SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

I would do it because I would want to write my nieces letters and have that connection with them, not because I was trying to cover for my husband's laziness or failings. If you and OP don't want that type of connection then don't write, but sometimes relationships are about what the other person wants and needs and not just what you want to give them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

I would do it because I would want to write my nieces letters and have that connection with them, not because I was trying to cover for my husband's laziness or failings. If you and OP don't want that type of connection then don't write, but sometimes relationships are about what the other person wants and needs and not just what you want to give them.

Would you stop with the judgments? Just because you want to write letters doesn't mean someone who doesn't won't have "a connection" with their nieces/nephews. The best relationships are mutual. Judging someone because they don't want or do things you would do doesn't mean they're wrong or, in your words, 'a failure'.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

Time equivalents aren't the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

I would do it because I would want to write my nieces letters and have that connection with them, not because I was trying to cover for my husband's laziness or failings. If you and OP don't want that type of connection then don't write, but sometimes relationships are about what the other person wants and needs and not just what you want to give them.

Would you stop with the judgments? Just because you want to write letters doesn't mean someone who doesn't won't have "a connection" with their nieces/nephews. The best relationships are mutual. Judging someone because they don't want or do things you would do doesn't mean they're wrong or, in your words, 'a failure'.

If you're asking me if I'm judging people that don't want to have a relationship with their niece because its either too much work, or because the niece is not blood related, or because they are trying to prove a point to their husband...Yes, I judge that person.

You are correct; the best relationships are mutual. Its very unfortunate for that poor girl at camp that her aunt does not want a relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are families like this? I would absolutely have my kids sent little notes to their cousins at camp. I'm sure your niece will write them back. This little bit of family love and happiness between the cousins will cost you less than $5. And you can drop the letters at the end of your own driveway in your mailbox. The effort is next to nothing.

+1

Swing by a dollar store, pick up a few cards, and write a line. Done!
Ugh my family is like this where every single thing is a hassle or an issue. Always a martyr.

[Anonymous]

As someone with no nieces and nephews on the horizon (ever?) I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to drop a line or two on a postcard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

I would do it because I would want to write my nieces letters and have that connection with them, not because I was trying to cover for my husband's laziness or failings. If you and OP don't want that type of connection then don't write, but sometimes relationships are about what the other person wants and needs and not just what you want to give them.

Would you stop with the judgments? Just because you want to write letters doesn't mean someone who doesn't won't have "a connection" with their nieces/nephews. The best relationships are mutual. Judging someone because they don't want or do things you would do doesn't mean they're wrong or, in your words, 'a failure'.

If you're asking me if I'm judging people that don't want to have a relationship with their niece because its either too much work, or because the niece is not blood related, or because they are trying to prove a point to their husband...Yes, I judge that person.

You are correct; the best relationships are mutual. Its very unfortunate for that poor girl at camp that her aunt does not want a relationship with her.

Why do you care? I have nothing in common with my DH’s nieces. I don’t think there is anything “unfortunate” in that, and they have shown zero interest in having a relationship with me either. I am pleasant to them the once every couple years we meet. That’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

I would do it because I would want to write my nieces letters and have that connection with them, not because I was trying to cover for my husband's laziness or failings. If you and OP don't want that type of connection then don't write, but sometimes relationships are about what the other person wants and needs and not just what you want to give them.

Would you stop with the judgments? Just because you want to write letters doesn't mean someone who doesn't won't have "a connection" with their nieces/nephews. The best relationships are mutual. Judging someone because they don't want or do things you would do doesn't mean they're wrong or, in your words, 'a failure'.

If you're asking me if I'm judging people that don't want to have a relationship with their niece because its either too much work, or because the niece is not blood related, or because they are trying to prove a point to their husband...Yes, I judge that person.

You are correct; the best relationships are mutual. Its very unfortunate for that poor girl at camp that her aunt does not want a relationship with her.

Why do you care? I have nothing in common with my DH’s nieces. I don’t think there is anything “unfortunate” in that, and they have shown zero interest in having a relationship with me either. I am pleasant to them the once every couple years we meet. That’s fine.

DP. I'll add that the judgey poster also uses black/white langue. Not writing = failure; not writing = no connection; not writing = not wanting to have a relationship. We don't live in an 'either or' world! I judge you for your misogynistic judgements!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, you could have scrawled a few lines and handed it to your husband to do the same and post in the amount of time it took you to write this.

Time equivalents aren't the issue.

NP. Why, then?

[Anonymous]

Here's my bottom line. Writing letters to our nieces and nephews in camp was never a thing in our family (come to think of it, neither was camp). But if my SIL asked me to write a letter to her seven-year-old, I'd either do it (probably) or not do it (less probable). The one thing I would not do for sure is post a thread on the internet complaining about my SIL for asking me to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my bottom line. Writing letters to our nieces and nephews in camp was never a thing in our family (come to think of it, neither was camp). But if my SIL asked me to write a letter to her seven-year-old, I'd either do it (probably) or not do it (less probable). The one thing I would not do for sure is post a thread on the internet complaining about my SIL for asking me to do it.

+1

I would be flattered that a message from me would be meaningful to them. You can’t have too much love in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my bottom line. Writing letters to our nieces and nephews in camp was never a thing in our family (come to think of it, neither was camp). But if my SIL asked me to write a letter to her seven-year-old, I'd either do it (probably) or not do it (less probable). The one thing I would not do for sure is post a thread on the internet complaining about my SIL for asking me to do it.

+1

I would be flattered that a message from me would be meaningful to them. You can’t have too much love in this world.

+1000
If it make a kid smile, why not? And maybe it will foster a relationship and you'll find out you have more in common than you thought.

[Anonymous]

Hell, I’ll write to them. Getting mail is a thrill and maybe they’re a little homesick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.

It’s 1950s outdated sexist trash and “benefits” no one.

+100 I blame a lot of this on the rwnjs who are trying to put women in their place back in 1950.

Wow. some of you guys are just ADAMENT about not having a relationship with your DH's side of the family. Which, to be honest, feels like you're just setting yourselves up for failure

DP. Failure? What failure? Not writing postcards doesn't mean I don't have or don't want a relationship with my DH's side of the family. What I DO want is to be able to have relationships on my terms, not what is dictated by someone else, especially people who hold outdated, patriarchal attitudes about the role of women - that includes women with those attitudes. If my DH's family don't like what I bring to a relationship and how I bring it, fine. Choices should be respected.

I would do it because I would want to write my nieces letters and have that connection with them, not because I was trying to cover for my husband's laziness or failings. If you and OP don't want that type of connection then don't write, but sometimes relationships are about what the other person wants and needs and not just what you want to give them.

+1 I also would want to write my nieces letters. I honestly cannot imagine why I wouldn't want to but, if that's you, OP, then that's you. I admit I don't see the dividing line of my family and your family; for my husband and me, it is "our" family.