Annoyed that ILs are unhelpful to us when we visit them, but expect us to do a ton as “good guests”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has three kids, the youngest of whom is 2. If they can’t play quietly for 1/2 hour under the eye of a parent sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, that’s the bigger problem.

I could just be doing it wrong but I have a rambunctious 2 year old boy and I don't think I would need 1 hand for the number of times he's played quietly for half an hour by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

I've literally never been in a household where there is a sink full of dishes and people pick out and wash only the ones they have used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has three kids, the youngest of whom is 2. If they can’t play quietly for 1/2 hour under the eye of a parent sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, that’s the bigger problem.

I could just be doing it wrong but I have a rambunctious 2 year old boy and I don't think I would need 1 hand for the number of times he's played quietly for half an hour by himself.

Does he also sit quietly for long stretches listening to books read by a grandparent? My kids never did at 2. I've been to more than a few story times at the library and noticed many other 2 year olds struggled with this too. Not sure why reading a book to pass the time is the hill OP wants to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

I've literally never been in a household where there is a sink full of dishes and people pick out and wash only the ones they have used.

You could imagine what OP really meant or just go by what she said. But the wording is specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has three kids, the youngest of whom is 2. If they can’t play quietly for 1/2 hour under the eye of a parent sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, that’s the bigger problem.

Pack a bunch of toys. “Larlo, here’s your stacking toy. What do you think about Musk, FIL?”

I wouldn’t want to raise kids who expect an adult to be on their hands and knees with them all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has three kids, the youngest of whom is 2. If they can’t play quietly for 1/2 hour under the eye of a parent sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, that’s the bigger problem.

Pack a bunch of toys. “Larlo, here’s your stacking toy. What do you think about Musk, FIL?”

I wouldn’t want to raise kids who expect an adult to be on their hands and knees with them all day.

Some of you sound like you had REALLY easy kids. Or attention starved ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

I've literally never been in a household where there is a sink full of dishes and people pick out and wash only the ones they have used.

You could imagine what OP really meant or just go by what she said. But the wording is specific.

You could imagine OP’s in-laws don’t own a dishwasher, making this chore a really short one, but that wouldn’t fit your narrative of OP up to her elbows in suds for an hour every night. Alone, because her DH shouldn’t be expected to help, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has three kids, the youngest of whom is 2. If they can’t play quietly for 1/2 hour under the eye of a parent sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, that’s the bigger problem.

Pack a bunch of toys. “Larlo, here’s your stacking toy. What do you think about Musk, FIL?”

I wouldn’t want to raise kids who expect an adult to be on their hands and knees with them all day.

Some of you sound like you had REALLY easy kids. Or attention starved ones.

I had two kids, not OP’s three that she’s expecting babysitting for. I gave them plenty of attention. But I would never want to raise kids who were incapable of entertaining themselves even for 1/2 hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

I've literally never been in a household where there is a sink full of dishes and people pick out and wash only the ones they have used.

You could imagine what OP really meant or just go by what she said. But the wording is specific.

You could imagine OP’s in-laws don’t own a dishwasher, making this chore a really short one, but that wouldn’t fit your narrative of OP up to her elbows in suds for an hour every night. Alone, because her DH shouldn’t be expected to help, amirite?

That's OPs own narrative. Most of us are saying doing her dishes and stripping the bed are the least she can do. OP never said she was doing ALL the dishes, she's apparently not doing any cooking either. She's just mad she has to "nanny" her own kids on top of some light chores in the name of being a "good guest" because she thought she was going on a resort vacation and would be able to relax and chat the whole time with her lazy husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

I've literally never been in a household where there is a sink full of dishes and people pick out and wash only the ones they have used.

You could imagine what OP really meant or just go by what she said. But the wording is specific.

You could imagine OP’s in-laws don’t own a dishwasher, making this chore a really short one, but that wouldn’t fit your narrative of OP up to her elbows in suds for an hour every night. Alone, because her DH shouldn’t be expected to help, amirite?

That's OPs own narrative. Most of us are saying doing her dishes and stripping the bed are the least she can do. OP never said she was doing ALL the dishes, she's apparently not doing any cooking either. She's just mad she has to "nanny" her own kids on top of some light chores in the name of being a "good guest" because she thought she was going on a resort vacation and would be able to relax and chat the whole time with her lazy husband.

“freaking nanny”

FIFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's telling that some posters are equating reading some books with grandkids to "providing babysitting all day." I can take a guess which age range/generation these posters fall into.
Also I don't see where OP says anyone is cooking 3 meals a day. When we visit ILs we are going to grab sandwiches or whatever for everyone, including them. They certainly are not spending hours in the kitchen doing anything.

OP doesn't want to help with the chores at the in-laws house, she wants the in-laws to help with her chores (dishes, babysitting and sheets) on top of their hosting duties. That tells you all you need to know about what her expectations are. She thinks helping with the dishes and sheets is helping in-laws with their chores, and not just picking up after herself. No mention is made of cooking and general household maintenance and who is doing what, obviously OP is doing none of that or she would have mentioned in her martyrdom.

Do you think OP Is just washing the dishes she used?

Generally that is what is meant by "wash our own dishes." What do you think it means?

I've literally never been in a household where there is a sink full of dishes and people pick out and wash only the ones they have used.

You could imagine what OP really meant or just go by what she said. But the wording is specific.

You could imagine OP’s in-laws don’t own a dishwasher, making this chore a really short one, but that wouldn’t fit your narrative of OP up to her elbows in suds for an hour every night. Alone, because her DH shouldn’t be expected to help, amirite?

That's OPs own narrative. Most of us are saying doing her dishes and stripping the bed are the least she can do. OP never said she was doing ALL the dishes, she's apparently not doing any cooking either. She's just mad she has to "nanny" her own kids on top of some light chores in the name of being a "good guest" because she thought she was going on a resort vacation and would be able to relax and chat the whole time with her lazy husband.

“freaking nanny”

FIFY

my mistake, thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP's post is full of DCUM type problems -

- 3 kids. 3 is the magical number where parents suddenly want the mythical 'village' to appear and start providing childcare. People. Stop at 2.
- DH does nothing. A husband problem.
- Lack of communication between spouses. Yes, they could have stayed in a hotel or have a shorter visit.
- Husband is not an orphan. This is the biggest problem with some DCUM DIL. They want an educated, trust fund husband but he must be an orphan.
- ILs are not providing childcare. DIL thinks that ILs being elderly is just an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Another thread derailed by the DCUM jackals.

[Anonymous]

As the mom of two kids, I feel qualified to say the following:

You are not entitled to princess treatment just because you bred. Would it be nice? Of course! But this is not a common expectation. Also, you can’t use access to your kids as pawns to force your in-laws to provide it.