When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

Can you explain how you are unable to eat a filling amount of food from a heavy app spread? I think we are all baffled.

I'd nibble to be polite and then stop on the way home. Frozen items, cheese and crackers isn't particularly healthy.

What would you normally eat for a holiday meal that would also be "healthy?" Just because its home made, doesn't mean it's healthy.

You’ve never had a full serving of lean protein and lots of vegetables at a holiday meal? Your question itself is telling about your eating habits.

No, because I eat that every other meal. All things in moderation. You sound like you have an eating disorder.

No, I know that my mood is best when I ate like that. It’s actually pretty normal and healthy.

But it's not a holiday meal.

Heavy apps are not a holiday meal.

Neither is poached chicken and steamed vegetables. OP and PP don't serve holiday meals pleasing to crowds, apparently.

Your imagination and cooking skills are pretty limited if that’s what lean protein and vegetables are to you. I’m beginning to understand the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

Can you explain how you are unable to eat a filling amount of food from a heavy app spread? I think we are all baffled.

I'd nibble to be polite and then stop on the way home. Frozen items, cheese and crackers isn't particularly healthy.

What would you normally eat for a holiday meal that would also be "healthy?" Just because its home made, doesn't mean it's healthy.

You’ve never had a full serving of lean protein and lots of vegetables at a holiday meal? Your question itself is telling about your eating habits.

No, because I eat that every other meal. All things in moderation. You sound like you have an eating disorder.

No, I know that my mood is best when I ate like that. It’s actually pretty normal and healthy.

But it's not a holiday meal.

Heavy apps are not a holiday meal.

Neither is poached chicken and steamed vegetables. OP and PP don't serve holiday meals pleasing to crowds, apparently.

Your imagination and cooking skills are pretty limited if that’s what lean protein and vegetables are to you. I’m beginning to understand the issue.

I'll ask again, what do you normally eat? Other people are listing their menus. What is your healthy holiday meal?

[Anonymous]

Back the original post, OP as someone else said, your sister's criticism is all about her. Put aside any issues about whether the timing or menu were appropriate--can you imagine going to a holiday dinner at someone else's house and criticizing them? It's poor manners and hurtful. Is this typical behavior from your sister? Particularly if that's true, I wouldn't take what she said to heart. Some people think everything they think needs to be said, and that's not so.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I laid down to take a nap and wow that’s a lot of comments about holiday dinners! It honestly doesn’t matter if people agree it was an ok meal. 1) we had plenty of food, no one left hungry and 2) this has been an acceptable meal in our family in the past so I didn’t think anything of doing it again.

The things that upset me were the complaining about something that my sister herself did just last year and being upset at the time I started things when I thought I was giving people (her family specifically) a more leisurely Christmas morning and not having to rush around. Also being told I was no accommodating or excited enough for our guests. Every single person got anything they asked for/needed: serving spoons, tongs, Saran Wrap/foil, access to fridge/freezer, access to dish warning, I bought drinks that I knew each person would like, I set a beautiful table, I bought gifts, our house was sparkling… I could go on…

[Anonymous]

You're hurt--not just because she criticized your efforts, but because she didn't see the work you put into hosting the event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

Can you explain how you are unable to eat a filling amount of food from a heavy app spread? I think we are all baffled.

I'd nibble to be polite and then stop on the way home. Frozen items, cheese and crackers isn't particularly healthy.

What would you normally eat for a holiday meal that would also be "healthy?" Just because its home made, doesn't mean it's healthy.

You’ve never had a full serving of lean protein and lots of vegetables at a holiday meal? Your question itself is telling about your eating habits.

No, because I eat that every other meal. All things in moderation. You sound like you have an eating disorder.

No, I know that my mood is best when I ate like that. It’s actually pretty normal and healthy.

But it's not a holiday meal.

Heavy apps are not a holiday meal.

They are in our house, every year! You do you, but don’t say our holiday traditions aren’t our meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

It’s the setting. No one expects a full, multi course meal at a cocktail reception. We’ve been to holiday adult only cocktail parties where apps/drinks are only served. We understand that and eat dinner before leaving kids w babysitter and walking out the door. Some birthday parties and other happy hours have same expectations. However, Christmas Day lunch with kids and tow is an entirely different event. I don’t understand who doesn’t make real good for that? Just seems like poor hosting. If host has sent out invite stating only drinks/apps provided then maybe a different story.

That said, I don’t complain to host. Guests should always be gracious, give thanks to host, and just make mental note if they would prefer not to join following year. I’ve been to a few poorly hosted homes and I know when I need to eat/feed kids before we go to certain family homes. I also remember who the great cooks/hosts are and look fwd to those events. Hosting is definitely an unappreciated art!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

Lots of you folks don’t seem to understand the difference between complaining on a message board and complaining in actual life. Yes I socialize a lot which is why I am certain that I hate app dinners in all contexts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

Op here. Omg we GET IT. But my family decided in the past that we liked this and have had it before and all was good until I decided to do this too and now I’m a crappy lazy host. THAT is my frustration here. Can we please stop discussing if apps are appropriate or not? Obviously no one agrees and I don’t think we need 5 more pages arguing about it.

And everyone knew what the menu was in advance and brought their own apps to contribute as well. There was no surprise.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

Lots of you folks don’t seem to understand the difference between complaining on a message board and complaining in actual life. Yes I socialize a lot which is why I am certain that I hate app dinners in all contexts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

Lots of you folks don’t seem to understand the difference between complaining on a message board and complaining in actual life. Yes I socialize a lot which is why I am certain that I hate app dinners in all contexts.

Op here. Omg we GET IT. But my family decided in the past that we liked this and have had it before and all was good until I decided to do this too and now I’m a crappy lazy host. THAT is my frustration here. Can we please stop discussing if apps are appropriate or not? Obviously no one agrees and I don’t think we need 5 more pages arguing about if apps are appropriate or not.

Also everyone knew the menu in advance, there were no surprises and everyone brought their own apps to contribute as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

Hmmm… I love eating buffet style heavy apps like this where I can get a mix of a lot of different things I like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

Lots of you folks don’t seem to understand the difference between complaining on a message board and complaining in actual life. Yes I socialize a lot which is why I am certain that I hate app dinners in all contexts.

Op here. Omg we GET IT. But my family decided in the past that we liked this and have had it before and all was good until I decided to do this too and now I’m a crappy lazy host. THAT is my frustration here. Can we please stop discussing if apps are appropriate or not? Obviously no one agrees and I don’t think we need 5 more pages arguing about if apps are appropriate or not.

Also everyone knew the menu in advance, there were no surprises and everyone brought their own apps to contribute as well.

Listen OP, sometimes topics take on a life of their own and we're discussing something adjacent to your topic. I am both anti-apps and pro-OP. Your sister shouldn't have complained at all, let alone after the fact. But many people on this thread commented on how great apps are, so some people responded that they disagree. It's okay, welcome to DCUM. These threads and topics are sprawling, that's just life around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

If you’re 50 I assume by now someone has told you that you eat politely at your hosts house, say thank you graciously, and depart. You can get takeout on your way home if there is something about bruschetta that a 50 year old cannot safely due to their advanced age or other dietary conditions. The 50 y/os in my life are either much healthier than you or much more polite, not sure which.

There are two issues -- as a guest whether you say anything (obviously no) and now whether in this anon forum people can give their views on appetizer dinners (yes, of course we can, and I don't like it). "Heavy apps" is not actually a dinner. You folks must have the most disordered eating. The only people I know who actually think this is a dinner have very unhealthy eating patterns.

It sounds like you’d love the food at my house, as we do full meals, but you’d hate the people because no one of any generation would ever think to complain about standing apps dinner, which is pretty commonly served for happy hour/dinner receptions. Do you not socialize often? Because heavy apps, drinks and dessert is a fairly common set up especially for large groups, around the holidays and otherwise.

Lots of you folks don’t seem to understand the difference between complaining on a message board and complaining in actual life. Yes I socialize a lot which is why I am certain that I hate app dinners in all contexts.

Op here. Omg we GET IT. But my family decided in the past that we liked this and have had it before and all was good until I decided to do this too and now I’m a crappy lazy host. THAT is my frustration here. Can we please stop discussing if apps are appropriate or not? Obviously no one agrees and I don’t think we need 5 more pages arguing about if apps are appropriate or not.

Also everyone knew the menu in advance, there were no surprises and everyone brought their own apps to contribute as well.

Op, is this your first time on DCUM? You said your sister complained about your hosting abilities, including food served. We discussed. If you want pages of people agreeing with you , you’re at the wrong place

Plus, maybe that’s part of the issue here with your sister?

[Anonymous]

Your thread title is very misleading. You think you did a lot as a host. Your sister thinks you don't. My suggestion? Aplogize and bow out from hosting in the future. Insist on providing a tasty dish to potluck celebrations and call it a day.