Question for older men who date much younger women

[Anonymous]

Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:45 dating 20 is NOT the same thing as 55 dating 30 or 65 dating 40. Even at older ages it’s a stretch but at 45/20 it’s manchild or predatory.

I agree, that is disturbing to me. While it is, yes, technically LEGAL - a 40-something man dating a young to mid-20s girl who is only a few years out of college is creepy and predatory. And yes I feel the same way about a middle aged woman dating a 25 year old guy

(bitter old women seething lmao)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think it says about you that it takes even the youngest women only 2 weeks to 6 months to realize you are a total loser?

I'm not the person you were addressing but I think this is a very obnixious comment.

It’s fitting for what he’s doing. He’s a 45 year old man serially dating women who are under 22. That’s loserville. These women will go on to marry men closer to their own age while he for some reason can find any one anywhere within a decent range of his for a reason. If he were a winner he could date women who are 30. Not 20. 20 means he is a reject by anyone who has any life experience whatsoever.

You don’t get to define winning and losing for him. If he’s not trying to marry them (and duh, he’s not) then he does not lose when they move on to marry someone else. And if he doesn’t want to get married (duh, he doesn’t) then he absolutely does not want to date someone 28-35 who is desperate to get married before her ovaries fail.

If he is looking for short-term relationships and to bang hot young women then he is #WINNING in a big way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think it says about you that it takes even the youngest women only 2 weeks to 6 months to realize you are a total loser?

I'm not the person you were addressing but I think this is a very obnixious comment.

It’s fitting for what he’s doing. He’s a 45 year old man serially dating women who are under 22. That’s loserville. These women will go on to marry men closer to their own age while he for some reason can find any one anywhere within a decent range of his for a reason. If he were a winner he could date women who are 30. Not 20. 20 means he is a reject by anyone who has any life experience whatsoever.

You don’t get to define winning and losing for him. If he’s not trying to marry them (and duh, he’s not) then he does not lose when they move on to marry someone else. And if he doesn’t want to get married (duh, he doesn’t) then he absolutely does not want to date someone 28-35 who is desperate to get married before her ovaries fail.

If he is looking for short-term relationships and to bang hot young women then he is #WINNING in a big way.

As long as he's telling them that it's only short term banging, and they feel the same way about it, who cares. But motivation is clear

[Anonymous]

You don’t get to define winning and losing for him. If he’s not trying to marry them (and duh, he’s not) then he does not lose when they move on to marry someone else. And if he doesn’t want to get married (duh, he doesn’t) then he absolutely does not want to date someone 28-35 who is desperate to get married before her ovaries fail.

If he is looking for short-term relationships and to bang hot young women then he is #WINNING in a big way

I get to define winning and losing for me. In my book a 45 yo man who is serially dating and being dumped by women in their early 20s is a tremendous loser. It doesn’t matter that he bangs them. It matters that he’s a short term thinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women I date, whether middle aged or younger, all want a real emotional connection, as do I, but they all care a lot about physical appearance and professional success.

The most attractive women in their 40s and 50s tend to choose men who are very attractive because they (the men) are athletic or byprofessionally successful. These women aren't necessarily sex maniacs or gold diggers. They are just going with the men they find most appealing.

I'm decent looking and fairly successful professionally so I'm doing ok with women 20 years younger to 10 years older. But I always know there's a risk any woman I'm with will try to upgrade. It's been a sad aspect of dating. I know this is tough for the women too.

Maybe you just can't get past "dating" stage to a commitment stage with someone.If she thinks you're not relationship oriented yes, she will keep looking. Women in their 40-50s don't want to be left single in their 60s. I hope to be solidly re-partnered by my 50, which is why I am dating. Not necessarily remarrying but sharing the same household and life plans for sure.

But the same applies to 20 something: they want to get married at some point.

Same here but the men who want to date me are in their 60s which means I’d be alone in my 60s.

So would be those 20 yo women if their 40 yo dates marry them. I’m 45 very slim and young looking, have no issues dating within 5 years of my own age. Current BF of 6 months is 1.5 years younger and very accomplished and mature. Being slim on dating market does change the game. You’ve got to be super slim, not just normal size. Men associate thin with youthfulness. Few women over 40 are like that but they attract majority of serious relationship minded men. I don’t want to brag, but I had 2-3 weekly dates and dozens of inquiries per day when I was looking. Ended up short listing an early 50s man and a 44 yo, eventually settling with the younger one. I actually thought the 50s yo guy was a better match sexually (took him longer to finish giving me more Os, younger men carry intercourse faster). But I had more in common (interests, lifestyle, aspirations) with someone around my own age. The 50s man didn’t believe in remarriage and seemed to have too much baggage.

This is absolutely true. As a 45yo I weighed 110 lbs, (5'6). At 47 now I weigh 125 lbs. Because I am black I have only fine forehead lines, no prominent wrinkles elsewhere. However, the difference in reaction from (European - I live in Belgium) men is huge. Before I turned heads, but these days I do not. People spend so much time and effort on manicures and facials, but men look at the body first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a 40-something man dating a young to mid-20s girl who is only a few years out of college is creepy and predatory.

This is cliche DCUM. The only thing creepier than a man dating younger women would be a woman dating a man who did not graduate from college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a 40-something man dating a young to mid-20s girl who is only a few years out of college is creepy and predatory.

This is cliche DCUM. The only thing creepier than a man dating younger women would be a woman dating a man who did not graduate from college.

Funny you wrote that. I'm an educated, successful, professional man and I dated an educated, successful, professional woman who seemed very interested in me. I was very interested in her. We passionately kissed a few times but things never progressed and she eventually told me she just wanted to be friends. During the time when we were just friends, I learned that she was in an intense but discreet relationship with a very attractive man who never graduated from high school. She is a leader in her field who speaks at conferences everywhere and he has a blue collar job and can't afford to keep his car running. She doesn't introduce him or mention him to anyone other than her closest friends. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a 40-something man dating a young to mid-20s girl who is only a few years out of college is creepy and predatory.

This is cliche DCUM. The only thing creepier than a man dating younger women would be a woman dating a man who did not graduate from college.

You literally cut out the part of the quote that said, “and yes I’d feel the same way about a middle aged woman dating a mid 20s guy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

Perhaps they should not be allowed to vote then.

[Anonymous]

Recently I was going through boxes and came across things I'd written in my early 20s. I've lived more than half my life since then. My voice was mature and exactly the same as it is now. I was surprised. In some ways I'm wiser now because I've raised children.

In my early 20s I did date someone who was 15 years older. Now I'm open to dating people much younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

This. They are mostly not really adults on the inside no matter what the outside look like. They may be intellectually precocious but emotionally are usually very young still.

If they are adult enough to have sex with someone their own age, they are adult enough to have sex with someone older. You're just making up completely illogical reasons that it's "wrong" because you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are hard wired to want women in their early 20's. It's just biology. I date younger women because I want them and I can get them, don't care if that pisses off the feminists.

Do you have daughters?

I find it hard to believe men who have daughters and thus realize how very young women in their EARLY 20s really are would feel okay with this.

And I am a man. My colleague, who was in his late 40’s, started up an affair with a 20 year old. I could never look at him the same way; it’s completely predatory. But he doesn’t have daughters, and I think that might be why he could wrap his mind around it

I have been told many times when dating younger women that I treat them in a much kinder and less condescending way than the average guy their own age they’ve dated. I have a strong moral code in how I treat everyone and in a dozen years when my daughter is out of college and starting her first job, if she dates, I hope it is someone who is kind and considerate as well.