How irritated would you be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be irritated that he didn't talk it through, but I have to say, try to see it from the point of view from most of us whose husbands wouldn't spend a minute thinking or planning kids' actitivities. I would compromise and try to make it work.

But he really didn't think much if he can't figure out a way to make it work.

OP, unless your job is unusually flexible I would cancel. My job might let me get away with one way on most days of the week but I wouldn't ask unless it was for something necessary.
& That's far, there weren't any closer options? All that driving is such a waste of time. Whatever you decide do it sooner than later so kids and husband know what's happening.

I'd be irritated- I don't appreciate having my time scheduled by anyone, especially this kind of commitment. My job schedule is agreed on, this is BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

It’s 1.5 hours each day which is a lot, but it’s not 3.

AM - 45 min each way, OP is away from work 1.5 hours
PM - 45 min each way, 1.5 hours
Total - 3 hours a day.

It's very hard to pull that off in many jobs. I could be remote from anywhere but driving means you're not on IMs or emails etc.
I would maybe agree to two days, take them as vacation days and go get a massage or go shopping those days. The other days are on him- he can take time off, hire someone to drive them, whatever. Or cancel. It's pretty black and white.

And thank you for actually working full time in a wfh job, not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Tell him if he doesn’t come up with a transport plan that does not include you within a week, you are canceling. He signed you up to drive three hours a day??? Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Tell him if he doesn’t come up with a transport plan that does not include you within a week, you are canceling. He signed you up to drive three hours a day??? Wtf?

I just saw it’s one point five hours. That’s still a lot. Cancel.

[Anonymous]

There is only one thing worse than a non participating husband. It’s a husband who participates in stupid ways and makes life harder for his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

For me week, have him take a week of leave so he can drive the kids to and from. If he does not want to do that, he can cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

For me week, have him take a week of leave so he can drive the kids to and from. If he does not want to do that, he can cancel.

One week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

Okay it's one week. Get the time off now. They can't fire you for approved Time. And use the hours you aren't taking the kids to camp to do something nice for yourself

And chew DH out

Wtf? Why arent you saying dh can take the week off? Why are you telling her to take it off? Chewing out he can tune out. Make him do the driving. If he doesn’t do it, cancel, and if he at the last minute won’t drive, say, sorry kids, guess you can’t go because dad won’t drive you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fly in a Grandparent who is reliable and can drive. Some love this stuff.

My mom would be willing, but DH hates me asking her for help like this ("don't make your life someone else's problem"), so that's an option here, unfortunately.

And I get it. He thinks I'm putting my job before the kids, which yes, is horrible of me.

Why are you such a doormat??

Why does he get to make all the decisions??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fly in a Grandparent who is reliable and can drive. Some love this stuff.

My mom would be willing, but DH hates me asking her for help like this ("don't make your life someone else's problem"), so that's an option here, unfortunately.

And I get it. He thinks I'm putting my job before the kids, which yes, is horrible of me.

Why are you such a doormat??

Why does he get to make all the decisions??

I keep thinking about this thread and picturing how I would feel if my daughter being told (and apparently believing) that she is putting work ahead of her kids because she can’t make some bizarre camp work. And I am willing to help but she can’t ask me because she has to solve her own problems (and those her husband creates and then ignores). It’s just really upsetting. OP the way he is treating you is not normal and it’s not ok. Why is he sabotaging your job and trying to humiliate you for working? And isolating you from your mom? My kids are so young but I fully intend to be a grandma who comes and enjoys my grandkids and helps my daughter out. You are not solely responsible for raising your kids weather you work or not. If he won’t help he should at least not prevent you from getting other help.

[Anonymous]

45 minute round trip each way makes no sense.

Either it is 45 min round trip or 90 minute round trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fly in a Grandparent who is reliable and can drive. Some love this stuff.

My mom would be willing, but DH hates me asking her for help like this ("don't make your life someone else's problem"), so that's an option here, unfortunately.

And I get it. He thinks I'm putting my job before the kids, which yes, is horrible of me.

Why are you such a doormat??

Why does he get to make all the decisions??

My guess is he pulls in a half a mil, she makes 50k but she likes the half a mil lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is only one thing worse than a non participating husband. It’s a husband who participates in stupid ways and makes life harder for his wife.

This. 2 steps FW, 3 steps back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fly in a Grandparent who is reliable and can drive. Some love this stuff.

My mom would be willing, but DH hates me asking her for help like this ("don't make your life someone else's problem"), so that's an option here, unfortunately.

And I get it. He thinks I'm putting my job before the kids, which yes, is horrible of me.

Why are you such a doormat??

Why does he get to make all the decisions??

My guess is he pulls in a half a mil, she makes 50k but she likes the half a mil lifestyle.

Then they’d have a nanny or live in au pair or arrange a college kid to drive and aftercare.

My bet is he’s a big bully. And makes dumb decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fly in a Grandparent who is reliable and can drive. Some love this stuff.

My mom would be willing, but DH hates me asking her for help like this ("don't make your life someone else's problem"), so that's an option here, unfortunately.

And I get it. He thinks I'm putting my job before the kids, which yes, is horrible of me.

Ok these are the sort of posts that are more disturbing than your OP. You have a solution that would work for you and the kids to a problem HE created and you think he’s going to give you a hard time for implementing it despite it being no issue for him? Red flag x 200000. Do this and he can get over it or solve it another way.

And this is the second reference to your work not being important or worth supporting. Why do you feel this way? Wanting to work is ok. Why is it acceptable to work for him but not you. I think your problems are bigger than this situation.

It's always been more acceptable for the man to work.

Is this OP? If so why are you working? Because you want to is a good reason. Because you contribute significantly to your household expenses is a very good reason. I would not be ok with my kids watching tv all summer but that’s a conversation that happens between adults who solve a problem together. One person doesn’t just decide to tell the other person they are a bad parent. That’s absolutely not ok. If you don’t think you should be working it’s a different story but that’s not what it seemed from your OP. He doesn’t get to pick an incredibly inflexible job and then just expect you to deal and insult you along the way.

I don't contribute significantly financially. I would just make a terrible SAHM. I need to be around adults.

He didn't pick this job. He was just thrown into it