How irritated would you be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

Hilarious that anyone would even think a person could get away with carpooling during working hours.

His choice to sign them up, his responsibility to figure out how to get them there every day. Full stop. Your job is as important as his no matter what your relative salaries.

OP here. My job is not important, not really. I get that. Still, I don't want to lose it! Especially over something stupid like this.

I suppose I will have to use vacation time and make sure DH knows I won't be able to do multiple family vacations this year.

Who plans the vacations? You or DH?

[Anonymous]

This is so not your problem. He can either figure out the transportation or listen to the kids whine and be sad.

I’d be annoyed but mostly I’d be like “ha good luck with that!”

[Anonymous]

Not overreacting, no. maybe underreacting.

[Anonymous]

60-70% chance of being noticed missing? That's pretty high. I'd talk to your boss now and see if you can get some flexibility in your hours if you plan on doing the driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

Hilarious that anyone would even think a person could get away with carpooling during working hours.

His choice to sign them up, his responsibility to figure out how to get them there every day. Full stop. Your job is as important as his no matter what your relative salaries.

OP here. My job is not important, not really. I get that. Still, I don't want to lose it! Especially over something stupid like this.

I suppose I will have to use vacation time and make sure DH knows I won't be able to do multiple family vacations this year.

Who plans the vacations? You or DH?

I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would be annoyed.

My husband has signed my kids up for a few camps (it's a reversal of how our life normally goes because I'm a SAHM, but it happens when it's something to do with one of his interests, or he's friends with the dad of the kids' friends and they discussed it without the moms) and he always makes sure he can drive them or checks with me if we can split it or whatever. (This is getting them to sleep away camp in another state, or a longer drop off like the one you're describing.) For a local camp, I'll do all of the driving except in special circumstances. And actually he takes the kids to school in the mornings. (I have chronic fatigue syndrome and school start time is an hour earlier this year . . . it works well his early bird tendencies and work schedule.)

So often something small can feel emblematic of a larger problem. If things are going well in your marriage, you should be able to say, "Hey, you did this without checking and it's impossible for my schedule," and he should feel really bad. If he doesn't, then I'd wonder about the relationship overall.

He should feel really bad and he should have known this would not work, unless this is a brand new position or something! Everything about your OP and follow up suggest a massive respect imbalance. Why isn’t your job “important “??? Why can’t he take off a single day day of work or go in later or something so this is not entirely on you? I think it’s good for the kids to have an activity but unilaterally deciding you will figure it out is disrespectful and something I would really struggle with.

My DH dramatically out earns me but he would never in a million years do this. And yes I do the vast majority of the child care planning which I prefer to this bizarre situation. Practically speaking could you talk to your manager about a situation where you take every other day off officially but actually work 5 hours those days or log in at night for the week? Eating a week of vacation would make me really upset. I really think your husband should do some of this.

I get that he can't handle childcare. He's in a situation where he has almost zero agency or ability to take leave, but we're tolerating it for a short time in the hopes it will lead to something better. It's not 100% a financial thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

It’s 1.5 hours each day which is a lot, but it’s not 3.

It's 45 minutes one-way there, then another 45 back, then do it again for pickup.

OP said 45-minute round trip each way meaning 45 minutes in the morning for drop off and 45 minutes in the afternoon for pickup.

OP’s language was confusing. “Round trip each way” as a phrase doesn’t make any sense. If OP means that it’s 45 round trip in the morning and 45 min round trip in the afternoon, then she should’ve just said round trip. If you say each way people think you mean 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back home which would be 1.5 hours round trip.

[Anonymous]

OP I suspect that if you do all the work to figure this out—talk to your employer, do the driving, make other arrangements, whatever—you’re going to be feeling pretty resentful, even if it all works out in the end.

If you tell your husband that this is his mess and he had to clean it up, he might be disappointed and you might feel guilty, but that’s a better outcome than resentment for the long-term health of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be pissed.

Can you find an older teen to drive them? Uber one way? Don't know how old your kids are or how much you can afford. That's what I'd do with mine.

I wouldn't put my kid in a car with an older TEEN to drive 45 min. Did you find your kids on the street?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without running it by me, DH signed up our two DC's for a STEM day camp this summer. It runs 9-2, which conflicts with my work hours of 8-5. He is unable to drop off or pick up and doesn't see it as an issue since I work from home. Here's the problem, though: it's a 45 minute round trip each way, and yes, while there's only a 60-70% chance someone will notice I'm missing, I'm not sure how much grief I'll get if someone (read: manager) notices. I'm pretty irritated. Am I overreacting?

No, you’re not. Half baked idea that doesn’t work very well for the family or schedule.

That was some poor planning skills he unilaterally made with zero foresight or logistics thought.

Does he always do things so carelessly?

Make him fix the logistics mess himself. Change it, Sign up for pre/aftercare, Pay drivers and sitters, Arrange carpools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him it won’t work and unenroll them — even if I lost my money on it.

They're too excited for that.

He told the kids before he told you? And he can't handle transportation? Yeah, I'd be furious.

That’s BS.

And wtf camp ends at 2pm? Is this for like 3 yos to come home and nap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, I'm not allowed to work in public (information security policy).

Taking vacation. I'll find something to do to entertain myself, I guess.

OP, honestly…WTH?! You are going to give up a week’s vacation to be an Uber Driver for your inconsiderate, disrespectful husband?

If you were going to take a week’s vacation with your kids, wouldn’t you rather do something engaging and awesome WITH them rather than just schlep them to some mediocre day camp?

Unless you have unlimited vacation time, this is NUTS. Why are you giving in so easily yo something that is not your problem to solve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him it won’t work and unenroll them — even if I lost my money on it.

They're too excited for that.

You can’t do it. If they’re upset, refer them to dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him it won’t work and unenroll them — even if I lost my money on it.

They're too excited for that.

So?

Not op. But talk me through how it's okay to take your anger at your husband out in your kids and how you doing so will kit have any long-term repercussions for your relationship with them

You are not “taking something out on your kid” when you tell them that, unfortunately the camp just won’t work out this year. Good grief.

Good grief yourself! You're punishing the kids because you and souse can't behave as adults that you think it's just " oh camp won't work out" let's me know all I need to about your " parenting" none of it good.

It IS good to show kids that you are not a doormat when their father disrespects you, your time, and your career. It IS good to
Show children that life doesn’t revolve around them and that adults work together rather than now all leach other.

That is GOOD parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

Okay it's one week. Get the time off now. They can't fire you for approved Time. And use the hours you aren't taking the kids to camp to do something nice for yourself

And chew DH out

Really not sure what a person could do between say, 9:30 am and 1 pm for themselves.

DP. You can't think of a thing to do with those hours? Depending on where the camp is located, if OP wants to stay in that area: There are morning movies as early as 10 at some theaters. Breakfast out alone, with a good book and no kids or DH wanting attention. Lots of local parks, gardens, historic sites all over this region to visit, most open by 10. Spend some of the time catching up on personal stuff like emails to family and friends, paperwork, etc. (you can carry it with you....) For those so inclined, one day can be massage/manicure/etc. Get the car's oil changed, hit the car wash, give it a great cleanout inside. Heck, I'd go play mini-golf by myself because I love doing that. Frivolous or useful, there's a lot to fill some days with the hours of 9:30-1 free. Good chance to do chores that just never get fully done on weekends.

She. Has. A. Job.