Ex DH is a Christian who ended our marriage due to adultery

[Anonymous]

Op you are focused on the god/church thing but the reality is he’s a classic narcissist and he will turn in the kids as soon as they start to question him. You need to get your ducks in a row for dealing with all the crap that comes with coparenting with a narcissist. You also need to work on setting up a stable separate home that will help become a refuge for them from his ego. I would definitely find a different church.

If you can afford it - do therapy to help you figure out how to avoid relationships with people like that in the future and help model healthy boundaries for your kids especially in dealing with him.

[Anonymous]

Christians are no worse than anyone else, but they are also no better. If you thought they were somehow superior, they are not.

Sorry, and I understand your feelings. He is a hypocrite, and you are hurt and angry. But I think according to your book, we are all sinners and God accepts them back. So, it is sort of a two way door.

Perhaps just lose the part of your religion that makes you believe that those who have accepted God are different than the rest of us. They aspire to a set of principles, and many of them will fail just like others. If that makes sense.

Follow God's laws to the best of your ability, and try to ignore/forget your loser ex. He is not a good man. And with time, your family will see him for who he is. The religious part is just packaging.

[Anonymous]

PS-You might post this under Religion as well, to find others who share your world view.

peace to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of like how conservatives call drag queens pedophiles when in fact it’s their Christian preachers that keep getting convicted of diddling children.

OP here. Absolutely. When I saw him at church last weekend, I was like...you are SUCH A HYPOCRITE. Holding your weathered bible. Hurting me by cheating and committing adultery. Getting involved with another woman who ended up getting a divorce "for him." Earnestly listening to the sermon after destroying the very covenant relationship that God ordained. Refusing to repent. I can't tell you how confused, angry, and hurt I feel.

I can never understand people who call themselves Christians, but have nothing but judgement in their hearts and cannot bring themselves to forgiveness, even if the resentment and anger is eating them alive.

Maybe an Old Testament God is more your speed, OP?

You are absolutely ridiculous. NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the elders of his church say? He shouldn't be allowed to be a member of a church as an unrepentant sinner.

How do we know he’s unrepentant?

Is the only way to show repentance to break up with this woman after they’ve already divorced their spouses?

Yes. Otherwise, he’s choosing to continue in the sin. Even if we accept the sketchy premise that “couldn’t help how he feels” and “God gave us this crazy sex drive, blah blah blah,” no one forced him to act on it. He chose to do it and every day, he continues to make the same sinful choice.

Jesus said “go and sin no more,” not “OK, you’re forgiven for violating the sacred covenant of your marriage — but feel free to keep sleeping with your mistress!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christians are no worse than anyone else, but they are also no better. If you thought they were somehow superior, they are not.

Sorry, and I understand your feelings. He is a hypocrite, and you are hurt and angry. But I think according to your book, we are all sinners and God accepts them back. So, it is sort of a two way door.

Perhaps just lose the part of your religion that makes you believe that those who have accepted God are different than the rest of us. They aspire to a set of principles, and many of them will fail just like others. If that makes sense.

Follow God's laws to the best of your ability, and try to ignore/forget your loser ex. He is not a good man. And with time, your family will see him for who he is. The religious part is just packaging.

I think this is what gets people. We think we marry someone who has better morals and conscience, but they don't. It doesn't seem to be the safety net that it proclaims to be if you "follow god".

[Anonymous]

Religion is personal. Anytime someone pushes heir religion into your life, they are going to hurt you. And vice versa.

Practice your religion. Teach your children what you want. You get a temporary pass on that, as long as you don't lock them away from the world. Your ex's religion should have never meant anything to you, and vice versa. Only their acceptance of your religion should matter to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Religion is personal. Anytime someone pushes heir religion into your life, they are going to hurt you. And vice versa.

Practice your religion. Teach your children what you want. You get a temporary pass on that, as long as you don't lock them away from the world. Your ex's religion should have never meant anything to you, and vice versa. Only their acceptance of your religion should matter to you.

This is incoherent hogwash. Compatibility of religious belief is far more likely than incompatibility to lead to a successful relationship. The problem here is that the husband went glaringly against the supposedly shared belief.

“Temporary pass?” From who? People have the right to teach their religious beliefs to their children. The fact that other people’s beliefs make you uncomfortable about your own behavior means you should examine your life, not that they should shut up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I remember a poster on Loveshack whose husband had been married to the OW for a long time, maybe even had kids together, but she simply refused to stop believing that he would/should come back to her because of a similar religious outlook. For your own sanity, you will need to reconcile your ideas about marriage with the reality of your situation. You may feel that God doesn't allow people to divorce, but God doesn't actively stop them, right? There's no enforcement. It's all on your honor. The covenant has been broken. Your stbx has changed his views, and your marriage was based on his old ones, not his new ones.

His hypocrisy is glaring and disgusting and I will join you in saying, "Ew, he's gross." But ultimately, you need to move on and co-parent with the guy. And since you don't have your own home church yet, I'd suggest finding a different one than your ex and OW. You don't need their hypocrisy in your face once a week.

[Anonymous]

There is a whole blog about people who think if they just are a good person and leave the door open and take the abuse their husbands will come back. Sometimes yes waiting 10 years post divorce and he's had kids with the new spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But all he has to do is ask God/Jesus for forgiveness and he is forgiven. Isn’t that the basis of Christianity? You don’t have to forgive him. He doesn’t have to repent to you.

No, asking is not enough, but that is between him and his god. OP's therapist is correct that he is likely a poser. All she can do is care for herself and have her own relationship with her children and make them wise to their own relationship with their god. They know Dad's a poser too, so they are highly likely to turn away from religion because of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The beauty of many Christian religions is that they can be sinners but as long as they accept Jesus as their savior they will go to heaven.

They can lie, cheat, steal, fornicate and be a drug addict.

None of that matters as long as they accept Jesus as their savior they will be saved.

This is exactly why I left Catholicism. Accept Jesus as your savior, sin (because you are human), ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven, sin, ask forgiveness, rinse and repeat.

Well, if that is what you though it was all about, then sure. But that simplicity you mock is far from the whole of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But all he has to do is ask God/Jesus for forgiveness and he is forgiven. Isn’t that the basis of Christianity? You don’t have to forgive him. He doesn’t have to repent to you.

No, asking is not enough, but that is between him and his god. OP's therapist is correct that he is likely a poser. All she can do is care for herself and have her own relationship with her children and make them wise to their own relationship with their god. They know Dad's a poser too, so they are highly likely to turn away from religion because of him.

There really isn't an actual 12 step program in the church though to recover from hurting someone and yourself so everyone just puts up with the honor system on this.