Wedding offenses: rank according to badness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you wouldn't even provide drinks for people that travelled hours to watch you get married? Yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you wouldn't even provide drinks for people that travelled hours to watch you get married? Yikes

1 round of drinks yes but after that no.

[Anonymous]

1. Worst: Destination wedding. I have no desire to use my vacation time to travel to a place I didn't choose.
2. No open bar. Guests shouldn't have to buy their own drinks.
3. No +1. I'm single and most of the time I attend weddings by myself because I'll know plenty of people, but I still think it's rude to not offer the option of bringing a date.
4. Dry weddings. I'm not much of a drinker but I like being able to have a glass of wine. That being said, if the bride or groom or someone close to them is sober, I understand.
5. Asking for cash. It's tacky, but I always give cash
6. No kids - sign me up. That's the best kind of wedding.
No-kids weddings


Dry weddings

Weddings of couples who ask for cash

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Biggest offenses

No children allowed. This is sad. Weddings are for celebrating vows with family and friends.

Registry takes you to a website that the bride and groom will accept cash only gifts. This is tacky and gauche and a money grab. Many people will give cash gifts voluntarily but demanding cash only gifts is beyond tacky.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most offensive to the least (6 most, 1 least)


6. No +1 weddings: This is rude
5. Dry weddings: I don't drink so I don't care.
3. No open bar weddings: Again, don't drink, don't care.
3. Destination weddings: The couple is doing this for a reason, lol. You don't have to go.
2. Weddings of couples who ask for cash: Let's get away from the lame gifts. I don't care if they ask. They probably don't want/need another dish towel.
1. No-kids weddings - Absolute love this!

We didn't invite +1 for our unattached friends. They took matters into their own hands, and paired off at the reception. Watching them come into the breakfast the next morning was great.

I do not, for the life of me, know why someone would want to bring a date to a wedding if they were single.

+1 I married at 24 and my mom was in charge of most of this stuff, and her rule was that if you were in a relationship (or married obviously) you got a +1 but if you weren’t, you didn’t. I still think it’s pretty fair and it only caused one minor issue.

But at 24 things can change quickly. You can be single 6 months before the wedding when the guest list is drawn up and in a serious relationship by the time the wedding rolls around. Adding a +1 avoids the awkwardness of having to ask if you can bring your significant other.

Well, that's also a little unfair to the bride and groom. Things change quickly so you may go from having a date to the wedding to not having a date to the wedding, and the hosts don't want to pay for (nor have optics of) empty table settings. In no other circumstance would you expect a friend to shell out $100 a plate to feed someone you may barely know, and if you're 24, chances are the couple is on a tight budget.

Asking your friend to leave their s/o behind because of your "tight budget" is rude. And what kind of significant other do you barely know? That would be an insignificant other.

This was in response to someone saying that their relationship status changes quickly at age 24. If invites go out 2 months before the wedding and people need a +1 just in case they go from single to seeing someone, then bride and groom likely won’t know the s/o.

The wedding is planned long before the invites go out with the headcount in mind. Just because your friend was planned 6 months to a year before the invites go out doesn't mean they remain single.

I meant "single" of course. And obviously things change, couples break up, someone might not bring a +1, and others might bring a new boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not going to greatly impact the numbers one way or the other to just do a +1.

I was married at 24. We gave a +1 to anyone we knew was dating someone at the time the invite went out, and/or called and invited the person to bring their new S/O if we knew they started seeing someone after they'd already received invite. We did plan out the guest list when choosing the reception hall, but given that we were quite young and the very first of our friends to get married, adding a plus one to all of our friends would have been another 40 or so people. We had some ask to bring someone and we said yes. Of those one brought a blind date (which was kind of weird) and one brought their sibling because they couldn't find a date. Each of the people that did not originally receive a +1 woud have known at least a table full of people at the wedding. If I were inviting someone not tied to others also attending, I would have added a +1 (and did). At 24, an additional 40 people at the wedding would have been significant to our budget and we didn't want to exclude actual friends. I understand more the need to do a +1 if the invitees are older, but the vast majority of our friends were under 25 and single at the time. We had an open bar. 20 years later our friends still talk about it being a fun night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything on that list is fine except for no +1s which is just cheap and doesn’t honor the friends of the couple. It can be awkward to go alone. Also not every single person *will* bring a +1 (if they have a group of friends coming, then they may feel fine going on their own).

I’m surprised so many posters hate the no+1. If you were single and invited to a wedding with a +1, you would just bring a random person? And expect that person to sit around while you socialize with the people that you know at the wedding?

I think no+1 is rude for married guests, those who have been in long-term relationships, or those who are couples that the bride and groom are friends with. But I don’t think the B&G should have to pay for single friends to bring someone along for the hell of it.

I don't mind attending weddings alone if I'm going to know a lot of people, but there are times I get invited and only know the bride and/or groom and maybe one or two other people. I think it's rude to not give me the option of bringing a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most offensive to the least (6 most, 1 least)


6. No +1 weddings: This is rude
5. Dry weddings: I don't drink so I don't care.
3. No open bar weddings: Again, don't drink, don't care.
3. Destination weddings: The couple is doing this for a reason, lol. You don't have to go.
2. Weddings of couples who ask for cash: Let's get away from the lame gifts. I don't care if they ask. They probably don't want/need another dish towel.
1. No-kids weddings - Absolute love this!

We didn't invite +1 for our unattached friends. They took matters into their own hands, and paired off at the reception. Watching them come into the breakfast the next morning was great.

I do not, for the life of me, know why someone would want to bring a date to a wedding if they were single.

+1 I married at 24 and my mom was in charge of most of this stuff, and her rule was that if you were in a relationship (or married obviously) you got a +1 but if you weren’t, you didn’t. I still think it’s pretty fair and it only caused one minor issue.

But at 24 things can change quickly. You can be single 6 months before the wedding when the guest list is drawn up and in a serious relationship by the time the wedding rolls around. Adding a +1 avoids the awkwardness of having to ask if you can bring your significant other.

Well, that's also a little unfair to the bride and groom. Things change quickly so you may go from having a date to the wedding to not having a date to the wedding, and the hosts don't want to pay for (nor have optics of) empty table settings. In no other circumstance would you expect a friend to shell out $100 a plate to feed someone you may barely know, and if you're 24, chances are the couple is on a tight budget.

Asking your friend to leave their s/o behind because of your "tight budget" is rude. And what kind of significant other do you barely know? That would be an insignificant other.

This was in response to someone saying that their relationship status changes quickly at age 24. If invites go out 2 months before the wedding and people need a +1 just in case they go from single to seeing someone, then bride and groom likely won’t know the s/o.

The wedding is planned long before the invites go out with the headcount in mind. Just because your friend was planned 6 months to a year before the invites go out doesn't mean they remain single.

I meant "single" of course. And obviously things change, couples break up, someone might not bring a +1, and others might bring a new boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not going to greatly impact the numbers one way or the other to just do a +1.

I was married at 24. We gave a +1 to anyone we knew was dating someone at the time the invite went out, and/or called and invited the person to bring their new S/O if we knew they started seeing someone after they'd already received invite. We did plan out the guest list when choosing the reception hall, but given that we were quite young and the very first of our friends to get married, adding a plus one to all of our friends would have been another 40 or so people. We had some ask to bring someone and we said yes. Of those one brought a blind date (which was kind of weird) and one brought their sibling because they couldn't find a date. Each of the people that did not originally receive a +1 woud have known at least a table full of people at the wedding. If I were inviting someone not tied to others also attending, I would have added a +1 (and did). At 24, an additional 40 people at the wedding would have been significant to our budget and we didn't want to exclude actual friends. I understand more the need to do a +1 if the invitees are older, but the vast majority of our friends were under 25 and single at the time. We had an open bar. 20 years later our friends still talk about it being a fun night.

Inviting 40 of our closest friends at 24 was the problem. How many of those people do you still keep in touch with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explanations optional.

No-kids weddings
No +1 weddings
Destination weddings
Dry weddings
No open bar weddings
Weddings of couples who ask for cash

Most offensive to least:

1. Cash bar - just host what you can afford, even if it's just beer/wine or a champagne toast
2. Dry wedding - better than a cash bar, but won't make for a very festive occasion
3. Asking for cash - tacky, but I'll allow it since I give cash anyway
4. No +1 - I think you have to include spouses and serious bf/gf but not random dates
5. Destination wedding - can be a hassle and expensive, but if it doesn't work for me I just don't go, so no hard feelings
6. No kids - I enjoy an adult night out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Most offensive to the least (6 most, 1 least)


6. No +1 weddings: This is rude
5. Dry weddings: I don't drink so I don't care.
3. No open bar weddings: Again, don't drink, don't care.
3. Destination weddings: The couple is doing this for a reason, lol. You don't have to go.
2. Weddings of couples who ask for cash: Let's get away from the lame gifts. I don't care if they ask. They probably don't want/need another dish towel.
1. No-kids weddings - Absolute love this!

We didn't invite +1 for our unattached friends. They took matters into their own hands, and paired off at the reception. Watching them come into the breakfast the next morning was great.

I do not, for the life of me, know why someone would want to bring a date to a wedding if they were single.

+1 I married at 24 and my mom was in charge of most of this stuff, and her rule was that if you were in a relationship (or married obviously) you got a +1 but if you weren’t, you didn’t. I still think it’s pretty fair and it only caused one minor issue.

But at 24 things can change quickly. You can be single 6 months before the wedding when the guest list is drawn up and in a serious relationship by the time the wedding rolls around. Adding a +1 avoids the awkwardness of having to ask if you can bring your significant other.

Well, that's also a little unfair to the bride and groom. Things change quickly so you may go from having a date to the wedding to not having a date to the wedding, and the hosts don't want to pay for (nor have optics of) empty table settings. In no other circumstance would you expect a friend to shell out $100 a plate to feed someone you may barely know, and if you're 24, chances are the couple is on a tight budget.

Asking your friend to leave their s/o behind because of your "tight budget" is rude. And what kind of significant other do you barely know? That would be an insignificant other.

This was in response to someone saying that their relationship status changes quickly at age 24. If invites go out 2 months before the wedding and people need a +1 just in case they go from single to seeing someone, then bride and groom likely won’t know the s/o.

The wedding is planned long before the invites go out with the headcount in mind. Just because your friend was planned 6 months to a year before the invites go out doesn't mean they remain single.

I meant "single" of course. And obviously things change, couples break up, someone might not bring a +1, and others might bring a new boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not going to greatly impact the numbers one way or the other to just do a +1.

I was married at 24. We gave a +1 to anyone we knew was dating someone at the time the invite went out, and/or called and invited the person to bring their new S/O if we knew they started seeing someone after they'd already received invite. We did plan out the guest list when choosing the reception hall, but given that we were quite young and the very first of our friends to get married, adding a plus one to all of our friends would have been another 40 or so people. We had some ask to bring someone and we said yes. Of those one brought a blind date (which was kind of weird) and one brought their sibling because they couldn't find a date. Each of the people that did not originally receive a +1 woud have known at least a table full of people at the wedding. If I were inviting someone not tied to others also attending, I would have added a +1 (and did). At 24, an additional 40 people at the wedding would have been significant to our budget and we didn't want to exclude actual friends. I understand more the need to do a +1 if the invitees are older, but the vast majority of our friends were under 25 and single at the time. We had an open bar. 20 years later our friends still talk about it being a fun night.

Inviting 40 of our closest friends at 24 was the problem. How many of those people do you still keep in touch with?

All via social media and most I see at least 1-2x per year as we tend to plan group activities around the holidays/summer when we're in our hometown. Or, they visit when their travels take them here.

[Anonymous]

A non designation - designation wedding.

[Anonymous]

vow renewals- just keep it private