Parents please believe your child’s teacher

[Anonymous]

You lost me at “their behavior communicates what they experience at home.” If it’s clear to the parents that you are judging them, then of course they aren’t listening to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

My personal favorite was:

- Teacher: Your child has big problems and terrible behavior!
- Me: That’s odd - we’ve never heard that after years in daycare
- Teacher: (No mention of Child Find evaluations) Your child is horrible!!
- Me: Well, what can we do right now?
- Teacher: Nothing. Until we know what is causing this, there is nothing I can do.
- Me: … ok, guess we will leave this school
- Child: (Next two years, perfect behavior in different school.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

DP. These dialogues *actually happen.* Regularly. So regularly every SN mom recognizes them.

Here’s another one:

Me: Hi, teacher - My child has autism and here are XYZ things to do when you see ABC behavior. It’s in the IEP
Teacher: OMG CHILD DID ABC!!!!
Me: Did you follow the IEP?
Teacher: ….

Most teachers are well meaning. But many have a lot to learn when it comes to establishing good partnerships with parents of kids having challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, severe constipation can look like autism to an untrained eye. Lack of vision correction can present itself as a student with learning difficulties. Teacher – stay in your lane.

Signed, another teacher who is also a parent.

You should have your teaching license revoked. Severe constipation and ASD are in no way similar and are both medical issues that need medical treatment. You need to stay in your lane and stop playing doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

DP. These dialogues *actually happen.* Regularly. So regularly every SN mom recognizes them.

Here’s another one:

Me: Hi, teacher - My child has autism and here are XYZ things to do when you see ABC behavior. It’s in the IEP
Teacher: OMG CHILD DID ABC!!!!
Me: Did you follow the IEP?
Teacher: ….

Most teachers are well meaning. But many have a lot to learn when it comes to establishing good partnerships with parents of kids having challenges.

I am the teacher who posted above AND a special needs mom. I have been on BOTH sides of the desk during parent / teacher conferences and I have had tough conversations about my own kid. That doesn’t mean I’m going to gleefully mock an entire profession because I had a bad experience. (I did.) That’s what this portion of the thread is… mocking. I teach my students and my own children not to stand for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

Well then I apologize. I was only speaking from our experience where we get little information on what is happening and then get determinations cloaked in whatever psuedo-clinical terminology is trendy at the moment. Hopefully you don't do either of those things. The lack of information due to Hippa or whatever makes us unable to comprehend the scope of the problem and the psuedo-clinical terminology often used in describing things minimizes the serious of the situation.

Please for God's sake use nornal language and let us know the individuals involved. We often have cont3xt that is useful on figuring out what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

Well then I apologize. I was only speaking from our experience where we get little information on what is happening and then get determinations cloaked in whatever psuedo-clinical terminology is trendy at the moment. Hopefully you don't do either of those things. The lack of information due to Hippa or whatever makes us unable to comprehend the scope of the problem and the psuedo-clinical terminology often used in describing things minimizes the serious of the situation.

Please for God's sake use nornal language and let us know the individuals involved. We often have cont3xt that is useful on figuring out what the problem is.

We can certainly use normal language and we should be doing that. As for naming other students, I can get in significant trouble for doing so. A coworker of mine was formally reprimanded for using another student’s name during a parent/teacher conference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

DP. These dialogues *actually happen.* Regularly. So regularly every SN mom recognizes them.

Here’s another one:

Me: Hi, teacher - My child has autism and here are XYZ things to do when you see ABC behavior. It’s in the IEP
Teacher: OMG CHILD DID ABC!!!!
Me: Did you follow the IEP?
Teacher: ….

Most teachers are well meaning. But many have a lot to learn when it comes to establishing good partnerships with parents of kids having challenges.

I am the teacher who posted above AND a special needs mom. I have been on BOTH sides of the desk during parent / teacher conferences and I have had tough conversations about my own kid. That doesn’t mean I’m going to gleefully mock an entire profession because I had a bad experience. (I did.) That’s what this portion of the thread is… mocking. I teach my students and my own children not to stand for that.

OP started the thread criticizing parents, so here we are. And recounting common conversations and dynamics is not “mocking” you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

DP. These dialogues *actually happen.* Regularly. So regularly every SN mom recognizes them.

Here’s another one:

Me: Hi, teacher - My child has autism and here are XYZ things to do when you see ABC behavior. It’s in the IEP
Teacher: OMG CHILD DID ABC!!!!
Me: Did you follow the IEP?
Teacher: ….

Most teachers are well meaning. But many have a lot to learn when it comes to establishing good partnerships with parents of kids having challenges.

I am the teacher who posted above AND a special needs mom. I have been on BOTH sides of the desk during parent / teacher conferences and I have had tough conversations about my own kid. That doesn’t mean I’m going to gleefully mock an entire profession because I had a bad experience. (I did.) That’s what this portion of the thread is… mocking. I teach my students and my own children not to stand for that.

OP started the thread criticizing parents, so here we are. And recounting common conversations and dynamics is not “mocking” you.

But are they actually “common conversations”? Do you think these reflect regular interactions? I highly doubt that’s true.

As I wrote, I’m a parent of a SN child and I have had the types of conversations the OP mentioned in relation to my OWN kid. I did not read the OP’s post as mocking at all. Rather, it was a sincere (if poorly worded) appeal to parents to listen to teachers’ comments. It did not warrant the out-for-blood responses from some parents here. It has been a long year for all of us and it would be nice if we could pause the attacks and give a bit of grace. I know that’s a big ask for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

I have news for you. There is not that much a parent can do at home for behavioral issues at school. The school has to take the lead, including with an IEP or BIP as appropriate. The reason parents don’t listen to teachers is that teachers almost always present information as if they are complaining about kids.

I have news for you. Parenting is awesome. You should try it sometime.

Parenting is a verb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad you're back.

You still haven't responded to criticism of this part of your OP:

And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

Do you really not see how statement like this are essentially designed to make parents angry and defensive? You are not qualified to diagnose a child with autism, and if you are speaking like this to parents with autistic children, do you really not understand that they are own their own difficult journey that you simply do not understand? And your phrasing here about kids who get picked on is absolutely unacceptable from a teacher. Absolutely, 100%, not acceptable. Parents with kids who are being picked on and bullied are ALWAYS working with their kids to figure out how to keep themselves from being a target. Do you have kids? Do you not understand how heartbreaking it is to have send your kid to school where another kid is making fun of them or tormenting them? If there was a magic thing you could tell your kid to keep it from happening, you would.

It's just so condescending. If a teacher said this to me about my kid who was being tormented, not only would I not "believe her", I'd ask that my kid be removed from her class. When I child is being consistently picked on in your classroom, the answer is for the adult in the room to intervene, and work with the kids to address these issues. I get that you don't have perfect control, but you have more than I do in that moment, and "sorry kiddo but you've got to stop making yourself a victim here" is NOT going to cut it. Address the problem.

Fortunately I've never had a teacher pull this with me -- we've always had good relationships built on trust and mutual respect. But what you wrote in your OP was not trusting or respectful. I think if you have enough poor relationships with parents to write something like this, the problem might be you.

Well folks I apologize for triggering so many parents with this post. Please know that I would never in a million years be so blunt in an actual conversation with a parent of a struggling student. I DO understand how heartbreaking it is, having been on the receiving end of such information twice. Please know, however, that there are many many parents out there who would rather deny that a problem exists and verbally attack the teacher for bringing it up in the most respectful, compassionate way. That was the audience for this post - parents who will leave their child, the teacher and sometimes the entire affected class hanging because they cannot believe that their child might need extra support. It is completely demoralizing for all involved. So, with those experiences under my belt along with the multiple chastisements posted in this thread from parents who DO want to support their struggling children, I will think twice about having these conversations in the future. You have cut me down to size, put me in my place, and schooled the teacher.

PP here and again, your attitude here is abrasive and superior. Parents are responding to your attitude and tone.

The words you used in your OP were not "blunt", they were wrong. You are wrong that Kids who are being picked on simply need to "learn not to be a victim." You are wrong that you are capable of diagnosing a child with autism. Even if one of your kids has autism! I know from experience that often parents of kids with SN can be most guilty of hearing hoofbeats and thinking zebras. Your experience with your own kid can make it hard to view other children objectively, and unless you are evaluating the child in more than one settings, you are not getting a full enough picture to make a diagnosis (not to mention that being a parent of a kid with SN does not actually make you a doctor, we all need to remember that).

But my bigger issue here is that even when parents are politely and fairly pointing out how your OP was worded in a combative, hurtful way that put parents on the defensive, your response is sarcastic, angry, and rude.

If you want parents to approach you as a trusted partner, act like one. You are basically saying "listen to what I say but DON'T try to give me context that might alter my point of view because I'm right and you're wrong, and I'm the teacher so I know best." Sorry, but if that is your approach, it's no wonder you encounter parents who don't trust your assessment or who push back with alternate views. Maybe some of those kids who you diagnosed with autism really were just smart loners, and you could have better supported them if you hadn't been busy indicting their parents. Maybe some of those kids you decided were "acting the victim" were actually doing everything they could to lay low and protect themselves, and you were simply blaming them for a classroom dynamic they couldn't control.

I am so glad my kid's teachers are not like this.

[Anonymous]

My experience with trusting teachers and the administration about my child was that it meant DC missed out on two years of appropriate reading instruction. Those two years are also some of the most impactful with regard to reading. Apparently DC was put on a watch list in kindergarten, this was not revealed to us until mid-second grade when we were having our first IEP meeting. The secrecy involved in that and the amount of pushback we received that initial year and in subsequent years destroyed any trust I had in the teachers and administrators. “The gift of time” is most detrimental to the students that are in need of the most help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience with trusting teachers and the administration about my child was that it meant DC missed out on two years of appropriate reading instruction. Those two years are also some of the most impactful with regard to reading. Apparently DC was put on a watch list in kindergarten, this was not revealed to us until mid-second grade when we were having our first IEP meeting. The secrecy involved in that and the amount of pushback we received that initial year and in subsequent years destroyed any trust I had in the teachers and administrators. “The gift of time” is most detrimental to the students that are in need of the most help.

Can you elaborate on what this "watchlist" is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

DP. These dialogues *actually happen.* Regularly. So regularly every SN mom recognizes them.

Here’s another one:

Me: Hi, teacher - My child has autism and here are XYZ things to do when you see ABC behavior. It’s in the IEP
Teacher: OMG CHILD DID ABC!!!!
Me: Did you follow the IEP?
Teacher: ….

Most teachers are well meaning. But many have a lot to learn when it comes to establishing good partnerships with parents of kids having challenges.

I am the teacher who posted above AND a special needs mom. I have been on BOTH sides of the desk during parent / teacher conferences and I have had tough conversations about my own kid. That doesn’t mean I’m going to gleefully mock an entire profession because I had a bad experience. (I did.) That’s what this portion of the thread is… mocking. I teach my students and my own children not to stand for that.

OP started the thread criticizing parents, so here we are. And recounting common conversations and dynamics is not “mocking” you.

But are they actually “common conversations”? Do you think these reflect regular interactions? I highly doubt that’s true.

As I wrote, I’m a parent of a SN child and I have had the types of conversations the OP mentioned in relation to my OWN kid. I did not read the OP’s post as mocking at all. Rather, it was a sincere (if poorly worded) appeal to parents to listen to teachers’ comments. It did not warrant the out-for-blood responses from some parents here. It has been a long year for all of us and it would be nice if we could pause the attacks and give a bit of grace. I know that’s a big ask for DCUM.

I mean, they’re probably just as common as a parent refusing to listen to a teacher.

OP’s post was not sincere. It was bashing parents (aka mothers) and acting like she knows better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

This is absolutely ridiculous and an insult to those of us who perform our jobs well. I can’t believe I work as hard as I do to be treated like this. I know it’s fun and popular to pick on teachers, but all you’re doing is insulting those of us who CARE. Teachers who don’t care also aren’t concerned about your anonymous comments.

Well then I apologize. I was only speaking from our experience where we get little information on what is happening and then get determinations cloaked in whatever psuedo-clinical terminology is trendy at the moment. Hopefully you don't do either of those things. The lack of information due to Hippa or whatever makes us unable to comprehend the scope of the problem and the psuedo-clinical terminology often used in describing things minimizes the serious of the situation.

Please for God's sake use nornal language and let us know the individuals involved. We often have cont3xt that is useful on figuring out what the problem is.

We can certainly use normal language and we should be doing that. As for naming other students, I can get in significant trouble for doing so. A coworker of mine was formally reprimanded for using another student’s name during a parent/teacher conference.

Then there is your problem. Demanding blind faith is never going to work. Especially when using coded language.

Here's another problem. Teachers don't even know the questions, answers, or relativity of the computerized tests they use to make the academic assessments.