Is it rude to use airpods at my inlaws on Christmas?

[Anonymous]

You'll be bored if you go, stay the whole time, not understand the conversation.

You'll be rude, if you don't go, if you leave early, if you wear ear pods.

Its a tough situation. Ask your spouse to suggest a culturally acceptable solution to save you from dreading the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, even with same language, people do feel bored during long family get togethers but they manage. You can too but you've to be more interested/interesting, engaged and less judgmental.

How can OP be interested in a conversation they can't understand? Would you be interested in sitting through multiple films in a language you don't understand? Oh, you wouldn't? Why ever not?

Well, foreign language films really can open you up to a whole new world. If OP can't skip altogether or leave early then she better find ways to engage and get others engaged. May be just learn the darn language.

OP here - have you ever learned a foreign language (not Spanish, but let's say Finnish or Turkish or Chinese, one very different from English) well enough to converse and follow native conversations in a social setting? I have. Twice. It takes many years of dedicated study, plus a whole lot of immersive practice. I don't have time or money to spend on classes and I don't think a handful of dinners each year counts as immersion. Learning a foreign language when you don't live in the country is a very difficult and resource-consuming process. It's not a realistic thing for me to do at this point in my life. Keep in mind that knowing a few words would not help - these people are engaged in rapid-fire conversation with each other, whose company they much enjoy, and wouldn't bother re-explaining things to a beginner or even intermediate speaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Checking back on this thread, I see it’s become even more ludicrous.

Yes op, apparently it’s incredibly rude to wear one AirPod for a while at a 9 hour family gathering where no one is speaking your language.

So instead, in preparation for this gathering:
1) Learn to knit or crochet and take it up as your new hobby
2) Learn the language and speak it for 9 hours at this gathering
3) Get a dog, bring the dog to the party, and then go out and take it for a walk every few hours
4) Ask for a guest room addition to the house so you can go take a nap

But whatever you do, don’t wear an AirPod. Good luck.

Thank you for so concisely summarizing this thread. --OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, even with same language, people do feel bored during long family get togethers but they manage. You can too but you've to be more interested/interesting, engaged and less judgmental.

How can OP be interested in a conversation they can't understand? Would you be interested in sitting through multiple films in a language you don't understand? Oh, you wouldn't? Why ever not?

Well, foreign language films really can open you up to a whole new world. If OP can't skip altogether or leave early then she better find ways to engage and get others engaged. May be just learn the darn language.

OP here - have you ever learned a foreign language (not Spanish, but let's say Finnish or Turkish or Chinese, one very different from English) well enough to converse and follow native conversations in a social setting? I have. Twice. It takes many years of dedicated study, plus a whole lot of immersive practice. I don't have time or money to spend on classes and I don't think a handful of dinners each year counts as immersion. Learning a foreign language when you don't live in the country is a very difficult and resource-consuming process. It's not a realistic thing for me to do at this point in my life. Keep in mind that knowing a few words would not help - these people are engaged in rapid-fire conversation with each other, whose company they much enjoy, and wouldn't bother re-explaining things to a beginner or even intermediate speaker.

This is so accurate and it always amazes me that people don’t get it or imagine a year of weekend classes might lead to being conversational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, even with same language, people do feel bored during long family get togethers but they manage. You can too but you've to be more interested/interesting, engaged and less judgmental.

How can OP be interested in a conversation they can't understand? Would you be interested in sitting through multiple films in a language you don't understand? Oh, you wouldn't? Why ever not?

Well, foreign language films really can open you up to a whole new world. If OP can't skip altogether or leave early then she better find ways to engage and get others engaged. May be just learn the darn language.

Not if they don't have subtitles. It's just an exercise in frustration.

[Anonymous]

I think you are wonderful for understanding they want to converse in thier first language. I suggest,

Excusing yourself and watching or listening to something in another room.
Playing games on an iPad without sound. My family does this and we all speak the same language.
Bringing cards or a game for you and your son to play. Invite others to join. They likely will not but at least you are being inclusive
Plan for long walks

[Anonymous]

Op, wear one ear airpod. It’s fine.
I also like the idea of bringing a card game. Puzzle if the house is big enough that you can spread it out without that being weird. I think you’re doing great by sitting through this every year and not nagging people to speak English. I would definitely be on my phone and I’m not generally a rude person but I think I would fall asleep or have an anxiety attack if I had to sit for 9 hours quietly listening to something I could not understand.

[Anonymous]

PS — less like being the furniture and more like being the dog. Everyone greets him when they come in, which is nice, and then he sits there all day listening for the 5-10 words he understands (eat, feed; walk, out, treat, dinner; dog); occasionally dozing off and wishing he could take himself for a walk.

[Anonymous]

It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

[Anonymous]

You can wear ear pods for part of the visit, first go and mingle and eat and help but once everyone is settling for a conversation, sit in a corner with your ear pods. May be get up after a while, drink water, offer it to others then go back to your listening. As long as you are pleasant and helpful, no one would mind. If your are snobby and look annoyed, it would be odd for everyone. If its just a handful of gatherings, you can tolerate it so your husband and your child can keep their family ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

ORLY? Wow, I am sure OP has never considered this point of view. Thank you, internet stranger who clearly has not read the thread, for providing this unique insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knit and I think that would be rude. Not as rude as AirPods. AirPods or knitting in a room with others is rude. Not rude:

Talking a walk
Disappearing to your room for a bit
Making cookies or whatever else in the kitchen
Taking another walk, be sure to invite anyone who wants to join
Volunteering for any errands that come up

I want to amend this to say I think knitting is okay as a multiple night guest if the host is reading the paper or something like that. But if everyone is in the living room talking, no matter what language, it’s impolite.

Disagree. You can definitely knit while chatting with other people.

-another knitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, even with same language, people do feel bored during long family get togethers but they manage. You can too but you've to be more interested/interesting, engaged and less judgmental.

How can OP be interested in a conversation they can't understand? Would you be interested in sitting through multiple films in a language you don't understand? Oh, you wouldn't? Why ever not?

Well, foreign language films really can open you up to a whole new world. If OP can't skip altogether or leave early then she better find ways to engage and get others engaged. May be just learn the darn language.

Not if they don't have subtitles. It's just an exercise in frustration.

OP here - I'd rather stare at a film with no subtitles than a bunch of people just talking around a table. But no such luck....TV is generally tuned to either a stationary image with some kind of easy listening music from their country or something equally riveting, like the news desk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult to learn a new language but if your husband speaks it and your kid can benefit from learning it, may be its worth the effort. It may help your relationships.

How many foreign languages are you conversational in, PP?

2, not including English.