm the OP - and I appreciate the responses! thank you!! - but to clarify, there's not some self-aggrandazing dad who's suddenly changing the competition level. The league switches from "everyone makes it" to a new level, where tryouts and cuts happen on a larger scale.

Ah, so your DH now has "power" over these girls and their families? Whatever, OP. DH should not cut this poor girl. And I can't believe that there are actually parents who dissent. This is not a complex moral dilemma. Be kind.