Wedding offenses: rank according to badness

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

[Anonymous]

Worst:
- No open bar wedding
- Dry weddings

Neutral on:
- No-kids weddings (and I have kids, I just think this is a personal preference and I don't care either way)
- Weddings of couples who ask for cash (I don't see how asking for cash is different than a regular registry? I really don't care either way)
- Destination weddings (again, it's a personal preference, people know going in that it will mean some people can't go, I think sometimes people do it to keep the guest list small without hurting anyone's feelings, which I actually get coming from a huge family)

Depends:
- No +1 weddings. If it's a huge wedding and you don't allow +1s, it's just a rude thing to do to unmarried people who want to come but reasonably don't want to spend the entire wedding looking for someone to talk to/sit with/etc. On the other hand, if it's a small wedding with a very controlled guest list due to budgetary or space restrictions, or just wanting a truly intimate vibe with just close family and friends, it's a reasonable ask and not really a burden since in that scenario because you're not asking a single friend or relative to navigate some giant event -- their attending an intimate ceremony and a sit-down dinner at one table. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

It makes sense if family helped pay. Do most college aged people fully fund a fancy wedding all by themselves?

[Anonymous]

wow, according to DCUM I offended a lot of people with epic badness

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most offensive to the least (6 most, 1 least)


6. No +1 weddings: This is rude
5. Dry weddings: I don't drink so I don't care.
3. No open bar weddings: Again, don't drink, don't care.
3. Destination weddings: The couple is doing this for a reason, lol. You don't have to go.
2. Weddings of couples who ask for cash: Let's get away from the lame gifts. I don't care if they ask. They probably don't want/need another dish towel.
1. No-kids weddings - Absolute love this!

We didn't invite +1 for our unattached friends. They took matters into their own hands, and paired off at the reception. Watching them come into the breakfast the next morning was great.

I do not, for the life of me, know why someone would want to bring a date to a wedding if they were single.

+1 I married at 24 and my mom was in charge of most of this stuff, and her rule was that if you were in a relationship (or married obviously) you got a +1 but if you weren’t, you didn’t. I still think it’s pretty fair and it only caused one minor issue.

But at 24 things can change quickly. You can be single 6 months before the wedding when the guest list is drawn up and in a serious relationship by the time the wedding rolls around. Adding a +1 avoids the awkwardness of having to ask if you can bring your significant other.

Gimme a break. You think that every single person should have a plus one in order to avoid the so-called "awkwardness" of one or two people having to ask ask a good friend to bring their significant other to the wedding? That's absurd.

Meh, have the size wedding you can afford. If you can't do a +1 for your friends, you're inviting too many people.

+1 and honestly a lot of single people may not choose to bring a guest but they should be given the option. [/quote

This! Just because you don’t get why a single person would want to bring a date to your wedding, where most others are coupled up and there is dinner and dancing, doesn’t mean you should refuse to offer the option to your single guests.

I’ve attended a wedding of a good friend while single and declined to bring a date (although I was offered a +1) because I was going to know a ton of people and wanted to spend time with friends. But, I’ve also brought a casual date to a wedding as a +1 for a less close friend , and for a coworker, where I was going to know limited people and going alone would have felt awkward for me.

You need to give people the choice, or it’s rude.

[Anonymous]

UGH sorry about the formatting above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

This is pretty bad. You have people travel and won't even pay for their drinks? I can't imagine what else you splurged on big time that would make up for a cash bar.

paid top hotels and travel of everyone invited

But somehow the cost of the drinks was going to do you in??

[Anonymous]

It's interesting how much drinking matters to people over attending a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how much drinking matters to people over attending a wedding.

You're getting close to the truth. Most people don't really want to be there and are just there out of obligation. They aren't as into the "very special day" as the couple getting married. The hosts need to feed, entertain, and make sure the guests are adequately hydrated in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

This is pretty bad. You have people travel and won't even pay for their drinks? I can't imagine what else you splurged on big time that would make up for a cash bar.

paid top hotels and travel of everyone invited

But somehow the cost of the drinks was going to do you in??

Yes it seems very strange that the hosts would generously pay for the rooms but then begrudge the guests a glass of wine with the splurge dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how much drinking matters to people over attending a wedding.

Cash bars are rude. It would be ridiculous to host a dinner party and charge guests for a glass of wine. Not sure why some people decide it’s okay for a wedding.

[Anonymous]

My definition of a hell wedding would be a cash bar, with kids, doing the weird money dance or asking for cash presents, in someone’s backyard that I had to travel to but wasn’t a “destination wedding”. But it sounds like that’s the vibe for a lot of you. Just go to the JP and save us all the trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My definition of a hell wedding would be a cash bar, with kids, doing the weird money dance or asking for cash presents, in someone’s backyard that I had to travel to but wasn’t a “destination wedding”. But it sounds like that’s the vibe for a lot of you. Just go to the JP and save us all the trouble.

+1

Only thing that would make this worse was a potluck wedding.

What are people’s thoughts on second weddings? Are those situations that one should have a courthouse wedding or elope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My definition of a hell wedding would be a cash bar, with kids, doing the weird money dance or asking for cash presents, in someone’s backyard that I had to travel to but wasn’t a “destination wedding”. But it sounds like that’s the vibe for a lot of you. Just go to the JP and save us all the trouble.

I went to a wedding that ticked all the boxes except cash bar. Had to drive to the 45 mins to beach, park a mile away and then walk to the beach ceremony set up (there was a trolley for the wedding party but nobody else). Then walk a mile back to the parking lot, drive another 45 mins to the backyard party with tons of kids, but at least there were drinks provided. I did not participate in the money dance and was a little surprised as it was the first one I'd ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My definition of a hell wedding would be a cash bar, with kids, doing the weird money dance or asking for cash presents, in someone’s backyard that I had to travel to but wasn’t a “destination wedding”. But it sounds like that’s the vibe for a lot of you. Just go to the JP and save us all the trouble.

+1

Only thing that would make this worse was a potluck wedding.

What are people’s thoughts on second weddings? Are those situations that one should have a courthouse wedding or elope?

2nd, 3rd, 4th weddings - I have seen some where one spouse is much (much - like older than the parents in law) older, and pays for the entire IL family to attend, abroad. Nothing surprises me anymore, just don't expect people to be as excited as the bride and groom. I mean, how many times does someone have to have a wedding??