Is it rude to use airpods at my inlaws on Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

2, not including English.

The whole “learn the language” idea is just a bunch of crap. OP should spend hundreds if not thousands of hours learning a foreign language just so she can avoid 1 boring day a year?

[Anonymous]

I'd go in the back and take a nap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

2, not including English.

I think you aren’t. I think you’re “order food” proficient, not “discuss politics” conversational, or you wouldn’t say anything so silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS — less like being the furniture and more like being the dog. Everyone greets him when they come in, which is nice, and then he sits there all day listening for the 5-10 words he understands (eat, feed; walk, out, treat, dinner; dog); occasionally dozing off and wishing he could take himself for a walk.

This is funny. Remember also the dog gets pets, so maybe someone could also rub or scratch OP’s back and head periodically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, rude. Teen should not use them either. You are teaching him to be rude.

So he should sit there for nine hours while rude people rudely converse with each other in a language they know he doesn’t understand? Yeah, no.

OP, screw how long they “expect” you to stay. You’re adults with agency. Stay for dinner +2 hours or so.

Agreed. The family speaking another language and ignoring the OP/inlaw is rude. Is she supposed to sit there for 9 hours while no one talks to her?? WTAF?

OP, my DH and I would be having a conversation. We'd either cut down the hours of the day or he can go early and you follow later. No way I would sit there, on Christmas, for 9 hours in a room full of people who will not talk to me, regardless of how nice they are. It just would not happen.

In the interim, before next year, take some language lessons and your DH should encourage some of his family members to do the same. Part of the obligation, imo, when you marry into a family that has mixed languages/cultures.

Have you actually experienced this first hand? If not, than you truly have no idea that this approach does not go over well. If you have, then maybe you should take some of the ideas from previous posts. Definitely help in the kitchen with serving and clean up. Take your time eating and observing how everyone acts, help with the dishes. Also, bring a popular American dish or dessert to serve. Chill in front of the TV with some people. A fave of mine is hanging with the babies/toddlers, then just want to smile and giggle.

I've been at this for over 20 years now and I do it as an act of love for my husband. And guess what, his family notices and I also feel loved by them. Even though it's not in English, I get hugs and English phrases and plates of food brought to me and compliments translated by the younger generation. Andy my kids have a connection with their extended family.

My husband also truly appreciated this all through the years and after the visits, I got the next day to myself to relax as a thank you. You can choose to approach this positively.

OP here - I've tried every one of those things. The baby one is the only one that worked, until the baby grew up and started playing on his phone and ignoring everyone. Helping with dishes and such is a no-go because there are maids or caterers for that. I tried it anyway a couple of times, because I felt more comfortable with the "help," but it didn't go over well. Popular American dishes are also frowned upon, and will not be either served or eaten. It's considered insulting to bring such things. The hosts always set the TV to a news station or music station from their country. Sounds like your husband's family is a bit more relaxed than mine. I'm thinking to take up knitting.

To the PP and OP: I find it interesting that neither have mentioned the country/culture/language in question. While it might not neessariily be relevant to the AirPod question, it is interesting. To me at least. My family and I are German, my DH is American. My parents speak good English, but grandparents not so much. Grandfather had a classical education, none of this "modern language" stuff that my mom did-- so Latin and Classical Greek. Haha, so useful. Kids speak German, Dh is decent. But I can understand how easy it is for groups to devolve into a language, happens all the time with our friends there even though they universally speak excellent English.

It would be considered odd and borderline rude to engage in some of those suggestions like PP (bringing dishes, helping in kitchen). Not sure if that's cultural in the sense of my family and friends, or Germans in general.

Anyway, would be nice to hear from some other cultures/countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

2, not including English.

The whole “learn the language” idea is just a bunch of crap. OP should spend hundreds if not thousands of hours learning a foreign language just so she can avoid 1 boring day a year?

That's a little dependent on the language. Spanish is fairly easy to learn in general, especially in the US. Russian, German, Sinhalese? A lot harder. Arabic or Mandarin. Fuggadaboudit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s for goodness sake! Absolutely it’s okay.

Found a rude one here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

2, not including English.

The whole “learn the language” idea is just a bunch of crap. OP should spend hundreds if not thousands of hours learning a foreign language just so she can avoid 1 boring day a year?

That's a little dependent on the language. Spanish is fairly easy to learn in general, especially in the US. Russian, German, Sinhalese? A lot harder. Arabic or Mandarin. Fuggadaboudit.

(Not OP) My in-laws speak Bangla. Despite being an incredibly common language in terms of global speakers, I can’t even find basic materials for my 10 y/o to learn it. And actually DH is very opposed to them learning because he thinks the effort would be better spent on a more professionally useful language.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my spouse that I am willing to come for roughly 2-3 hours around the main meal to help with prep, eat, and assist with cleanup, but other than that, he can most certainly plan to stay and enjoy time with his family for as long as he wishes. Can't you drive separately? I can't imagine being put in this scenario, but sounds like this is the year to set a new expectation of a shortened, more pleasant visit for everyone. DS is old enough to decide to stay the whole day with spouse or come and go with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

2, not including English.

I think you aren’t. I think you’re “order food” proficient, not “discuss politics” conversational, or you wouldn’t say anything so silly.

I'm "did my PhD research in country" proficient. Everyone knows not to discuss politics in polite conversation. That's silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my spouse that I am willing to come for roughly 2-3 hours around the main meal to help with prep, eat, and assist with cleanup, but other than that, he can most certainly plan to stay and enjoy time with his family for as long as he wishes. Can't you drive separately? I can't imagine being put in this scenario, but sounds like this is the year to set a new expectation of a shortened, more pleasant visit for everyone. DS is old enough to decide to stay the whole day with spouse or come and go with you.

On other occasions I do drive separately. It really helps, but DH doesn't like it and it definitely looks bad for me to leave early. He feels it embarrasses him, and I'm sure there is some sniping that happens about it after I leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, rude. Teen should not use them either. You are teaching him to be rude.

So he should sit there for nine hours while rude people rudely converse with each other in a language they know he doesn’t understand? Yeah, no.

OP, screw how long they “expect” you to stay. You’re adults with agency. Stay for dinner +2 hours or so.

Agreed. The family speaking another language and ignoring the OP/inlaw is rude. Is she supposed to sit there for 9 hours while no one talks to her?? WTAF?

OP, my DH and I would be having a conversation. We'd either cut down the hours of the day or he can go early and you follow later. No way I would sit there, on Christmas, for 9 hours in a room full of people who will not talk to me, regardless of how nice they are. It just would not happen.

In the interim, before next year, take some language lessons and your DH should encourage some of his family members to do the same. Part of the obligation, imo, when you marry into a family that has mixed languages/cultures.

Have you actually experienced this first hand? If not, than you truly have no idea that this approach does not go over well. If you have, then maybe you should take some of the ideas from previous posts. Definitely help in the kitchen with serving and clean up. Take your time eating and observing how everyone acts, help with the dishes. Also, bring a popular American dish or dessert to serve. Chill in front of the TV with some people. A fave of mine is hanging with the babies/toddlers, then just want to smile and giggle.

I've been at this for over 20 years now and I do it as an act of love for my husband. And guess what, his family notices and I also feel loved by them. Even though it's not in English, I get hugs and English phrases and plates of food brought to me and compliments translated by the younger generation. Andy my kids have a connection with their extended family.

My husband also truly appreciated this all through the years and after the visits, I got the next day to myself to relax as a thank you. You can choose to approach this positively.

OP here - I've tried every one of those things. The baby one is the only one that worked, until the baby grew up and started playing on his phone and ignoring everyone. Helping with dishes and such is a no-go because there are maids or caterers for that. I tried it anyway a couple of times, because I felt more comfortable with the "help," but it didn't go over well. Popular American dishes are also frowned upon, and will not be either served or eaten. It's considered insulting to bring such things. The hosts always set the TV to a news station or music station from their country. Sounds like your husband's family is a bit more relaxed than mine. I'm thinking to take up knitting.

To the PP and OP: I find it interesting that neither have mentioned the country/culture/language in question. While it might not neessariily be relevant to the AirPod question, it is interesting. To me at least. My family and I are German, my DH is American. My parents speak good English, but grandparents not so much. Grandfather had a classical education, none of this "modern language" stuff that my mom did-- so Latin and Classical Greek. Haha, so useful. Kids speak German, Dh is decent. But I can understand how easy it is for groups to devolve into a language, happens all the time with our friends there even though they universally speak excellent English.

It would be considered odd and borderline rude to engage in some of those suggestions like PP (bringing dishes, helping in kitchen). Not sure if that's cultural in the sense of my family and friends, or Germans in general.

Anyway, would be nice to hear from some other cultures/countries.

OP here - I have not mentioned the country in order to protect privacy, and also not to inadvertently spread any kind of negative stereotypes about their culture. It's not German, though. I could definitely understand some of that. You're right about the rudeness - I didn't know it was the same in German culture, but a lot of the suggestions would definitely not be well-received. Especially the taking a nap one - they'd probably call an ambulance or something. That would be so weird.

[Anonymous]

Can you ask for subtitles on the tv?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my spouse that I am willing to come for roughly 2-3 hours around the main meal to help with prep, eat, and assist with cleanup, but other than that, he can most certainly plan to stay and enjoy time with his family for as long as he wishes. Can't you drive separately? I can't imagine being put in this scenario, but sounds like this is the year to set a new expectation of a shortened, more pleasant visit for everyone. DS is old enough to decide to stay the whole day with spouse or come and go with you.

On other occasions I do drive separately. It really helps, but DH doesn't like it and it definitely looks bad for me to leave early. He feels it embarrasses him, and I'm sure there is some sniping that happens about it after I leave.

Oh good lord WHO CARES. They are rude so the time for feelings has long passed. They rly don't care if you're there or not because they don't make an effort to include you in any way. They just want to hold court, hold you prisoner and are probably talking about you. And your husband is complicit. You live nearby, just peace out. I would pretend to be sick and wouldn't go at all, but I'm just too old and tired for bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would really help if you would take up knitting

OP here - you know, this strikes me as a good idea. I've never knit, but it does seem to occupy people in a way that is more socially acceptable. I remember professors who knitted during class.

You could pick up cross stitch quickly for this year.