S/O: Dud children

[Anonymous]

Older sibling is a dud.

Has given up on life.

[Anonymous]

If a parent raised a dud kid, the parent is a dud who failed at their most important life task.

[Anonymous]

If a parent raised a dud kid, the parent is a dud who failed at their most important life task.

You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a parent raised a dud kid, the parent is a dud who failed at their most important life task.

I’d never say it out loud, and totally judgmental of me, but I agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a parent raised a dud kid, the parent is a dud who failed at their most important life task.

I’d never say it out loud, and totally judgmental of me, but I agree

How do you explain it if parents raised 3 successful children and one dude? Still just the parents’ fault, or are you willing to entertain the idea that there may be something else at play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a parent raised a dud kid, the parent is a dud who failed at their most important life task.

I’d never say it out loud, and totally judgmental of me, but I agree

How do you explain it if parents raised 3 successful children and one dude? Still just the parents’ fault, or are you willing to entertain the idea that there may be something else at play?

Parents parent each kid differently. Even if you all grow up in the same house with the same parents, you are not getting exactly the same parenting. But I think it’s a mixture of parenting and personality. Nature and nurture.

[Anonymous]

Shame on all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My "dud" child works 10 times as hard as the average smart kid to achieve the same thing. He is twice exceptional, meaning he is gifted but also learning disordered, with a few medical diagnoses to round it all off. He has an IEP and 100% extra time. Extraordinarily slow processing speed. Various weird quirks. Lethal allergies.

He needs so much hand-holding in all matters of practical life.
Yet he has a high IQ and he's intellectually curious and decidedly academic. He knows exactly what he wants to do but has difficulty executing it.

It turns out my dud child, is not a dud. He is mentally resilient, and has learned to persist despite immense odds, starting from an accident at birth.

So he's a hero.

But people on this board will happily wave all kids with special needs into the "also-ran" category, and excoriate all families of youngsters with "invisible" special needs, because "we're coddling our kids", and we should "let them make their own mistakes", and because of us this "snowflake generation is completely incapacitated".

Once you shut out the noise of the ignorant masses, and focus on who your children really are, I don't think any of them will turn out to be duds. But you have to be observant, and compassionate, and never let them off the work ethic hook because of their needs. Know their potential, their strengths and weaknesses, and adjust expectations. Provide everything that they need to succeed. Teach them to advocate for themselves. Help them find what they're good at.

There are no duds in my family. Just variously functional people with labels like HFA or ADHD or anxiety. Some of those same people also have labels like MD and PhD, so we know that some labels are not incompatible with each other.

I think my point is: know yourself. Know your kids. Self-awareness is the greatest gift.

One of the few good posts here. Same as every thread on this forum, but this basically highlights how 90% of you are toxic, but 10% of posters, like the above, are compassionate, well adjusted, any genuinely happy and wise seeming human beings.

Sorry, no. This is not what this thread is about. Working ten times harder than someone else is the exact opposite of a dud. Also being an MD or a PhD is not a dud. I have no idea why that PP even responded to this thread -- to call attention to her entire family NOT having any "duds"?

Some people are duds. That's what this thread is about.

Umm I'm pretty sure the reason Jesus was crucified was to teach that every single person is a child of Gid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well first, I would never in a million years refer to my children as “duds”. Ever. I have five adult kids. All college grads. All have great jobs. Two are married with kids. They are doing great now, but we went through some really challenging times with each of them. Young adults- especially young men- sometimes need a little extra time to mature. Calling them “duds”” says more about you than them.

While you are being high and mighty, you do realize that just because you don't call a thing a thing, does not make it any less of a thing, right? This thread is about anonymously admitting to what parents may see in their children. Ignoring what's right in your face only means you are in denial. Nobody cares about what you would never refer to your children as.

DP. “Dud” is an opinion, not a fact. Insert childish eyeroll emoji here.

[Anonymous]

I do know two kids who were excellent students (one at a well-regarded private, one at a decent public) in high school who “transferred down” universities. The one who went to private high school was at a pretty well-known, respected international university (think: St. Andrews in Scotland, Trinity College Dublin). She transferred in the middle of her third year to a local directional state school & commuted.

The other kid was in the honors program at a state school that’s become fairly selective (think: UGA, Clemson, Pitt). Transferred early on to local directional school.

I also know someone who transferred out of Georgetown to a very tiny regional private college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame on all of you.

Interesting. I saw some very thoughtful, nuanced posts on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame on all of you.

Says someone who had perfect, agreeable & easygoing kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My "dud" child works 10 times as hard as the average smart kid to achieve the same thing. He is twice exceptional, meaning he is gifted but also learning disordered, with a few medical diagnoses to round it all off. He has an IEP and 100% extra time. Extraordinarily slow processing speed. Various weird quirks. Lethal allergies.

He needs so much hand-holding in all matters of practical life.
Yet he has a high IQ and he's intellectually curious and decidedly academic. He knows exactly what he wants to do but has difficulty executing it.

It turns out my dud child, is not a dud. He is mentally resilient, and has learned to persist despite immense odds, starting from an accident at birth.

So he's a hero.

But people on this board will happily wave all kids with special needs into the "also-ran" category, and excoriate all families of youngsters with "invisible" special needs, because "we're coddling our kids", and we should "let them make their own mistakes", and because of us this "snowflake generation is completely incapacitated".

Once you shut out the noise of the ignorant masses, and focus on who your children really are, I don't think any of them will turn out to be duds. But you have to be observant, and compassionate, and never let them off the work ethic hook because of their needs. Know their potential, their strengths and weaknesses, and adjust expectations. Provide everything that they need to succeed. Teach them to advocate for themselves. Help them find what they're good at.

There are no duds in my family. Just variously functional people with labels like HFA or ADHD or anxiety. Some of those same people also have labels like MD and PhD, so we know that some labels are not incompatible with each other.

I think my point is: know yourself. Know your kids. Self-awareness is the greatest gift.

One of the few good posts here. Same as every thread on this forum, but this basically highlights how 90% of you are toxic, but 10% of posters, like the above, are compassionate, well adjusted, any genuinely happy and wise seeming human beings.

Sorry, no. This is not what this thread is about. Working ten times harder than someone else is the exact opposite of a dud. Also being an MD or a PhD is not a dud. I have no idea why that PP even responded to this thread -- to call attention to her entire family NOT having any "duds"?

Some people are duds. That's what this thread is about.

Umm I'm pretty sure the reason Jesus was crucified was to teach that every single person is a child of Gid.

Jesus (Josh to his friends) abandoned a promising carpentry business at 30 to wander around with a bunch of unemployed dudes shooting off his mouth and causing trouble. Then at 33 he left and moved back into his dad's house, where's he been ever since. The ultimate DCUM dud?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do know two kids who were excellent students (one at a well-regarded private, one at a decent public) in high school who “transferred down” universities. The one who went to private high school was at a pretty well-known, respected international university (think: St. Andrews in Scotland, Trinity College Dublin). She transferred in the middle of her third year to a local directional state school & commuted.

The other kid was in the honors program at a state school that’s become fairly selective (think: UGA, Clemson, Pitt). Transferred early on to local directional school.

I also know someone who transferred out of Georgetown to a very tiny regional private college.

Do you think less prestigious colleges make people duds? Really?

I know a couple people who did this, and it was what they needed to do to get through college after a major traumatic event and mental health crisis. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a parent raised a dud kid, the parent is a dud who failed at their most important life task.

I’d never say it out loud, and totally judgmental of me, but I agree

How do you explain it if parents raised 3 successful children and one dude? Still just the parents’ fault, or are you willing to entertain the idea that there may be something else at play?

25% dud.