Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

Your mother was 52 when you were born? Did your parents adopt?

Yes! Obviously!! Should I have mentioned that?

No, it was clear. PP is just trying to start something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

As an older parent it is always good to hear the child's perspective. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for saying that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

Your mother was 52 when you were born? Did your parents adopt?

Yes! Obviously!! Should I have mentioned that?

This wasn't obvious to me. I had a co-worker who had twins with his wife when she was 52... assisted, of course.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Where did I say they’re 41? I didn’t.

I’m 55 and didn’t grow up here. You realize not everywhere is like DC, right?

You responded to the early 40s poster with an irrelevant post. I know lots of people who had kids in their 20s and are empty nesters now in their 50s too, but that's not what the post was about.

The OP is asking about the experiences of people in their 40s and 50s. She’s asking about regrets. The PP is barely in her 40s and has young kids, but it was okay for her to answer, right? Having had kids around 40 and being in my 50s, is it okay with you if I share my perspective, or no?

I know we all like to pretend our DC experience is universal, but it’s not. I know we all like to assume our kids will have a smooth path to college and independent adulthood, but they don’t. I felt very differently about this at 41 with a toddler than I do now. But by all means, shut me down so the OP doesn’t hear a different perspective.

Sure, you're allowed to comment on the thread. When you want to make a new post that is unrelated to another, be sure not to use the quote function. Nobody's trying to shut you down because you're an older mom who doesn't like being an older mom.

I love being an older mom because I love being a mom to my particular kids. That doesn’t mean there aren’t downsides. You don’t need to denigrate people to feel good about your own life. Just let us share our perspectives, in case they’re helpful to the OP.

Sure, you're allowed to comment on the thread. When you want to make a new post that is unrelated to another, be sure not to use the quote function. Nobody's trying to shut you down because you're an older mom who doesn't like being an older mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

Your mother was 52 when you were born? Did your parents adopt?

Yes! Obviously!! Should I have mentioned that?

Aw, that's so sweet. You were really adored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to financial issues we will be TTC post 35. Assuming we are successful, I am wondering about the ramifications of waiting till older to have children. What has your experience been like?

Why are you asking OP? If you're TTC, then you want a kid or kids. You can't go in a time machine and have kids any younger. Based on DCUM repsonses, are you willing to forgo TTC?

[Anonymous]

I was 29 with my first abs 34 with my 3rd. In NW DC I was basically considered a teen mom among my eldest private school parent cohort. With my third I was still the you best mom in the class but many were only a year or two older.
DH, on the other hand, was 42 with our first and 47 with our third.
It’s working out fine for us… my career is not great mostly because I have a PhD and did not start in my career until later on. We are more established than if my husband were my age, but I don’t think it would have made a huge difference since I have family money.
Our kids are all healthy (for now) and my husband has more energy than I do, but I worry about him being 65 when our you test goes to college. I hear that after 55-60 things start to go down hill fast.
Husban’s parents are early 80s and still more or less healthy, but have no relationship with our kids. My parents are younger (mid 60s) and still working, but very much involved with our kids. My parents play a big role in my kids’ lives (as my grandparents did in mine) and I hope I can do the same for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Not me, but from friends: pregnancy is harder on your body (but being fit helps a ton and seems like it’s more like 40 when this is much rougher, vs 35-36).

The other risk is that it could be harder to get pregnant. That can happen at any age but it increases the older you get. And your window to figure that out is shorter. You could end up needing $40k for Ivf etc. There’s no knowing really, although if you have regular periods, few gyno issues, and have women in your family who had babies late, your chances are quite good at 35 plus.

[Anonymous]

PP again, adding that a benefit of having kids older that I noticed with friends, is retired grandparents who took on childcare. My parents were still working and only in their early/mid 50s when my kids were born

[Anonymous]

I had kids at 36 and 40, so far it's been great. My parents are in their mid-70s and so far able to keep up with us.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are asking a person who decided to go forward with a forced, involuntary, or unplanned pregnancy, this question really makes little sense.

It is a rare person who regrets having their planned and wanted children.

Implied in your question is that there were real options to have kids at a younger age, or that one who has now chosen to have a kid would look back and decide not to bring their existing, wanted child into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

So your parents were in their 90s when your kids were born? Were they able to do all the typical grandparent things with your kids?

NP, and yes. Took the to the beach and built sandcastles, traveled, watched them for a few weeks each summer.

In THEIR 90s? Liar

It would actually be in their 100s---if Grandpa was 57 when pp was born and she was 41 when she had the baby--he would be 98 or 99 when the younger grandchild was born. Since pp specifies that they watched them "each summer"--it must have happened for at least 2 years...making him 100+

+1 I call BS. No way is a centenarian able to watch a toddler or baby safely.

[Anonymous]

If you wait until you're old to have children will you be around and an active grandparent for any grandchildren? I wish I had a lot more time with my grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you wait until you're old to have children will you be around and an active grandparent for any grandchildren? I wish I had a lot more time with my grandparents.

Did you read the OP? She's already over 35; her question is not "should I wait," it is, "now or never"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to financial issues we will be TTC post 35. Assuming we are successful, I am wondering about the ramifications of waiting till older to have children. What has your experience been like?

I haven't read the entire thread but I'm sure the most logical answer has already come up. You're 35 already. You can't go back. Your choices aren't: shall I have a baby now or shall I wait? Your choices are: shall I have a baby now or shall I spend my life childless? Through this lens, it looks different, doesn't it.

I've had my children at 37, 41 and 44. Is it too late? Yes. It is too late, from my perspective. But I couldn't go back; my choices were have children late or don't have them at all. I picked out of two imperfect options. Given a choice, I would have preferred to be done with childbirth by 35, especially now, as I'm nearing 50. But, I cannot go back and neither can you. Have your children now, or stay childless. Decide which choice you hate more.