Any all-boy moms wistful about not having a daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

Yep even the nicest most family oriented guy does jack shit for his parents in comparison to what his sisters do/are obligated to do and yet in 99% of families the SON is still the prince and it's soooo great when he comes over once in a while and takes parent to a drs appt or whatever. While the DDs who do that stuff day in and day out are JUST daughters and daughters are soooo difficult and imperfect. Daughters really need to step back and let's see how well everyone figures things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Also since when are men exempt from child support because they were a teen father? They all turn into adults eventually and will get jobs. I wonder if these women will still be smug when their sons call them up complaining how they can’t save for a down payment or make their student loan payments because of child support payments. They are no joke and I know men who really struggle financially because of how costly payments can be.

This is DCUM though. I get what you're saying but here if DS knocks someone up, DS's mom/dad have enough dividend earnings per yr to just hand DS the child support so he doesn't need to interrupt his education to get a crummy part time job at the pizza place or whatever. DS's mom/dad will cover him until he's gotten his degree and his job at McKinsey and then he'll cover child support himself; yeah his down payment savings will go slower than his peers with no kids but hey this is DCUM often mom/dad chip in for down payments too. What you're saying only applies IRL not here.

[Anonymous]

The pregnancy argument is so weird. Because at least I can take my daughter to get an abortion, which she surely would want bc I’ve raised them to want more for themselves. Can’t do that with someone else’s daughter.

[Anonymous]

To OP's question - no.

[Anonymous]

Not wistful- can’t imagine not having my boys. They are my loves and I can’t imagine it ever being anything else so it’s impossible to be wistful of some unknown girl that didn’t come into my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

My SILs will be caregivers to my ILs and my DH will likely do little. This is because my in laws have helped his sisters immensely over the years, both with time and money, and DH barely gets a phone call. My MIL even told me when I met her that she knows he is mine now and no longer hers. She completely detached from him and devoted herself to her daughters. It’s all very bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Most people don’t like to admit their disappointments in life. Somehow in this country we have to pretend everything is perfect all the time. I know so many people like this - who never admit to being bothered or upset about anything ever because that would ruin their “my life is perfect” facade.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

What are you talking about? How am I doing them a disservice because they're not dramatic and they don't get wrapped up into social things? I consider myself lucky that they don't. I mean, they could be those type of kids who do but they aren't. I don't know that if I had a girl that she necessarily would be either. But the point is that I'm not wistful that my boys are not girls. They are who they are. I appreciate them and they are great kids. Please spell out the disservice that this attitude brings upon them. How am I naive and dismissive?

This has nothing to do with them being boys. This is who they are. Thinking that their gender is the reason is so archaic.

Look at my earlier post where I put, in parentheses, "at least my particular boys". I'm completely aware that they are who they are and that a girl might be similar. That said, I don't necessarily know that she would. THUS, I'M NOT WISTFUL.
But, please, tell me how my thoughts regarding this are naive, dismissive, and a disservice to my boys. I'm awaiting a true and meaningful response.

Because your assumption that you are more likely to have drama with girls is based on stereotypes. You will likely transfer this view to your sons. And they will only date women who fit this stereotype and will perpetuate the cycle. Nothing wrong with that of course if your son falls in love with a drama-filled girl, but it’s a little sad that he can’t see other options as being feminine and worthwhile. If you had daughters, your sons would learn to evaluate girls as individuals, especially weren’t over the top in assigning gender to personality traits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

Yep even the nicest most family oriented guy does jack shit for his parents in comparison to what his sisters do/are obligated to do and yet in 99% of families the SON is still the prince and it's soooo great when he comes over once in a while and takes parent to a drs appt or whatever. While the DDs who do that stuff day in and day out are JUST daughters and daughters are soooo difficult and imperfect. Daughters really need to step back and let's see how well everyone figures things out.

Well that is what you get. Boys are expected to be on their own and independent(emotionally and financially) long before girls are. Boys are not coddled and are told to man from an early age. They are pushed/kicked out of the house as soon as possible while girls are not. So daughters and sons have vastly different experiences with “family” life from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

Yep even the nicest most family oriented guy does jack shit for his parents in comparison to what his sisters do/are obligated to do and yet in 99% of families the SON is still the prince and it's soooo great when he comes over once in a while and takes parent to a drs appt or whatever. While the DDs who do that stuff day in and day out are JUST daughters and daughters are soooo difficult and imperfect. Daughters really need to step back and let's see how well everyone figures things out.

Well that is what you get. Boys are expected to be on their own and independent(emotionally and financially) long before girls are. Boys are not coddled and are told to man from an early age. They are pushed/kicked out of the house as soon as possible while girls are not. So daughters and sons have vastly different experiences with “family” life from the beginning.

Bullsh--. This applies to not one of the boys I know. Not a single one.

[Anonymous]

1. I know plenty of boys living in their parents basement. My ILs have 3 and the 2 who are out of school live at home and have their parents support their business.

2. It's rare someone is going to say yes they are wistful for two reasons. The first is what a PP suggested that everyone likes to pretend their lives are perfect. The second is it would feel pretty crummy to say yes b/c that's like saying the kid(s) you have aren't enough. The doesn't feel good and people don't want to say it (I wouldn't!). So, they are going to tell you they definitely aren't wistful. The ones that seem to have self-loathing about even being a female are likely, even unconsciously, passing that idea on to their sons.

3. WHY do people start these? It never ends well, make people defensive or feel bad about themselves. We can't know what a different life is like b/c we don't live it. We are all missing out on something, but that's OK. We don't need to put down whatever we don't have to make our life situation seem better. That doesn't show happiness and it doesn't MAKE us more happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was sad when my second was a boy (and we knew we were done at two). But, now I am so grateful to only have boys. So much less risk of passing down all the eating disorder, enmeshment, etc toxicity from my own mom. I am able to see my kids as complete people totally separate from me and I can focus on who they are and what they need. I see other women projecting so much onto their daughters that it makes my heart ache. (Not that this doesn't happen with sons, I just see it more often with daughters.)

This. I am so thankful for my boys. I have so much less drama and worry. I grew up in a family of girls and this is so much more light and fun. Plus all the money I didn’t spend on clothes and appearances!

[Anonymous]

I have only boys and definitely wish I had a girl, too.

My boys are awesome. Looking at my friends' daughters, I probably have a distorted view of girls, which isn't drama-related but maturity and organizational skills. The girls seem to have it more together than my own boys, who are fun and loving but would lose their heads if they weren't attached.

The girls appear to remember details better, not forget their jackets at school, like to browse around farmers markets, and maybe stink less (not body but shoes and workout gear).

Don't get me wrong, my boys will browse around farmers markets with me because they are good kids, they cook and clean, help with the dog, etc. Still, I wish would have been able to also have the girl experience. I don't see why someone wouldn't want both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was sad when my second was a boy (and we knew we were done at two). But, now I am so grateful to only have boys. So much less risk of passing down all the eating disorder, enmeshment, etc toxicity from my own mom. I am able to see my kids as complete people totally separate from me and I can focus on who they are and what they need. I see other women projecting so much onto their daughters that it makes my heart ache. (Not that this doesn't happen with sons, I just see it more often with daughters.)

This. I am so thankful for my boys.!

FTFY

[Anonymous]

Fortunate girl AND boy mom here. Birth order is DD, DS20, DD. I’m allowed to say this; I love boys! They are intensely more physically and emotionally more active toddler through adolescence, but the payoff is mutual low key, drama-free love and devotion.

My tight group of Mom Friends is compromised of moms of DS’ friends from ES.

I’ve never gotten along with (All) Girl Moms in this way - these Moms seem to want to re-live their youth in a catty, competitive and mean-spirited through their daughters. No thank you-I’m done with sorority life!

Boy Moms are just more relaxed, likely because they are not subject to constant emotional high and lows and chatter and analysis of every nuance and situation.