Annoyed that ILs are unhelpful to us when we visit them, but expect us to do a ton as “good guests”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m actually a SAHM, but funny that this thread turned into criticizing me for not knowing how to take care of my own kids while doing household chores! I felt like a nanny to be caring for the kids and doing chores *while all the other adults ignored us and continued with their conversations*.

And as several PPs have grasped, the issue is taking care of my kids *in an extremely unsafe space that is not my own* and also *being expected to have sophisticated conversation with the ILs at the same time.*

Now I’m back at home taking care of my kids all by myself… but in my own space and not while someone is annoyed I’m not engaging in adult conversation!

Yikes you sound like an amateur, not a SAHM. Everyone knows you need to get the kids out of the house for a large part of the day. Go to a park, museum, zoo, long walk, whatever. Your youngest is 2, this isn't your first rodeo. Have you never been to the in-laws house or have they rapidly declined? The state of their house would have been known if you had visited before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m actually a SAHM, but funny that this thread turned into criticizing me for not knowing how to take care of my own kids while doing household chores! I felt like a nanny to be caring for the kids and doing chores *while all the other adults ignored us and continued with their conversations*.

And as several PPs have grasped, the issue is taking care of my kids *in an extremely unsafe space that is not my own* and also *being expected to have sophisticated conversation with the ILs at the same time.*

Now I’m back at home taking care of my kids all by myself… but in my own space and not while someone is annoyed I’m not engaging in adult conversation!

Yikes you sound like an amateur, not a SAHM. Everyone knows you need to get the kids out of the house for a large part of the day. Go to a park, museum, zoo, long walk, whatever. Your youngest is 2, this isn't your first rodeo. Have you never been to the in-laws house or have they rapidly declined? The state of their house would have been known if you had visited before.

Are you extremely obtuse? Or are you just a lonely internet troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m actually a SAHM, but funny that this thread turned into criticizing me for not knowing how to take care of my own kids while doing household chores! I felt like a nanny to be caring for the kids and doing chores *while all the other adults ignored us and continued with their conversations*.

And as several PPs have grasped, the issue is taking care of my kids *in an extremely unsafe space that is not my own* and also *being expected to have sophisticated conversation with the ILs at the same time.*

Now I’m back at home taking care of my kids all by myself… but in my own space and not while someone is annoyed I’m not engaging in adult conversation!

Yikes you sound like an amateur, not a SAHM. Everyone knows you need to get the kids out of the house for a large part of the day. Go to a park, museum, zoo, long walk, whatever. Your youngest is 2, this isn't your first rodeo. Have you never been to the in-laws house or have they rapidly declined? The state of their house would have been known if you had visited before.

Are you extremely obtuse? Or are you just a lonely internet troll?

Are you? Do you normally expect people who are sick enough to need and leave copious meds around their unkempt house to be ideal babysitters and help "tired" parents decades younger and in much better health? I guess if any warm body is good enough. But the in-laws don't like they are doing well yet they were expected to be more helpful than they are probably mentally and physically able. OP set very unrealistic expectations. Yet still has not answered why her lazy husband never stepped up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m actually a SAHM, but funny that this thread turned into criticizing me for not knowing how to take care of my own kids while doing household chores! I felt like a nanny to be caring for the kids and doing chores *while all the other adults ignored us and continued with their conversations*.

And as several PPs have grasped, the issue is taking care of my kids *in an extremely unsafe space that is not my own* and also *being expected to have sophisticated conversation with the ILs at the same time.*

Now I’m back at home taking care of my kids all by myself… but in my own space and not while someone is annoyed I’m not engaging in adult conversation!

Yikes you sound like an amateur, not a SAHM. Everyone knows you need to get the kids out of the house for a large part of the day. Go to a park, museum, zoo, long walk, whatever. Your youngest is 2, this isn't your first rodeo. Have you never been to the in-laws house or have they rapidly declined? The state of their house would have been known if you had visited before.

Are you extremely obtuse? Or are you just a lonely internet troll?

Are you? Do you normally expect people who are sick enough to need and leave copious meds around their unkempt house to be ideal babysitters and help "tired" parents decades younger and in much better health? I guess if any warm body is good enough. But the in-laws don't like they are doing well yet they were expected to be more helpful than they are probably mentally and physically able. OP set very unrealistic expectations. Yet still has not answered why her lazy husband never stepped up.

+100. And it makes no sense that “everybody ignores” OP but she’s also “expected to have sophisticated conversations.”

I’m beginning to think OP is the troll. That, or she doesn’t like her in-laws and/or looks down on them and is looking for validation.

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean, OP, only in my case it’s my own parents. We visit them and they do provide dinner but that’s about it. We are on our own for breakfast and lunch, which is fine, but just some info about the visit. We are on our own in terms of getting our rooms ready (they won’t have put sheets and blankets on the beds before we arrive, there may or may not be pillows, the rooms we stay in might have stuff everywhere so there’s nowhere to put our suitcases/clothes, we will be on the hunt for bath towels, etc). They don’t do childcare. At all. Which is fine and I’m a SAHM too so I’m used to it but it’s still harder to parent kids in someone else’s home where the kids are often not sleeping well, off their usual schedule, expected to be quiet and still for long periods of time while adults converse and/or watch tv that’s not little kid friendly (the news, for example).

2 things that help:

-get the kids out of the house for a large portion of the day every day…playground, zoo, etc
-allow the kids lots of screen time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m actually a SAHM, but funny that this thread turned into criticizing me for not knowing how to take care of my own kids while doing household chores! I felt like a nanny to be caring for the kids and doing chores *while all the other adults ignored us and continued with their conversations*.

And as several PPs have grasped, the issue is taking care of my kids *in an extremely unsafe space that is not my own* and also *being expected to have sophisticated conversation with the ILs at the same time.*

Now I’m back at home taking care of my kids all by myself… but in my own space and not while someone is annoyed I’m not engaging in adult conversation!

Yikes you sound like an amateur, not a SAHM. Everyone knows you need to get the kids out of the house for a large part of the day. Go to a park, museum, zoo, long walk, whatever. Your youngest is 2, this isn't your first rodeo. Have you never been to the in-laws house or have they rapidly declined? The state of their house would have been known if you had visited before.

Are you extremely obtuse? Or are you just a lonely internet troll?

Are you? Do you normally expect people who are sick enough to need and leave copious meds around their unkempt house to be ideal babysitters and help "tired" parents decades younger and in much better health? I guess if any warm body is good enough. But the in-laws don't like they are doing well yet they were expected to be more helpful than they are probably mentally and physically able. OP set very unrealistic expectations. Yet still has not answered why her lazy husband never stepped up.

+100. And it makes no sense that “everybody ignores” OP but she’s also “expected to have sophisticated conversations.”

I’m beginning to think OP is the troll. That, or she doesn’t like her in-laws and/or looks down on them and is looking for validation.

I’m a new poster. I get it, OP. My MIL’s house is like a museum, she doesn’t particularly like kids and basically just wanted to have “adult” holidays and catch up with her sons. I spent a couple of visits wrangling my kids while my husband caught up with his mother and brother and then told him we needed a new approach. I deserve to enjoy the holidays too but instead I felt like you: like the nanny. My kids are now older thankfully but after talking it over with my husband he began to see the dynamic and we worked togethef to make sure we both enjoyed the holidays with his family. Good luck