How irritated would you be?

[Anonymous]

OP I would take that Friday off -- 8hrs. That would pretty much cover your time out of the office to drive the boys. Bites that there are no drivers/sitters you can hire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him it won’t work and unenroll them — even if I lost my money on it.

They're too excited for that.

So?

Not op. But talk me through how it's okay to take your anger at your husband out in your kids and how you doing so will kit have any long-term repercussions for your relationship with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him it won’t work and unenroll them — even if I lost my money on it.

They're too excited for that.

So?

Not op. But talk me through how it's okay to take your anger at your husband out in your kids and how you doing so will kit have any long-term repercussions for your relationship with them

You are not “taking something out on your kid” when you tell them that, unfortunately the camp just won’t work out this year. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

Okay it's one week. Get the time off now. They can't fire you for approved Time. And use the hours you aren't taking the kids to camp to do something nice for yourself

And chew DH out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him it won’t work and unenroll them — even if I lost my money on it.

They're too excited for that.

So?

Not op. But talk me through how it's okay to take your anger at your husband out in your kids and how you doing so will kit have any long-term repercussions for your relationship with them

^^^
another example of parents today not wanting to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

Hilarious that anyone would even think a person could get away with carpooling during working hours.

His choice to sign them up, his responsibility to figure out how to get them there every day. Full stop. Your job is as important as his no matter what your relative salaries.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask about extended day options at the camp? I'd try really hard to find a driver who can handle this or at least the afternoons. Start asking now and you might surprise yourself. Some college kid without a regular gig might hop on this.

But... 45 min each way is onerous. I would likely cancel it quietly in 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

It’s 1.5 hours each day which is a lot, but it’s not 3.

It's 45 minutes one-way there, then another 45 back, then do it again for pickup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

Okay it's one week. Get the time off now. They can't fire you for approved Time. And use the hours you aren't taking the kids to camp to do something nice for yourself

And chew DH out

Really not sure what a person could do between say, 9:30 am and 1 pm for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

Hilarious that anyone would even think a person could get away with carpooling during working hours.

His choice to sign them up, his responsibility to figure out how to get them there every day. Full stop. Your job is as important as his no matter what your relative salaries.

OP here. My job is not important, not really. I get that. Still, I don't want to lose it! Especially over something stupid like this.

I suppose I will have to use vacation time and make sure DH knows I won't be able to do multiple family vacations this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Summer starts in like 6 weeks…. What is your current childcare/camp plan for while you are working from home? He probably thought he was doing s good thing if you don’t have s plan yet, I’d cut him some slack and try to figure out with him a drop off plan and find a sitter to pick up and hang with them til 5 when you get off.

They get 8 weeks of watching TV and reading and playing outside. We no longer live in DC and children's opportunities are limited (as are babysitters). It is what it is.

While you watch them? Uhhh I don’t know… I think maybe five hours out of the house is a good thing. You should let them do this for their mental health. It’s just one week. Find a student to drive them, there are lots looking for odd jobs.

[Anonymous]

^^or, as a compromise, find a closer camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's 3 hours a day of driving! No way can anyone just disappear for 3 hours a day without anyone noticing at work.

Hilarious that anyone would even think a person could get away with carpooling during working hours.

His choice to sign them up, his responsibility to figure out how to get them there every day. Full stop. Your job is as important as his no matter what your relative salaries.

OP here. My job is not important, not really. I get that. Still, I don't want to lose it! Especially over something stupid like this.

I suppose I will have to use vacation time and make sure DH knows I won't be able to do multiple family vacations this year.

OP, new poster here. Agree that it's infuriating and was thoughtless of him; however, if he is generally considerate about your job in other ways, and this brain fart is an outlier, well, I would take that into account in terms of tempering my fury. A little. (DCUM has "Men must always be excoriated and punished, never let them off the hook" posters who will leap in to say your DH should be hanged, drawn and quartered for this, but I think that's going too far. Have you had your serious "Come to Jesus" sit-down talk with him where you say how this disses your job which you want to keep and like?)

After The Talk, and DH's profound contrition and vow never to pull this stuff again, this could still work.

I would never drive three hours total (there and back, home to work, then there and back again). Can you work remotely from where the camp is? Find a coffee shop and get online there, or a library? Or are you on calls with clients/colleagues all day, so you can't work in public place? My own work and some of DH's can be done anywhere, as long as we don't have calls or Zooms scheduled; can you do that for just one week, or for a few days of that week, so you don't have to take a full five days of vacation? (Sorry if you were asked this earlier and I missed it.) Honestly, if I don't have to be seen onscreen, I've taken work calls from my car, or even outside. Not sure if your job accommodates that, though.

Can he work from home a few hours of a few days so he does the dropoff and you do the pickup or vice versa? Or he goes in to work late a few days and then stays later, so he can take the kids in the a.m., while you start work earlier and end earlier to pick them up? We're talking a day or days here, not weeks on end. Or as some say, there are special kids' Uber-type services if needed. Maybe some combination of shifted parents' schedules, plus remote work from the area of the camp, plus a vacation day or two for you and/or for DH too, plus a day or days of a ride service, would make this work.

I know the tough PPs above are saying, tell all of them it's not happening, and I get why. But once things cool off I'd consider options -- or rather, tell DH what you're willing and able to do yourself re: shifted schedules or work or vacation days, and that he has to take that information and figure out the schedule NOW, not in a hurry the week before camp. And he has to ask for any time off/changed schedule NOW, not just before camp starts. And you need to see the request, if he's likely to flake and forget to put in the leave request.

Yes, all that is a hassle for you. But when I thought this was weeks of camp that was more daunting than just one week, to be honest. Still a hassle. But there is time to make it work and it doesn't have to loom so large. DH does need a talking to about the value of your work and your time, though. Is he really aware how much you value what you do, and is he aware that you are worried about being fired, as you mentioned to us? Maybe he needs to know those things more clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: E honest op did you tell him summer plans were his responsibility?

And in the past when planning was yours did you run things by him first?

He knows I might as well be an hourly employee and that I'm pretty anal about being in the house during my work hours. And yes, I always run things by him, whether it's for scheduling or financial reasons.

To everyone else: camp is one week. Like I said, I am PRETTY sure I can get away with it. Just not 100%, and I have a lot of anxiety around getting fired (I've got a good gig here and few other prospects as a trailing spouse).

Okay it's one week. Get the time off now. They can't fire you for approved Time. And use the hours you aren't taking the kids to camp to do something nice for yourself

And chew DH out

Really not sure what a person could do between say, 9:30 am and 1 pm for themselves.

DP. You can't think of a thing to do with those hours? Depending on where the camp is located, if OP wants to stay in that area: There are morning movies as early as 10 at some theaters. Breakfast out alone, with a good book and no kids or DH wanting attention. Lots of local parks, gardens, historic sites all over this region to visit, most open by 10. Spend some of the time catching up on personal stuff like emails to family and friends, paperwork, etc. (you can carry it with you....) For those so inclined, one day can be massage/manicure/etc. Get the car's oil changed, hit the car wash, give it a great cleanout inside. Heck, I'd go play mini-golf by myself because I love doing that. Frivolous or useful, there's a lot to fill some days with the hours of 9:30-1 free. Good chance to do chores that just never get fully done on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DP. You can't think of a thing to do with those hours? Depending on where the camp is located, if OP wants to stay in that area: There are morning movies as early as 10 at some theaters. Breakfast out alone, with a good book and no kids or DH wanting attention. Lots of local parks, gardens, historic sites all over this region to visit, most open by 10. Spend some of the time catching up on personal stuff like emails to family and friends, paperwork, etc. (you can carry it with you....) For those so inclined, one day can be massage/manicure/etc. Get the car's oil changed, hit the car wash, give it a great cleanout inside. Heck, I'd go play mini-golf by myself because I love doing that. Frivolous or useful, there's a lot to fill some days with the hours of 9:30-1 free. Good chance to do chores that just never get fully done on weekends.

How about signing up DH to be the camp counselor?