Why do young people have kids they can't afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.

From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.

pp here -- this is such a valid point and I would love to know more about Iceland's support system.

I had my child at 26 (planned) and it has worked out great for me but it was under unusual circumstances. My career has not suffered at all.

I am anecdotally seeing more of my peers have a baby in their late 20s with the advent of paid parental leave.

26 is too young. Sorry

Lol, 26 is not too young. Both of my gen x siblings were married and had their first kids before 26. They are also incredibly successful and wealthy. They had their shit together and did not waste their twenties (and frankly, their peak fertility years) toying around at bottomless brunches and social sports leagues.

My parents also were married at 23 and had their first kid at 25. Both professionals, including biglaw. Was it too young 40 years ago? The only thing that’s changed (besides reproductive medicine) is that for some reason, it’s now acceptable for adults to still be considered incapable children by their mid twenties.

I have no issue with people who choose to wait until they’re 35+ or don’t meet the right person until then, but don’t attack mid twenties as too young either.

-married in my mid twenties, first kid in late twenties.

So those who don’t have children in their twenties are eating at bottomless brunches and talking sports leagues. Okay, you! Sorry I didn’t have children in my twenties nor ate brunch and talked sports. I missed that email.

Um, pretty much. That’s what I was doing before I had my kids- working, living in the city, going out for nice meals, and traveling. That’s what my family and friends who don’t have kids were doing and are still doing. Some people are getting grad degrees in their twenties. And all of that is fine. My only point is that it’s fine to delay having kids (or don’t have them at all! Who cares?) but it’s also fine to have them in your twenties when you are also an adult. There is nothing “too young” about it other than our culture continuing to delay what’s considered to be adulthood. And people who are adamant that you have to wait until your mid to late thirties are as equally annoying and self righteous as the camp who insists on having them young.

So you’re saying nothing to young in regards to having babies. Move to Afghanistan, you’ll fit right in.

No, I said ones mid twenties is not too young- the PP i replied to originally said 26 was too young. A person becomes an adult somewhere between 18 and 21 in the US. So even if it’s not recommended to marry right then, saying you’re too young 5 years later, and should only have kids 12-17 years later is absurd!

The brain is not fully done growing till mid 20’s. 18 is adult only in legal sense. You condone getting married at 18?

So why is it “legal” then? Why can a so called child be drafted to the military, or vote in an election? And no, I don’t condone getting married at 18. But I also don’t think one must be 32 and wait until 37 to have kids. It’s a personal choice and both are “appropriate.”

You think that because the govt says one can join the military and vote that this makes one an adult in all aspects?
And for good measure, you don’t think they should get married.
Which is it for you?

Like I said, don’t think people should be getting married at 18. Think it’s perfectly reasonable to marry and be thinking about starting a family when you’re 25. That’s a full seven years later. As usual, the answer is somewhere in between two extremes.

DP
Why not, you used the 18-21 age as a defense in “adult” age along with military and voting.
Hypocritical of you to say now that an 18 year old shouldn’t get married when that was the basis of your argument.

Good riddance. If you scroll up, what I said (verbatim) is that in the us one is considered an adult legally between 18-21 and while it’s not recommended to marry at that age, on the precipice of adulthood, five - seven years later (age 23-25) is an entirely different story. Maybe read it.

Dp

That contradicts your counter argument that a person is an adult at the age of 18 but you do not believe that said person should wed.
You cannot have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Your Brian needs to be fully mature to raise a baby. Somehow, this is news to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Is it really true that sex drive peaks then? I think older women are just more confident. I need someone real to tell me they have a higher sex drive at 40 than 18. I don't believe it. Why would sex drive peak as fertility drops--it is not biological, but more likely just experience and increased self-confidence.

Teenage girls are at peak fertility. You condone that? Apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Your Brian needs to be fully mature to raise a baby. Somehow, this is news to you.

Says who? What is “full” maturity? We’re womens brains not mature when they raised kids before 30/40 for how many years now? Was your mothers brain not fully developed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Is it really true that sex drive peaks then? I think older women are just more confident. I need someone real to tell me they have a higher sex drive at 40 than 18. I don't believe it. Why would sex drive peak as fertility drops--it is not biological, but more likely just experience and increased self-confidence.

Teenage girls are at peak fertility. You condone that? Apparently.

Of course not. But you don’t have to be 38 and at subpar fertility either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.

From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.

pp here -- this is such a valid point and I would love to know more about Iceland's support system.

I had my child at 26 (planned) and it has worked out great for me but it was under unusual circumstances. My career has not suffered at all.

I am anecdotally seeing more of my peers have a baby in their late 20s with the advent of paid parental leave.

26 is too young. Sorry

Lol, 26 is not too young. Both of my gen x siblings were married and had their first kids before 26. They are also incredibly successful and wealthy. They had their shit together and did not waste their twenties (and frankly, their peak fertility years) toying around at bottomless brunches and social sports leagues.

My parents also were married at 23 and had their first kid at 25. Both professionals, including biglaw. Was it too young 40 years ago? The only thing that’s changed (besides reproductive medicine) is that for some reason, it’s now acceptable for adults to still be considered incapable children by their mid twenties.

I have no issue with people who choose to wait until they’re 35+ or don’t meet the right person until then, but don’t attack mid twenties as too young either.

-married in my mid twenties, first kid in late twenties.

So those who don’t have children in their twenties are eating at bottomless brunches and talking sports leagues. Okay, you! Sorry I didn’t have children in my twenties nor ate brunch and talked sports. I missed that email.

Um, pretty much. That’s what I was doing before I had my kids- working, living in the city, going out for nice meals, and traveling. That’s what my family and friends who don’t have kids were doing and are still doing. Some people are getting grad degrees in their twenties. And all of that is fine. My only point is that it’s fine to delay having kids (or don’t have them at all! Who cares?) but it’s also fine to have them in your twenties when you are also an adult. There is nothing “too young” about it other than our culture continuing to delay what’s considered to be adulthood. And people who are adamant that you have to wait until your mid to late thirties are as equally annoying and self righteous as the camp who insists on having them young.

So you’re saying nothing to young in regards to having babies. Move to Afghanistan, you’ll fit right in.

No, I said ones mid twenties is not too young- the PP i replied to originally said 26 was too young. A person becomes an adult somewhere between 18 and 21 in the US. So even if it’s not recommended to marry right then, saying you’re too young 5 years later, and should only have kids 12-17 years later is absurd!

The brain is not fully done growing till mid 20’s. 18 is adult only in legal sense. You condone getting married at 18?

So why is it “legal” then? Why can a so called child be drafted to the military, or vote in an election? And no, I don’t condone getting married at 18. But I also don’t think one must be 32 and wait until 37 to have kids. It’s a personal choice and both are “appropriate.”

You think that because the govt says one can join the military and vote that this makes one an adult in all aspects?
And for good measure, you don’t think they should get married.
Which is it for you?

Like I said, don’t think people should be getting married at 18. Think it’s perfectly reasonable to marry and be thinking about starting a family when you’re 25. That’s a full seven years later. As usual, the answer is somewhere in between two extremes.

DP
Why not, you used the 18-21 age as a defense in “adult” age along with military and voting.
Hypocritical of you to say now that an 18 year old shouldn’t get married when that was the basis of your argument.

Good riddance. If you scroll up, what I said (verbatim) is that in the us one is considered an adult legally between 18-21 and while it’s not recommended to marry at that age, on the precipice of adulthood, five - seven years later (age 23-25) is an entirely different story. Maybe read it.

Dp

That contradicts your counter argument that a person is an adult at the age of 18 but you do not believe that said person should wed.
You cannot have it both ways.

There was no counter argument. One is a fact (that you are legally an adult between those ages) and the other is my moral belief that it’s also too young for marriage (even though it’s legal.) the actual point was that 18 is not 26. One is young and one is not so much so. Next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Your Brian needs to be fully mature to raise a baby. Somehow, this is news to you.

Says who? What is “full” maturity? We’re womens brains not mature when they raised kids before 30/40 for how many years now? Was your mothers brain not fully developed?

Says science. Unfortunately, yours missed that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

Ha! I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.

From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.

pp here -- this is such a valid point and I would love to know more about Iceland's support system.

I had my child at 26 (planned) and it has worked out great for me but it was under unusual circumstances. My career has not suffered at all.

I am anecdotally seeing more of my peers have a baby in their late 20s with the advent of paid parental leave.

26 is too young. Sorry

Lol, 26 is not too young. Both of my gen x siblings were married and had their first kids before 26. They are also incredibly successful and wealthy. They had their shit together and did not waste their twenties (and frankly, their peak fertility years) toying around at bottomless brunches and social sports leagues.

My parents also were married at 23 and had their first kid at 25. Both professionals, including biglaw. Was it too young 40 years ago? The only thing that’s changed (besides reproductive medicine) is that for some reason, it’s now acceptable for adults to still be considered incapable children by their mid twenties.

I have no issue with people who choose to wait until they’re 35+ or don’t meet the right person until then, but don’t attack mid twenties as too young either.

-married in my mid twenties, first kid in late twenties.

So those who don’t have children in their twenties are eating at bottomless brunches and talking sports leagues. Okay, you! Sorry I didn’t have children in my twenties nor ate brunch and talked sports. I missed that email.

Um, pretty much. That’s what I was doing before I had my kids- working, living in the city, going out for nice meals, and traveling. That’s what my family and friends who don’t have kids were doing and are still doing. Some people are getting grad degrees in their twenties. And all of that is fine. My only point is that it’s fine to delay having kids (or don’t have them at all! Who cares?) but it’s also fine to have them in your twenties when you are also an adult. There is nothing “too young” about it other than our culture continuing to delay what’s considered to be adulthood. And people who are adamant that you have to wait until your mid to late thirties are as equally annoying and self righteous as the camp who insists on having them young.

So you’re saying nothing to young in regards to having babies. Move to Afghanistan, you’ll fit right in.

No, I said ones mid twenties is not too young- the PP i replied to originally said 26 was too young. A person becomes an adult somewhere between 18 and 21 in the US. So even if it’s not recommended to marry right then, saying you’re too young 5 years later, and should only have kids 12-17 years later is absurd!

The brain is not fully done growing till mid 20’s. 18 is adult only in legal sense. You condone getting married at 18?

So why is it “legal” then? Why can a so called child be drafted to the military, or vote in an election? And no, I don’t condone getting married at 18. But I also don’t think one must be 32 and wait until 37 to have kids. It’s a personal choice and both are “appropriate.”

You think that because the govt says one can join the military and vote that this makes one an adult in all aspects?
And for good measure, you don’t think they should get married.
Which is it for you?

Like I said, don’t think people should be getting married at 18. Think it’s perfectly reasonable to marry and be thinking about starting a family when you’re 25. That’s a full seven years later. As usual, the answer is somewhere in between two extremes.

DP
Why not, you used the 18-21 age as a defense in “adult” age along with military and voting.
Hypocritical of you to say now that an 18 year old shouldn’t get married when that was the basis of your argument.

Good riddance. If you scroll up, what I said (verbatim) is that in the us one is considered an adult legally between 18-21 and while it’s not recommended to marry at that age, on the precipice of adulthood, five - seven years later (age 23-25) is an entirely different story. Maybe read it.

Dp

That contradicts your counter argument that a person is an adult at the age of 18 but you do not believe that said person should wed.
You cannot have it both ways.

There was no counter argument. One is a fact (that you are legally an adult between those ages) and the other is my moral belief that it’s also too young for marriage (even though it’s legal.) the actual point was that 18 is not 26. One is young and one is not so much so. Next.

You’re twisted into a pretzel with your contradiction.
You used the legal age argument, now you’re trying to get out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Is it really true that sex drive peaks then? I think older women are just more confident. I need someone real to tell me they have a higher sex drive at 40 than 18. I don't believe it. Why would sex drive peak as fertility drops--it is not biological, but more likely just experience and increased self-confidence.

Teenage girls are at peak fertility. You condone that? Apparently.

No they aren’t. Who told you that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

Because one can does not mean they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

*done- not don’t